Clearly the U.S. government is violating the sovereignty principle of international law, by essentially kidnapping somebody for the political purpose of appeasing the "Cuba lobby" (generally former Cubans, opposed to Castro, buying U.S. senators like Jesse Helms). We all know the USA should send the kid back to his papa. Castro may be the last "red villain" but law is law, and sovereignty is the only guiding principle to preventing total global war... Not to mention the whole family values shtick these guys purport to, uh, value. But really I don't care. If they'd just shut up and execute that poor exploited child everyone would be better off (except those advertisers who have been giving him free brand-name-logo shirts to wear in photographs).

Even despite my hatred for the snowballing coverage of this utterly boring debacle, I wouldn't have cause to complain today, were it not for the local FOX affiliate. FOX 5 DC cut into The Simpsons today to broadcast a Special Report. That exceedingly un-special report was helicopter footage of Janet Reno's black Chevy Suburban cruising down a Miami highway to meet with somebody something something snore who cares. Then they interrupted again later with footage of Janet Reno leaving the Chevy and going into a house. Commentary included wisdom like: "This is presumably Janet Reno in what appears to be a vehicle on what is quite likely a U.S. or possibly Cuban, uh, road. Now she is walking into a house; the house is white and there are many figures standing about. FOX news believes this may be or may not be the home or residence of a certain major Miami figure known as 全carface'." If I was Rupert Murdoch I would fire everyone, period. FOX News is the laughingstock of the serious news world, generally oriented toward explosions and car chases, and has contributed very little to the network's success (much less its esteem). The channel owes everything to two shows: Married With Children, which is history, and the Simpsons, which still makes us laugh. Without Homer and Al, Mr. Murdoch would have gone bust 10 years ago, and the affiliates should recognize the greater wisdom of the viewers. We tuned into The Simpsons to AVOID stupidity like this Gonzalez coverage.

I suggest you return to your Simpsons tapes and settle in. There's a gonna be a good ol' fashioned boycott! I will not watch any television or read any newspapers until FOX grants its viewers, and the print media its readers, a big apology for dwelling on something so mind- bogglingly dull! Or until Thursday at 6 pm, whichever comes first.

Benjamin Chadwick

P.S. I hereby apologize for throwing in my own two cents.

Copyright (C) 2000, Post-Collegiate Malaise.