BALSAC THE JAWS OF DEATH-GUITAR

               Name: BalSac
              Alias: The Jaws Of Death
         Instrument: Guitar
                Age: Pi x 10^2 1,000,000
      Date of birth: My birthday
        Home planet: Ennui
             Height: Taller then Oderus
             Weight: 12 tons fully dressed; 98lbs in
                     a towel
          Eye color: ?
     Favorite color: Fusha
 Favorite T.V. show: The Preview Guide
     Last book read: The Tailhook Report
  Last book written: The Kama Sutra II
            Hobbies: Contemplating suicide, learning to
                     like myself
 Last raped orifice: The car of a GWAR fan
 Favorite celebrity: God
     When I get mad: I contemplate suicide
      Dream or goal: Learn to like myself
         Philosophy: "If all else fails, contemplate
                     suicide"
    Accomplishments: Getting out of bed this morning
     What shames me: Me
 On dates I like to: Contemplate suicide
              Quote: "I am so very, very sorry"

 BalSac writes songs by scratching his scrotum with his
 guitar. Prefers quadriplegics over blondes. Invented
 V.D. and has a bear-trap for a face.