Title: The Ballad of Sir Bumping Toot Toot

Fandom: labyrinth

Rating: G

Parts: 1

Disclaimer: I don’t own the labyrinth or any of the

characters...I just took a really really minor

character, gave him a name and a story...and I

actually quite like him, heh

Summary: the story of a minor background character in ballad form.

Of all the heroes in the Underground, that land of red

sky and stenched sea

There is none as overlooked as the brave goblin knight

Known as Bumping Toot Toot Settee

He dutifully parades every night up and down the

Goblin City Square

Making sure no renegade rocks are about, to harrass

any young goblins there

His armor is dented and faded red, like the bricks in

the labyrinth’s walls

He rides on a dragon with lazy eyes from which he only

now and again takes a fall

His voice is like a raspy echo trapped ten years

inside a tin can

Which isn’t a marvelous thing since he’s been inside

the armor his whole life span

He was chosen by Jareth himself at the ripe old age of

fifteen

To be one of his majesty’s goblin guards, since he was

especially sadistic and mean

Since then he has made his rounds through the maze

closed to castle doors

And kept all in the city in line, making sure they do

their assigned chores

Sir Bumping Toot Toot is a valiant brave knight, who’s

only ambition has been

To guard the bridge on the bog of stench, from where

he thinks his ancestors came

Sadly that honorable task went to the knight named Sir

Didymus the first

Because when Sir Settee tried to do this task, he

thought his nose would surely burst

His feather drooping, his suit creaking its tears,

back to the city he went

To stand his post by the castle, pouting in his

dilapidated, blue leather tent.

Until that day when the one girl came, that brought

Sir Didymus to him

And he fiercely challenged his competition, to a

frightening duel with him

Oh how they charged and danced and weaved on their

mounts that shook and shivered

And Bumping did savor the thrill when Didymus was

knocked off his mount, and quivered

He was sure that he had him, was sure that he’d be

back to the glorious bog by hour thirteen

He just did not know of the knight’s brotherhood with

Sir Ludo, who’s rock calling he could never have seen

So after the fall of the city, when that battle was

said and done

Sir Bumping gave a deep sigh, faintly admitting that

his adversary had won

He’d never return to his family’s start, where his

ancestors crawled out of the muck

But he could always patrol the city, watching out for

the boulders that changed his luck

So when you look upon the labyrinth’s shape underneath

the crystal moon

Think of the sad lone figure that longs for the damp,

murky lagoon

If you look hard enough towards the castle, in a

little tent I’m sure you will see

The solitary knight on his dragon, the silhouette of

Sir Bumping Toot Toot Settee