The breeze felt warm against his cheeks. He closed his eyes, to savor the soft caress of the wind, like hands slowly running its fingers over his skin, reminding him of other hands, long ago. And he sighed, as his skin recalled touches felt long ago.

‘Why do I feel this way? Why did everything have to end up like this?’

He stood by the open windows, thinking deep into the past, letting the night determine his mood. The quiet night played on his senses, the cloudless skies and full moon a mirror whose reflection showed nothing of the coming storm. ‘Calm night, peace before the storm,’ he thought. The sky’s perfection was a likeness to the Court, and the storm was like the problems roiling just underneath the placid surface of the Imperial court’s flawlessness.

It made him remember a night like this, long ago. And the nights he didn’t spend alone, in the darkness of his chambers, before everything, before the peace was shattered.

He looked down, his snow-white hair shadowing his closed eyes, as he clenched the fan against his heart. He remembered the memories linked to this delicate fan of blue and silver, decorated with flying cranes in snow white, this gift of affection. And he remembered the giver of this fan, and the heartbreak that went with it.

“Why? Why did it end this way?” he whispered to no one in particular. He was unaware that in the shadows someone was waiting for him to notice that he wasn’t alone.

He had come in with a purpose, but the purpose fled from his mind as soon as he beheld the touching sight in the moonlight. He felt it was wrong to stand here, unannounced, and decided he didn’t have to disturb the courtier with this matter, that it could wait till morning. And as he was about to leave he had inadvertently heard those whispered words, had sensed the deep emotions behind those words, the pain enclosed in them.

This stranger to those memories, this intruder, couldn’t help but wonder why the Crane courtier had felt the need for solitude, had felt the need to stand there, surrounded by the darkness. ‘Why do you feel the need to hide yourself in within, when you are made of light?’ he thought. He felt real pain in his chest as he watched. He couldn’t believe that anyone would voluntarily hide himself in shadow when he was perfection personified. He didn’t know that the darkness was this man’s friend, if only to make him imagine that he was going to be back, after all these years.

The Crane moved nearer to the open screens, into the moonlight, causing his hair to turn silver, making his figure in the blue and silver to shimmer. He was made to shine, to be the object of attention but tonight—

But tonight the shadow over his face hid deep pain.

The interloper could endure the silence no longer. The silence hung over him like a shroud, heavy over his heart and mind. He just needed to know, nothing else. He stepped into the edge of the moonlight. Its rays slanted over the lower half of his body, leaving his torso and face in shadow.

“Yoshi-sama.”

Kakita Yoshi turned, his winning smile instantly appearing as he watched the Emerald Champion Seppun Toshiken step partly into the light. He had not heard anyone come close, but here Toshiken was, an apparition from the darkness. “Toshiken-san.”

“I had a reason why I am here, but then I saw you were alone.”

“Oh? I am at your service then.” He prepared himself to deal with matters of the court, though a sadness still lingered in his heart. He was responsible for so much, and he enjoyed the games of court. Yet at times he wished he could be free, to just take stock of everything, to just be free from the sometimes suffocating world of court life.

Toshiken couldn’t for the life of him think why he was looking for Yoshi. It had to do with court, surely, but he had forgotten. All thought fled when he saw the Crane in the moonlight, a moonbeam personified, delicate and yet solid, real.

“I must admit I have forgotten—but why are you here, alone?”

Yoshi looked away, his face closing in for a moment, before the mask of smiles came back on. Yoshi was a courtier without equal, and he changed expressions so nimbly that had Toshiken not heard the words before he’d have thought he had imagined everything. “I just thought I needed some time to think. It’s nothing.”

“In the dark? To whisper to the darkness? Were you talking to anyone, Yoshi-sama?”

Yoshi couldn’t believe how probing those questions were. He didn’t want to answer, but he had to. Those were simple questions, demanding simple answers. Answers he couldn’t say, because they revealed too much about him and his personal life. “No one—” ‘Except for the shadows in my past.’

“But I heard you ask—like you were waiting for someone to answer…”

“It was nothing, Toshiken-san. I just felt the need to talk to myself.” With Yoshi’s melodious voice even those words took a ring of truth. Toshiken stepped forward, remembering the things said about the Crane courtier, questions why he never wed, why he kept himself above the charms of all the women in court and all those miais, even if he was one of the most eligible bachelors of Rokugan. And some whispers go back to before everything, before the Clan Wars, into the Coup.

He had dismissed them out of hand, telling himself it was impossible, but tonight he wasn’t so sure. Those whispers came from Scorpions, from people who had known Yoshi for so long, and they would have known. It involved one of them, and they wouldn’t lie about their fallen lord, would they?

He decided to ask on the off chance his guess was right. “Are you waiting—for him?”

Yoshi’s head snapped up and he stared at the young man before him. How could this young man have known? How could he have fathomed everything so easily? He could see nothing on the shadowed face of the young Seppun, but suddenly he felt exposed, the wounds open anew, to hurt. The scars were always tender, waiting for the next cruel probe into it, into their history. He always felt that way, whenever this topic arose.

Night made him feel so vulnerable. It had started at night, when he awoke to the whispers of a mysterious person, who slowly enticed him into becoming lovers. At night Yoshi could imagine that he would come back, sweeping into a room and taking Yoshi to paradise. Darkness made him feel loved. Shadows had been their friends then, not this cold shade of memories wrapped around him. Since then night has lost its friendly feel, has become an enemy lying in wait, trying to catch him unawares.

In this night, as moonlight casts shadows over this young man who stood in the role of Emerald Champion, Yoshi remembered. Remembered too much, too quickly.

There had been a night, just like this, long before the eve of darkness, long before the Scorpion daimyo had been forced to take matters in his own hands. Yoshi had waited, sure his lover was going to come, and out of the shadows familiar hands caressed him, knowing what he wanted, giving it, until Yoshi melted in the shadows, to join the one person he loved with his soul.

He closed his eyes, sighing. It felt just like this. He was standing bathed in the moonlight, when a whisper made him look back—

Toshiken came closer, sensing the change in mood.

Yoshi’s vision blurred, and a face superimposed itself over the young Seppun. The face of the one he loved, the face that haunted him, till now. The face of a Scorpion Daimyo…

“It’s been so long…” he whispered, more to himself than to Toshiken.

Toshiken took a step back when Yoshi suddenly walked to him, a strange look in his eyes. He didn’t know why, but that look, the look that invited as much as it seduced, he instinctively knew it wasn’t for him. It was for someone else, long gone. But Yoshi must be imagining things, must be seeing someone else, not him. “Yoshi-sa—”

His words were cut off when Yoshi suddenly leaned forward and kissed him. It started soft, ended hard, as Yoshi nibbled at the seam of his closed lips, getting him to open his mouth. Toshiken was surprised, but soon melted against the intensity of the kiss. He could almost taste Yoshi’s soul in it, the outpouring of long repressed emotions overflowing from inside. Instinctively, he roughly grabbed Yoshi by the hair and tugged hard, to force Yoshi to bend back, letting him eat at that willing mouth at his leisure. Yoshi whimpered, too caught up in the vortex of emotions and passion to realize Toshiken wasn’t who he wanted him to be.

Yoshi broke away from the kiss, yanking at Toshiken’s green and gold kimono to gain access to his chest and shoulders. The kimono slipped off Toshiken’s shoulders, falling around his waist. He nibbled at the younger man’s collarbone, making Toshiken groan, aroused, before he went on to leave a trail of kisses and sucking at the hollow between the collarbones. He slowly traced his way up with his tongue licking at the sweat on Toshiken’s throat. He chuckled softly against the muscular column, aroused and arousing. He found the pulse beating wildly under his seeking lips, and he sucked hard, leaving a rosy imprint above it. Toshiken had to place his arms around Yoshi’s waist, to steady both of them.

Toshiken didn’t understand the lust growing in him, a primal desire that wanted to control him, as Yoshi’s mouth slowly descended to take one of his hardened nipples between his teeth. Yoshi flicked his tongue over that nipple, and was pleased to see it perk up even more under his ministrations.

“Yoshi-sama…!” He tried to make Yoshi look at him, catching the white head between his hands, but Yoshi refused to move from his chest, just shifting his attention from one nipple to another, licking, worrying them with his teeth until both were painful. He caught Toshiken’s hands in a loose grip with one hand, as he blew on one of the wet nipples, making Toshiken’s breath catch at the sudden coolness. And then Toshiken felt the other hand give him a lingering squeeze between the legs.

He leaned against the column, afraid his shaky legs wouldn’t be able to support his weight. The lust had crested at that touch. Yoshi chuckled, softly, caressing Toshiken’s balls through the thin loincloth. With one finger he stroked up the whole length of Toshiken’s cock, and it jerked in response to his touch. It felt wonderful having Yoshi try to seduce him, but a part in Toshiken argued that Yoshi wasn’t acting like himself, wasn’t thinking, wasn’t aware of who they are.

That Yoshi was lost in the past.

“Yoshi!” He bodily pushed the Crane courtier from him. Yoshi fell down on the floor, and he lay there for a moment, stunned, before he sat up, supporting himself up with his hands. Yoshi didn’t attempt to stand up. He brought one knee up, opening the lower folds of his kimono to reveal a smoothly muscled leg in the moonlight, and Toshiken inwardly groaned. Yoshi looked tempting, his soft hair in disarray over his shoulders, gleaming in the light he was sprawled under, his kimono awry. Toshiken grew harder just looking at him. He had this lost look in his eyes. He seemed uncertain what to do next.

“Did I do anything you didn’t like? Was I too hasty?” His voice was soft, afraid at offending the one he just wanted to please. “I’ll do anything you want me to do, just don’t be angry, my love.”

“Please don’t be angry at me, Shoju-sama,” he whispered, reaching out.

“I am NOT Shoju!” Toshiken kicked off the hand around his ankle, balancing himself on the column. Yoshi shrank away, stunned. He hadn’t expected such harsh words. He turned his head away, shoulders shaking. He hugged himself, enclosing the hurt into himself, thinking he did something that deserved such harshness.

‘Now I’ve made him sadder,’ Toshiken thought, consternated even further. Taking pity he bent forward to try to take Yoshi’s face in his hand. “Wake up, Yoshi-sama—”

He couldn’t continue when Yoshi took his lips in a bruising kiss. He struggled, not wanting to be aroused any further, but Yoshi clung on to his bare arms, groaning against him. Yoshi tugged at his already open kimono, making him fall over the Crane, and he inwardly groaned when he felt his arousal against Yoshi’s. He just wanted to grind his hips against Yoshi’s forever, it felt too good. It felt better than any sex he’d had, even those he had geishas trained to perform anything he wanted. He didn’t know why, but it did. Did he, in a secret part of him, desire the Crane? Was that why he wanted to take this chance so badly, to take this chance even if he was just a substitute for Yoshi’s true lover? ‘No, he’s not thinking of me as me, he’s imagining Bayushi Shoju’s holding him in his arms. I want him to be aware of me for myself, not as some apparition from the past!’ With this thought in mind he tried to pull away, but it was a war between his body and his mind. His body wanted the Crane, whimpering and bucking underneath him, urging him to seize the chance, even if Yoshi didn’t think he was who he was. His mind didn’t want it to be that way, didn’t want to take advantage of the Crane while he was still lost in his memories.

In that moment of indecision Yoshi decided for him. With a deep-throated laugh he reversed their positions, and Toshiken was beneath him, stunned. “I wish to please you—” he whispered, on all fours above the Emerald Champion, his eyes alight with the glow of desire. He undid Toshiken’s obi with a few sharp tugs, undid the loincloth that strained over Toshiken’s erect cock, and finally got to see his erection. There was a moment of silence as Toshiken suffered in silent embarrassment, and Yoshi appeared to be contemplating what to do next. Toshiken made a move to stand up but Yoshi just pinned his legs down by sitting on them. “I want to please all of you,” he continued.

He bent his head to take Toshiken’s cock in his mouth.

Toshiken closed his eyes, sinking back to the floor at the sudden hot wetness enclosing him. Yoshi took his time now that Toshiken was limp under him. He licked it slowly, enjoying the taste of salt and the smell of manliness clinging to the cock. He pushed aside the hair curling over Toshiken’s balls and stroked them, feeling them move inside their sac of skin. Toshiken shuddered, and Yoshi realized he was sensitive there. He smiled against the head of the shaft, then slowly gripped it with his lips, sucking. He slowly slid the shaft inside his mouth, until Toshiken was completely in him.

Toshiken was nearly senseless, his mouth was open in a silent scream as Yoshi sucked hard at the head of his shaft, a hand pumping up and down the whole length. Yoshi knew just what to do to make Toshiken buck under that mouth and those hands. He didn’t understand how Yoshi could be so good at this…didn’t think he could try to reason it out while he underwent a sensual overload of heat and slickness and a talented tongue licking him over…

Yoshi was enjoying this, almost purring as he licked and sucked and enjoyed the taste and scent and hardness in his mouth. He was getting aroused with each playful pass he took in exploring these delicious sensations. He felt the hands threading through his hair, guiding him, and pumped the cock faster with his hands.

He could imagine how Shoju looked like right now. He could almost feel those dark eyes looking him over, enjoying how different he was from the persona he projected in court. Knowing, feeling his lover’s enjoyment was enough for him. He was happy just to be able to excite Shoju, just like now.

He couldn’t think anymore, couldn’t do anything but focus at the hot wetness closing over him. He just couldn’t take it. He just had to let go or else he was going to die of deprivation.

He came with a groan, trying to stop himself from coming in Yoshi’s mouth, but Yoshi was swallowing everything he could, milking him completely, careful not to spill what he’d missed for a long time. He loved the taste of it, missed the feel of hardness in his mouth. Missed Shoju…his lover, his master in everything. The only one he’d ever wanted.

Only when he finally looked up from what he was doing did the haze over his eyes fall, and he realized what he had just done. He gasped, sitting up from where he was, realizing that he just seduced the Emerald Champion, thinking that Toshiken was Shoju, and that someone could have heard them.

“What?” he stammered, trying to regain his shorted out mental faculties. “What did I just do?”

“Yoshi-sama—” Toshiken began, realizing it was tile to face the realities. They were in a function room where anyone could have come upon them. They were actually lucky no one even entered the room since they’ve been there.

“Did I just—did I just—oh, by Jigoku!” He stood up, trembling, trying to smooth his hair and clothes. His erection felt painful between his legs. He didn’t glance at the young Seppun, who had also taken the chance to awkwardly dress and tie his obi in place. He glanced down at the fan in his hand, the fan Shoju had given him a long time ago. It seemed to be looking at him balefully, asking him why.

‘Why? Why this young man? What happened? Did I just take advantage of—’

“I won’t say anything about this,” Toshiken said, quietly, his back to the Crane courtier. “It’s as if it never happened. I give you my word.”

“Thank you,” he replied, stiffly. He wondered what Toshiken was actually thinking, if he felt disgusted he’d been violated by one of the most respected members of the Court. And Yoshi knew shame for what he did.

“I cannot guarantee that anyone didn’t hear us, but I have the feeling no one did.”

Yoshi still didn’t say anything. He didn’t trust himself.

“And if it’s any consolation—” He hesitated for a moment, then rushed on. “I think he didn’t mind what happened between us.”

Another silence. Yoshi heard Seppun Toshiken turn to look at his back, and he turned to the Emerald Champion, the winning smile pinned in place. He was back to the Crane Courtier, dignified, composed, and charming. It was as if nothing happened between them. “It was a pleasant meeting,” he said, his voice level. He bowed, courteously, and exited the room.

Toshiken was left staring at his back. “But I do,” he murmured.

end

Omake:
ZK: Ooooooh! I can't believe I wrote that!
Alex: Believe, believe.
ZK: AAAAiiiieee!