Title: J can't get no satisfaction

Rating: PG-13

Fandom: labyrinth

parts: one

disclaimer: henson owns labyrinth, mick jagger owns himself

summary: a bit of evillness. Jareth is reunited with his son with bizarre

results

Jareth, resident Goblin King, was lounging around the throne room,

gazing at his minions for a lack of something better to do. It was all

so bland, so monotonous, so BORING!!! He needed some excitement, he

needed something that would smack him back into life, so to speak. A

small, stout goblin came into the room just then, holding a paper of

some sort.

             "What is it?" the goblin king asked, raising his head out of his

gloved hand.

            "Um...you might want to read this for yourself..." the goblin replied

in its gravelly voice, its eyes shifting round the room nervously for

an immediate escape route.

             "What on earth are you talking about?" the king asked, snatching

the paper, which turned out to be a tabloid, away from the creature's

warty hand. His eyes widened as his mind processed the accusations, and

a hint of a smile played across his lips as he remembered that little

"incident." He had never thought she would've finally admitted what had

really happened, or that anyone would've believed her. What was even

more intriguing than the descriptions of the actual affair was that the

article claimed that an heir had been spawned from that little

encounter. "Well, at least its someone who could prove worthy," he

muttered, glancing over the rest of the twenty-four page photo spread.

He knew he should've never let her tape their whole encounter, but that

couldn't be helped now. "Does he know?" he asked, shifting his

attention to regard the trembling goblin.

            "I don't think so, your Majesty...I think he thinks it's just another

story to ruin his reputation." Jareth rolled his eyes, like he hadn't

done that already!!

            "Well...maybe he needs a little proof. If you need me, I'll be getting

ready to meet my estranged son," he announced, raising off the throne

and heading to his room, the tabloid falling on the floor just in front

of the throne. The goblin scratched his head at the image of the man on

the cover. He couldn't read the words, but even the picture was enough

to pique his interest. Who was that weird-haired, pale-skinned weirdo

with the microphone that bore a striking resemblence to the goblin

king?

*****************************************************************

            Mick Jagger bit his lip slightly as he stepped out of his car, turning

off the CD of Bridges to Babylon in the process. This just was

ridiculous!!!! He could deal with accusations that he had spawned yet

another child with yet another model...he could deal with the stupid

rumors regarding him and Bowie, he could even deal with the jokes that

claimed he danced like a chicken, but this was where he drew the

line!!! Fuming, he stormed into the record company to regard his

representative.

            "What is the meaning of this!!!" he yelled, slamming the tabloid down

on the nearest countertop.

             "Well...Honestly, I don't know...I don't know why she would write

something like this...Maybe she just has issues," he offered, glancing

nervously at the rock star.

            "It's MY OWN MOTHER, DAMMIT!!! Where does she get off telling this

stuff to a freakin' tabloid!!?"

            "Well...actually, she wanted to explain for herself...she's in there,

waiting for you," the representative said quietly, pointing to an

office. Glaring daggers, Jagger grabbed the paper, stalked down the

hall, and entered the office. Sure enough, there was his dear mother,

acting as if nothing had happened. 

            "What in blazes were you *thinking*!!!" he snapped without further

adieu, walking round to face her. "Do you know how ridiculous this

sounds?!! No one will pay attention, but why did you do it?! Were you

really that bored!!!?"

             "Maybe I wanted you to know the truth...I didn't know it was a

tabloid I was talking to...I wanted someone to believe me!!! I just

want you to know your history!" the woman snapped back, her eyes

meeting his head-on.

            "You don't mean to say that you actually *believe* this!!!?" Jagger

stammered, wondering if he needed to have the woman committed. "Let me

guess...Bowie gave you the idea, he's always pulling jokes like

this..." He paused as his mother silently shook her head and gestured

for him to have a seat.

            "Mick, it's time for you to know the whole truth..." she sighed,

giving him a tired smile. "A long time ago, when I was about fifteen, I

was caught up with being jealous with my half-brother and one stormy

night started a journey that would change my life..."

********************************************

             Jagger stared in wonder, completely entranced at the tale. "So you

see, when we decided it was best for me to return to my realm I

did...It was only a few months later that I realized I was pregnant.

After I got back I happened to relate the tale to Jim Henson, and he

loved the idea, thought it would make a great movie...though he had to

change the ending to make it more appropriate for children...and he set

it in the eighties...and renamed the heroine Sarah, just to protect me

and you. After that I met the man you thought to be your father and

everything that you know, happened...."

             "So you're saying that my actual father is...is...?" He just couldn't

bring himself to say it.

            "Jareth, the goblin king," she finished, nodding. He shook his head

vehemently.

            "I don't know what you're trying to do, but that's impossible!!!"

            "Please...just look at the similarities!! You have his skin, his

accent, his hair..." she said, smiling wistfully as her voice faded

into a blissful sigh.

            "MOTHER!!! I don't believe you!!" he snapped, crossing his arms over

his chest and glaring at a wall.

            "I thought you might say that...luckily, your father found me right

before I came over here and asked me to give you this for proof...says

it's a gift," she added, reaching into her purse and pulling out a

glistening sphere. Gaping, Jagger took the crystal and stared into it,

dumbfounded, suddenly believing that maybe his mother wasn't crazy,

after all...

            "What is it?" he asked quietly.

            "A present," his mother answered mysteriously, a slight smile on her

lips.

*********************************************************

            Shaking his head, Mick had slipped the crystal into a coat pocket, not

really wanting to believe his mother's story. She had let him leave the

office, thankfully, saying sooner or later he would have to believe. He

was just getting ready to leave the company office...

            "Oh, no," he hissed as he walked out into a sea of reporters.

            "Mick!! Is it true that you were actually conceived by the goblin

king!!?"

            "Do you really believe that that whole thing wasn't just a movie and

that you are the lovechild of a steamy romance between the heroine and

the villain?" another asked, pushing a mike in his face which he

angrily shoved aside.

            "Do you have any remarks at all!?" another, more irritated reporter

asked, glancing around at the crowd of people that had gathered.

            "It can't be true!!" he spat out, trying to get to his car.

            "You'd be surprised what the truth is," a young voice called out and

the star turned to regard a group of young girls. His immediate

reaction he pushed out of his head and settled for just raising an

eyebrow.

            "Aw, it's those Labyrinth Listians...beat it, kids! We want the real

answers!!" The girls merely shrugged and walked away, proclaiming that

it was a pity that Jareth's genes had to go to such a waste.

            "Now then, Mick, do you really believe this, or is your mother just

crazy!!" Jagger bit his lip, trying to find an escape route...

            "Let Mister Jagger be, you morons!!" a voice shrieked and a small

creature pushed reporters out of its way. "He don't have no comment!!

You just leave the Goblin Prince alone!!" Jagger's eyes went wide as he

regarded the goblin...that was the only thing it could be, and it was

real. Astonished, the reporters backed away and went to go call the

sanitation department, leaving the singer and the goblin in peace for

the time being.

            "You're a...a..."

            "A faithful servant of his Majesty, Jareth."

            "Come on, it can't be true!!" Mick protested, still uncomfortable with

the news.

            "I don't blame ya for being shocked, but jest look at yerself!!" he

advised holding up a mirror. Magically, an image of the Bowie character

appeared in half, leaving Jagger's reflection to take up the other

half. "Ya gots the same weird hair, the same pale skin, not to mention

the same arrogance, ego, and promiscuity-" At that, Jagger grabbed the

mirror and flung it over his shoulder before kicking the goblin so

that he made a beautiful arch and landed on the roof of his car.

            "And the same temper...oy, my aching tousche!!" the goblin moaned,

picking himself up to be in a sitting position. "Well..come on, aren't

you comin' to meet him!!?" the goblin asked, cocking an eyebrow.

            "Why should I?" Jagger retorted, finally considering that it was the

truth, after all. "He never once came to me...why should I go to him?"

            "Cause he wants to meet ya!!! He didn't know yous was his kid!! Your

mum never told him...left before either one of them knew!! So come on,

are ya comin or what?" Jagger sighed and considered the options. Right

now, a place full of goblins sounded a lot better than a street full of

nosy reporters.

            "All right, what do I do?" he sighed.

            "Ya takes that crystal and yas wish fer me to take ya to the

lab'rinth, right now!!" the goblin informed him, rolling his eyes.

"Geez, it ain't that hard!!"

            Slowly Jagger took out the crystal and hefted it in his hand, gazing

into its shimmering surface.

            "I wish the goblins would take me to my father...right now."

**********************************************************

            Jagger blinked as the light that had enveloped him slowly began to

subside...this was more than a little weird. He had had plenty of

hallucinations in the seventies, but nothing like this. His breath

caught in his throat as he realized where he was. He was in a throne

room, by the looks of it...made of stone and a little worse-for-wear,

but a throne room, nonetheless. What was even more startling was the

fact that there was a Bowie look-alike on the throne. No goblins were

to be seen; even his guide seemed to have disappeared, and he was

suddenly unsure of agreeing to go along with this little visit.

The goblin king stayed seated for a long time, studying the singer as

Jagger struggled to take in all the new information. Thoughtfully, the

king smiled and nodded to the other man.

            "So, your mother finally told you...I'm glad you finally know the

truth...Son." Jagger was kicked out of his shocked silence at that

comment.

            "It just can't be..."

            "It's hard to accept, I know, but it is true. I am many things, but

I'm not a lier...What?" Jareth asked, raising an eyebrow at Mick's

stunned expression.

            "Well...I mean...if your my father and all...it's just that...you look

so much younger than I do!"

            Jareth chuckled slightly and nodded. It was true that the goblin king

had faired far better than the fifty-someodd singer, but that was to be

expected. His son he was, immortal he wasn't.

            "Only because I don't age...not anymore...I'm actually much, much

older than I look," he conceded.

            "So does that make me..." Mick asked, suddenly considering the

possibilities.

            "Immortal? No...your music might be, but you won't be around forever

and there's nothing I can do to correct it, so I'd get the idea out of

your head...you've been on earth far too long for me to have any effect

over your aging." Jagger nodded, still struggling to grasp what was

going on when the king rose and walked towards him. He suddenly began

to see the similarities...the weird clothes, the makeup, the flaunty

attitude...so that's where he had gotten it from. Jareth was suddenly

standing beside him, clasping a hand on his shoulder. "Come, Mick...I

want you to see where you came from."

            "Yes...Father," he answered, testing out the words. Jareth smiled

slightly in response and nodded for him to follow the king out of the

throne room and into the labyrinth beyond it.

***************************************************************

            Jareth glanced over at Mick as they reentered the throne room...yes,

he was definitely his father's son. Maybe he should keep up a

relationship with him...it could prove beneficial. He watched his son's

confused expression with amusement as he led him to the most important

room of all ( no, not *that* one!!), the royal computer room.

            "What's with this?"

            "This is how I keep in touch with my followers...the listians," he

explained, flashing a fond smile. "I can monitor them from here and

their membership allows me to keep up with relationships of...other

types," he added, grinning slightly.

            "Really..." Mick said, and Jareth began to get a suspicious feeling at

the look in his eyes. A look that he knew quite well...after all, it

was the same look he got when he was beginning to feel rather...

            "So...does the Goblin Prince get the same privileges?" Jagger asked

suddenly, glancing at the king. Jareth's mouth dropped open in slight

shock...never had he considered this threat!!

            "They joined the list because of me...they're *my* followers," he

stated, emphasizing the possessive word.

            "But I'm your son! Your heir!!"

            "*What*?! I never said anything about that!! I'm immortal..what do I

need with an heir!!"

            "Well, you can't be on your game all the time...I think you need to

let me take over visiting these listians....you said most of them are

female?" Jagger added, licking his lips. Jareth could feel his eyes

narrowing...this was not what he had intended by meeting his son, not

at all!! "Besides, you need to work on your image...the eighties ended

long ago. And it'll help you to avoid lawsuits...believe me, I have

plenty of experience in that area!!" the singer chortled. "And at least

there would be a leader that could actually carry a tune..."

            "Excuse me?" Jareth managed, infuriated by his son's insolence. "I did

not bring you here to replace me!! I brought you here so you would know

who I am!!"

            "Well, now I do, but I still think some arrangement could be made,"

Mick answered, and Jareth almost yelled in shock as he noticed that he

was trying to copy some of the listians' email addies from his address

book.

            "No, NO ARRANGEMENT!!! Get out..GET OUT!!!" the goblin king shouted,

all warm feelings toward his posterity suddenly disappearing. How

*dare* he!! No respect at all!! Angrily, he conjured a crystal and

tossed to a confused Mick Jagger who promptly disappeared when he

caught it. Sighing, Jareth headed back towards the throne room.

            "Well...at least he won't remember anything," he sighed, plopping into

the throne. His temples began to throb as a goblin danced into the

room....a goblin bearing a radio that was blaring "Let's Spend the

Night Together."

            "GET THAT THING OUT OF MY CASTLE!!!" he bellowed, and the goblin

brilliantly took his advice and hightailed it out the door. The king

sighed, rubbing his sore head as he struggled to regain his composure.

Maybe boredom wasn't such a bad thing. What a fun reunion that turned

out to be...a former lover that sells pictures of his private life to

the papers, a son that tries to steal his listians...it was completely

amazing...no matter what he did, no matter what happened, he just

couldn't seem to get any satisfaction from this situation.

***********************************************