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jagged little pill
supposed forever infatution junkie
others...
a year like this one
norwegian wood
find the right man
death of cinderella
still
princess familiar
pray for peace
pollyanna flower
no pressure over cappuccino
london
king (queen) of pain [ the police cover ]
king of intimidation
i don't know (weekends)
happiness is a warm gun [ beatles cover ]
gorgeous
fake plastic tress [ radiohead cover ]
these are the thoughts
uninvited





jagged little pill





all i really want

do i stress you out
my sweater is on backwards and inside out
and you say how appropriate

i don't want to dissect everything today
i don't mean to pick you apart you see
but i can't help it

there i go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
slap me with a splintered ruler
and it would knock me to the floor if i wasn't there already
if only i could hunt the hunter

and all i really want is some patience
a way to calm the angry voice
and all i really want is deliverance

do i wear you out
you must wonder why i'm so relentless and all strung out
i'm consumed by the chill of solitary

i'm like estella
i like to reel it in and then spit it out
i'm frustrated by your apathy

and i am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
if only i could meet the maker
and i am fascinated by the spiritual man
i am humbled by his humble nature yeah

what i wouldn't give to find a soulmate
someone else to catch this drift
and what i wouldn't give to meet a kindred

enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
the conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
falling all around...all around

why are you so petrified of silence
here can you handle this?

did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
or when you think you're gonna die
or did you long for the next distraction

and all i need know is intellectual intercourse
a soul to dig the hole much deeper
and i have no concept of time other than it is flying
if only i could kill the killer

all i really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground
and all i really want is a wavelength

and all i really want is some comfort
a way to get my hands untied
and all i really want is some justice...





you oughtta know

i want you to know that i'm happy for you
i wish nothing but the best for you both

an older version of me
is she perverted like me
would she go down on you in a theatre

does she speak eloquently
and would she have your baby
i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
and every time you speak her name
does she know how you told me you'd hold me
until you died, 'till you died
but you're still alive

and i'm here to remind you
of the mess you left when you went away
it's not fair to deny me
of the cross i bear that you gave to me
you, you, you oughta know

you seem very well, things look peaceful
i'm not quite as well, i thought you should know

did you forget about me, mr. duplicity
i hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
it was a slap in the face how quickly i was replaced
are you thinking of me when you fu& her

'cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
and every time you speak her name
does she know how you told me you'd hold me
until you died, 'till you died
but you're still alive

and i'm here to remind you
of the mess you left when you went away
it's not fair to deny me
of the cross i bear that you gave to me
you, you, you oughta know

'cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
and i'm not gonna fade
as soon as you close your eyes and you know it
and every time i scratch my nails down someone else's back
i hope you feel it...well can you feel it

and i'm here to remind you
of the mess you left when you went away
it's not fair to deny me
of the cross i bear that you gave to me
you, you, you oughta know





perfect

sometimes is never quite enough
if you're flawless, then you'll win my love
don't forget to win first place
don't forget to keep that smile on your face

be a good boy
try a little harder
you've got to measure up
and make me prouder

how long before you screw it up
how many times do i have to tell you to hurry up
with everything i do for you
the least you can do is keep quiet

be a good girl
you've gotta try a little harder
that simply wasn't good enough
to make us proud

i'll live through you
i'll make you what i never was
if you're the best, then maybe so am i
compared to him compared to her
i'm doing this for your own damn good
you'll make up for what i blew
what's the problem, why are you crying

be a good boy
push a little farther now
that wasn't fast enough
to make us happy
we'll love you just the way you are
if you're perfect





hand in my pocket

i'm broke but i'm happy
i'm poor but i'm kind
i'm short but i'm healthy, yeah

i'm high but i'm grounded
i'm sane but i'm overwhelmed
i'm lost but i'm hopeful baby

what it all comes down to
is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
i've got one hand in my pocket
and the other one is giving a high five

i feel drunk but i'm sober
i'm young and i'm underpaid
i'm tired but i'm working, yeah

i care but i'm restless
i'm here but i'm really gone
i'm wrong and i'm sorry baby

what it all comes down to
is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'cause i've got one hand in my pocket
and the other one is flicking a cigarette

what it all comes down to
is that i haven't got it all figured out just yet
'cause i've got one hand in my pocket
and the other one is giving a peace sign

i'm free but i'm focused
i'm green but i'm wise
i'm hard but i'm friendly, baby

i'm sad but i'm laughing
i'm brave but i'm chicken $it
i'm sick but i'm pretty, baby

and what it all boils down to
is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
but i've got one hand in my pocket
and the other one is playing the piano

what it all comes down to my friends, yeah
is that everything's just fine fine fine
'cause i've got one hand in my pocket
and the other one is hailing a taxi cab





right through you

wait a minute man
you mispronounced my name
you didn't wait for all the information
before you turned me away

wait a minute sir
you kind of hurt my feelings
you see me as a sweet back-loaded puppet
and you've got a meal ticket taste

i see right through you
i know..
i feel..
i walk..

you took me for a joke
you took me for a child
you took a long hard look at my a$
and then played golf for a while

your shake is like a fish
you pat me on the head
you took me out to wine dine sixty nine
but didn't hear a damn word i said

i see right through you
i know..
i feel..
i walk..

hello mr. man
you didn't think that i'd come back
you didn't think i'd show up with my army
and this ammunition on my back

now that i'm miss thing
now that i'm a zillionaire
you scan the credits for your name
and wonder why it's not there

i see right through you
i know..
i feel..
i walk.., you





forgiven

you know how us catholic girls can be
we make up for so much time a little too late

i never forgot it, confusing as it was
no fun with no guilt feelings
the sinners, the saviors, the loverless priests
i'll see you next sunday

we all had our reasons to be there
we all had a thing or two to learn
we all needed something to cling to
so we did

i sang alleluia in the choir
alleluia, alleluia, alleluia
i confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man

my brothers they never went blind for what they did
but i may as well have
in the name of the father, the skeptic and the son
i had one more stupid question

we all had our reasons to be there
we all had a thing or two to learn
we all needed something to cling to
so we did

what i learned i rejected but i believe again
i will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
if i jump in this fountain, will i be forgiven

we all had our reasons to be there
we all had a thing or two to learn
we all needed something to cling to
so we did

we all had delusions in our head
we all had our minds made up for us
we had to believe in something
so we did

we all had our reasons to be there
we all had a thing to learn
we all needed something to cling to
so we did
so we did, yeah, so we did





you learn

i recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah
i recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah

swallow it down ( what a jagged little pill )
it feels so good ( swimming in your stomach )
wait until the dust settles

you live you learn
you love you learn
you cry you learn
you lose you learn
you bleed you learn
you scream you learn

i recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
i certainly do
i recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
feel free

throw it down ( the caution blocks you from the wind )
hold it up ( to the rays )
you wait and see when the smoke clear

you live you learn
you love you learn
you cry you learn
you lose you learn
you bleed you learn
you scream you learn

wear it out ( the way a three-year-old would do )
melt it down ( you're gonna have to eventually anyway )
the fire trucks are coming up around the bend

you live you learn
you love you learn
you cry you learn
you lose you learn
you bleed you learn
you scream you learn

you grieve you learn
you choke you learn
you laugh you learn
you choose you learn
you pray you learn
you ask you learn
you live you learn





head over feet

i had no choice but to hear you
you stated your case time and again
i thought about it

you treat me like i'm a princess
i'm not used to liking that
you ask how my day was

you've already won me over in spite of me
don't be alarmed if i fall head over feet
and don't be surprised if i love you for all that you are
i couldn't help it
it's all your faults

your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
you're so much braver than i gave you credit for
that's not lip service

you've already won me over in spite of me
and don't be alarmed if i fall head over feet
and don't be surprised if i love you for all that you are
i couldn't help it
it's all your faults

you are the bearer of unconditional things
you held your breath and the door for me
thanks for your patience

you're the best listener that i've ever met
you're my best friend
best friend with benefits
what took me so long

i've never felt this healthy before
i've never wanted something rational
i am aware now, i am aware now

you've already won me over in spite of me
and don't be alarmed if i fall head over feet
and don't be surprised if i love you for all that you are
i couldn't help it
it's all your faults

you've already won me over in spite of me
and don't be alarmed if i fall head over feet
and don't be surprised if i love you for all that you are
i couldn't help it
it's all your faults





mary jane

what's the matter mary jane, you had a hard day
as you place the don't disturb sign on the door
you lost your place in line again, what a pity
you never seem to want to dance anymore

it's a long way down
on this roller coaster
the last chance streetcar
went off the track
and you're on it

i hear you're counting sheep again mary jane
what's the point of tryin' to dream anymore
i hear you're losing weight again mary jane
do you ever wonder who you're losing it for

well it's full speed baby
in the wrong direction
there's a few more bruises
if that's the way
you insist on heading

please be honest mary jane
are you happy
please don't censor your tears

you're the sweet crusader
and you're on your way
you're the last great innocent
and that's why i love you

so take this moment mary jane and be selfish
worry not about the cars that go by
cause all that matters mary jane is your freedom
keep warm my dear, keep dry

tell me, tell me
what's the matter mary jane
tell me, tell me
please be honest mary jane





ironic

an old man turned ninety-eight
he won the lottery and died the next day
it's a black fly in your chardonnay
it's a death row pardon two minutes too late
isn't it ironic, don't you think

it's like rain on your wedding day
it's a free ride when you've already paid
it's the good advice that you just didn't take
and who would've thought, it figures

mr. play it safe was afraid to fly
he packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
he waited his whole damned life to take that flight
and as the plane crashed down he thought
"well isn't this nice"
and isn't it ironic...don't you think

it's like rain on your wedding day
it's a free ride when you've already paid
it's the good advice that you just didn't take
and who would've thought, it figures

well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
and life has a funny way of helping you out when
you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

a traffic jam when you're already late
a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
it's meeting the man of my dreams
and then meeting his beautiful wife

and isn't it ironic, don't you think
a little too ironic, and yeah i really do think

it's like rain on your wedding day
it's a free ride when you've already paid
it's the good advice that you just didn't take
and who would've thought, it figures

life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
helping you out





not the doctor

i don't want to be the filler
if the void is solely yours
i don't want to be your gla$
of single malt whiskey
hidden in the bottom drawer
i don't want to be a bandage
if the wound is not mine
lend me some fresh air

i don't want to be adored
for what i merely represent to you
i don't want to be your babysitter
you're a very big boy now
i don't want to be your mother
i didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
show me the back door

visiting hours are nine to five
and if i show up at ten past six well i
already know that you'd find some way
to sneak me in and oh
mind the empty bottle
with the holes along the bottom you see it's
too much to ask for
and i am not the doctor

i don't want to be the sweeper
of the eggshells that you walk upon
i don't want to be your other half
i believe that one and one make two
i don't want to be your food
or the light from the fridge on your face at midnight
hey what are you hungry for

i don't want to be the glue
that holds your pieces together
i don't want to be your idol
see this pedestal is high and i'm afraid of heights
i don't want to be lived through a vicarious occasion
please open the window

visiting hours are nine to five
and if i show up at ten past six well i
already know that you'd find
some way to sneak me in and oh
mind the empty bottle
with the holes along the bottom you see it's
too much to ask for
and i am not the doctor

i don't want to live on someday
when my motto is last week
i don't want to be responsible
for your fractured heart and its wounded beat
i don't want to be a substitute
for the smoke you've been inhaling
well, what do you thank me
what do you thank me for

visiting hours are nine to five
and if i show up at ten past six well i
already know that you'd find
some way to sneak me in and oh
mind the empty bottle
with the holes along the bottom you see it's
too much to ask for
and i am not the doctor





wake up

you like snow but only if it's warm
you like rain but only if it's dry
no sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
no fundamental excuse for the granted i'm taken for

'cause it's easy not to
so much easier not to
and what goes around never comes around to you, to you

you like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
and you sit, and you wait, to receive
there's an obvious attraction
to the path of least resistence in your life
there's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistance
could make you try tonight

'cause it's easy not to
so much easier not to
and what goes around never comes around to you
to you to you to you to you to you
there's no love no money no thrill anymore

there's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
with his head in his hands
there's an underestimated and impatient little girl
raising her hand

but it's easy not to
so much easier not to
and what goes around never comes around to you
to you, to you

get up get up get up off of it
get out get outta here enough already
get up get up get up off of it
wake up





your house

i went to your house
walked up the stairs
i opened your door without ringing the bell

walked down the hall into your room
where i could smell you
and i shouldn't be here
without permission
shouldn't be here

would you forgive me love
if i danced in your shower
would you forgive me love
if i laid in your bed
would you forgive me love
if i stay all afternoon

i took off my clothes
put on your robe
went through your drawers and i found your cologne
went down to the den
found your cd's
i played your joni
and i shouldn't stay long
you might be home soon
i shouldn't stay long

would you forgive me love
if i danced in your shower
would you forgive me love
if i laid in your bed
would you forgive me love
if i stay all afternoon

i burned your incense
i ran a bath
i noticed a letter than sat on your desk
it said "hello love,
i love you so, love,
meet me at midnight"
and no, it wasn't my writing
i better go soon
it wasn't my writing

so forgive me love
if i cry in your shower
so forgive me love
for the salt in your bed
so forgive me love
if i cry all afternoon





supposed forever infatution junkie





thank u

how about
..getting off of these antibiotics
..stopping eating when i'm filled up
..them transparent dangling carrots
..that ever elusive kudo

thank you
..india
..terror
..disillusionment
..frailty
..consequence
..thank you silence

how about
..me not blaming you for everything
..me enjoying the moment for once
..how good it feels to finally forgive you
..grieving it all one at a time

thank you
..india
..terror
..disillusionment
..frailty
..consequence
..thank you silence

the moment i
..let go of it was
..got more than i could handle
..jumped off of it was
..touched down

how about
..no longer being masochistic
..remembering your divinity
..unabashedly bawling your eyes out
..not equating death with stopping

thank you
..india
..providence
..disillusionment
..nothingness
..clarity
..thank you silence





front row

do you go to the dungeon to find out
how to make peace with your days in the dungeon
writing a letter to you didn't make me feel any more peaceful then
how i felt when we weren't speaking because i didn't cop to what i did.
i can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries.
i'd like you to be schooled and in awe as though
you were kissed by god full on the lips.

i'm in the front row the front row with popcorn i get to see you see you close up
i'm too tired to recount the unpleasantries one by one one minute
i want to banish you the next i want to be on a deserted island with you along
with my three favorite cd's ambivalent yet in your bed
we've yet to acknowledge what really happened slid into the ditch
i have this overwhelming loss of ambition we said let's name thirty good reasons
why we shouldn't be together i started by saying things
like "you smoke" "you live in new jersey (too far)"
you started saying things like "you belong to the world"
all of which could have been easily refuted but the conversation was hypothetical
i am totally short of breath for you why can't you shut your stuff off

i'm in the front row the front row with popcorn i get to see you see you close up
and i laughed until my lungs hurt i love how you bust my chops
you don't always feel seen sometimes you feel erasable unfortunately
i cannot reciprocate in my current state
i think we should be careful of how much time we spend together
for a while i'm speaking you know
how much you hate to be interrupted maybe spend some time alone
to fill up your proverbial cup
so that it doesn't always have to be about you
i've been wanting your undivided attention
i like the fact that you're nothing like me are you not burdened
by the lack of perspective people have of your charmed life (seemingly)?

i'm in the front row the front row with popcorn i get to see you see you close up
you never meant to be ungrateful nor held up to be whipped or wept for certainly
not analysed prodded at more ways than one apparently you've been misrepresented dealing
with the concept of arrows being slung towards your outrageous fortune hey
i'm not mad at you guardian
i'm mad at myself for spending so much time with you and your jeckyl and hydeness
i'm glad i figuratively slapped you on the wrist
you laughed a wicked laugh and said "come here let me clip your wings!"
( i know he's blood but you can still turn him away you don't owe him anything )
"raise the roof" he yelled "yeah raise the roof!" i yelled back
( unfortunately you needed a health scare to reprioritize )
no thanks to the soap box.
having me rile against them won't make an ounce of difference...
i'm in the front row the front row with popcorn.
i get to see you see you close up oh the things i've done for you
many a sitch a friend a man's been left for you oh the books i've read for yo
the tongues i've bitten for you many
a new city for you many a risk taken for you (not a single regret)





baba

i've seen them kneal with faded breath for their rituals
i've watched this experience raise them to pseudo higher levels
i've watched them leave their family in pursute of your nirvana
i've seen them coming up tonight from switzerland and america

how long will this take baba
how long have we been sleeping
so you've seen me hanging on to every word you say
how soon will i'll be holding
how much will this cost you
how much longer till you completely lose your faith

i've seen men give their drugs up conduce of make shift alters
i've heard them chanting kali kali frantically
i've heard them brokely repeat your teachings with every tism
i've seen men boasting robes and fall at sandal worn feet

how long will this take baba
how long have we been sleeping
so you've seen me hanging on to every word you say
how soon will i'll be holding
how much will this cost you
how much longer till you completely lose your faith

i've seen men overlooking god and their own escense
i've seen their upward glances in hopes of patient salvation
i've seen their righteousness mixed with their loving confetion
i've watched you smile as the students bow to kiss your feet

how long will this take baba
how long have we been sleeping
so you've seen me hanging on to every word you say
how soon will i'll be holding
how much will this cost you
how much longer till you completely lose your faith
give me strength on and week long
how long till we light tandy
how much longer till you completely lose your faith





are you still mad

are you still mad i
..kicked you out of bed?
..gave you ultimatums?
..compared you to all my forty year old male friends?
..shared our problems with everybody?

are you still mad i
..had an emotional affair?
..tried to mold you into who i wanted you to be?
are you still mad i didn't trust your intentions?
of course you are

are you still mad
..that i flirted wildly?
..i had a tendency to mother you?
..that i had one foot out of the door?
..that we slept together even after we had ended it?
of course you are

are you still mad
..i wore the pants most of the time?
..that i seemed to focus only on your potential?
..that i threw in the towel?
..that i gave up long before you did?
of course you are





sympathetic character

i was afraid you'd hit me if i'd spoken up i was
afraid of your physical strength i was afraid
you'd hit below the belt i was afraid of your
sucker punch i was afraid of you reducing me
i was afraid of your alocohol breath i was afraid
of your complete disregard for me i was afraid
of your temper i was afraid of handles being
flown off of i was afraid of holes being punched
into walls i was afraid of your testosterone

i have as much
..rage as you have
..pain as you do
i've lived as much hell as you have
and i've kept mine bubbling under for you

you were my
..best friend
..lover
..mentor
..brother
..partner
..teacher
..very own sympathetic character

i was afraid of verbal daggers i was afraid of the
calm before the storm i was afriad for my own
bones i was afraid of your seduction i was afraid
of your coersion i was afraid of your rejection
i was afraid of your intimidation i was afraid of
your punishment i was afraid of your icy silences
i was afraid of your volume i was afraid of your
manipulation i was afraid of your explosions

i have as much
..rage as you have
..pain as you do
i've lived as much hell as you have
and i've kept mine bubbling under for you

you were my
..keeper
..anchor
..family
..saviour
and therein lay the
..issue
..problem

that i would be good

that i would be good
..even if i did nothing
..even if i got the thumbs down
..if i got and stayed sick
..even if i gained ten pounds

that i would be
..fine even if i went bankrupt
..good if i lost my hair and my youth
..great if i was no longer queen
..grand if i was not all knowing

that i would be
..loved even when i numb myself
..good even when i am overwhelmed
..loved even when i was fuming
..good if i was clingy

that i would be good
..even if i lost sanity
..whether with or without you





the couch

you hadn't seen your father in such a long time
he died in the arms of his lover how dare he
your mother never left the house
she never married anyone else you took it upon yourself to console her

you reminded her so much of your father
so you were banished and you wonder wh you're so hypersensitive
and why you can't trust anyone but us
but then how can i begin to forgive her so many years under bridges with dirty water
she was foolish and selfish and cowardly if you ask me

i don't know where to begin in all of my 50 odd years
i have been silently suffering and adapting perpetuating and enduring
who are you younger generation to tell me that i have unresolved problems
not many examples of fruits of this type of excruciating labour

how can you just throw words around like grieve and heal and mourn
i feel fine we may not have been born as awake as you were
it was much harder in those days we had paper routes uphill both ways
we went from school to a job to a wife to instant parenthood

i walked into his office i felt so self-conscious on the couch
he was sitting down across from me he was writing down his hypothesis i don't know
i've got a loving supportive wife who doesn't know how involved she should get
you say his interjecting was him just calling me on my $it?

just the other day my sweet daughter i was driving past 203
i walked up the stairs in my mind's eye
i remember how they would creak loudly
she was only responsive with a drink he was only responsive by photo
i was only trying to be the best big brother i could

i've walked sometimes confused sometimes ready to crack open wide
sometimes indignant sometimes raw
can you imagine i pay him 75 dollars an hour sometimes
it feels like highway robbery and sometimes it's peanuts
i wish it could last a couple more hours

so here we both are battling similar demons (not coincidentally)
you see n getting beyond knowing it solely intellectually
you're not relinquishing your majestry
you are wise you are warm you are courageous you are big
and i love you more now than i ever have in my whole life





can't not

i'd be lying if i said i was completely unscathed
i might be proving you right
with my silence or my retaliation
would i letting you win in my non reaction? yeah!
how would i explain?
how would i explain this to my children
if i had them?

because i can't
..not
..afford
to be misread one more time

would i be whinning if i said i needed a hug?
would you feel slighted
if i said your love's not enough?
how can i complain
when i'm the one who reaches for it?

because i can't not
because i cannot walk without my crutches
because i can't help wonder why you ask me

to all the unheard wisdom in the schoolyard
you think you're the right ones
you think you're the charmed ones i'm sure
how can you go on with such conviction?
and who do you think you are
why do you question me?

because we can't not
because we can't help
laugh at our underestimations
because we can't not
because we can't afford
to be misled one more time
because we can't not
because we cannot help
without your willingness

why do you
..affect me? ..still?
..hinder me? ..still?
..unnerve me? ..still?
..trigger me? ..still?



ur

burn the books they've got too many names and psychoses
all this incriminating evidence would surely haunt me
if someone broke into my house
suits in the living room
do you realize guys i was born in 1974
we've got someone here to explain your publishing
we know how much you love to be in front of audiences
hopeful you are
schoolbound you are
naive you are
driven you are
take a trip to new york with your guardian
and your fake identification
when they said "is there something anything
you'd like to know young lady?"
you said "yes i'd like to know what kind of people
i'll be dealing with"
precocious you are
headstrong you are
terrified you are
ahead of your time you are
don't mind our staring but
we're surprised you'not in a far-gone asylum
we're surprised you didn't crack up
lord knows that we would've
we would've liked to have been there
but you keep pushing us away
resilient you are
big time you are
ruthless you are
precious you are



i was hoping

as we were taking outside it was cold we were shivering yet
warmed by the subject matter my wife is in the next room
we've been having troubles you know please don't tell her or anyone
but i need to talk to somebody you said

"wouldn't it be a shame if i knew how great i was five minutes before i died
i'd be filled with such regret before i took my last breath"

and i said "you're willing to tell me this now and you're not going to die any time soon"
and i said i haven't been eating chicken or meat or anything
and you said yes but you've been wearing leather and laughed
and said we're at the top of the food chain and yes you're a fine woman

and i cringed i was hoping i was hoping we could heal each othe
i was hoping i was hoping we could be raw together we left the restaurant
where the head waiter (in his 60's) said "good-bye sir thank you sir
thank you for your business sir you're successfull and established sir
and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir and your money"

and when i walked by they said "thank you too dear"
i was all pigtails and cords and there was a day when i would've said something like
"hey dude i could buy and sell this place so kiss it"
i too once thought i was owed something
i was hoping i was hoping we could challenge each other
i was hoping i was hoping we could crack each other up i too thought that
when proved wrong i lost somehow i too once thought life was cruel
it's a cycle really you think i'm withdrawing
and guilt tripping you i think you're insensitive and i don't feel heard
and i said do you believe we are fundamentally judgemental? fundamentally evil?
and you said yes i said i don't believe in revenge in right or wrong good or bad you said
"well what about that man that i saw handcuffed in the emergency room
bleeding after beating his kid and she threw a shoe at his head.

i think what he did was wrong and i would've had a hard time feeling compa$ion for him"
i had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.
i was hoping i was hoping we could
..dance together
..be creamy together





one

i am the biggest hypocrite
i've been undeniably jealous
i have been
..loud and pretentious
..utterly threatened
i've gotten candy for my self-interest
the sexy treadmill capitalist
heaven forbid i be
..criticized
..ignored

i have abused my power forgive me
you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one
i've been out of reach and separatist
heaven forbid average (whatever average means)
i have compensated for my days of powerlessness

i have abused my so-called power forgive me
you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one

did you just call her amazing?
surely we both can't be amazing!
and give up my hard earned status
as fabulous freak of nature?

i have abused my power forgive me
you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one
always looked good on paper
sounded good in theory





would not come

if i make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
if i am hardened no fear of further abandonement
if i am famous then maybe i'll feel good in this skin
if i am cultured my words will somehow garner respect
i would throw a party still it would not come
i would bike run swim and still it would not come
i'd go travelling and still it would not come
i would starve myself and still it would not come
if i'm masculine i will be taken more seriously
if i take a break it would make me irrisponsible
if i'm elusive i will surely be sought after often
if i need a$istance then i must be incapable
i'd be filthy rich and still
it would not come
i would seduce them and still
it would not come
i would drink vodka and still
it would not come
i'd have an orgasm still
it wouldn't come
if i accumulate knowledge
i'll be inpenetrable
if i am aloof no one will know
when they strike a nerve
if i keep my mouth shut the boat
will not have to be rocked
if i am vulnerable i will be
trambled upon

i would go shopping and still
it would not come
i'd leave the country and still
i would scream and rebel still
i would stuff my face and still

i'd be productive and still it would not come
i'd be celebrated still it would not come
i'd be the hero and still it would not come
i'd renunciate and still it would not come





unsent

dear matthew i like you a lot i realize
you're in a relationship with someone right now
and i respect that i would like you to know that
if you're ever single in the future and you want
to come visit me in california i would be open
to spending time with you and finding out
how old you were when you wrote your first song
dear jonathan i liked you too much
i used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me
and think solely about themselves
and you were plenty self-desructive for my taste
at the time i used to say the more tragis
the better the truth is whenever i think of the early 90's
your face comes up with a vengeance
like it was yesterday dear terrance i love you mucly
you've been nothing but open hearted and emotionally
available and supportive and nurturing and consummately there for me
i kept drawing you in and pushing you away
i remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch
and cry in front of you for the first time you were the best platform
from which to jump beyond myself what was wrong with me dear marcus
you rocked my world you had a charismatic way
about you with the women and you got me seriously
thinking about spirituality and you wouldn't let me get away with kicking
my own a$ but i could never really feel relaxed
and looked out for around you though and that stopped us from going any
further than we did and it's kinda too bad
becasue we could've had much more fun dear lou we learned so much i realize we
won't be able to talk for some time and i understand
that as i do you the long distance thing was the hardest and we did as
well as we could we were together during a very tumultuous time
in our lives i will always have your back and be curious
about you about your career about your whereabouts





so pure

you from new york you are so relevant
you reduce me to cosmic tears
luminous more so than most anyone
unapologetically alive knot in my stomach
and lump in my throat
i love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression
supposed former infatuation junkie
i sink three pointers and you wax poetically
i love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression
let's grease the wheel over tea
let's discuss things in confidence
let's be outspoken let's be ridiculous
let's solve the world's problems
i love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression





joining you

dear dar(lin') your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine she was frantic
saying you were talking crazy that you wanted to do away with yourself
i guess she thought i'd be a perfect resort because we've had this
inexplicable connection since our youth and
yes they're in shock they are panicked you and your chronic them and their drama
you this embarra$ment us in the middle of this delusion
if we were our
..bodies
..futures
..defenses i'd be joining you
..culture
..leaders
..denials i'd be joining you
i remember vividly a day years ago we were camping you knew more than you
thought you should know
you said "i don't want ever to be brainwashed" and you were mindboggling
you were intense you were uncomfortable in your own skin you were thirsty
but mostly you were beautiful
if we were our
..nametags
..rejections
..outcomes i'd be joining you
..indignities
..successes
..emotions i'd be joining you
you and i we're like 4 year olds we want to know why
and how come about everything
we want to reveal ourselves at will and speak our minds
and never talk small and be intuitive
and question mightily and find god my tortured beacon we need
to find like-minded companions
if we were
..their condemnations
..their projections
..our paranoias i'd be joining you
..our incomes
..our obsession
..our afflictions i'd be joining you
we need reflection we need a really good memory feel free to call me
a little more often





heart of the house

you are the original
template
..exemplary
how seen were actually?
how revered were you (honestly) at the time?
why pleased with you low maintenance?
you loved us more than we could've loved you back
where was you ally your partner in feminine crime?
oh mother who's
your buddy?
..got your back?
the heart of the house
all hail the goddess!
you were "good ol'"
you were "count on 'er 'til four am"
you saw me run from the house
in the snow melodramatically
oh mother who's your
..sister?
..friend?
the heart of the house
all hail the goddess!
we left the men and we went for a walk in the gatineaus
and talked like women to women would
womyn to womyn would "where did you get that from?
must've been your father your dad"
i got it from you i got it from you
do you see yourself in my gipsy garage sale ways?
in my fits of laughter?
in my tinkerbell tendencies?
in my lack of colour coordination?





your congratulations

i wouldn't have compromised so much
so much of myself for fear of
having you hating me
i would've sung so loudly
it would've cracked myself!
i became self-conscious
of anything exuberant
i wouldn't have sold myself short
i wouldn't have kept my eyes
glued to the ground
if i had've known my invisibility
would not make a difference
i would've run around screaming proudly
at the top of my voice
i wouldn't have said it was in fact luck
i'm talking idealism here
i would not have been so self deprecating
i wouldn't have cowered
for fear of having my eyes scratched out!
i wouldn't have cut my comfort off
i wouldn't have feigned needlessness
i would not have discredited
every one of their compliments
it was your approval i wanted
your congratulations





others...





a year like this one

after a year like this one
i'm surprised i do not hate your guts
and,
i'm suprised i still love music just as much
i'm suprised i did not eat my arm
and,
i'm sorry if i'm not cordial to everyone


i'm suprised i do not hate your guts
and,
i'm suprised i still love music just as much
i'm suprised i did not eat my arm
and,
i'm sorry if i'm not cordial to everyone


i'm supised i am convinced at all
and,
i do not roll my eyes at the cynical
and,
i can't help wonder how they've been
i think i'll leave it all to my next-of-kin


i'm suprised we're all not raving drunks and
i want you to choose the restaurant
i'll need a good whole 16 months alone and
i think i'll make the west coast beaches my new home





norwegian wood

i once had a girl, or should i say, she once had me.
she showed me her room, is not it good, norwegian wood?
she asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
so i looked around and i noticed there wasn't a chair.
i sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine.
we talked until two and then she said, "it's time for bed".
she told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
i told her i didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath.
and when i awoke i was alone, this bird had flown.
so i lit a fire, is not it good, norwegian wood.





find the right man

you found the right man in the right place
once in a while you meet him face to face
it was love at first sight
honey you've gotta fight
for his love, for his love

he feels the same way, i think you know it
you can't be afraid to show it
when will this hidden emotion
give you the notion
to make the first move, make the first move

you gotta get it straight
oh dear don't wait
this might be your lucky day
don't say that there's no way

darling you just can't let him go
deep down in your heart you can't feel it all
i'll be calling all there is
for his love, for his love

you know you can take his heart away
just look straight in his eyes
and then you say
hey can't you just see
we'll be great you and me
oh yeah, oh yeah

you gotta get it straight
oh dear don't wait
this might be your lucky day
don't say that there's no way

you found the right man in the right place
once in a while you meet him face to face
it was love at first sight
honey you've gotta fight
for his love, for his love

it was love at first sight
honey you've gotta fight
for his love, for his love (repeat 2x until end)





death of cinderella

i'm wise and ambitious,
and angry and free,
and smart and available,
and sexy...

i'm soft and appealing,
and wearing pajamas,
and twisted and willing,
and crazy...

and this is the story of the death of cinderella
she'd grow to be a maid if she couldn't find a fella
who can use her
and it's all you could do not to throw her on the floor.

and thought-provoking,
and opinionated
cultured and funny,
and experienced...

fearless and tender,
and sweetly innocent,
uninhibited,
likes a good debate.

and this is the story of the death of cinderella
she'd grow to be a maid if she couldn't find a fella
who can use her
and it's all you could do not to tie her to the bed.

i could fall in love a million times before i die,
you could draw me a bubble bath,
we could walk into the sunset...

and this is the story of the death of cinderella
she'd grow to be a maid if she couldn't find a fella
who can use her
and it's all you could do not to keep her sober.

and this is the story of the death of cinderella
i'm gonna grow to be a maid and i'll never find a fella
who can use me
and that's all you can do not to kick me in the a$.





still

i am the harm which you inflict
i am your brilliance and frustration 
i am the nuclear bombs if their to hit
i am your immaturity and your indignence 
i am your mistress and your praised
i am your doubt and your conviction 
i am your charity and your rape 
i am your grasping and expectation 

i see you averting your glances
i see you cheering on the wars 
i see you ignoring your children 
and i love you still 
and i love you still 

i am your joy and your regret 
i am your fury and your relation 
i am your yearning and your sweat 
i am your faithless in your religion 

i see you altering the story
i see you abusing the land 
i see you and your selective amnesia
and i love you still 
and i love you still 

i am your tragedy and your fortune 
i am your crisis and delight 
i am your prophets and your profits 
i am your art i am your bights 
i am your death and your decisions 
i am your pa$ion and your fights 
i am your sickness and convalescence 
i am your weapons and your light 

i see you holding your grudges 
i see you gunning them down 
i see you silencing your sisters 
and i love you still 
and i love you still 

i see you lie to your country 
i see you forcing them out 
i see you blaming each other 
and i love you still 
and i love you still 





princess familiar

please be philosophical
please be tapped into your femininity
please be able to take the wheel from me
please be crazy and curious 

papa love your princess so that she will find
loving princes familiar
papa cry for your princess so that she will find
gentle princes familiar 

please be a sexaholic 
please be unpredictably miserable
please be self absorbed much (not the good kind)
please be addicted to some substance 

papa listen to your princess so that she will find
attentive princes familiar
papa hear your princess so that she will find
curious princes familiar 

please be the jerk of my knee i've fit you always
you finish my sentences i think i love you
what is your name again no matter
i'm guessing your thoughts again correctly
and i love the way you press my buttons
so much sometimes i could strangle you 

papa laugh with your princess so that she will find
funny princes familiar
papa respect your princess so that she will find
respectful princes familiar 

please be strangely enigmatic
please be just like my 





pray for peace 

i pray for peace 
they require me to kick into high gear
we may as well have our phd's
might we compose was never taken into account

i pray they let out or talk it out
she would give me a wink across the room
i would have made a really good lawyer
i had a really good strategy for putting things back on the wall of the hoser

thank god it was the god dammed wall
i would have to hide all my valuables
who would calm my mother down?
who would calm *me* down once i talked her through it?

my mother and i were the official peace makers
it was a full time job
i would send my mother directly to bed do not collect 200
we'd talk about it till 5am when i'd come visiting her 5 years later

we would pray for peace
it was most comfortable and familiar





pollyanna flower 

(through you i see i)
between a broken nose and a fake smile
between piety and gunpowder
between fighting and fleeing the scene
between murder and diplomacy
between aggression and end of the end
between brutal and mystically well behaved
between screaming and pulling in the reins
between tiptoeing and ambleing

what am i to do with all this fire
(i'd like to hate you but i'd never hate you)
why are you still with me in this red space
(i'd like to slap you but i'd never slap you) 

between violence and silently seething
between my first and my pollyanna flower
between fu& you to your face and it's alright
between wanting it all

between flying vases and secretly weeping
between miscarriage and ever downplaying
between bruises and only differing
between bursting and boiling
what am i to do with all this burning
(i'd like to hurt you but i'd never hurt you)
do i overwhelm you in this place
(i'd like to kill you but i'd never kill you)

between violence and silently seething
between my first and my pollyanna flower
between fu& you to your face and it's alright
between wanting it all

what am i to do with all this fire
can you understand me in this place?





no pressure over cappuccino

and you're like a 90's jesus
and you revel in your psychosis
how dare you
and you sample concepts like hors d'euvres
and you eat their questions for dessert
is it just me or is it hot in here 

and you're like a 90's kennedy
and you're really a million years old
you can't fool me
they'll throw opinions like rocks in riots 
and they'll stumble around like hypocrites
is it just me or is it dark in here? 

well you may never be or have a husband you may never have or hold a child
you will learn to lose everything we are temporary arrangements 

and you're like a 90's noah
and they laughed at you as you packed all of your things
and they wonder why you're frustrated
and they wonder why you're so angry
and is it just me or are you fed up? 

and may god bless you in your travels in your conquests and queries 





london

what it feels to fall in to the pool
the hard shelled bugs bite my forearm
my right index fingernail chewed to the quick
my cervix is a long scalene
my sprinklers go off at 6pm each day
and sometimes they spray unsuspecting visitors
my pimples are gooses all over my legs
my brow is furrowed and my vision is blurred
and how i do love london
and how i do love london

he birds make guttural sounds and protect me
my friends come to visit and love me a lot
i don't have the energy to fill this 
i am like flight attendants on a 12 hour flight
and how i do love london
and how i do love london

i am intriguied by the boys with the androdonus songs
sometimes they rhyme sometimes they rhyme not
the steam will smell of eucalyptus in the shower
the hug will feel forced upon you inconsolable thing
and how i do love london
and how i do love london

deep breaths will not make my brain stand still
to be loved and swallowed are single and depraved
i love speaking french to the taxi drivers
we slept and were cold on the train out of france
and how i do love london
and how i do love london





king (queen) of pain [ the police cover ]

there's a little black spot on the sun today
that's my soul up there
it's the same old thing as yesterday
that's my soul up there
there's a black hat caught in a high tree top
that's my soul up there
there's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop
that's my soul up there

i have stood here before in the pouring rain
with the world turning circles running 'round my brain
i guess i'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
but it's my destiny to be the king of pain

there's a fossil that's trapped in a high cliff wall
there's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
there's a blue whale beached by a springtide's ebb
there's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web

there's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out
there's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
there's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
there's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread

there's a red fox torn by a huntsman's pack
there's a black winged gull with a broken back
there's a little black spot on the sun today
it's the same old thing as yesterday

i have stood here before in the pouring rain
with the world turning circles running 'round my brain
i guess i always thought you could end this reign
but it's my destiny to be the king of pain......

i'll always be king of pain..............






king of intimidation

"the women of this family seem to feel that they owe it
to the men of the family to look relaxed, rested, and attractive at dinnertime."

for you they live in a quiet monastery
for you they wear whatever you want them to as long as it is short
they count to ten when you tell them how to drive
and when they're afraid they let you speak for them

all hail the king of intimidation
my dad loves your christian behavior

for you we wax; we skin, chicken our legs
for you we chew our nails if we had any buy fake ones to do it
we contradict him temporarily
and it was somethin' about how you talk down to me

all hail the king of intimidation
my dad loves your christian behavior

the role of compromises for the family you now want some
there's only so much we can do to make you rest a$ured

i am single
i am weary
you're just jealous
you're just confused
you're just hungry
you're in sin now
you're not happy
you are petty

all hail the king of intimidation
my dad loves your christian behavior

he does not know what he has wrongly done
forgive his ignorant behavior

you are tortured
you are captured
you are busted
we were silent
you were tested
you did better
you are lonely
was it worth it?
la,la,la





i don't know (weekends)

monday morning's not monday morning 'til taylor has his coffee,
friday night is not friday night 'til jesse leaves the room sweaty,
tuesday morning is not tuesday morning 'til nick has his talk with his son,
thursday night is not thursday night 'til chris has sex with his ba$

come on to the weekend, 'cause the weekend i'll get by,
hold off 'til the weekend, 'cause there's too much time on 
being merrily nice guys

tuesday morning is wednesday afternoon when you cry all night,
wednesday early we fall into what i'll call philadelphia,
thursday morning is not thursday morning 
'til one of us says: "how's your life", how's your life, hey, 
how's your life? how's your life?

come on to the weekend, 'cause the weekend i'll get by,
hold off 'til the weekend, 'cause there's too much time 
and there may be not much time to cry
hold off 'til the weekend, 'cause the weekend we'll be high,
hold off 'til the weekend, 'cause we may look tired, but we'll get by

what if there were no more mama's boys?
what if no one shared their humble appearance?
what if there were no consequences?
what if there were no more arguments?

well that'd be a shame,
and that'd be impossible,
and you would be bored,
'cause you wouldn't want it any other way
 
hold off 'til the weekend, 'cause the weekend i'll get by,
hold off 'til the weekend, 'cause we may look scared but we're very nice guys,
hold off 'til the weekend, 'cause the weekend i'll get by,
hold off 'til the weekend, 'cause we may look strange, but we surely will get by

what if there were no more mama's boys?
what if we all had no thinking together?

well, that'd be a shame
and that'd be impossible
'cause you would be bored
'cause you wouldn't want it any other way





happiness is a warm gun [ beatles cover ]

she's not a girl who misses much 
she's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
like a lizard on a window pane
the man in the crowd with the multiäcolored mirrors
on his hobänailed boots
lying with his eyes while his hands
working over time
a soap impression of his wife which he ate
and donated to the nation's trust
i need a fix cause i'm going down
down to the *itch that i left uptown
i need a fix cause i'm going down
mother superior jumped the gun
mother superior jumped the gun
happiness is a warm gun
happiness is a warm gun
when i hold you in my arms
and i feel my finger on your trigger
i know that nobody can do me no harm
happiness is a warm gun, mama
happiness is a warm gun





gorgeous

testosterone in large amounts
your little sister just kick out of
god you can't shave your head
come to the show 
the boys rock harder
your mother lent you her slip
she lent you her bright red lipstick
and your shoes are hurting your back
but boy don't you look gorgeaus

you look gorgeous
you look gorgeous
you look gorgeous
how you look gorgeous

this is but an observation 
you put a bullet in your foot 
you make it hard for us bi%es inconsequential in your back bends
and your taste in men leaves something to de desired
you love them to be aloof and self obsessed
they love you in your mini dress

you are looking gorgeous
you're looking gorgeous
you're looking gorgeous
how you look gorgeous

when your voice is raised above a certain level
i'm afraid you must go to the ladies room
i left your competence in curlers

you look gorgeous
you look gorgeous
you're looking gorgeous
how you look gorgeous





fake plastic trees [ radiohead cover ]

her green plastic wateringcan
for her fake chinese rubberplant
in the fake plastic earth 
that she bought from a rubber man 
in a town full of rubber plans
to get rid of itself 
it wears her out 
it wears her out 
it wears her out 
it wears her out 
she lives with a broken man 
a cracked polystyrene man 
who just crumbles and burns 
he used to do surgery for girls in the eighties 
but gravity always wins 
and it wears him out 
and it wears him out 
and it wears him out 
she looks like the real thing 
she tastes like the real thing 
my fake plastic love 
but i can't help the feeling 
i could blow through the ceiling 
if i just turn and run 
and it wears me out 
it wears me out 
and it wears me out 
if i could be who you wanted 
if i could be who you wanted all the time





these are the thoughts

these are the thoughts
that go through my head 
in my backyard on a sunday afternoon 
when i have the house to myself 
and i'm not expending all that energy 
on fighting with my boyfriend 

is he the one that i will marry?
why is it so hard to be objective about myself? 
why do i feel cellularly alone? 
am i supposed to live in this crazy city?
can blindly continued fear-induced 
regurgitated life-denying tradition be overcome? 

where does the money go that i send to those in need? 
if we have so much why do some people have nothing still?
why do i feel frantic when i first wake up in the morning?
why do you say you are spiritual yet you treat people like $it? 

how can you say you're close to god and yet you talk behind
my back as though i am not a part of you? 
why do i say i'm fine when it's obvious i'm not?
why's it so hard to tell you what i want? 
why can't you just read my mind? 

why do i fear that the quieter i am the less you will listen?
why do i care whether you like me or not? 
why is it so hard for me to be angry?
why is it such work to stay conscious and
so easy to get stuck and not the other way around? 

will i ever move back to canada?
can i be with a lover with whom i am a student and a master?
why am i encouraged to shut my mouth when it gets too close to home?
why cannot i live in the moment? 





uninvited

like anyone would be
i am flattered by your fascination with me
like any hot-blooded woman
i have simply wanted an object to crave
but you, you're not allowed
you're uninvited
an unfortunate slight

must be strangely exciting
to watch the stoic squirm
we must be somewhat hard telling
to watch shepherd meet shepherd
but you, you're not allowed
you're uninvited
an unfortunate slight

like any uncharted territory
i must seem greatly intriguing
you speak of my love like 
you have experienced love like mine before
but this is not allowed
you're uninvited
an unfortunate slight

i don't think you unworthy
i need a moment to deliberate