Back To The Place I Feared Most I awoke Wednesday morning trying to keep a positive attitude to what was waiting for me outside the confines and security of my own home. I sobbed as I dressed in a uniform I had never worn before and prepared the books I had never written in. Everything was so new and I was so alone. I headed towards the bus stop, infused with general conversation to the few acquaintances I had made during the school holidays. I was introduced to a few of the other students who waited at my bus stop, only being able to choke out a feint “Hello” before secluding back to my little shell. I could hear the bus coming down the road, instantly my heart began to race, the tears almost ready to start rolling down my cheeks – “Stay strong Zane, stay strong.” I didn’t say a word the whole way to school, just stared out the window watching the world go by. I saw a flock of ducks flying through the sky and wished the freedom and carefree life were mine. What a silly world we live in, people are so cruel and scared of something different that life throws at them. Life should be simple because when it comes down to it the proper function of man is to live, not to exist – scrap all the trivialities. I arrived at school, fear and dread raced through me I was certain I was going to go into cardiac arrest or something. I was told by a one of my friends from Chancellor Park that I should head towards the student centre which was to the back of the school. So I headed that way with my head down – trying not to make eye contact with anyone so as not to provoke an attack. I found a group of students who looked as lost as I did being guided by a member of administration so I joined with them and asked another student if they were new too, she replied positively so I clung to the group like a bad smell. I felt protected and safe with people who were more than likely as afraid as I was of this new big school. I was taken to my sub school, which was in assembly and told which class to join. I walked down the line of students feeling their eyes on the back of my head, “Please like me, I’m not a bad guy just give me a chance.” As childish as it sounds all I wanted was my Mum, she will always protect me and even if the world were against me she would make me feel better about myself. Putting childish thoughts aside I succeeded the first day without a hitch. No one gave me crap, not even a dirty look. I hadn’t made any friends yet but hey it was only my first day. I was so glad to get home that afternoon, a place I felt safe and protected and could be whoever I wanted to be and not be judged for it. I got the usual twenty questions from my parents, “Is it a nice school?” “Did you make any friends yet?” that sort of thing. The second day back is when my being so lonely really hit hard. I spent most of the day holding back tears as I watched other people from my class laughing and joking around with one another. Numerous times a runaway tear would roll down my stained cheek, which I would wipe away quickly so that no one would see my weakness. So basically it was the usual scenario, new kid - don’t talk to him, or make him feel welcome and let him sit by himself when there is blatantly a spare seat next to him. I could handle being alone a bit longer, I had been alone for an entire year at my previous year but I did pray that people would except me and realize that even though I seemed a little different I was human too, I cried, I bled and I felt like everyone else. I share the same air that everyone else breathes, the only thing that separated me from others was my will to be different, to be an individual, because you only get somewhere in this life if you stand out from the crowd and are heard above all the other voices.

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