It was darkness that felt warm against his cheeks.

Night at Shiro Shiba was usually quiet, but tonight it held the signs of a coming storm. The thunder and lightning proved to be company as he anxiously waited for news. They were far up in the mountains to be besieged, and yet with the clans warring for the Emerald throne, what could happen? They can't be too complaisant about their position, what with Tsukune garnering the wrath of the Lions with her skillful use of tactics. Was it wrong to join the clan wars, when they too were one of the great clans? They too have the right to rule the Empire as they feel it should be ruled, in peace and unity, with all the clans united under one Emperor, just like before, under the first Hantei and all the other Hantei after him. Not like now, with everyone warring for the right to the Emerald Throne. At times like this he would think back, to the past, before this, before war.

He looked down at his hands, hands sworn to protect his clan, the emperor, and Rokugan. But sometimes, he can't help but think there had to be a limit to what had to do for the good of the clan and the Empire. There had to be something one has that didn't have to be sacrificed for it.

His wife had been one of those sacrifices. And so had been his daughter.

"For the Empire," he whispered to the battlements. Why is it it had to be for the Empire? he asked the soul of the Shiba, inside him, wanting to hear the answers to the many questions bothering him tonight. But they remained silent, refusing to be embroiled in the arguments they've had in the past, about the events of years before.

Often he would relive the moment, over and over, thinking that for all his vaunted wisdom he could not for the kami in him know what he could've done differently.

His hands committed that act, that one act of violence he would regret forever. How could he have killed Saija, his only daughter, even if the Emperor had so ordered?

At night he still heard her asking him to spare her mother's life, and soon at its heels were her words cursing the Hantei line. The voices of the former clan champions were divided at the issue, they couldn't decide if they should have let Ujimitsu kill his own daughter. It would stain him forever, if not the stain of infanticide, the stain of guilt he was sure to feel.

But the Emperor had decreed. And he had to do so.

"Ujimitsu-sama."

It burned.

Why did he feel like he was burning?

A flash of vision. His cousin, the Master of Fire, corrupted by the effects of the black scrolls, was standing at the walls of Otosan-Uchi, his eyes burning with unholy glee as he looked down at them. He sent down fireball after fireball onto their armies. His brother Tomo tried to stop these flames with a shield of water, but Tsuke was stronger. With a scream of agony so intense Tomo fell under the hail of bolts Tsuke suddenly assaulted him with.

The scream echoed in his head as he woke up, panting. He was drenched in his sweat, the sheets around him twisted over his legs. He kicked them off, as he buried his head into his hands, trying to settle his breathing. The air around him felt cold against clammy skin. He'd been having these dreams for a year already, strange dreams full of horror, of the Shadowlands, of the fall of the Phoenix.

He didn't want to see it, but it was there. 'My clan, my clan will fall, all because I was willing to pay the price for knowledge, all because we believed that studying the Black Scrolls would make us understand...how blind we were. So disastrously blind....'

He stood up and dressed. He didn't feel like he could sleep anymore after that dream. He felt the need to do as he had before, to wander the halls, to be with the people of his clan, to feel like he was part of everything. Just to get rid of this feeling he was going to die, or lose someone he loved in the course of the day. He wanted to have peace, yes, but not the peace of singularity.

Never the peace of being alone.

He looked down at his hands, at the veins pulsing with dark blood. He knew he was never going to be the same, and yet always he tried to keep on purifying himself, always he had jade with him, if only to stop the taint from spreading.

He sighed, not wanting to catch himself thinking such morbid thoughts, and dried himself before dressing. One by one each article of clothing went on, until all that was left to put on was his mask. He paused, holding on to that piece of silk that covered his face except for his eyes, and regretted the instances that forced him to hide the traces of Shadowlands taint in him. He had not looked at himself in the mirror since that time. He didn't need to. He could feel the ravages time and the taint had rendered on him. And yet despite of it people loved him. His family cared.

He pulled the silk over his face, setting it in place, and with a sigh stepped out of his room, seeing that the night was stormy. The weather had been his undoing, he simply could not go to sleep in the humid weather before a storm. In habit he had gone to this same room, and found the daimyo of the Shiba and Champion of the Phoenix in deep contemplation.

Before, during nights when he could not sleep, he would walk about and find the Shiba daimyo awake and staring at a go board, trying to make sense of something that troubled him. Ujimitsu never said what caused such sorrow to be obviously marked on his face, but a game of go would easily shake away the lingering effects of those musings. They would leave the game with minds at rest.

"Ujimitsu-sama."

Ujimitsu turned, giving a wan smile to his friend covered in shadows. "I know the accomodations aren't much, but I hadn't expected you'd wake up so early because of it."

Tadaka shook his head. "It is luxurious compared to that I had while I was in search of the Black Scrolls."

"Are you troubled?"

"No, I could not sleep because of the weather. Something about this coming storm does not feel right."

"I have been waiting for a message from the Lady Tsukune the whole day, and still it is not here. I would have gone where she is, if they did not need me here more. After all, I have no family to keep me here."

"You have family, here, in Shiro Shiba. The whole clan is one family. We will go together, and we will fight together."

"It's not the same. I've lost my daughter, and my wife to the Empire. I do not want to lose anyone else."

"But you will, Ujimitsu-sama. The clan wars might end up costing us something we hold dear, but it is a price we must pay, for the clan, for the Empire."

"Is there a price that is too high?"

Tadaka thought about his own broken body, about the taint, spreading in him, the taint touching the other Masters, and knew this was one argument he'd not win. "There is a price that is too high, Ujimitsu-sama. But if you know when to pay that price, then you are a true hero of the empire."

He smiled ruefully. "What if you'd not want to be a hero in the first place? I don't think of myself as a hero in this day and age. A hero could deal with sacrifices. I regret them."

"I know what is happening." Tadaka touched his friend's shoulder. "Loss can touch everyone's life, and still we must move on. The one that must be nameless performed an act as noble as yours, Ujimitsu-sama, when he lost his name to the Shadowlands, so he may keep his children safe. He lost his family and everything he knew before, because of that one act, just like you did. And he--he was my father. I understand your sadness and loss. I know how it feels to be left alone."

"Tadaka." He could feel how hard it was to share what Tadaka felt.

"We can't do anything about it, Ujimitsu-sama."

"I know, my friend." Ujimitsu looked out. "I wonder if what she said affected the line, her curses having affected the future. If so, then it is right that I killed her, no matter the consequences, no matter if I lost my only child."

"You can still marry again, Ujimitsu. Then you can have children, more children." He had never gotten the chance to wed, with his research and duties as a magistrate of the Phoenix then as a Master of Earth. That was when they became friends, before this cursed wars, before this taint, before ambition clouded the minds of everyone in Rokugan. It was as if the sword Ambition had touched everyone, the moment it had slashed into the Emperor's body, unleashing the spirit of power madness over the land. And he had been caught into its enticing web, doing research on the Black Scrolls, collecting them, knowing the price, and yet willing to pay it, to further the clan's sometimes mad pacifism.

And here he was, a broken man, speaking to one beaten by fate.

"I know, Tadaka, and yet the idea does not appeal to me...." He sighed, trying to see his friend in the shadows, but Tadaka kept himself hidden. He felt truly comfortable in the shadows.

"You must have someone to continue the family of the Shiba. I know, the Lady Tsukune might be a person who could continue to raise the banners of the Phoenix, as the young Lord Katsuda, but then, don't you want a child?"

"A child...like Saija?"

Tadaka grew silent as Ujimitsu looked up to the blackened sky hiding the lightning behind dark clouds. "Saija would have wanted to have a little brother or sister...."

"I know," Ujimitsu whispered. Saija had been a precocious child, one who could have been, like Tsukune, a samurai of great ability, but then, the past had killed all that. "But Saija's not here anymore."

"Ujimitsu-sama, one must not live in the past. If one does, then there will be no one to tell you how to go on, because living in the past doesn't guarantee you from suffering the same things that had happened already. I knew Saija, and I would not have wanted her to die, as she did."

"To die because of an Emperor's command."

He touched his friend's shoulder, to stop him from backing up into the past. "Ujimitsu-sama, look to me!"

Ujimitsu looked up, and then saw Tadaka's troubled eyes, tainted green because of the amount of jade he had in him, to stop the taint from spreading. 'The taint he took for the good of his clan.' The thought settled Ujimitsu's mind better than any words. He smiled wanly, to indicate he understood, touching the uncovered hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, Tadaka, I know."

Tadaka sighed in relief. "You are the daimyo. You must remain strong."

"But sometimes, one must become weak to be stronger."

"I know. I've felt that way." Tadaka let go, sure that Ujimitsu had seen the wisdom of his words. "Shall we take a round of go to settle our minds?"

"That would be a nice respite." He listened intently for a moment. "The storm had stopped."

"So it did." The room was chilly now, but it merely carried the coldness of night. The breeze carried a freshness untouched by the heavy smell of damp earth. "The board is ready, as always. I'll take the black pieces."

"Ujimitsu-sama, Tadaka-sama." Shiba Tetsu stood there, obviously having been unwilling to break into their conversation. "A courier has come to bear tidings from the Lady Tsukune."

"Very well, I will see to it." Ujimitsu turned to look at his shadow-cloaked friend. "The clan dictates on me, Tadaka. I must go meet this messenger. I suppose our game of go will have to wait for the next time."

"I understand, Ujimitsu-sama. I suppose with the storm having stopped I must get some sleep as well."

Ujimitsu smiled ruefully. "I will see you in the morning, then."

Tadaka left the room. Ujimitsu glanced at the untouched go board and decided against meeting the messenger here. He went out as well with Shiba Tetsu following, left the room with the go board.

And the go board waited, but neither of them ever returned to finish that promised game.

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This is truly depressing and terribly out of character. But I seem to be an acolyte of depression, which probably makes me an void ishiken, because that's all I do. :D