People in the Quotes:
Quotes From My Friends
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Chris
Making up song lyrics:
"Dommo arigatou Mr. Orgasmo"
"Death isn't ticklish so don't even try."
Identifying an odd gray powder:
"Spontaneous mouse combustion."
To Mandy:
"Of course you could have a halfling boyfriend, but he'd have to stand on a chair or something..."
"Life is like dodgeball if anything. I wonder if anyone ever made that particular comparison before? You're tossed problems at the whims of others and a fair amount of random chance, and you either have to deal with it, avoid it, or just go away. This is an odd comparison, because I hate dodgeball and never play it."
"The Oscar Mayar song, translated into an Irish drinking song by the Japanese, then remade into a techno remix, as sung by Yoda and Jar-Jar binks. In Spanish."
"Do we oppose this war for justifying the republican agenda, or do we support it for providing a perfect springboard to anarchy?"
"Is life fair? Yes, life is fair. But justice is blind so the cheaters get away."
"Once she runs out of new ways to shake her breasts at people, Britney Spears' career is over..."
"You know, Star Wars just needs love. Unless that love is between the Ewoks and the Wookies, because the ewoks would explode."
"Never trust anyone with a Romanian accent."
"Ewoks don't get wookie love."
"Is Queen Elizabeth a troll? Cause she never dies, and elves don't come that ugly..."
"Unfortunately, we have yet to find a dish that looks like Swedish Meatballs, but sounds like Gin-and-tonic... Must be some sort of gelatin..."
"I'd look to the bright side, but the light burns."
At a Very Patriotic Assembly:
"I don't have to do this. I was Canadian in a past life."
For a Shirt:
"Children. The other red meat."
Mandy: "I need a wonderbra..."
Chris: "All things have their limits, Mandy." ::Hit with book::
"The reason I'm more against cigarettes than pot is, I don't get to hear stupid stories about the stuff people did while smoking cigarettes."
Upon Playing Tekken 4:
"Why did they turn Paul into Triple H?"
During Bushido Blade 2 against Isohachi:
"I am not humping an old man, I don't care what you say."
"It's not broken! It's a table!"
"Dan, are you groping me?"
Upon seeing "The Heroic Legend of Arslan":
"If I were an anime character, I don't think I'd want 'Arse' in my name..."
Mandy: "I will NOT grow up to be a porn star."
Chris: "Hey, I'd watch it..."
(Mandy's reaction to this is entirely impossible to describe. It would have to be seen. Suffice to say it was the funniest thing I had seen all week)
During the 4th week of school:
"It's so cute, the juniors are plotting to kill Mrs. Hannah already."
"Sometimes I think that System of a Down only exist as a band so they have an excuse to act crazy."
MSTing "Signs":
"I'm melting, I'm melting!"
MSTing "Signs":
"Kinda stupid when you realize one kid with a super-soaker could take out their whole race"
Attaining "Guru" rank on Kazaa:
"Hooray, I'm a Namek fatass."
"Is 'Erkel-esque' a word?"
"...I'd worry that he's going to kill us all if he wasn't such an idiot."
Girl on the bus: What are you going to be when you grow up?
Chris: Death.
Girl on the bus: ...Okay ...But what are you going to be when you grow up?
Chris: Death.
Girl on the bus: Okay... But what will your job be?
Chris: To kill people.
Girl on the bus: Right...
Mandy: "Lower classmen suck."
Chris: "They should all come in boxes with convenient carrying handles."
Mandy: "Why?
Chris: "So they can be conveniently thrown out the nearest window."
(MiraiJuushichii = Chris, AfushonMarron = Mandy)
MiraiJuushichii: At any rate, the Tarrasque is not meant to be an opponent. It is a plot device, and does not eat the PCs. At the most, it only eats the stupid ones who try to fight.
MiraiJuushichii: ::Smacks head:: Stupid, stupid, stupid thought...
MiraiJuushichii: Dr. Evil GM's an RPG! --- "No, we do not eat our PCs..."
Afushonmarron: ::thud.::
MiraiJuushichii: My head is down on my desk as I type this.
MiraiJuushichii: And it is very hard to type this way.
"Do not get between the Mandy and her caffeine. She will attack."
Kate: "What are you going to be when you grow up?"
Chris: "...A wonderbra."
"If your butt was Kentucky-Fried, would it be regular or extra crispy?"
Seeing news of an oil tanker wreck:
"Well, Spain is screwed. More. Again."
He-Man Versus Blake:
"I HAVE THE POWER!!"
"I have a gun! Bang!"
After a Particularly bad Home-Ec class:
"We burned everything. Even the recipie."
"I'm an anarchist. I can't just go around obeying copyright laws! That'd make me a hypocrite or something..."
From My Deadjournal:
"If anyone's bothered to read this far, you're as crazy as I am. Thanks for the attention, psycho."
"Damnit, if you keep saying stupid stuff like that, I'm gonna forget the earlier stupid stuff!"
"Remember, you can't shave with a chainsaw, especially not down there."
"Quit listening to me. You'll hurt yourself."
Mandy is drinking Code Red and in the middle of a giggling fit. She turns away from me to take a drink of it, and I say...
"Great, now you're gonna start laughing and spew it all over the place."
Upon hearing this, Mandy laughs and sucks the entire mouthful of Code Red into her lungs. After five minutes of her coughing and me trying to make sure she didn't chole to death, I say the following...
"Now, what did I say about listening to me?"
Which set off another coughing fit, only further proving my point.
The 22-member girl's swim team was being introduced during some sort of awards ceremony. The coach mentioned that one of the girls did really well in the 100-meter breaststroke, which they referred to as the "100 Breast", and that this had been crucial to their win.
"THEY LIE! There are only 44 breasts down there!"
"Wanna join the Random Acts of Verbal Abuse Club, dumbass?"
"Sure she had an exoskeleton, but they were still boobs..."
Mandy
"If I had three arms this would work."
"I think my brain got stuck..."
Explaining Sex:
"Insert tab A into slot B, thrust, repeat."
"... Your brain is hairy?"
Where babies come from:
"Mr. Happy went into Mr. Happy's funhouse, then Mr. Happy exploded."
"I'm a caffeine-based lifeform."
"Oh yeah, those are ovaries..."
"What if the stop sign only had one leg? Oh yeah, it does have only one leg..."
"Hi, I'm Mandy. You confused me."
While giggling and crying at the same time while rocking back and forth on the ground holding her knees to her chest and babbling incoherently:
"Delerious? Who's delerious? There's no delerium here!"
"AHH!!! My hairpeice is eating my brain!!"
"I'm not useful. All I have it a Mountain Dew, a pack of Skittles, and a Japanese-to-English dictionary..."
"It's like trying to spell 'science' with a broomstick."
Alex: (talking about some elementary-school music teacher he had) "She had us all chanting 'Bottle Cracker'..."
Mandy: (sings) "I'm a white boy in a bottle! I got my bling-bling on eBay!" (collapses laughing spontaneously)
"If ignorance were water, would Bush drown?"
"You know what? I think I'm just gonna get some kind of special shoe..."
"Hey, I have magnets in my shoes! Look!" ::sticks it to a locker door::
Mandy: "Mom...my bruise is a pretty color. Can I paint my room this color?"
Mandy's Mom: "No.."
Mandy: "Why? Its my room!"
Mandy's Mom:"Its my house!"
Mandy: "....Its my contusion!!"
Mandy's Mom: "...And that paper she brought home last time wasn't her real report card! She'd better make good gra--"
Mandy's Dad: "What do you mean, that was so her real report card.."
Mandy: "No, I think Mom was right...it was only my imaginary one.."
About her dad:
"We're not fighting! He's being stupid!" - (her mom said this)
"It's like a pair of gloves, but it's a cupholder!"
"I'm a sexual care bear."
"60s disco chicken shoes"
Yelled really really loudly:
"NO! My titties!"
"I've been violated by a cellphone with a hard-on!"
"Long John Silver! It's like Goldmember's brother!"
"It's not snowing. They just incinerated Ronald McDonald and that is all his white makeup floating around"
AIM:
Duo MaxxweIl: Enjoy your stay as you walk down the bubblewrapped halls. Oooh, bubblewrap...*pop* *pop* *pop*
AIM:
Afushonmarron (9:11:24 PM): Dude. I take too long in the shower.
Future Juushichi (9:11:45 PM): ...Most people would sign off for that.
"Here, I can make my butt jiggle! IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!"
"Yeah, a butt grater!!"
"It's not the size tha-- ...Yeah, it's the size."
"My boobs are omnitools!"
"I am my own king. See, I smack myself! I smack myself in the butt and get much goodness from it!"
"Red remind me of blue... No, wait. Red reminds me of blood..."
"I wanna be a strobe light when I grow up, so then I can flash people!"
"Don't you wish you were a spider? I don't, cause then I'd have to eat bugs."
Coffee:
"Talk to Mr. Folgers, damnit! Talk to Mr. Folgers, not me! They shouldn't mass-produce this stuff if they don't want me to have it!"
"Shave your ass with a chainsaw?! What?!"
"No! The Scary Swedish Space Monkey Mafia. It's like S&M, only with more S's."
"Toothpick porn!!"
"Naked quidditch!!"
AIM:
That's it...I'm going to upload myself onto Kazaa and then get downloaded some random place away from all this stupid.
I'm holding a drink out of her reach...
"Now if only I were a giraffe, I could drink it!"
Dark Schneider...
"He's like Inuyasha, only more Assholiac."
Chris: "Assholiac?"
Mandy: "Yeah, it's like Assholarific!"
::Turns to Gabe::
"If you grew your hair out more, it'd be really cute!"
::Turns to Aaron::
"If you grew your hair out more, it'd be an afro!"
"How is my butt a weapon, let me count the ways..."
"I found Jesus! In a crackerjack box!"
"Cause cigarette smoke smells like YUCKY!!"
AIM:
I Juunanagou l: Happy thoughts. Like...yaoi...
I Juunanagou l: Mmm...yaoi...
"Aaron's gonna be a jackass-kabob."
"I'm not on drugs. I'm on side-effects."
Liz
"Dan... Your head is going to explode in 5... 4... 3... Nevermind, I'm too lazy."
"If that thing touches me again, it's going to explode."
Ben: I feel like a new breed craposaurus...
Liz: That's because you stayed up until a millionty-billion o'clock last night.
Liz: Let's go to Books-A-Shitload.
Liz's Mom: Liz, watch your language...
Liz: I am watching it. But it's not doing anything exciting.
"Someone once told me that actresses are the most sexually charged people in this world, and that dancers have no shame. Thus, I am a sex goddess."
"A little pain never hurt anybody..."
"There is no justice in Wonder Woman's Wonderbra."
"I want to paint his ears with earmuffs."
"Kinda like the 60s disco cow shoes I had... Back in the day..."
"It's the cellphone of molestation."
"I can see your nosehairs... With my X-Ray cellphone pointer eyes."
"It's a piece of plastic, Cristin. It doesn't have a butt."
"It should be a Cellphone of Molestation +1."
"It was 183 years before I was born, but I remember it like it was yestermorrow."
"See, this is the 'licking your back' pose..."
(After a ShadowRun game)
Chris: I blame Ben and Pepsi Blue for everything that went wrong tonight.
Liz: I blame Chris for everything that goes wrong for the rest of my life cause he's just dumb.
"Oh yeah? Well, your pantyhose wears Micheal Jackson!"
Liz: "Mandy... can you imagine sperm skiing?"
Mandy: "No, Liz! Sperm can't ski!"
"You made me slobber on my sugar stick!"
Coating tic-tacs in color change fun-dip:
"Oh my god! Sugar-coated sugar-coated sugar!"
"Why won't the sugar stick pick up the sugar-coated sugar-coated sugar that calms my soul oh so much?"
"My sugar stick's defective, damnit!"
"My spittle enzymes are non-adhesive."
"YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR BUT YOUR OWN STUPIDITY!!!"
"Gabe is just so Jewish! What? He is!"
"All's fair in love and boob-smacking!"
"Stop, damnit! My ass is not ripe for the smacking!"
::Kate and Liz lay their heads on Mandy's chest::
"They're fluffy pillows made just for us!"
About being frozen:
"AAH! But then I'd be a Lizcicle!"
"Hey, I got Jesus as a toy in my happy meal!"
"With our powers combined, we are... THREE STUPID PEOPLE!!"
Gabe
Mandy: Why are you skipping?!
Gabe: It's an efficient mode of travel!
"Note the hole in my pants. BEN! Note the hole in my pants! NOTE THE FREAKING HOLE IN MY PANTS!! He's not noting it, is he?"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER, BEN!! We have another period off!! Another period of FUN-FILLED FUN!!!"
"(high-pitched squeak) Hey! Quote that! Quote ... (pause) ... (high-pitched squeak)!!"
"What? How do you spell something with 'clown'?"
"Hey, let's play mashed potato charades!"
"...Can we play cornbread charades?"
"Okay, just because I say 'sneeze' when I sneeze doesn't mean you can say 'cough'."
"We should make the nipples grabbable!"
"By their powers combined, they are CAPTAIN PIGLET!"
Gabe: Huh?
Me: What?
Gabe: I dunno.
Me: Some words?
Gabe: Whatever I need to say to make you stop talking.
Me: Oh, okay.
Kate
AIM:
SuzakuNuriko: ...when i saw "Eichiro Hatamoto II" on Sahandrian's sheet, I thought it said "Ecchi Hamtaro"...
AIM:
S Sesshomaru S: ......my butt is statically charged.....
Her mom, about childbirth:
"It's like...WHOOSH!"
"I's like man-spam... I don't know..."
Berg
"Don't lick the goblin."
"Lick my toaster oven!!"
After Casting Terminate on Aaron's Fleetfoot Panther:
" KITTY DIES!!!"
-- They were playing Magic in a quiet annnd rather crowded room...
Tina
"Full Metal Jacket" Reference:
"Those computers run like old people fuck..."
To Andrew:
"Did anyone ever tell you to shave your face, cause it looks like a stripper's pussy."
"I'm sorry, I forgot. You're a tampon-being-thrown-at-you virgin." - Tina
"Here's a monkey, now you can have soup!"
"It's a vagina, not a clown car!"
Speaking from experience:
"When someone's going down on you, don't try to take a drink of Coke."
Upon hearing someone singing "Girls just wanna have fun":
"I love sex and I love drugs, but I fucking hate Cindy Lauper, so shut the hell up!"
"Why not swallow? It's just like eating a baby."
Amy
"Beefy... Whipped cream can't be beefy!!"
Amy: "Jello scares me."
Me: "What's so scary about Jello?"
Amy: (very, very confused expression) "I don't remember anymore..."
Me: "Amy, what are you talking about?"
Amy: "The strawberry attacked me... ::mindless giggles:: ...I'M COLD!!"
Marshall
"It's the inside out upside down space pocket!"
Sam: "But how could you blow up the world twice?!"
Marshall: "Cause I'm cooler than you."
"No! It's the insi...ups... YOU MESSED IT UP!!"
"Dude, if you hit me, I will so kick your ass when I wake up."
Alex
"Walruses need to grow on trees."
MSTing "Signs":
"Stupid alien, you wrecked my furniture!!"
MSTing "Signs":
"Screw the aliens, those kids are what's scaring me."
"I hate gym. I wanna take gym online or something."
I explain W:tA and the Metis to Alex...
"I wanna be the offspring of a werewolf and a car!"
"People who speak other languages bother me. So I stab them."
"Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks!"
My Teachers
(One day, in Government/Economics...)
Joe: "High cost of child care? You know what? They just need ot tell those people to stop screwing up."
Mrs. Blagg: "Leave off the 'up' and you got it."
(Some guy walking down the hall after the power goes out yells "AAHHH!!! I'M BLIND!!!" and this follows...)
Mrs. Blagg: "Oh, I just love ninth-graders..."
Danielle: "Actually, he's a senior..."
Mrs. Blagg: "Well, how about we just go kill him then?"
Mr. Frostic: "A $600 telescope for free is a lot better than a $600 telescope for $600."
Brian: "Woah, really?"
"F-12 and up are good for seeing the moon... the planets... and spying on your neighbors." - Mr. Frostic (aka "FroBo")
(Last day of the semester, grades are due in an hour)
Ashna: "But you have to take this paper! I don't want a B for the semester!"
Mr. Ferrel: "Why not? You have a C."
(ashna's a bit of a perfectionist)
Ashna: "How is that not racist?"
Joe: "It's totally true - it's easier for any minority to get a scholarship. I'm a WASP - white anglo-saxon protestant. What am I gonna do?"
Mr. Ferrel: "I suggest studying."
Mr Frostic: "Well, they showed this on the news this morning. The age of the universe looks to be about 13.7 billion years... almost as old as Mrs. Diller."
Brett: "Wow. An eyewitness to the Big Bang..."
"My picking of Powerball numbers seems to be on the same level of the weather people picking a forecast more than several days in advance. In fact, I may be better since once I pick numbers, I don't keep changing them." - Mr. Frostic
Other People, and Multiple-Person Quotes
"Do you keep your head up your ass for the warmth or what?" - Todd
"You have the motor skills of a rock." - Todd
" [Repeatedly popping wrists] Just watch my hands fall off. Then I'll throw them at you." - Carson
"Owen, stop raping Kevin!" - Katie (I think)
"I'm not tall. I'm a midget." - Jon, who is 6'6"
"If a man has an affair with another man, doesn't that make it a mister instead of mistress?" - Tank
"Hey, this is that Alien Ant Farm song! What's this doin' in a Michael Jackson game?" - Heather, playing "Moonwalker"
"Way to go doushebag, it was neither!" - Carter, in the middle of class.
"If I only spoke when I had something nice to say... I'd be a mute." - Aaron
"It's like a preying emu or something." - Bo
Carson: "When I grow up, I wanna be Fun-Dip."
Chris: "You just want people to lick you all the time."
Carson: "Well, that too."
"Hey, you can't take my high pads-- er, mouse pads!!" - Carson
(One day, on the bus...)
Rachel: Do you have a cat on your head?
Mandy: No, he ate it. ::Points at Chris::
Chris: Heheheh, that means I ate Mandy's pus-
Mandy: NO!! No, no, no, no, NO, no, no, no.
(Mere minutes later)
Rachel: Next week our school is having a spirit week. One day we dress as hippies.
Mandy: We have a favorite artist day, where you dress as your favorite singer.
Chris: I know someone who's going as Alanis from the video where she was naked.
Rachel: Who?
Chris: She's going as a naked Canadian woman.
Rachel: ::laughing:: I think Mandy should go as a naked Canadian woman.
Mandy: ::staring at us:: I'm not Canadian...
Chris: No, a naked elf. See, she has the pointed ears.
Mandy: WHAT?!
Rachel: Yeah!
Mandy: No, no, no, no...
V Kotetsu V: I understand your point of veiw, and I think it sucks
"My butt's infested." - John, a very long time ago
"I'll assume she's a sorceress, cause she has that doohickey on her forehead." - Aaron, watching Bakuretsu Hunters
"Gabe, is that hole from looking at Chris too long?" - Ben
Gabe: If I were in my pants, I could see you guys!
Chris: You ARE in your pants, Gabe.
Gabe: Well, if I had a head in my pa--
Me, Mandy and Ben: There already IS a head in your pants, Gabe!!
Gabe: Well, if I had ANOTHER head in my--
Mandy: Then you'd be deformed!
Chris: Or a hemaphrodite.
Robert: (Repeatedly slams CD into his head) Hey look! It broke!
Chris: (Stares at Robert)
Robert: (stacks the peices in his hand and continues) Oh boy! I broke it more!!
Chris: Good for you. Now stab yourself with them.
Robert: Okay!! (actually tries it...) Hey, it's not working...
"The world is a happy pla-- Well, no, not really." - Holly
"WHY DON'T YOU HAVE MORE CAFFEINE?!" - Dan, yelling at his Pepsi
"That's cool! I've never cancelled someone's sneeze before!" - Dan
Puumba: "BECCA! F*CK YOU!!"
Becca: ::walking off, dismissive wave::
Puumba: "IN YOUR EYE!!"
Becca: ::Keeps walking. Another dismissive wave::
Puumba: "...Okay, see you later!"
Becca: ::dismissive wave::
"The grinch is not a man. He is not a man!" - Hampton
"On the first day of Slutfest my true love gave to me..." - Steve
(He made up the entire song, all 12 days, but I don't remember them)
Guy 1: "Hey, leave the milk alone!"
Hampton: "Dammit, I'll take the stupid milk!"
Guy 2: "Right..."
Hampton: "Cause osteoporosis on your skinny ass."
Guy 2: "What?"
John: "You know Tina, I really wanna grope your ass."
Tina: "You know John, I'd really like to grope your face. With my nails."
"It's not against the dress code. You can wear as much toilet paper as you want." -- Ben
"It's the Tic-Tac god's rain!!" -- Danielle
"Berg, Would you give Mandy a foot rub and explode your titties so she'll play Monopoly with us?" -- Ben
Mandy: "Great, Ben, you broke it! Now what are we gonna do?!"
Barth: "Go to Disneyland!"
(They really did live in the middle of nowhere)
My Mom: "When I was a kid, we had to walk a mile down this hill, up the creek, across the highway and up the road to get to school! The snow was up to our butts! And we had to wear dresses!"
Me: "...I'll beleive the first and the third."
Mandy and I on AIM:
I Juunanagou l: ::Seeing the unsuspecting Chris sitting at his computer, the raven-haired artificial human launched himself through the air, knocking Chris -- and his chair -- across the room and into a wall.::
MiraiJuushichii: Hi.
I Juunanagou l: ::facevault::
Mandy: "Yes! I am an oracle and can read boobs to tell your fortune!"
Liz: ::rubs Mandy's chest:: "Mandy, your boobs say..."
Mandy: "What do I look like, a Magic 8-ball?"
Liz: "Yeah, if I turn you over, will you display a corny message on your..."
Mandy: "...Ask again later."
"I wonder if your could smoke a tampon..." - Missy
"Why does the word of the day have to change every day?!" - Sam (he's from alaska! you didn't need to know that.)
"No, it's Hamburger Helper Zilla!" - Ashley
Ryan and I on AIM:
Inshu Takuhara: ...What's Chalk taste like?
Future Juushichi: Like Pepto Bismol. I mean it. They're almost exactly alike.
Inshu Takuhara: Really?
Inshu Takuhara: I'm gonna try it.
Dinner with my family:
Mom: I know I have the spine problem, but that's never bothered me before. What I want to know it, why is it just starting to hurt now?
Dad: ...Maybe you're just getting old?
Me: That's what you said about the dog.
(the story here: our dog developed a breathing problem in the middle of July '02. my dad just kept saying that "she was getting old." The dog was dead within a week due to a throat problem that could have been fixed if he had taken her to the vet earlier.)
Mandy: "Tis a lonely business, selling tater tots."
Tina: "Yes, but a noble one."
"Like a universal sperm or something..." - Bo
"I'd rather it be a guy, cause I don't want to be outnumbered in an estrogen-fest." - Andrew (Hormone overload might seem like a guy thing, but Andrew was planning a DDR night, and a bunch of the girls invited [Liz, Mandy, Danielle, and Kate] hit their periods at the same time...)
"I am a fine example of a horny individual
I have sex with animals vegetables and criminals
My horniness position gives me overworked genitals..."
--Andrew
Andrew: *laugh* "I'm gonna be singing that all the way to Annapolis!"
Marshall: "You're gonna die on the way to Annapolis."
(It was their band trip.)
"So, speaking of satan... How about a lapdance?" - Tank
AIM:
Future Juushichi: ...Should I even ask about the "Rodimus" part?
Afushonmarron: Hot Rod becomes Rodimus Prime after Optimus dies.
Afushonmarron: ::Snicker:: At least Optimus died doing what he loved most...committing suicide.
Future Juushichi: ::falls over::
Afushonmarron: What? It's true!
Afushonmarron: He dies at least once in every series sacrificing himself.
Future Juushichi: Rodimus... That's quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard...
Afushonmarron: Its true.
Future Juushichi: Let's spray paint his head and dub him Rodiman Prime.
Quotes From Shadowrun
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((Hunter is trying to steal Sahandrian's ID, which is in the pocket of his very tight leather pants))
Hunter: [OOG] I comment on how interesting his pants are.
Sahandrian: [IG] Yeah, I like the pants, too. Want to see what's in them?
Epoch: [OOG] (To Sahandrian) Then I'll just have to kill you and steal all your gear.
Sahandrian: [Also OOG] You can have my bullets. They'll be in your chest.
Mossad: [OOG] So yeah, I'm a Jewish Ninja.
Drake: [OOG] Okay, you shall now be known as Ninjew.
Geisha: [to heavily cybered Ork] So, what are you doing tonight?
Ork: Well, I need to polish myself...
Geisha: I can help you with those hard-to-reach places...
(This was at a bar - she basically walked in, chose a victim, and made him feel very uncomfortable for the next half-hour or so. She was only slightly drunk when she did this...)
"Cause she puts the piss in pistols!" - Mandy (maybe?)
(I have no idea when this happened or why, and I was at every game but one.)
Blank: I try the door.
GM: [to other group, who were in the next hallway over] You hear a door rattling.
Sahandrian: [leans towards the door] What's the password?
Blank: ...Swordfish?
Sahandrian: No, and you're an idiot. [opens the door]
(Characters run by Ben and I always have conversations like this...)
"I've always liked the thought of the power between my legs, but NOT like that!" - Epoc, after having a Barret 121 fired from between his legs
"To paraphrase, you don't know fear until you've had an anti-tank shell go whizzing past your balls." - Chris, to Alex, the newbie
"I didn't notice until just now that 'Ares Predator' is just one typo away from 'arse predator'..." - Chris
(Andrew and I during character creation on AIM)
LtjgCON: Still, Athletics would make sense at 7 if I had worked extra hard at all of those.
FutureJuushichi: It would, but the GM smacks you across the head with the rulebook and says "No".
Andrew, during character creation on AIM --
LtjgCON: Can I be an Elven prince?
Future Juushichi: What do you think?
LtjgCON: yes!! ^_^ THANK YOU CHRIS!!
Future Juushichi: ...No. Number one reason, they're FREAKING IMMORTAL!!
(pre-game)
Cristin: Can I have a pet bug?
John: Heheh, Johnny Cockroach...
(pre-game)
Andrew (who is bi): ::Dancing to whatever was playing on winamp.::
John: Oh god... "It's rainin' men..."
Dot (decker): It's a post-it note! You HAVE to obey the post-it notes!
Dot (decker): I lock myself in the trunk.
Dot (decker with psychotic fear of cats): I lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling.
GM (me): As you lay there (in a nearly abandoned house), a black and brown cat walks up and looks you in the face.
Dot: ::rolls willpower, fails horribly:: AAAHHHHHH!!!!!
GM: (To rest of team, in the basement of the house) You hear a scream, the door slam open, and the car trunk slam closed.
Epoc: But there aren't any more seats in the car. Osiris (troll) takes up the whole back seat.
Dot: I sit on the troll's head.
Osiris: I wake up and shove him off. ::Rolls unarmed with a ton of successes::
GM: After you're a bit more awake, you look up to see two decker legs dangling in front of you and light coming through the hole in the ceiling you made with him. (I only made him take an S stun. It probably should have been at least M physical)
Epoc: ::Points to Dot:: Is he housebroken?
(He then spent five minutes explaining to the decker what could and could NOT be flushed down the toilet.)
(During a test combat to help John get used to the rules and work out some character weaknesses...)
Malkav [Path of the Magician Coyote Shaman] (me): ::ooc:: Okay, I swing at you with my sword (Dikoted claymore - going for a demented Cloud Strife look), so you resist 6D with body, reduced by half impact thanks to Dikote ::pointing out things on John's sheet::, so it drops to 3D.
Osiris [Troll Street Meat] (John): ::ooc:: So, I can use how much combat pool?
Malkav: ::ooc:: You can basically up to double the dice you roll.
Osiris: ::ooc:: Oh, okay... I don't think I'll use any. ::rolls 14 dice:: No damage, right?
Malkav: ::ooc:: I hate trolls...
Osiris: ::ooc:: Heh... Okay, my turn. I roll 6 dice?
Malkav: ::ooc:: Plus combat pool.
Osiris: ::ooc:: Okay... ::Rolls about 9 dice:: Okay, so now you resist 19D with half armor, right? (dikoted polearm - going for the munch-tastic)
Malkav: ::ooc:: I HATE trolls...
(I sit there messing with my chara sheet for a minute)
Malkav: ::ooc:: Okay, we'll try this again.
Osiris: ::ooc:: Okay...
Malkav: ::Wins initiative, proceeds to Manabolt Osiris with 6 Sorcery + 6 spell pool:: (ooc) Against a 2... Roll your willpower.
Osiris: ::rolls a two and a three:: (ooc) That's not enough, is it?
Malkav: ::ooc:: Triple deadly. Your head explodes. I take light stun from drain.
(while working on Kate's character)
Chris: "You can't get form-fitting armor. Just think about it. You're a dark elf. You have fur."
Kate: "So?"
Mandy: "You'd look like a Q-tip!!"
Kate: "WHAT?!"
Chris: ::Pauses... then writes the FF full-body suit down under "armor" and "Q-tip" under "Street Names":: There.
Kate: "No."
"It's the disgruntled duo!" - Malkav, upon seeing Geisha (Japanese elf sniper/bitch) in a conversation with an angry old man.
"Hi. I'm Casper the Unfriendly Ghost. Now, can we do this the easy way or do I have to possess you?" - Malkav, interrogating an ork while manifest from the astral.
(While trying to calm down that same ork after scaring the hell out of him, still astrally projecting.)
Malkav: Hey, Trogboy!! Settle down!!
Ork: Huh? What did you call me?!
Malkav: Oh, wanna fight? Hit me! ::Prances around in a circle:: Come on! You can't hit me, you can't hit me...
(Waiting on a rooftop for a sniper, after we failed to stop him the last 3 times, Malkav sees someone he thinks might be the sniper and Stunbolts him. He then levitates down to check the body)
Malkav: Heh, finally got--
(A shot is fired, and the woman they were protecting falls down dead)
Malkav: ....Fornicating feces, I missed.
DSF
Kamui:
Dude, it doesn't get much more fucking obvious than when the Mr. Johnson says...."I want it to look like it was an accident..."
Sahandrian:
"I said an accident, not Chicago ground-zero!"
"What, we thought you meant a industrial accident."
(Andrew discovers the CLUE files...)
LtjgCON: Thank you for showing me this site
LtjgCON: I've already learned a lot
MiraiJuushichii: "How to not be a complete dumbass" is a lesson to you?
LtjgCON: I gotta start somewhere...right?
MiraiJuushichii: Right...
(Angel & Bob discuss Shadowrunning in an IM RP)
Angel: "Runners are stupid..."
Hwoarang: "Hey! I went on a run once!"
Angel: "See?"
"I like to see my reflection when I make love to a man..." - Mandy(OOC), quoting Geisha's cyber fetish
Diesel: People who buy guns just to hang up or display are weird, at least in my little world.
Otomik: And people that can't aesthetically appreciate great industrial design and engineering just because it comes in the form of a firearm have freudian issues, at least in my book.
Zazen: A friend of mine has condoms mounted on his wall for the same reason. God bless great industrial design and engineering!
(conversation on DSF)
Epoc: Let me put this to you straight...
Ceres: BUT YOU'RE NOT STRAIGHT!
Keros: (Marshall OOC) "His skin is fried and burned, so it's like 'buubily buubily'"
(commenting on a guard who has been electrocuted, powerbolted, and shot...and was still alive.)
Ceres: "...Ever hear a troll squeak?" *shoots a troll in the crotch with Keros's Barret 121*
Quotes From Other Roleplaying
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ryåñ: ::Tackles Chris:: Hmph!
·chrí·: I don't have time for a relationship, Ryan. You'll have to get off.
(CSRPG)
Floriana Shaunce: ooc- THE AMISH ARE COMING THE AMISH ARE COMING!.. ::Blink.:: ::Runs hysterically, bumping into walls.::
(CSRPG)
~'Çrôss'~: ooc-::cross happens to rip off Chris's arms::
Då ùúpä Ñob: ::Takes the arm from Cross and beats him with it.::
(CSRPG)
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: What's what mean?
Floriana Shaunce: What means...
Floriana Shaunce: What is...like..a question.
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: What's a question?
Floriana Shaunce: What is a question.
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: I asked you first.
Floriana Shaunce: No, that's the answer. What is a question.
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: Well, what is a question?
Floriana Shaunce: But that's what it is.
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: What?
Floriana Shaunce: Which is a question
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: How can what be a question if which is a question already? And what's a question?
Floriana Shaunce: Okay, Which is also a question. And so is what. Now, what makes what a question is what.
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: Ummm..What?
Floriana Shaunce: Yay! That's right, it's a question.
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: So a question is what, right?
Floriana Shaunce: Er..No, "What" is a question.
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: Yeah, what's a question?
Floriana Shaunce: What IS a question.
·Zêm thé Måñîàc·: I just asked you that.
(CSRPG)
·Pûñkåçhü·: ooc- Punkachu is like Pikachu... But is an evil pyromaniac who thinks it's fun to abuse people...
Jessi(ooc): ::Blinks again::
Jessi(ooc): Someone needs to make a Peptobismalachu..
(CSRPG)
º£êr thè Måñîåçº: ...I wonder what the hole in girl feel like...
(CSRPG)
"A moron saved is a moron earned, and a moron earned gets you nowhere." - Mandy as Sephiroth
(AIM chat RP)
The paladin was up in front of a crowd preaching, and doing really well. And from the back of the crowd, Andrew's monk yells "You go, girl!"