This was written for my English 12 Honors class, because the teacher is a lunatic. No, really. Anyway, he had us set the book Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut to "Twas The Night Before Christmas." Like I said, he's crazy. Really, he is. So, I wound up writing this between classes a month after the due date, and I have yet to get a grade back on it, and I also have yet to get the final copy that I turned in back. But he said it was one of his favorites, and I had an A for the semester anyway, so I don't really care. And if you haven't read Slaughterhouse-Five, then this won't make any sense at all, so don't bother.

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'Twas during World War Two, when Billy first slipped
To nineteen-sixty-five his mind took a trip,
To see his mother, for she had grown quite old;
She asked him one question, then was out cold.

Then he was at a banquet for his son's team,
But soon at a New Year's party, and it would seem
He was doing great with a woman he didn't know;
But then he was shaken and awoke in the snow.

Weary found him at a tree, his brain in a fog;
Neither of them ever managed to hear the dog.
Some soldiers came across their little group
And the scouts were shot by some german troops.

Roland and Billy were marched to a train
Despite both's feet being in great pain.
Eventually they were put in a car
That took them to a camp that was very far.

Billy was crammed in to an old hobo
Who'd been everywhere worse than this; So it goes.
To live on the train, everyone had to share
But through the whole ride, nobody wanted Billy there.

"You YELL, You KICK, you WHINE and ROLL!"
"You're LOUD, you're ANNOYING, and a PAIN in the HOLE!"
"Get away," they said, "you're not sleeping near me!
I'll interrupt to say my friends all see that wrongly.

(the perverts.)

One car away, Roland Weary was dying
"Get revenge on Billy Pilgrim!" he kept crying.
Once off the train, every man got a coat
But the one they gave Billy was simply a joke.

Afterwards, they all went through delousing.
The Germans were amazed - these soldiers were such weaklings!
A couple of time-trips and Billy was back again;
He got his coat back, but it was more fit for a trash bin.

After getting some dog tags, they met the Englishmen,
Who were lucky and had food in a shed lined with tin.
They decided to give the americans a play.
Billy liked it the most, but then, he was crazy.

They put Billy to sleep to stop his shrieking,
And soon his time was again blinking.
Billy became a dream-giraffe like any other,
But soon found himself in a psych-ward avoiding his mother.

After a few visits, he wound up on Tralfamadore,
In a dome full of stuff the aliens stole from a store.
Billy asked silly questions and stupid things were said,
Which the aliens replied to with what they saw ahead.

After that he was sent back to the war.
It was dark outside, and he couldn't find the door.
He got outside and was soon stuck on a fence,
But it didn't take long to get back and lose sense.

Later that night two Brits brought Lazzaro in,
And one said the American fought like a chicken.
That was the guy who broke Lazzaro's arm,
Though the Englishman really didn't mean any harm.

I didn't have enough space to get around to Dresden,
But that's okay 'cause I don't want to start over again.
I'll just finish this up with a quote from Kurt:
"EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL, AND NOTHING HURT."