audi
accelerates under demonic influence

amg
auslaender mit geld

bmw
bought my wife

buick
big ugly indestructible car killer

chevrolet
cheap hardly efficient virtually runs on luck every time

dodge
darn old dirty gas eater

fiat
fix it all the time

ford
fault of research & development

gm
general maintenance

gmc
got a mechanic corning?

honda
had one never did again

hyundai
hope you understand nothing's driveable and inexpensive

mazda
most always zipping dangerously along

oldsmobile
old ladies driving slowly make others behind infuriatingly late everyday

saab
swedish automobiles always breakdown

toyota
too often yankees overprice this auto

volvo
very odd looking vehicular object

vw
virtually worthless