No need for Medication

By Zeki Bahamut

No Need For Medication

Cloud: (sneezes) (nasal) Oh, gosh. I feel like shit. (coughs)

Tifa: (Walks in with some soup) Y' know, you really should go to a doctor for that cough.

Cloud: (sneezes again) No! Anything but a doctor!

Tifa: Sorry, Cloud. I've already called a friend of mine. She's a former SOLDIER member, but she was a doctor before that.

Cloud: But....

Tifa: That'll be her. (puts soup on the table) (walks over to door and opens it)

Lenoa: Hey, Tifa!

Tifa: Hey! It's been a while!

Lenoa: Yeah! I haven't seen you for, oh, about a year!

Tifa: Well, Cloud's over here.... he's kinda.... afraid.... of doctors....

Lenoa: Well, so am I. (whispers) You forget, I was assigned some missions with him in the company. I knew.... the old.... er "Cloud," AKA: Spike.

Tifa: Oh....right. Anyway, over here.

Cloud: (is bundled up in blanket with moggs. Huggles toy Chocobo) (looks scared)

Lenoa: It's ok. I knew you when you were in the armed forces, Cloud. I'm Lenoa. I was a friend of Zack's and yours, but your mind kinda blocked me out. I won't hurt you.

Cloud: Like hell you won't.

Tifa: Cloud! (is astonished)

Lenoa: (sighs) So, where's lil' Seph?

Tifa: At Vincent's, we didn't want him to catch Cloud's cold.

Cloud: AAAHHHH!!! H-Ho-Hojo!

Lenoa: (brings out throwing knives) (spins around) Hojo, you stupid son-of-a.... Hey! Nothing's there.

Cloud: (gets up and nearly punches Lenoa) Get OUT of here! You're dead! I KILLED you!

Lenoa: C-Cloud! Sit down! Oh gosh, this isn't good. I might have to get Zeki.... Tifa, hold Cloud down. I'm going to give him a tranquilizer to calm him. He's hallucinating.

Tifa: Ok, ready. (holds struggling Cloud down)

Lenoa: (puts knives away and gets syringe of Tranc) Ok, little sting.... (puts in Cloud) There.

Cloud: (falls asleep)

Lenoa: Tifa?

Tifa: (lets go of Cloud) Yeah?

Lenoa: (scribbles out prescription) Here. Get the medicine. I'll watch Cloud.

Tifa: Are you sure? What if he wakes up?

Lenoa: Zeki is outside town on Chocobo. I can call him on PHS.

Tifa: (sighs) Ok. (takes prescription) I'll be back in a few.

Lenoa: Ok.

Tifa: (leaves)

Zeki: (wrestles Cloud to the floor) Ha! Ok, Lenoa, give him the tranc.

Lenoa: (sighs) (gives him the Tranc)

Zeki: (is breathless) (gets up) Man! Every minute! This guy is as hard to control as that dragon I wrestled in Mt. Nibel!

Lenoa: Heh, him having Jenova cells and an overdose of Makou doesn't help either. This guy's a mercenary. Even after Meteor, this guy just can't sit still.

Tifa: (walks in door) I'm back! Did you have any prob.... Oh my gosh!! What did you do?!

Cloud: (has a black eye and other bruises everywhere)

Zeki: (cracks knuckles) We wrestled.

Tifa: You WHAT?!

Lenoa: Each minute he snapped out of it and attacked either Zeki or me. He had to get Cloud to the ground so that I could give him the tranquilizer.

Tifa: Then we had better give him this medicine. (shoves pill down Cloud's throat) Lenoa, I might need help with him. Could you stay over?

Lenoa: Sure. Zeki, could you go bug Vincent for the day? He might want some help with Seph.

Zeki: No prob! I've been wanting to see how old he looks. He should be about five now. The age of questions.... (voice trails off as he walks out door)

Cloud: (wakes up) Hey! Wuz up?!

Lenoa: What?

Cloud: Wus up, Gurlfriends?! Are we having a slumber party? Let's do makeovers!

Tifa: (blinks) Cloud.... are you.... ok?

Cloud: Never felt better! Hey, where do you keep the nail polish?

Lenoa: This should be interesting....

Tifa: (cracks knuckles) Blackmail!! Let's play along! (to Cloud) Um, in the linen closet.

Cloud: Thanks! (brings out nail polish)

Lenoa: (laughs) I got the make over stuff! (Trots off)

Tifa: I'll get the shampoo and hair stuff! Everyone meet in my room after you get the supplies!

Cloud: 'K

Lenoa: 'K

Tifa: Ok, first we should start out with washing our hair. I'll handle Cloud's if one of you get mine.

Cloud: I'll get Lenoa's. Lenoa, you get Tifa's.

Lenoa: Ok!

Zeki: Awww! Sephy is sooo adorable!

Vincent: Yes, and about as annoying as you.

Zeki: (doesn't hear) (pinches Seph's cheeks) You're so cute, yes you are! (lets go)

Seph: Uncle Zeki, that hurt.

Zeki: Aww! "Uncle Zeki!" Vamp-boy, did you hear that?

Vincent: Yes, and I am not a vampire.

Seph: Why?

Vincent: I do not drink blood.

Seph: Then what's that you're drinking? (points to goblet in Vincent's hand)

Vincent: (coughs) Wine.

Zeki: (stands from kneeling position) I don't know.... (puts hands on hips) It looks too thick to be wine....

Vincent: Zeki, do you see any bodies from which I could have drained of blood? (corpse falls out of closet)

Zeki: Gawd! It's Hojo! (pats Vince on the back) Good job.

Vincent: I'm glad you approve. He was somewhat slimy, though....

Seph: Daddy? (walks over to Hojo) (pulls sword from Hammerspace and stabs him)

Zeki: Seph! (pulls him away) You do not do that to a corpse! You do that to the "living" thing! (whispers) Then you chop it up, burn it to a cinder, and stick it in Cid's salad.

Vincent: Zeki. Don't encourage violence. (shoots a tourist)

Seph: (stares at Vince)

Vincent: What? They annoy me. (watches blood spurt out of bullet hole)

Cloud: (is on top of tower) I can FLY!! (jumps off) (flaps arms in air like wings) (flies)

Tifa: Wow, he made it!

Lenoa: Amazing.

Zeki: (watches Vincent slurp up the tourist's blood)

Seph: Well, at least we know the truth....

Zeki: Oh, I've known....

Cloud: (is wearing cross-dressing clothes with painted nails) (flies into Crater)

Tifa and Lenoa: (watch)

Cloud: LOOK! I'm the Highwind! (dives headfirst and hits Rufus)

Rufus: What do you think you are.... Oh my gosh! What happened to you?!

Cloud: (runs around with arms outstretched like a plane) Brrrrrrrrruuuummmmmmm brrrrrrrrrrrrr....

Tifa: We can explain!

Cloud: (flies off)

Lenoa: Not again! (mounts black Chocobo)

Tifa: (mounts golden Chocobo)

Vincent: (washes face off)

Zeki: Please tell me that you don't do this often.

Vincent: (dries face) Actually, quite often.

Seph: Why?

Vincent: The hunger kills.

Seph: Why?

Vincent: Because of what I am.

Seph: What is that?

Vincent: A vampire.

Seph: Why are you a vampire?

Vincent: A man, your father, put the blood of another vampire into my veins.

Seph: How?

Vincent: That I will not tell you.

Seph: Why?

Vincent: Because you might do it to another.

Seph: Why?

Zeki: Shut up, Kid.

Seph: Yes, Uncle Zeki.

Lenoa: (rides along trying to find Cloud)

Tifa: (runs into giant, floating, purple creature)

Ultimate Weapon: ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!

Lenoa: Oh, no.... (looks in Tifa's direction) RUN!!

Both: (run)

Tourist: (Gets put on stretcher)

Freakazoid: (runs with fists in air) Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Cloud: (flies around) Brrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmm....

Chimp: (jumps on Cloud's back) Ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah eek! (picks through Cloud's hair) A EEK! (gets turned into a chimp-ka-bob)

Duo: (slices Chimp in half) (eats) Yum.

Cloud: (runs out of gas) Puh puh puh.... (falls in a circle to the ground)

Seph: (in a weird hoarse voice that only little kids can do) I think he's ded, can I EAT him?!

Vincent: No.... I want to eat him.

Cloud: (jumps into air) I feel HAPPY!! (collapses)

Lenoa: He should be ok now.

Cloud: (wakes up) (is dazed) Where am I? I had a dream. And you, and you, and you were in it. (points to various people) The weird thing is that I thought I was the Highwind, but it couldn't have been a dream....

Ok.... May we re-enter normal-ness?