Title: Rocky and Bullwinkle in the Labyrinth

Fandom: Labyrinth

Rating: PG

Parts: 6



DISCLAIMER: I don't own labyrinth, don't own Rocky and Bullwinkle -

they are owned by Jay Ward, a genius. Special thanks go to Ponsonby

Britt


Summary: crossover between rocky and bullwinkle the cartoon and labyrinth

because I was that bored.


Episode one... 

            Jareth sighed as he twirled a crystal between his fingers. He was

bored, an occurence which seemed to happen quite often. He needed

something to do...a new minion to kick, a new girl to seduce, a new

baby to kidnap, something, anything! Sighing, he leaned back in his

throne and closed his eyes briefly, wondering if anyone would ever call

upon him again. It had been far too long...


            His eyes shot open as a familiar feeling coursed through him and his

lips curled up in a smile. Someone was about to say the words...


*******************************************


            Well, Jareth wasn't the only one that was bored that day, as looking

in on our heroes in Frostbite, Minnesota, proves. It was a Thursday, a

day in Frostbite where traditionally, no one does anything at all, and

everyone gets sick of doing it. Looking in on our boys that were in

their small shack on the edge of town proved that they were, indeed,

keeping up with tradition.


            Rocket J. Squirrel, known to Rocky by his friends and viewers, did his

best not to scream as he looked up at his best friend, Bullwinkle J.

Moose, who was doing much better with doing nothing. Of course, it

helps when you don't have too much intelligence to give you ideas of

things to do.


            "That's it!!" he shouted finally in disgust.


            "What? What happened?" Bullwinlke asked, coming out of his

self-induced trance.


            "I can't take it any more!!"


            "So give it away," the moose replied helpfully.


            "No, I mean I can't sit here and do nothing for the rest of the day!!"


            "But Rock! It's tradition! Besides, there are only eight more hours

left until sundown!"


            "Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle, I don't care! I'll go crazy if I don't find

something to do!!"


            "Gee, Rock, I thought you were already nutty...hehehe, get it, nut,

squirrel?" Rocky rolled his eyes before heading out the door with his

best friend at his heels.


            "So, Rock, what're ya gonna do? Everything's closed here on

Thursdays!"


            "I'm going to the library!" That's right, the Frostbite Falls library

traditionally stayed open every day of the week, all hours of the day,

for no reason at all. Deciding to take advantage of this strange quirk,

the heroes headed to the building and walked inside, careful not to

disturb the librarian that was sitting there doing nothing as quietly

as she could.


            "What are we lookin' for, Rock?" Bullwinkle asked, glancing around at

the shelves that were mostly-full of books.


            "I dunno...just something to read, I guess."


            "But Rocky, they don't have comic books here!!"


            "Bullwinkle, why don't you try reading something besides those comics!

They're all a bunch of junk, anyway."


            "But Rock, if you can't believe what you read in the comics, what can

you believe!!" Bullwinkle protested. Rocky sighed and picked up a book

that seemed to be laying neglected on a table.


            "The Labyrinth..." he read, frowning.


            "What's that?" Bullwinkle asked.


            "A labyrinth? It's sort of like a maze-"


            "Why would you want to read about corn?"


            "Not corn, maze!!! You know, the kind you walk through!!"


            "You mean like in a field?" Exasperated, Rocky tossed the book at

Bullwinkle and went to go find something to occupy his plucky squirrel

brain.


            Later, after our boys had checked out their selections, they headed

for home, Rocky with a few issues of Flying Squirrel Weekly, and

Bullwinkle with the odd red book that had been thrown at him.


            "Hey, Rock, this isn't bad..."


            "That's good...what's it about?"


            "This girl wishes away her brother to some goblin king...then has to

get him back by solving this lab-...lab..."


            "Labyrinth," Rocky supplied.


            "Right...still don't know what corn has to do with it, though,"

Bullwinkle sighed and Rocky had to restrain a groan of frustration.


            "Maze, Bullwinkle! Maze!!"


            Oh, if only our heroes knew who was listening in at the moment, they

would've chosen their words more carefully! For right behind a corner,

snooping intently was-


            "Hey, buddy! Over here!!" What was that?


            "Over here! You have the wrong corner!!" Who're you?


            "Allow me to intraduce myself. Boris Badenov, villain extroidanaire.."


            "And Natasha Fatale, dahlink."

 

            That's right! Around the corner listening into our heroes'

conversation was Pottsylvania's slightly better than average spies,

Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale! Oh what would there devious plans

involve this time?


            "Simple. Fearless Leader sent us here to get food for Pottsylvania.

Ve've been having a bad case of famine lately..." Yes, it appeared that

no food was growing in Pottsylvania-


            "I deedn't say that! The food that ve have is enough to make anyvone

vant to change ceetazinship, sometheeng that happens too much, anyway!

So ve're supposed to feegure out new ways to grow better food!"


            "But Boris, Dahlink, vat does that have to do vith Moose and

Squirrel?" Natasha asked, frowning in confusion.


            "Seemple. They have book that talks about maize. Maize means corn,

corn means food! So, vat do we do now?"


            "Eat corn?"


            "No!! Ve steal book!!" Oh, but those two were evil!! Not only would

they steal Bullwinkle's book, but they wouldn't return it on time and

force him to pay all the overdue fees, too!


            So Rocky and Bullwinkle walked along, having no idea what was about to

develop. "Hey Bullwinkle...I'm getting the feeling that we're being

followed!!" Rocky said suddenly.


            "Really? I just feel hungry..."


            "Oh, Bullwinkle! You're always hungry!!"


            "Oh. Then I guess I don't have to be worried about that feeling, do

I?" Both our heroes stopped suddenly as an odd sight met their eyes.


            "Hokey smokes! What's that?"


            "Gee, Rock, it's an odd sight! Don't you listen to the nararator?"


            Rocky rolled his eyes and looked back to the small boy in school

clothes and mustache that was blocking their path. "Hello there boys!

Allow me to be introducin' myself! I'm a poor school boy that deedn't

get to the library on time to get a book to do a book report on for

school!"


            "Aw, that's too bad," Rocky said.


            "Yeah, makes it hard to right a report if you don't have anything to

write it on."


            "Could you help me out at all?" the innocent-looking boy asked. Oh if

our heroes only knew!!


            "Hey, shaddup you! I'm trying to run a scam here!! Now then, do yous

have any books that I could write my reeport on? I'll give you two

suckers for it!"


            "Wowee! Well, I just got this from the library," Bullwinkle said,

holding out his find.


            "That'll do! Thanks boys!!" the disguised Boris said and snatched the

book before running down the street.


            "Hey, where are the two suckers!?" Bullwinkle asked, turning to an

equally confused Rocky. Both shrugged and continued down the street.


            "Gee, it's good to help," Bullwinkle sighed.


            "Yeah...but that voice, where have I heard that voice!!" Rocky

muttered. "Hokey smokes Bullwinkle, I just thought of something!! The

library's always open...he just wanted your book! He stole it!!"


            "Oh no! Now what!?"


            "We've got to get it back! Come on!!" Rocky cried as he began to run

down the street.


            Meanwhile, in an alley, Boris and Natasha stood chortling evilly.


            "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Vee bested Moose and Squirrel again!!" Boris

laughed, putting his hat into place on his bald head.


            "Yes, dahlink...but vat ees dees?"


            "Vat do you meen?"


            "Dees book...there's nothing about corn! Eet's a cheeldren's story!!"


            "Oh boy...Fearless Leader is not going to be happy..."


            "Looks like Moose and Squirrel won after all, dahlink," Natasha

sighed.


            "At least they have to pay overdue fees," Boris pointed out,

shrugging.


            Rocky and Bullwinkle ran down the street, looking in alleys, garbage

cans, even empty pop bottles, but there was no sign of the book

anywhere.


            "This is ridiculous! We're never going to find it!!" Bullwinkle

moaned.


            "Don't worry Bullwinkle, we can't give up yet!"


            "It's just not fair! I was just getting to the good part, too! Right

when the girl wished away her brother!"


            "Yeah, yeah..."


            "Hey Rock! Maybe that's how we can get the book back! Maybe if we wish

away the kid that took it..."


            "Bullwinkle, that's just a story! Probably an old wives tale or

something."


            "Told by real old wives? Rock, it'll work! Watch!"


            "Bullwinkle, give it up!!" Rocky sighed as he continued searching.


            "I wish that the goblins would come and take away whoever took my book

right now!!" Both heroes were suddenly startled as two very surprised,

accented screams were heard down the street.


            "Golly! Someone's in trouble!! Let's go!!" Rocky shouted, running

towards the screams.


            What will our heroes find? What has become of Boris and Natasha? What

about Pottsylvania's impending doom? And what about the corn? Tune in

next time to find out in...Amaizing grace or The Corn and I....


************************************************************


            "Hey Rocky!!" Bullwinkle exclaims, standing over a very-impressive top

hat. "Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"


            "But that trick never works!!"


            "This time for sure!!" And with a wave he plunges his arm in and pulls

out...


            "Uh, either I'm not even close or this is one ugly rabbit!" he mutters

in disgust as the goblin cackles at him.


            Rocky shrugs and says, "And now here's something we hope you'll really

like!"


***************************************************************


            The castle beyond the goblin city appears in all its glory and you

start to wonder if you're watching the right show.


            "And now, with a bird's eye view and a brain to match, is Mr.

Know-it-All!!" Rocky announces, and Bullwinkle appears in the window.

"Hey, Bullwinkle, what're ya doin up there?"


            "Today I'm going to demonstrate the proper child-taking techniques

that a goblin king would use, of course!!"


            "Bullwinkle, that's horrible!!" Suddenly a small gnome-like creature

runs into the room.


            "Know I ain't! I'm Hoggle!!"


            "Not you, stealing children!!"


            "Hey, Rock, don't knock it till you've tried it! Now then, the process

of stealing children is a very long and involved one that can be kind

of complicated, um...Let's see..." Bullwinkle muses as he gets out of

the window and plops into the throne, mimicking a bored expression that

one would expect to find on a certain king...


            "Wait a minute! Ya don't have the proper clothes!!" Hoggle protests.


            "WARDROBE!!"


            "Okay...that's better, I think..." Bullwinkle says, glancing down at

the grey tights, billowy blouse, pendant, and blond wig he's wearing.

"Does anyone ever think that if this guy got some help he might not

steal kids?" he asks before shrugging. "Anyway, to steal a child, one

must...um...well..." A goblin peeks out from behind the throne and

whispers in the moose's ear.


            "Right! To steal a child, one must wait until someone says the right

words..."


            "Gosh Bullwinkle, what are they?"


            "I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now - hey!!!"

he shouts as five goblins appear, heft him up, and promptly throw him

out a window...


            "Now, you might think that this is a bad thing, but now I turn into an

owl and float gracefully to the house where I have to steal the

child-OOF!!!" Unfortunately, he doesn't transform fast enough and hits

the ground with a loud thud.



            "The next thing you have to do in order to steal a child is to get the

person that wished him away to take a gift in return..." Bullwinkle

goes on, looking slightly ragged around the edges. "I've brought Boris

here to help me demonstrate...Forget about the baby."


            "Vat baby?"


            "The baby you wished away!!"


            "I deedn't weesh a baby away!!"


            "Boris, just pretend!! Besides, I brought you a gift..."


            "Vat?"


            "Here...now is when you give the wisher a ball..." Bullwinkle

explains, pulling out a tennis ball and handing it to Boris. "Wait a

minute...that doesn't look right..."


            "It's supposed to be a crystal ball!!" Rocky whispers from the

sidelines.


            "Oh, okay...just a minute..." Bullwinkle runs out of the room and

returns with a gypsy and her crystal ball. "Here ya go...sorry, but she

wouldn't give it up so you'll just have to take the gypsy, too."


            "Vat? I don't vant that!!"


            "That's what's supposed to happen!! I give you the ball, you give me

the child!!"


            "But I don't vant some creestal ball!!"


            "Fine, then what do you want?"


            "Heeheehee...I thought you'd never ask!" Boris laughs before smashing

a pie in Bullwinkle's face.


            "Um...that doesn't sound right, but okay...now give me the baby."


            "Okay!" Boris says before leaving the room and unleashing the baby

gorilla that he's been taking care of. "Here ya go!" The gorilla

immediately jumps onto Bullwinkle, who is still in Jareth-garb, and

clings for dear life...


            "Wait a minute!! This isn't supposed to happen!!" Bullwinkle protests,

trying to figure out what, exactly, he did wrong.


            "Well, uh, that's all the time we have for today! Thank you, Mr. Know

it all!!" Rocky says, shaking his head and grinning as he waves to the

audience.





Episode Two...


            If you'll remember last time our heroes, after going to the library in

an effort to find something to do, had an odd library book stolen from

them by that fiend, that villain, that-


            "Please, flattery weel get you nowhere!" That no-goodnik Boris

Badenov. Desperate to find it, Rocky and Bullwinkle searched high and

low, right and left, uphill and down, in and out...


            "Do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself about! That's what it's all

about!!" Uh, right...anyway, Rocky had just given up hope, when in

frustration Bullwinkle said the words he had read in that strange book

that somehow wasn't about corn. Soon after our heroes heard frantic

screams coming from an alleyway so they follwed as quickly as they

could, only to find...


            "Gee, would ya look at that," Bullwinkle muttered, his eyes wide.


            "Yeah, he sure is an odd-looking fella," Rocky agreed, trying to

figure out just who the man in front of them was. He was tall, had long

blond hair, and wasn't dressed like any Frostbite Falls citizen he had

ever seen before. In fact, with those clothes, he was lucky he didn't

get arrested.


            "Um, excuse me, Sir, but we're looking for the boy that stole my

book-"


            "He's there, in my castle..." Jareth sighed, although he had to admit

that this was more interesting than his usual kidnapping missions.


            "What? You mean those words worked?!" Rocky asked in disbelief. The

goblin king just smiled.


            "Just forget about the Boris," he said, producing a crystal. "I've

brought you a gift."


            "What is it?" Bullwinkle asked, frowning.


            "A crystal...but if you turn it this way, it will show you your

dreams."


            "Uh, no thanks...I'd much rather have boxtops," Bullwinkle replied,

trying to figure out who the stranger was.


            "Who did you say you were again?" Rocky asked, suspicious.


            "I am Jareth, the goblin king."


            "You mean like in the book?"


            "The same. Do you want this crystal?"


            Rocky looked at Bullwinkle who turned his head to see what Rocky was

looking at. "Um, sorry Your Highness, but we didn't mean to wish that

boy away-"


            "You didn't. You wished away your nemeses, Boris and Natasha."


            "Oh, well that's all right then," Bullwinkle sighed, glad everything

had worked out.


            "No it isn't!! Bullwinkle, we can't just let them stay there! What if

he turns them into goblins!" Yes, goblins, a fate even worse than

Pottsylvanians, but not so bad as being Moosylvanian. "If it's all the

same to you Mr. Goblin King Sir, we'd like them back. It isn't that

it's awfully nice of ya to try and help us out, but we need them back!"


            "Yeah, the ratings might drop lower than they actually are!"

Bullwinkle added, gaining only a glare from his plucky squirrel friend.



            "All right," Jareth sighed, and our two heroes suddenly gasped as the

landscape began to change.


            "Uh-oh, Rock...looks like the network didn't renew the show...where

are we, Siberia? Pakistania? South Dakota?"


            "This is my labyrinth...you have thirteen hours to solve it before

your friends become one of us forever...such a pity..." Jareth chortled

before disappearing.


            "Gosh," Rocky breathed at the king's magic. "I must say, I'm

impressed."


            "Well then go ahead," Bullwinkle suggested.


            "What? Okay, I'm impressed."


            "And I'm Bullwinkle," the moose chuckled in appreciation of his own

joke.


            "Well, I guess we'd better get started...come on feet," Rocky sighed,

leading his friend down to the gates of the labyrinth.


            "I wonder how we should get in?" Bullwinkle mused, staring at the

gigantic gates.


            "Yous gets in by asking the right question," a gravelly voice informed

them and both of our heroes turned to stare at a funny-looking man who

was spraying pesticides on the fairies all along the gates. "And before

you say somethin' I ain't horrible, I'm Hoggle!!"

 

            "Gosh, why would we say something like that?"


            "Well, uh, most say it cause I spray the fairies..."


            "But if you don't, wouldn't they eat everything in sight?" Bullwinkle

asked.


            "Well yeah...hows come it don't bother you?"


            "It's like the nursery rhyme...Mary had a little lamb with fleas as

white as snow..every where that lamb did walk the fleas were sure to

go...This is kinda like that," he said, changing the second part of the

rhyme to fit the situation "...So if your gates have teething elfs then

take a tip from me, don't bother with the usual stuff, just use some

DDT!!" Bullwinkle exclaimed and Hoggle nodded.


            "Glad somebody understands! But I still ain't helping you-hey!!! How'd

you open the gates!!" he shouted at Rocky who was just starting to

enter the labyrinth.


            "Huh? Oh, while you were talking I just asked the right question...I

asked the gates to please open, and they did!!" he explained before

heading into the forboding maze.


            "Wonder why I never thought of that," Hoggle mused before watching

them disappear in the mists.


********************************************************


            Meanwhile, in the castle Boris and Natasha were trying to figure out

their situation.


            "That stupid moose!! He said the vords that vere in the book!!" Boris

shouted, flinging the book at the wall as he skimmed through the pages.


            "Don't worry, dahlink, Moose and Squirrel will rescue us."


            "Worry? Who boy! Don't you remember vat arteecle seex of the villain's

handbook says? There's nobody as stupid as the hero of a TV cartoon

show!" Boris replied glumly.


            "Vell maybe ve can escape..." Natasha suggested and that got Boris to

thinking.


            "Maybe ve can do that and get some food from here too...that way

Fearless Leader doesn't give us vacation!"


            "Boris, vat's wrong vith a vacation?"


            "Everything when eet's een Siberia!" Boris replied and immediately

started thinking of ways to get out. A sudden commotion from the other

side of the empty throne drew his attention.


            "Natasha!!" he exlaimed, peeking over the arm rest. "You aren't going

to believe vat's in thees room!!"


            "Peabody and Sherman?"


            "Seelly girl!! They're goblins!!" Sure enough, filling the room were

bunches of nasty-looking, stupid goblins. Boris laughed as one of them

threw a chicken across the room.


            "HAHAHAHA!!! Eet's just like being back in bad ol' Pottsylvania!!!"


            "They're as ugly as Fearless Leader!!" Natasha laughed.


            "And as schtupid!"


            "Vat Vas that Badenov?" a sharp voice demanded suddenly.


            "Uh, F-Fearless leader?"


            "Boris, you left your wrist radio on, deedn't you?" Natasha demanded,

pointing at his two-way wrist radio that was on his two-way wrist.


            "But I could swear-"


            "Not in thees story, dahlink," she reminded him and he turned his

attention to his radio where Fearless leader was yelling at him.


 

            "Oh, Fearless Leader, Buddy, Pal, Vee vere just talking about you!!"

Boris started.


            "Can the mushy stuff Badenov!! Do you have food for Pottsylvania?"


            "Um...ve're working on eet..."


            "You'd better have it soon or else you'll be put against a wall!"


            "That doesn't sound so bad," Natasha whispered.


            "In front of a firing squad!!" Boris gulped as the message faded. He

was a future goblin if he stayed here, would be shot if he went

back...he needed to think of a plan, and fast!!


            "Ve'll just escape and steal food from thees place!" Boris proclaimed

suddenly.


            "Oh Boris! I'm so proud of you!" Natasha gushed by his side.


            "Yeah, yeah, now help me out of dees vindow!!" he commanded, pointing

to a window on the other side of the throne room. Without hesitation

they crossed to it and looked down.


            "Boris, are you sure? Eet's a long vay down..."


            "But ve have to get out of here! Those goblins remind me too much of

firing squad Pottsylvanians!!" Boris's keen ears perked up as he

noticed footsteps coming down the hallway towards the throne room.

"Queek! Out the veendow!!" he ordered, trying to get up to the sill.


             What will happen to our heroes that are now stuck in the mysterious

labyrinth? Will Boris and Natasha somehow be able to rid the

Underground of its food supply and get it to Pottsylvania? And who do

the mysterious footsteps belong to? Tune in next time to find out in...


            Maze of our lives or Feed the need.....


******************************************************************


            "And now it's time for Bullwinkle's Corner," Rocky proclaims as the

curtain rises, revealing Bullwinkle holding a poetry book and standing

beside a goblin wearing a frilly dress, blond curly wig, and holding a

watering can.


            "Today's poem is all about gardening..." he explains before reading

from his book to the goblin. "Mary, Mary quite contrary-"


            "I tried ta tell ya my name's Barry!!! BARRY!!!!!" the goblin

protests, glaring at the moose.


            "Uh...okay...must have been a typo...Starting over, then...Barry,

Barry, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?"


            The goblin glares even more. "Why should I tell ya!?"


            "Because that's what the poem is about!!!"


            "Can't ya read? I'm Barry the contrary and I ain't telling ya

nothin!!!" he laughs.


            "But the poem!!!"


            "Who cares?!" Bullwinkle stares at the goblin for a moment, then

glances around before taking out a five dollar bill and handing it to

the goblin.


            "All right, here...but don't tell anyone. Now then, how does your

garden grow?"


            "Well...I don't like ta give away my secrets, but first I throw all

the rocks I can find in it...then yank out all the flowers and leave

the weeds...then drown them with water and then let em shrivel and die

in the sun!!!"


            "Wait a minute...that's terrible!! Nothing will grow like that!!"

Bullwinkle realizes.


            "Hey, you're the one who wanted to know!!" Barry laughs, waving the

money.


            "Why you...give me that!!" Bullwinkle yells, reaching for the money

only to be bonked upside the head with Barry's watering can. A fist

fight ensues as the two make their way off stage, throwing punches at

each other.


            "Uh...thank you, Bullwinkle! Be sure to tune in next time!!" Rocky

shouts, peeking his head around the curtain and wincing as a loud crash

is heard.


episode three....


            If you'll remember from last time, our heroes were just entering the

labyrinth when we left them.


            "Gosh, Bullwinkle, it's kinda cramped in here," Rocky sighed, glancing

around.


            "Cozy, ain't it!!!" Hoggle suddenly cried, laughing as the plucky

squirrel glared at him.


            "Oh, I don't know...it might be better with some curtains...maybe a

picture or two," Bullwinkle mused.


            "What? Oh...well, would you go left or right?" the dwarf asked and our

two heroes looked at each other, pondering the possibilities.


            "What do you think, Bullwinkle?"


            "I don't know, I'm still pondering the possibilities."


            "Well, we can't take anything for granted! We only have thirteen

hours! Gosh, which way would you go, Hoggle?"


            "Me? I wouldn't go either way."


            "That's probably why he's still spraying for fairies outside there,"

Bullwinkle whispered to Rocky. "Let's go...left!!"


            "Why?" Hoggle asked suspiciously.


            "Because I feel like it, that's why!!" the moose replied, irritated.


            "Yeah, who are you to criticize everything we do, anyway?" Rocky

asked, following his friend down the passage, leaving the dwarf behind.


            "Probably someone from the network," Bullwinkle replied, shrugging as

they continued walking.


            "Wait a minute!!! There's no turns or anything in this labyrinth!! Now

what?" Rocky finally asked, turning to see only miles and miles of wall

laid out in front of them.


            "Um, cut to where Boris and Natasha are trying to escape?" Bullwinkle

suggested helpfully, but unfortunately it wasn't just the right time

yet. Sighing, the heroes sat against the wall, trying to think of a

solution.


            "Allo!!"


            "Rock, I know you're here, you don't have to remind me!!"


            "That wasn't me Bullwinkle!! Hokey smokes, look!!" The squirrel leaned

down until he was nose to nose with a fuzzy blue worm.


            "Did you say hello?"


            "No I-"


            "What about Hullo?" Bullwinkle asked.


            "No-"


            "Hola? Guten Tag? Bonjur?"


            "No!!! I said allo!"


            "Same thing," Bullwinkle said, shrugging.


            "Pardon me, Mister worm, but could you tell us how to get through this

labyrinth?"


            "Me? Naw, I'm just a worm!"


            "I think we've already established that," Bullwinkle pointed out.


            The worm was about to invite them in, but stopped himself, not knowing

if he'd really want to put up with that moose for longer than he had

to.


            "How come there aren't any turns or nothing in this place!!"

Bullwinkle asked, getting up.


            "Oh, it's full of those! You just gotta look for em, that's all!!" the

worm laughed.


            "I think somebody's been living in a wall too long," Bullwinkle

muttered as he raised a hand to lean against the wall opposite the worm

and Rocky, yelping as he fell straight throuh a hole.


            "Bullwinkle! You found an opening!!" Rocky shouted, following his

buddy into the hole.


            "Wait! Not that way!! Never go that way!!" Rocky was about ready to

ask why, but Bullwinkle dragged him down the other path, the one that

the worm had deemed as safe.


            "Bullwinkle!! That path might have lead towards the castle!!"


            "But then the story would be over pretty quick, wouldn't it?" he

pointed out, and for once Rocky had to agree with the moose.


            Our heroes walked along until they came to a section of stone maze.

"Gee...maybe we should mark our path to keep track of where we've

been," Rocky suggested.


            "Isn't that why we have a narator?" Bullwinkle asked. Rocky just

rolled his eyes and pulled out two markers.


            "Here, we'll use these," Rocky instructed, handing one to his pal.

Bullwinkle nodded and Rocky immediately started drawing arrows along

tiles as they walked along, completely oblivious to the little gnomes

that popped up from underneath the floor to turn the tiles around.

"Gee...I don't think this will work..." Rocky sighed, turning to look

at where they'd been. "Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle!! Someone's been

changing our marks!! This isn't fair!!!"


            "Not mine," Bullwinkle said, beaming with pride at the graffitti he'd

doodled on the walls of the maze. Yes, besides arrows, Bullwinkle had

drawn a complete mural of abstract flowers, swirls, and other things

that could be thought of as social commentary but were actually just

doodles, all along the length of the walls of where they had already

been.


            "Hey, you can't do that!!" a voice said and both the moose and plucky

squirrel looked up at two doors that had suddenly appeared.


            "Hokey smokes! Where did they come from?" Rocky asked as the two made

their way over to inspect the odd guards positioned in front of them.


            "Must be acrobats from some circus..." Bullwinkle mused, turning his

head upside down to regard the bottom two heads of the guards.


            "So what do we do now?" Rocky asked.


            "You've got to choose a door, but you can only ask one of us about it!

And one of us always lies, and one of us always tells the truth. That's

in the rules."


            "How do we know if it's in the rules if one of you always lies?" Rocky

accused, giving them a hard look.


            "Oh, come on, Rock! Look at em! They're obviously intelligent!!"

Bullwinkle said, standing on his head beside the guards.


            "Oh, brother...okay, um, is this the right door?" the plucky squirrel

asked, using the straightforward approach as he turned to the door on

the left.


            "Um...yes?" it answered.


            "You aren't sure...it's the right door!" our boy Rocky deduced,

entering the doorway with Bullwinkle close behind.


            "See, that wasn't so bad, Rock, it was almost a piece of-AUGH!!"

Suddenly our heroes had the ground yanked away from them as they began

to fall, only to be caught by a group of blue hands!


            "Hokey smokes!! Who're you!"


            "We're helping hands!" one group said, forming a face.


            "Hey, that's not bad! Can you do an elephant?" Bullwinkle asked,

forming animals with his own hands. The hands were eager to try this

new art and immediately began experimenting, forming dogs and bunny

rabbits, dropping our heroes in the process. Down they fell, plummeting

faster and faster into the dark depths of a deep dirt ditch. Our heroes

blinked in the inky blackness, trying to adjust to the dark.


            "Sure is dark in here," Rocky muttered.


            "Yeah, I can't even see my hand in front of my face!" Bullwinkle

agreed.


            "You don't have your hand in front of your face!!"


            "Well I said I couldn't see it!" Bullwinkle retorted.


            "Well, now what?" Rocky sighed, looking around.

 

************************************************************


            "Now you'll be taken back to the beginning!!" Jareth chortled,

throwing the crystal over his shoulder as he made his way back into the

throne room. Things were going just as he wanted, well, except for the

fact that just as he entered the two villains that he had kidnapped

just jumped out the window.


            "What!! No!! Blast it, go after them!!!" the infuriated king yelled at

his minions, drop kicking one across the room when it didn't obey fast

enough. Sighing, he collapsed in his throne to think up a way to

immediately solve this new problem.


Meanwhile...


            "Natasha, I just found out vat happens ven a cartoon character jumps

out a vindow!"


            "Vat, dollink?"


            "It hurts!! Oy...come on, Natasha! Ve have looting to do!!" Boris

chortled as they headed towards the goblin city with intents of theft

and scams in their minds.


            Oh, will the villains get away with this dastardly crime? Will Rocky

and Bullwinkle ever get out of the oubliette? Will Jareth suffer a

nervous breakdown before this is all over? Tune in next time for Pitch

in the Ditch or A Lark in the Dark!


****************************************************************


            As the theme music starts up, you settle down to watch one of the more

intriguing parts of the show...yes, you guessed it! It's time for

Wiseman and son!!!


            Slowly the wiseman plods across the clearing in the hedge maze and

sinks into his chair, sighing as he relaxes. The hat is whistling

gaily, then suddenly exclaims, "Here he comes!!" as a smaller, exact

duplicate of the wiseman, complete with blond mustache and beard comes

bounding into view and sits at his father's feet.


            "Oh, hello, Junior...how...how is your day going?"


            "Oh, okay I guess, Pop. But it just doesn't seem fair!!!"


            "What do you mean?"


            "Well, how come the king gets to have a castle and all these girls

after him and stuff and all we have are these bird hats!!!" At that

moment, the hat on the boy's head pops its eyes open and glares down at

its wearer.


            "I resent that!!" it chirps in a high voice.


            "Well, son...I can answer that...you...want...to know...why we

don't...have fine things?"


            "Huh. How's dat for a reason?" the wiseman's hat asks, rolling its

eyes.


            "Will you be quiet?"


            "Okay, okay!! Just start the story!!"


            "Very well..." You watch as the scene plays out on your television as

the wiseman narates. "I will tell you the story of the tortoise and the

hair..."


            "Once upon a time...there was a tortoise...and he was very bald like

tortoises are supposed to be...."


            "Wait a minute!! That's not how the story goes!!" the hat interrupts

and the wiseman glares at it.


            "Will you be quiet!!!?"


            "All right!!"


            "Okay?"


            "Okay!!"


            "Are you finished?"


            "Yes."


            "Very well...he was bald and the thing he wanted most was long,

beautiful hair. One day he happened to be walking along when he tripped

on an old tin can..."


            "Help me help me!!!" a tiny voice inside it cried. Alarmed, the

tortoise looked around.


            "Who's there?" he asked.


            "Me!"


            "Wait a minute...I thought I was me!"


            "Hey! I'm stuck in this can here! You gonna get me out or not!" Being

the nice guy that he was, the tortoise immediately ripped off the lid

with his teeth and a tiny purple little man ran out.


            "Hey, thanks buddy!! I was really sick of staying in there!"


            "Who are you?"


            "I'm a fairy!"


            "Wait a minute...is that allowed? I thought this was supposed to be a

family-rated show!"


            "Not that kind!!! I'm an elf! Ya know! I grant wishes...say, I tell ya

what I'm gonna do...cause you were so nice to me, I'm gonna give ya a

wish...anything that your heart desires...but wish wisely!"


            The tortoise immediately asked for what he had always wanted.


            "I want long wavy hair that is as golden as the sun!!!"


            "Uh, you sure?"


            "Yes, now give me my wish!!"


            "Okay, if you say so..." The little man took out his wand, pointed it

at the tortoise, and...


            BAM!!!!


            Suddenly the tortoise had the most beautiful wavy, golden hair that

anyone had ever seen. Grinning at his reflection in the lake, the

turtle walked along, or tried to, but had a lot of trouble because he

kept tripping on his long tresses.


            "Drat, pshaw, and other salty expressions!" he muttered as he tripped.

Looking up, he saw that a bunch of animals were heading towards him

ecstatically. "They must have come to admire my hair," he said. That

was true, but because of the style and length of the hair, all of these

animals also assumed that the tortoise was a girl and all were carrying

flowers and reciting really bad love poems at the top of their lungs.

Horrified, the tortoise began to run as fast as he could, but could

barely get away because he kept tripping over his hair.


            Finally, he hid behind a building, breathing a sigh of relief as the

herd ran right by him.


            "There! Now I'm safe!! I shall go into this building and hide!" he

proclaimed, sauntering right into the shop. Oh, if only he had wished

to learn how to read, instead, because that building happened to be a

wigmakers shop and as soon as the owner saw the tortoise she took him

as a pet and every time his hair started to grow she would shave it off

to make her wigs."


            "Gee, Pop, that's pretty bad! What's the moral?" Wiseman Jr. asks, but

the only reply he gets is a snore.


            "I theenk that's your luck...but I theenk he was going to say that the

moral was that you would often be sorry if your wishes were granted."


            "That's probably true, but I can think of a better moral!!" Wiseman

Jr. proclaims.


            "What's that?" the older hat asks, knowing what's coming.


            "Hair today, gone tomorrow!!" the boy's hat proclaims and the boy

glares.


            "I was gonna say that!!"


            "Too bad!"


            The older hat rolls his eyes and sighs. "Oy...this job is for the

birds!"








Episode Four....



            If you'll remember last time our two heroes happened

to stumble into a troublesome predicament-


            "Yeah, and it's hard to get out of, too."


            Um, trying to solve the goblin king's labyrinth,

Rocky and Bullwinkle happened to fall into one of the

many oubliettes in the maze.


            "Gosh, Bullwinkle, there doesn't seem to be any way

out of here."


            "Of course not!! This is an oubliette, the

labyrinth's full of em!!"


            "Gee, Rock, I didn't know I could throw my voice like

that!"


            "That wasn't you, Bullwinkle! Hokey Smokes, there's

someone in here with us!! Who's there?"


            "Me!!" And in a sudden flick of a match our boys were

able to see the stocky form of Hoggle the dwarf

standing before them.


            "Oh, you. Anyway, Rock-"


            "Hey, wait a minute! I can help yous out!"


            "Oh yeah? So far you haven't been any help at all!"

Rocky shot back, his keen squirrel eyes narrowing

slightly.


            "But I knows a shortcut, out of the whole labyrinth!"


            "What? And give up! Never!!" Bullwinkle declared.

"Oh, wait...hey, Rock, who is it we're trying to save

again?"


            "Boris and Natasha!"


            "Oh. Okay, Hoggle, where's that shortcut?" Bullwinkle

asked, standing up and turning to the dwarf.


            "Bullwinkle!!! We can't let them be turned into

goblins! We've got to do it for morality! For

Frostbite Falls!!! For America!"


            "Yeah, and I guess the show would be pretty boring

without them, too..." Bullwinkle sighed.


            "Right...Now then, Mr. Hoggle, how about if you take

us as far as you can go and then we'll do the rest

ourselves?"


            "I don't know..."


            "What if we gave you something in a trade?" Rocky

suggested. "What have you got Bullwinkle? I've only

got fifty-three cents and a skate key!"


            "Well...I've got a rock."


            "What good's a rock?"


            "Well, it has the word Hope written on it-"


            "BULLWINKLE!! That's the hope diamond! Where did you

get that?"


            "From a previous episode of course!!"


            "Oh, brother...okay Hoggle, how about the hope

diamond, fifty-three cents, and a skate key for your

help?"


            "Oh...I guess so..." Hoggle sighed, wondering what in

the world a hope diamond was as he took the offered

goods. "Now then...here we are!" he proclaimed,

picking up a board and pressing it against a wall. "A

door!"


            "Rock, I think someone's been cooped up in a hole too

long..." Bullwinkle remarked, glancing sideways at his

friend, but was quickly silenced as the dwarf flung

open the board, revealing a tunnel.


            "Gee, it's a tunnel!" Rocky observed observantly.


            "Right this way," Hoggle told them and the duo

followed their guide into the caverns that waited

beyond the door.


            "GO NO FURTHER!!!" a deep voice proclaimed and both

our boys jumped at the sight of the talking, gigantic

stone head.


            "Wow...what's that?" Bullwinkle asked, entranced.


            "Just false alarms...they're here to fool ya into

thinking you're goin the wrong way!" Hoggle explained.


            "OH NO WE'RE NOT!!"


            "Gosh...I don't know who to believe!" Rocky said

under his breath, glancing around at the faces.


            "Hey, Rock! Do you suppose they're related to our

narator?" Bullwinkle asked, still examining one face

closely.


            "WHAT'RE YOU LOOKIN' AT BUB!?"


            "Oh, sorry! Just taking a look at the locals!"

Bullwinkle explained.


            "WELL GO AWAY FOR THE PATH YOU TAKE WILL LEAD TO

CERTAIN DESTRUC-HEY!!!!" the head bellowed as

Bullwinkle began to carve his name into the cheek of

the stone face with the skate key Hoggle had decided

he didn't need.


            "Bullwinkle!" Rocky chided to his friend that was

defacing the face.


            "Aw, come on, Rock! I can't help it-wha!?" Bullwinkle

defended himself right before a crystal ball rolled

down the corridor and knocked him off his feet. The

two startled heroes and the terrified dwarf turned and

gulped at the sudden appearance of a beggar.


            "Well, what do we have here?"


            "Uh, The name's Bullwinkle J. Moose and this is my

pal Rocky!" Bullwinkle supplied helpfully. "Could you

use some help there, my friendly neighborhood

vagabond?" he added, going over to shake the

new-comer's hand.


            "No!! I think you have enough help!" Jareth said

coldly, whisking off his disguise.


            "Hokey Smokes, Bullwinkle!!"


            "Yeah, just think of the mess he could make out of

the clothing section of a department store,"

Bullwinkle replied, staring in disbelief at the king's

ability to change clothes so fast.


            "And just what do you think you were doing, Heggle?"


            "Hey, don't you pay attention? His name is Hoggle!!!

And he's helping us!!!" Rocky shot back, glaring up at

Jareth defiantly.


            "Really...I must commend you then, Hedgewart," Jareth

replied, grinning smugly at the dwarf's expression.

"You're braver than I thought to risk the Bog-"


            "NOT THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH!!!" Hoggle screamed,

throwing himself down at the king's feet. "I WAS

LEADING THEM BACK TO THE BEGINNING!!! PLEASE NOT THE BOG!!!"


            "Oh, yes! And you Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle

J. Moose...how are you enjoying my labyrinth?" he

asked, turning to face our two heroes.


            "Well...it would be better if you had something to

eat around here!" Bullwinkle suggested before

wondering why the king seemed to be fighting the urge

to kick something.


            "It's not too hard, Your Highness!!"


            "Not too hard...so you'd like it to be more

challenging then, hmmm?"


            "I didn't say-"


            "Then maybe we should up the stakes..." Jareth mused,

pointing to a clock that suddenly appeared on a nearby wall.


            "Wowee! Wherever this place is, they have high-tech

effects!" Bullwinkle commented as the clock hands

began to shift forward a few hours.


            "Hey, that's not fair!!!" Rocky protested, puting his

plucky squirrel fists on his hips.


            "Yeah, this must be one of those adult cartoons,"

Bullwinkle added before Jareth could reply with his

patented retort. The goblin king regarded the two

heroes coldly before flashing a chilling smile and

conjuring a crystal.


            "So this is like an adult cartoon, then? Then let's

see what kind of an ending this will have..." he

laughed, tossing the ball down the corridor and

vanishing from sight. Immediately, a loud rumbling was

heard coming closer.


            "Hey, what's that?" Rocky asked, turning towards the

sound.


            "Maybe it's an A-bomb," Bullwinkle suggested.


            "Do you even know what an A-bomb is?" Rocky sighed.


            "A bomb is what some people would call this story,"

Bullwinkle replied easily.


            "I don't think that's very funny!!"


            "Neither do they, apparently," Bullwinkle answered

before glancing over his friend's shoulder to see what

horror awaited them. Well whether it's funny or not

isn't the issue here! It all depends on whether they

can escape whatever terrible fate is coming towards

them down the dark cavern tunnel!! Tune in next time

for Wrath on the Path or Run from da Noise Run from da

Junk.


****************************************************************


            "Greetings, Peabody here," the white dog with glasses

says casually. "And you remember my boy, Sherman," he

adds, gesturing to the red-haired boy to his side.


            "Where are we going today, Mr. Peabody?" Sherman

asks.


            "Well, if you'll notice the Wayback Machine is

already set...we're going to a very important part of

history today, Sherman. We're going to find out the

real truth about the Children's Crusades."


            "You mean that war that made all of the children in

Europe suddenly disappear?"


            "That's right. Good, boy, I see you've been doing

your studying. Supposedly it was caused by bandits

kidnapping children when they went to help the war

effort in the Middle East, but I have another

theory...Let's go, Sherman. We're headed to the

village of Hamlin," before we stepped into the amazing

time machine. In the blink of an eye we're in the

German town.


            "Mr. Peabody!! What's with all these chickens? I

thought Hamlin was infested with rats!"


            "Another mistake in the history books, Sherman. It is

a little-known fact that Hamlin was not infested with

rats, but chickens!!" Sure enough, hundreds of

chickens have taken over the town, running down the

street, eating food off of tables, and generally

making an enormous nuisance of themselves.


            "We need this chicken infestation to stop!!" a

stocky, bearded bald man shouted from in front of the

town council building.


            "Who's that Mr. Peabody?"


            "The Mayor..." At that moment the mayor took his

toupee out of his pocket, but didn't realize that an

egg was hidden underneath it until he smacks it on his

head.


            "We will pay anyone grandly who can get rid of these

pesky chickens!!!"


            "I believe I have a solution..." a smooth voice

suddenly stated and everyone turned to regard a tall,

shadowy figure standing in an alleyway.


            "Who's that, Mr. Peabody?" Sherman asked.


            "I suspect that it would be the pied piper!" I said,

then hushed his boy so he can listen.


            "Just let me take care of things...I have use for all

these chickens..." the accented voice continued.


            "What use could there be for all this poultry?"


            "Where I come from, chickens are the entertainment

for a certain breed of citizens," the stranger replied

lightly before striding over to the government

building. "Let's discuss my payment and then I'll see

what I can do..."


            "Gosh, Mr. Peabody, was that really the Pied Piper?"


            "I don't know...something doesn't seem right here,

Sherman. Maybe we should investigate..."


            A few days later found the Piper not tuning up his

instrument, but gathering all the aritsans in the city

for a secret meeting. Sherman and I tried to get in on

the meeting, but were effectively shut out.


            "What are we going to do now, Mr. Peabody?" Sherman

asked, sighing as he took a seat in the road outside

the building where the folks were gathered.


            "I don't know, but we have to keep our eyes on that

stranger...he's up to something..." I told him,

raising myself on my toes to get a better look through

the window. At that moment the door is flung open

revealing the tall, cloaked figure of the Piper

holding an enormous basket of Easter eggs. With only a

mysterious smile he proceeded to distribute them to

the artisans who hide them throughout Hamlin. As if

possessing a radar system, all the children in Hamlin

suddenly ran into the streets with baskets and

buckets, all set to hunt the hundreds of dyed eggs.

Well, as you can imagine, as soon as the chickens saw

this they immediately started hitchhiking out of town,

because as everyone knows, Easter comes in the spring

and spring is the time when fried chicken starts to

become popular again for picnics. Almost immediately

the entire chicken population of Hamlin vanished.


            Three days later, though, a new problem presented

itself.


            "What are we going to do with all these dogone

kids?!" the mayor screamed, throwing his arms into the

air as children still scrambled to collect leftover

eggs which were now starting to rot.


            "Ew, Mr. Peabody, what's going to happen now?"

Sherman asked, scrunching up his nose.


            "I'm afraid we'll just have to watch and see,

Sherman. Something doesn't sit right here, though..."

I replied, trying to remember where I had read about

such occurances.


            "I have the solution to your problem," the stranger

said, suddenly appearing beside the mayor.


            "Anything! We'll do anything!!" Smiling at the

Mayor's desperate plea, the stranger leaned down and

whispered something into his ear.


            "You mean that's all I have to do?"


            "That's right...but realize that there's no

refunds...what's said will be said..." he added,

flashing that disturbing grin.


            "Who cares?! It'll be worth it! Wait a minute...this

won't cause another infestation, will it?"


            "Of course not..."


            "Great! Then I wish the goblins would come and take

away all these annoying kids right now!!" the mayor

shouted, and suddenly in a puff of smoke, all the

yelling children, all the crying toddlers, all the

rowdy, fighting boys and the whimpering and happy

little girls are gone.


            "Jimminy Crickets! Did you see that, Mr. Peabody!?"


            "I definitely did, Sherman, and we've got to warn the

mayor exactly what he's dealing with!!" Unfortunatley

we didn't get enough time because at that moment the

Mayor took the stranger inside to discuss payment.

Following a hunch, we waited outside until the

stranger suddenly came rushing out, looking very

unhappy, indeed.


            "So they think they can get away without paying me,

hmm? I'll teach them..." he mumbled under his breath.

Knowing that my suspicions were confirmed, I led

Sherman inside to talk to the Mayor.


            "Mr. Mayor, you need to pay the stranger in full!"


            "Are you serious? He's some vagabond in need of a

handout! We got what we wanted, what can he do to us?"

the mayor replied smugly, until he heard the music.

The most beautiful music a mortal could ever hear.


            "What's going on, Mr. Peabody?" Sherman asks as we

hurry out to the street.


            "It's just what I feared...that isn't any piper, or a

piper at all! It's the goblin king!!"


            "What?"


            "Just watch, Sherman!" I instructed, feeling a little

surprised myself as the streets of Hamlin were

transformed into the biggest ballroom I had ever seen.

Quietly the goblin king began to sing. He wasn't

disguised in a cloak and broad hat any longer, but was

in fine ballroom attire and his face was revealed so

that everyone in Hamlin might see him. Or, any

unmarried young female might see him. From out of

nowhere the young women came, running eagerly towards

the sound and promises of dreams coming true. The

mayor sputtered in disbelief and the adults tried to

warn them, but it was too late. In a flash, the king

conjured a crystal and in an explosion of light the

king and the girls were gone.


            Back at home Sherman and I mused over the events.


            "So the entire story of the Pied Piper was made up?"


            "Actually, it turns out we weren't in Hamlin at

all...the Wayback Machine must need fixing...we were

actually in the town of Porklin! And the Pied Piper

and the Goblin King were only two of the known con

artists who took parts of towns away. They're actually

second cousins; they're whole family was in that

business. For the Goblin King it was a way to keep

business booming when people started to forget about

his labyrinth. Everyone has bad times and this was his

way with coping with them," I explained, sighing

slightly.


            "But how did you know, Mr. Peabody?"


            "Simple, Sherman. When I looked at what the children

were hiding, I discovered that they were painted

crystal balls and not eggs at all!"


            "You mean he planted the chickens there on purpose?!"


            "That's right...If you're more on the ball, then you

may discover that what looks to be perfect is actually

quite fowl!"


            "Mister Peabody!!!"








Episode Five...


            If you'll remember the last time we saw our heroes,

they were running from some unseen threat.


            "IT'S THE CLEANERS!!!" Hoggle screamed, running in

absolute panic.


            "Wow! Service that comes to you! Maybe they can help

me out with a stain on a sportcoat I've had..."


            "NOT THAT KIND OF CLEANERS!! RUN!!!"


            "Run Bullwinkle!!" Rocky agrees as he sees the

vehicle that looks like a dentist drill on steroids.

So our boys did the most heroic thing possible in the

given situation: they ran like the wind.


            "Bullwinkle, we need to think of something fast! Use

your head!!" Rocky encouraged and Bullwinkle did just

that. He used his head! He used it to ram against the

nearest wall, causing it to crumble under his moose

strength, allowing our heroes to narrowly escape the

cleaners.


            "Here's what we need! A ladder...this way..." Hoggle

said casually and Rocky stopped in suspicion.


            "How do we know you're not taking us back?!"


            "I wasn't! I was trying to throw the king off our

tracks!"


            "See, I knew he had an honest face!!" Bullwinkle says

proudly.


            "Uh-huh...but Hoggle, how can we trust you?"


            "I really don't think we have much of a choice," the

moose replied before the dwarf could say the same

thing. Sighing, Rocky nodded in resignation and

followed first Hoggle then Bullwinkle up the ladder.


            "Y'know, Hoggle, I think you have some issues,"

Bullwinkle suggested thoughtfully. "Like why do you

always run and scream as soon as that guy in the

tights shows up?"


            "Cause he scares me! I'm a coward!!"


            "Oh, makes sense!" Bullwinkle agrees, dropping the

subject.


            "So what other stuff do we have to worry about?"

Rocky asked as they continued to climb higher and

higher. "What's this about the Bog of Eternal Stench?"


            "It's TERRIBLE!! It's the worst thing you've ever

smelled-"


            "I dunno, you haven't smelled my sock collection

yet!!" Bullwinkle said proudly.


            "But if you set one foot in it you'll smell like it

forever!"


            "That's Bullwinkle's sock collection to a T!" Rocky

added, shivering at the thought. Suddenly, they were

at the top of the ladder and climbed out into a large

section of hedges.


            "Okay, I'm done!!" the brave dwarf announced.


            "Says who!?" Rocky shouts, turning in surprise to see

the dwarf already running away. But maybe it was

because he already saw the wiseman coming and just

didn't want to deal with him.


            "Hey Rocky! Let's ask this intelligent-looking fellow

for help!" Bullwinkle suggested, motioning for his pal

to join him.


            "Oh, okay! Excuse me, Sir, but we're trying to get to

the castle!"


            "You're...trying...to get...to the castle?"


            "How's that for brain power?" the hat remarks.


            "I think he's a genius!" Bullwinkle replied and the

hat rolled his eyes.


            "Oh, brother," the hat and Rocky remarked at the same

time.


            "You're...trying...to get to...the castle?"


            "Yeah, large building, pointy towers, holds lots of

weird-looking goblins and a king that looks like his

hair got caught in a vaccuum cleaner," Bullwinkle said

helpfully.


            "Well sometimes the way forwards...is also the way

back..."


            "What?!" Rocky asked, an exasperated expression on

his face.


            "Y'know Rock, that's an antihistamine piece of

information...i.e. it's not to be sneezed at!!"

Bullwinkle quipped as they waited for the wiseman to

divulge more information.


            "I theenk that's your luck," the hat announced as the

wiseman drifted off to sleep. "Please, leave a

contribution in the leetle box."


            "I've got it!" Bullwinkle says, depositing a few

boxtops in the slot of the box before our two heroes

walk away. "In order to get to the castle faster, we

have to walk backwards!"


            "What?! But that makes no sense!!" Rocky protested,

rolling his eyes as Bullwinkle turned around and

proceeded to walk backwards, right into a bush.


            "OUCH!!"


            "I told you that wouldn't work! What's this?" Rocky

asked as Bullwinkle pulled himself out of the bushes,

hefting a chainsaw.


            "This is what that wiseman was talking about, Rock!

In order to find this little beauty we had to find

this bush!" Well, for once the moose stumbles upon the

answer, literally! Without further adieu, Bullwinkle

proceeded to start the chainsaw and hack his way

through the hedge maze easily, scaring away a group of

guards that were torturing a large furry beast with

pointy sticks with annoying little animals with sharp

teeth on the ends.


            "Hey, do you need us to help you down?" Rocky asked

as he unfastened the ropes binding the animal.


            "Ludo...down!!!" the beast agreed right before he

plummeted into the floor of the labyrinth.


            "Hokey Smokes! Didn't mean to hurt you there, Ludo."


            "Ya don't happen to know the way through this maze,

do you?" Bullwinkle asked and Ludo shook his head.


            "Well, I guess you're welcome to come with us...I'm

Rocky and this is Bullwinkle."


            "Wocky and Buwinkle fwiends!!"


            "Uh, right…hey, where did those two come from?"

Bullwinkle commented, crossing to where two doors and

their corresponding door knockers now stood where a

wall was three seconds ago. 

            "Who cares, let's just choose one and get going!"

Rocky sighed. "But I guess we want to choose the right

one..."


            "Hey, I know!! Knock, knock!!" Bullwinkle cried,

turning to both doors.


            "What?" asked the one with the ring through it's

ears.


            "Mmmph," the one with the ring in it's mouth said.


            "Let's go with this one...at least he's trying to

appreciate good humor!" Bullwinkle decided, knocking

on the door with the knocker with the ring in its

mouth. Shrugging, Ludo and Rocky followed.

 

            "Ludo scawed," the beast muttered as they trekked

through a dark part of forest.


            "Hey, it's okay Ludo, just keep going! Look at me:

I'm as cuke as a coolcumber!!" Bullwinkle boasted.

"Hmm...now let's see here, where to next...What do you

think, Rock?" he asked, turning to regard the empty

path behind him. "Uh, Rock? Rocket J.?! HEY ROCK,

WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!?"


**************************


            Meanwhile...


            "Boris, Dollink, do you theenk that there is any good

food here?" Natasha asked as the two dastardly

villains quickly crept throughout the streets of the

goblin city.


            "Who knows, Natasha, but ve've got to hurry before

the kingy alerts hees guards!" Boris warned as they

snuck down an alley.


            "But how, Boris?"


            "Vat do you mean how, silly girl! Ve run a scam!!"

Boris proclaimed, tugging on a suave-looking sportcoat

and putting on a pair of glasses and pulling out a

microphone. Quickly, he handed Natasha a mike and got

to work.


            "Velcome to channel thirteen news...I'm Cam Scam and

dees is my co-anchor Miss Demeanor. Thees just in...it

seems that all food in the Labyrinth is contaminated

by the babies that have been taken avay...symptoms

include becoming cute and adorable, speaking in

coherent sentences, and wearing pastel pajamas with

feet. All ceetizens have been advised to bring their

food to the town square immediately-" Boris paused as

suddenly bunches of goblins rushed out to where the

dastardly duo stood, deposited their food, and ran to

the safety of their houses. The two laughed evilly

before examining their supply.

 

            "Uch...Boris, I don't theenk Fearless Leader would

even let any of thees stuff into Pottsylvania!"

Natasha observed, wrinkling her nose as she sniffed at

a cask of Owl Wine. Boris nodded his agreement as he

looked over some sort of fungi.


            "Maybe ve'd better try someplace else...and queeck!!"

he added upon seeing the goblin corps heading from the

castle to where they stood. "Hurry Natasha, ve'd

better hide!!" the villain shouted before the two ran

down a deserted alley to find a hiding place.


            What will happen? Will our heroes ever make it or

will Boris and Natasha be turned into goblins, forcing

the show to be cancelled? Will they find enough food

for Pottsylvania or will Fearless Leader give them an

all-expenses paid trip in front of a firing squad? And

where's Rocky?


            Tune in next time for...Foody Blues or Where Have All

My Buddies Gone?


********************************************* 

            As you hear the thundering music and see the

sihouette of the brave soldier proudly riding across

the screen on his horse (backwards, of course) you

know it can only mean one thing (and no it isn't that

you have to change the channel!). It's time for

Dudley Do-right!


            "Colonel Fenwick, you called for me, Sir?" that

loveable, dimwit Dudley called as he came into the

mounty headquarters.


            "Yes, Dudley. We need new Mounties. Now go off and

don't come back until you've found some new recruits!"

the colonel said, confident that the next day Dudley

would have the problem solved.


            The next day dawned, however and...


            "Roll call! Dudley Do-Right!"


            "Here, Sir!"


            "Fenwick! Why, that's odd, we have the same last

name!" the colonel mused as he looked at the

clipboard.


            "Father, it is me, Nell!"


            "What? Do-Right, where did you get this mounty? He's

wearing make-up, too!"


            "I gave her five cents to join, Sir!" Do-Right said

proudly.


            "Well go back and find more suitable recruits!" the

colonel said before looking at the new recruit with a

hard stare. "You even look like my daughter!"


            Meanwhile, in a shack in the woods...


            "Eureka, finally a way to get rid of those

Mounties..." a dastardly voice that could only belong

to Snidely Whiplash chortled.


            "What d'ya mean, boss?" his sidekick Thor the goblin

said, frowning.


            "I mean that they need new recruits...ever since I

found you wandering in the woods with some of your

disgusting friends last month I've been trying to find

a good use for you..."


            "I do make pretty good cappucino, boss!" the goblin

replied, trying to remember what cappucino was.


            "We and your friends shall go sign up in disguise and

when we are in the camp, we shall take it over!!!"

Snidely chortled, then glared at the goblin who was

staring at him, confused. Sighing, Snidely bonked him

over then head. "Well, laugh!"


            The next day...


            "Roll call! Do-Right!"


            "Here, Sir!"

 

            "Fenwick!"


            "Here, Father!"

 

            "Lashwhip? That name sounds familiar..."


            "Here you wonderful mounty boss you!" Snidley called,

proud of himself for coming up with such a clever

disguise name.


            "Okay...Thor, Snerd, Ooglesnout, Slimeyfeet? Is this

some kind of joke?" Fenwick asked as he glared at the

five ugliest mounties he had ever seen. Four were

short, stocky, had big ears and noses, stringy hair,

and were becoming quite distracted with the rooster

perched on the fence of the mounty camp. The other was

just as ugly, but tall, with a mustache. They were all

wearing mounty uniforms except the tall guy had a top

hat on instead of the regulation Mounty Funny Hat.


            "The joke is that we've got the camp now!!!" Whiplash

chortled as he ripped off his mounty costume. "It is

I, Snidely Whiplash, and I have you now Colonel,

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Snidely glanced down at his

dimwitted companions. "Well, LAUGH!!!"


            "You know, if we're going to be treated this way, I'd

rather it be by someone with better fashion sense..."

Thor grumbled, glancing at the other goblins.


            "Yeah, one who doesn't make us dress up in stupid

outfits!" Snerd added.


            "One who lets us go chase chickens!" Ooglesnout and

Slimeyfoot added.


            "Come on, let's go back to Jareth! At least he

appreciated us a little!" Thor grumbled and all of the

goblins suddenly disappeared.


            "Snidely, you've been trying to fool us with

hallucinations, well it won't work! I've got you now!"

Dudley proclaims as he runs towards the villain, and

smacks right into the fence. Turned out that Snidely

was a painting on the wall, all along.


Back in the woods...


            "Curses! At least I got away..." Snidely grumbled as

he ran for his shack. "Next time I plot an evil plan

I'm going back to using deliquents...."


Next Day...


            "Roll Call! Do-Right!"


            "Here Sir!"


            "Fenwick!"


            "Here Father!"


            "Horse! What kind of name is that, Horse? Is that

Swedish?" Colonel Fenwick asked in confusion.


            "Neigh!" 'Horse' replied, grinning at Dudley.


            "Shhh, ol' pal...I won't tell him if you don't!"




Episode Six...


            If you remember last time, Bulwinkle's buddies had

just disappeared, leaving him alone, but not for

long...


            "HEY, WHERE YOU GOIN' WITH A HEEEEAAAAD LIKE

THAT!!!?"


            "Uh, actually I was going to the castle..."

Bullwinkle tried, marvelling at the fireys' ability to

detach their limbs. "Wowee! I bet you could beat out

the bearded lady for a spot at the circus!" he

marvelled.


            "Really?" the firey closest to him pondered, glancing

over at his friends. "You really think we're that

good?"


            "Of course! You're fantastic! I bet you could even

get on a low-rated talk show!"


            "Whoa, ya here that guys? Come on, let's blow this

joint! It's off to Hollywood!" the firey shouted and

suddenly all the fireys had donned movie star glasses,

had grabbed suitcases, and were booking it for the

next bus to LA.


            "Hey, what about me!?" Bullwinkle yelled.


            "Up here, grab it!" Hoggle yelled from the top of a

large wall. Shrugging, Bullwinkle grabbed the rope and

climbed to the top.


            "Hey, I was wondering where you were! You haven't

seen my buddies, have you?"


            "Um, no..." Hoggle managed, trying to keep his

balance along the narrow wall.


            "Okay, thanks anyway for helping me out, kind

dwarf!!" Bullwinkle gushed before giving him a

Moose-strength slap on the back. Unfortunately, this

was enough to send Hoggle over the edge.


            "AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!"


            "Hang on there, Mr. Hoggle, I'll help you out!"

Bullwinkle called, leaning forward to grab him.

Unfortunately he leaned just a little too far and

fell over the edge himself. The ground opened up

underneath them and they kept falling, right into

the...


            "THE BOG OF STENCH!!!!" Hoggle shrieked as he landed

on a big hairy thing.


            "OW!" Ludo yelled as Bullwinkle landed on his back,

too.


            "Oh, sorry bout that Ludo! Hey, it's Ludo! Rocky!!!!"

 Bullwinkle yelled in delight as he noticed his friend

who was apparently having some trouble breathing.


            "I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS STENCH!!!!" Hoggle

screamed as he covered his nose and mouth.


            "SMELL BAD!!!!" Ludo agreed and Rocky nodded

emphatically.


            "What do ya mean? This place smells all right to me!"

Bullwinkle declared and the other three just gaped at

him, but not too much lest they breath in more than

they already were. Bullwinkle took a deep breath.

"Mmmmm....yup, just like my sock collection back

home!!"


            "Oh, brother! Come on, guys, let's get out of here!

Look, a bridge!" Rocky noticed with those keen

squirrel eyes. Our heroes walked over to the bridge,

or rather Bullwinkle walked, the others ran for dear

life.


            "Stop! No one may pass without my permission!" a

hyper fox yelled as he jumped in front of him.


            "Well, can we have your permission, Mr. uh..."


            "Didymus," the fox supplied the squirrel. "And of

course, my permission is thine. I was beginning to

wonder why more people didn't just ask...Fighing to

the death gets old after a while," he sighed as they

made their way across the bridge.


            "Hey, I thought this had fallen down ages ago!"

Hoggle observed once they were on the other side.


            "Haven't thou noticed the road construction during

the passing months? Our fair land has undergone a

clean-up program, starting with this fair bridge," the

fox yammered as our heroes continued on the path.


Meanwhile...


            "Borees, look! Meellions of peaches!" Natasha

exclaimed as they looked into the enormous bin at the

end of the alley.


            "I see, Natasha! Fearless Leader veell surely go for

theese!" he agreed as they inspected the produce. Oh,

if only they had known!


            "Known what? Vhat you sayeeng?" Boris asked as he

turned to glare at the narator.


            "Um, nothing!"


            "Notheeng, notheeng, tra-la-la?"

 

            "Hey, that's not your line!"


            "Tough luck, eet's contageeous! Besides, all the

funny accents and lines in this theeng go to me! Now

why deed you interrupt?"


            "Um, no reason, please continue!"


            "Fine. MWAHAHAHAHAHAA! Natasha, theese are perfect!

Look good, too. And those gobleens haven't found us

yet! Vhat do you say to a leetle snack?"


            "Vahnderful dollink!" Natasha replied as they both

grabbed large peaches and began to chow down.


            "Hey, I'm starteeng to feel strange!"


            "Me, too, dollink!"


            Like I had said earlier, if only these two had known

that all peaches in the Underground are enchanted

peaches!"


            "Dollink, I don't feel too good!" Natasha groaned

before sinking to the ground.


            "And everytheeng's danceeng!" Boris agreed before

slumping, himself.


            The next thing Boris knew, he was inside some sort of

ballroom. Blinking, he shook his head and tried to

sort everything out. He had been in the Goblin City,

had eaten those peaches....


            "Blast that narator!" he muttered while looking

around for...someone. His jaw dropped as he saw a

beautiful woman in a purple ballgown and dark hair and

a smirk on her face. She looked so familiar...


            "Natasha! Nathasha, ees that you?!"


            "Borees! There you are! And vhy are you vearing a

dress?" Natasha asked, raising her eyebrows. Boris

looked down and screamed, for just as she had said,

was a beautiful, white, billowy ballgown, not unlike

the one a certain Sarah had once worn in a similar

situation.


            "Thees is reediculous!" he snarled, plucking ribbons

from his hat. Just at that moment, a very confused and

well-dressed Jareth emerged, wondering who had

summoned him in a dream...


            "THERE THEY ARE! THAT'S WHO ESCAPED AND TRIED TO

STEAL THE CITY'S FOOD! AFTER THEM!!!!" he roared and

suddenly every dancer in the place turned and glared

at them through their masks. The music stopped and

both villains gulped before turning and running like

heck. Soon, though, they came across a slight problem.


            "Borees, ve're trapped in a creestal!!" Natasha

wailed as Boris banged on the side of the ball.


            "Curses! Purity! Honesty! Compassion!!!"


            "BOREES, WATCH YOUR MOUTH! There's a lady present!"

Natasha scolded, but Boris wasn't listening. He was

too busy ranting about how everything wasn't fair. In

the middle of his tantrum he picked up a chair and

hurled it at the wall. Suddenly, everything and

everyone in the room was falling....


******************************************


            "Vhere are ve?" Boris moaned as they picked

themselves out of the garbage pile they had fallen

into that was strangely located in the middle of the

town. "I thought that there was a no burning law in

thees country!" Boris added upon looking at the

garbage ladies burning trash.


            "And vhat are we doing here?" Natasha added, trying

to get up.


            "GET OFF MY BACK! How many times do I have to tell

ya!?" the garbage lady yelled. "Now what do ya want?"


            "Ve're lookeeng for sometheeng," Boris said, shaking

his head.


            "Well, I've got what you're looking for right

here..." she cackled before pulling aside a tent

flap...


            "Boris! Why haven't you got any food for Pottsylvania

yet!!!?" Fearless Leader roared from inside and the

two villains screamed before running the opposite way.


What will happen to our two villains? And what about

our heroes? And will Jareth actually survive this one?

Tune in next time for The Perve's Nerves or Jareth

Puts a Sock in It!


****************************************************


            As the fairy glides across the screen, open the giant

book, and promptly gets trapped in it, you know it's

time for Fractured Fairy Tales!


            Once upon a time there was a woman who wanted a child

very badly, so she went to the local Wisewoman to find

out what she could do.


            "Well, my dear, if you don't know how to have a child

now...oh, you mean you've tried already! Okay...well,

all you need to do is take this seed home and plant it

and you'll have a beanstalk in no time!"


            "But I want a child, not a beanstalk!"


            "Right, sorry, wrong seed!" the wisewoman exclaimed,

digging in her boxes. "Here it is...go home and plant

it and water it and in the morning, presto!" The woman

paid the wisewoman and happily went home and planted

the seed and watered it. In the morning there was a

giant venus flytrap in the windowbox. The woman gaped

as it opened and out stepped a little normal-sized

girl. The woman was overjoyed and named her

Thumbalina. The two lived in peace for many years

until the girl was eighteen and it was decided that

she should get married.


            So Thumbalina set off for the neighboring lands to

find a husband. She happend to be passing by the

Goblin King's labyrinth where he was gazing into his

crystal, bored as usual. As soon as he saw the fair

maiden he turned into an owl, flew down to her, and

begged her to marry him. She agreed, because she could

tell that he was a nice catch, so they were married

and went back to his castle to live together.


            "By the way, darling, why were you named Thumbalina?

You are normal-sized," Jareth pointed out that night

as they were turning in.


            "I don't know...my mother never told me," she sighed

before crossing to his side. He smiled and caressed

her cheek with a hand and went to trace her lips...


            CHOMP!


            "YEOW!!!" Jareth screamed and pulled his throbbing

thumb from between her teeth. You see, the wisewoman

had gotten that seed from faeries, and everyone knows

that faeries love to bite people. While she didn't

grow wings and was normal sized, Thumbalina still had

the habit of biting people's fingers, which is why her

mother named her Thumbalina. Luckily, Jareth was

understanding, and the two lived in happiness for many

years, even if it was a little painful around the

edges.


*********************************************************************


Episode Seven...


            As you remember our heroes have faced cleaners,

goblin kings, and the Bog of Stench, and now they were

finally at the Goblin City!


            "Hey, what about the guards?" Rocky asked as he

glanced at the sleeping guards.


            "Don't worry, I shall fight anyone who tries to stop

us TO THE DEATH!!!!"

 

            "Yeah, uh, Didymus, we'll save that for Plan B,"

Bullwinkle told the fox. "Excitable little guy, isn't

he?" he muttered to Rocky who nodded. Quietly, they

went through the gates and were just about to the city

when the doors slammed shut, and the eyes of the

giant, Humongus, opened.


            "WHO GOES!!!!?" he bellowed and Ambrosious nearly ran

for it.


            "We're Bullwinkle J. Moose, Rocket J. Squirrel, and

friends," Bullwinkle said, and frowned when the guy

made no move to let them in. "Okay, look! So far we've

fallen into a pit, been chased by a big metal thing,

went through hundreds of acres of this maze, and gone

through a bog that smells like my socks! Actually that

wasn't that bad..."


            "BULLWINKLE!!!"


            "Sorry, Rock! And on top of it, whoever's writing

this darn thing takes forever to get us out of these

situations!!! So before they lose inspiration or

something can you just please let us in!?" Bullwinkle

bellowed, his moose patience wearing thin.


            "Oh, of course!" the monster replied, standing aside

as the doors opened. "I hate it when that happens!

I've been waiting forever for my cameo in this one!

Good luck!"


            "See, ya just have to know how to handle these

things..." Bullwinkle muttered before two high-speed

objects slammed into our group of heroes. As they

tried to pick themselves up, they noticed that they

were two familiar high-speed objects.


            "Boris! Natasha!!"


            "Moose! Squirrel!"


            "Hokey smokes!!!"


            "Why are you wearing ballgowns?" Bullwinkle asked and

the two villains blushed and immediately tore them off

to reveal their usual spy clothes for plotting evil

deeds in.


            "You've got to geet us out of heere!" Boris pleaded

and Rocky nodded.


            "Right! Come on guys, let's get to this castle!"


            "Vait! The guards! They're lookeeng for us!" Natasha

whispered anxiously.


            "No problem! Hey Goblin Guards, they went that

way!!!" Bullwinkle yelled and immediately all the

goblin corps ran through the gates into the labyrinth.

Using his moose strength the moose pushed the gates

shut, locking them out.


            "Well, that takes care of that! Now, who's coming to

the castle?" Bullwinkle chuckled, quite pleased with

himself.


            Quickly our heroes and their companions raced up the

stairs and into the throne room.


            "Whoa...spacious, though not what I'd call

exceedingly tasteful," Bullwinkle muttered, looking

around.


            "Hey, there's only one way out of this room! Come on

Bullwinkle!" Rocky shouted and everyone started for

the door. "Wait! Guys, you've been a great help, but

we need to do this alone," Rocky sighed as he looked

Sir Didymus, Ambrosious, Hoggle, and Ludo.


            "All right then...if that is what you must do," Sir

Didymus sighed.

 

            "Ludo and Wocky and Buwinkwe fwiends!"


            "But should you need us, all yous have to do is

call!" Hoggle reminded them and they nodded before

heading up the stairs, well, almost all of them.


            "Boris, Natasha! Come on!" Rocky yelled down to the

two spies.


            "Vat? I thought you vanted to go alone!" Boris said

and Hoggle rolled his eyes, glad that even he wasn't

that big of a coward.


            "Come on you guys!" Bullwinkle sighed and Boris and

Natasha relunctantly joined our heroes. Quickly they

ran into the doorway at the top and all gasped upon

seeing what lay inside. Staircases jutted out of the

walls in every direction, at every angle.


            "Ah, there you are...I was wondering what was keeping

you...and you've brought what is mine back to me, I

see," Jareth said from his position across the room.

He leaned casually against a wall, smirking.


            "Pardon me, your highness, but we're getting them

back!" Rocky said, plucky squirrel that he was.


            "Fine then...but can you get to them before this

does?" he asked, forming a crystal and hurtling it

towards Boris and Natasha. The villains yelled in

shock and tried to run, but the crystal followed them

wherever they went.


            "After them, Rock!" Bullwinkle shouted and our boys

ran after the crystal and the villains. Try as they

might, though, they could never get to them. Instead,

they'd end up on the ceiling, or across the room.


            "This isn't working!" Rocky yelled.


            "What tipped you off?" Bullwinkle asked, coming to

his side.

 

            "Hey, Bullwinkle! They're right across the room from

us...you don't suppose...?"


            "Sure thing, Rock!" Bullwinkle said before picking up

the plucky squirrel.


            "Alley..." Rocky supplied.


            "Oof!" Bullwinkle finished as he hurtled our plucky

squirrel hero towards the crystal. The mammalian

missle sped through the room, rocketing towards the

crystal, Boris, and Natasha.


            "Borees, duck!" Natasha yelled.


            "No, squirrel!!" he replied as they fell to the

ground. Rocky gained speed as he got closer, and

suddenly the crystal wasn't there at all, but instead

he was falling, along with Bullwinkle.


            "Wow, talk about your down-to-earth climaxes!"

Bullwinkle observed as they plummeted in slow motion.

Gently our heroes landed and found themselves

face-to-face with the Goblin King who was now decked

out in the confrontation feather attire.


            "What do we do Bullwinkle? What's in the book?" Rocky

asked, his eyes widening at the king's smirk. Hokey

smokes, it's still with Boris!!!"


            "Not any more...it fell out of his pocket when they

ran into us..." Bullwinkle said, pulling out the

volume.


            "Wait, not that! You don't know how many times I've

suffered through that blasted speech!" Jareth objected

and Bullwinkle and Rocky glanced at each other.


            "It does seem a little mean..." Rocky remarked.


            "Yeah, but we're almost out of time, Rock!"


            "Tell ya what...How about a trade? The book for the

no goodniks!" Rocky said, turning to face the goblin

king. Jareth stared at them for along time before

nodding.


            "Very well...then at least one copy will be out of

reach of bratty teenagers!" he agreed, taking the red

leather book from Bullwinkle and waving his hand. In a

flash, everything was blinding light.


*****************************************


             When the haze cleared our heroes found themselves

standing in front of the Frostbite Falls Library.


            "Hokey smokes Bullwinkle! We're back in Frostbite

Falls!"


            "Good thing, too. Thursday's almost over with, so now

we can stop being bored!"


            "BULLWINKLE!!!"


            "All right...hey, maybe when we get home we can call

on the gang and have a big party! I'm starting to miss

them!" the moose sniffled and Rocky nodded.


            "Good idea...y'know, I wonder what happened to Boris

and Natasha..."


**********************************************


Meanwhile, In Siberia...


            "Borees, that no-good Goblin Keeng sent us back to

Sibeeria!"


            "I can see that Natasha! But at least eet could be

vorse!"


            "How could eet be vorse!"


            As if to answer the question, a terrifying form

emerged from behind a snowdrift.


            "Badenov! I knew you were behind this! What am I

doing here and where is the food!?"


            "FEARLESS LEADER!!!" both villains shouted in terror

before making a run for it, their leader right behind

them all the way. As they disappeared behind the

horizon line, the familiar figure of a white owl rose

from where it had been perched on a snowdrift,

chuckling in its throat all the way back to the

Underground.


The End