| SPAM |
| (In a Cafe. One table is occupied by a group of vikings. A man enters with his wife.) Man (Eric Idle) : You sit here, dear. Wife (Graham Chapman) : All right. Man (to waitress) : Morning! Waitress (Terry Jones) : Morning! Man: Well, what've you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; Vikings (starting to chant) : Spam spam spam spam... Waitress: spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam... Vikings (singing) : Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale mannor with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam. Wife: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's got not much spam in it. Wife: I don't won't ANY spam! Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage? Wife: THAT'S got spam in it! Man: It hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it? Vikings: Spam spam spam spam.... Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then? Waitress: Urgghh! Wife: What do you mean "Urgghh"? I don't like spam. Vikings: ...Lovely Spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: SHUT UP! (vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam. Wife: I DON'T LIKE SPAM! Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam and spam! Vikings (singing) : Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: SHUT UP!! Baked beans are off. Man: Well can I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam...(but it's too late, the vikings drown her words.) Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely Spam! Spam spam spam spam! END OF SKETCH |
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