My Testimony

I would like to tell you that I have always been a believer of Jesus Christ, but that would not be true. The fact is that I never really knew much about Jesus before I got saved. So how could I believe in Him if I didn’t even know Him? God was rarely spoken of in my household while I was growing up. Occasionally there might be a word or two spoken about Him. But there were many instances when His name was taken in vain. I can remember saying blessings at mealtime, and nightly prayers as a child, but I never really knew whom I was praying to or what I was praying about, or why I was praying in the first place.

I went through a lot of negativity growing up as a child. I also brought on more of it with my own poor choices and decisions as I got older. I discovered alcohol at an early age, and experimented with it for a long time. Alcohol quickly became my best friend. I drank for almost any reason I thought of: pain, relief, pleasure, boredom, just to fit in, depression, anger, celebration and even for no reason at all. It was ridding me of all the unwanted things in life and in my mind, it was helping me to become the person I wanted to be.

Unfortunately, it also opened the door for foolish actions and unnecessary risks. It was slowly ripping me apart, but I never saw it like that. I also never saw all the things I could lose in the bottom of a bottle such as numerous jobs, a wife and family, most of my so called friends, the basic needs of life, the material losses of a home, car and other pleasantries I had worked for. I never saw all the jail time, bankruptcy, arguments, affairs while married, the things that I took for granted and the lives that my drinking affected. Not to mention the several attempts of suicide I attempted. Nor did I see me ever being homeless. I never saw my self-discipline, self-respect, self-esteem or self-dignity vanish either, but I sure felt it and wondered why. Alcohol bottles do not come with those kinds of warning labels.

I had lived most of my dreams, and those I didn’t live I destroyed. I had reached most of the goals I had in life, and those I didn’t obtain, I gave up on and lost hope for. I thought that was all there was to life. So, I was going from city to city, state to state to try and change my situations. But in all reality, I was just running and hiding from the inevitable, myself. My journey through life has taken me to places I never thought I would ever go, doing things I never envisioned me doing. I was introduced to people, places and things that helped me to destroy my life even further. I have seen things many people haven’t, and been through so many things that most people probably won’t, and done things that no one should. I sabotaged myself in many ways, many times because I didn’t know any better. There were also many things that happened to me that I didn’t cause but somehow I managed to be a part of. I thought it was God doing this to me. I blamed Him for everything. Surely I wasn’t the problem.

Now I believe God was allowing those things to happen to me, to get my attention. I believe He was leading me to Rockford all along, but I didn’t know what for. When I got to Rockford, I was lost, lonely, hurt, scared, angry and broken. I was just a complete mess. What good was I going to be to anyone or for anything? My life was destroyed, thanks to alcohol and poor choices. I had turned my life into one big puzzle. Well, that all was about to change.

I had tried other cures for my problems, including doctors, councilors, friends, family, medications, therapists, support groups, psyche wards, pills, alcohol, and other drugs, But no matter what I tried, it just seemed like I became more desolate and my problems only grew worse. Then while I was at an AA meeting one night, I heard something about God. I never thought of trying Him.

That meeting really hit home with me. Somehow, it all started to make sense. A couple days later, while at chapel at The Rockford Rescue Mission, I heard a speaker give a real powerful message, and it seemed like he was talking to me. It seemed like it was my story. I do not know what caused me to do it, but when he gave an Altar call, I suddenly remembered my father once saying “Maybe if we relied on God, we wouldn’t have so many problems like we do.” I practically ran up to the podium. God had spoken to me. And for the first time ever, I listened to Him. I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and got saved that night.