Title: one life

parts: one

fandom: Blue Juice (ewan)

rating: PG

disclaimer: don't own blue juice, the company that made it does

summary - dean's life catches up with him and he makes a decision

Eyes that were the same blue green as the ocean that they looked out at

watched the waves roll by. It was choice surfing, and that should have

made those eyes sparkle and glitter with their owner's zest for life, but

those eyes hadn't sparkled like that for a long time. A long time. They

were eyes had hadn't truly been looked into by the world for what seemed

like forever. Eyes that missed the jokes, missed the late night chatter

and banter, missed the sense of trust and belonging that came from being

in a close-knit group of friends. Eyes that slowly, after a while, had

been excluded and neglected as friends gained other circles of friends,

families, new jobs, new locations, new responsibilities, and new pleasures

that took them away.

It wasn't their fault...and he suposed it wasn't his fault, really. It

just seemed to happen. But trying to be understanding and patient didn't

erase the hurt that came from being ignored, even if it wasn't purposeful.

Like most everything, it had started with the events that had started

everything. Everything had been fine for awhile...he had stopped dealing

and gotten a respectable business for himself. JC and Chloe married and

had their little girl...Terry and Sarah had gone around the world and

eventually married...and Josh and Junior had gotten together and begun a

working relationship as well as their personal one, that kept them mainly

in London. For awhile there were always visits, always letters and phone

calls, the only difference was that all of their lives started to expand.

And somewhere along the line, Dean realized that his life had stopped

expanding, while the others just kept on catapulting forward. He didn't

seem to know what they were talking about half the time..new albums and

licensing and studio fees and all sorts of technical rubbish from

Josh...news of chicken pox and playdates and the like from JC and

Chloe...and Terry even stopped talking about TV and videos and began to

talk about relationship issues and children and a future...things that he

just didn't seem to know what to say to when brought up. It was always

halfway obvious that those things brought Terry and Sarah closer to JC and

Chloe...and as their lives became more hectic with jobs and children and

everything else, there was less time for Dean to spontaneously drop by to

talk about his surf shop, less time to just grab the gang and go for a

drink or a chat...less time to do anything that didn't involve their

immediate futures.

And he, he could only talk about his latest business expansions on the

shop, or his latest board-making technique so often...He had tried to find

someone, tried to join the crowd and settle down, but it soon became

apparent that he was either too picky or just a solatary soul. Germ of the

wild or some other such nonsense...The only people he really understood

anymore were Crab and the rest of the surfers of Cornwall...and they

inevitably got a taste of freedom and a real life and left, leaving him

alone to ponder the pattern of the waves and the smell of the air.

He tried...God knows he did...and he gave JC and the others their space so

they wouldn't feel like he was being demanding or clingy. That was the

last thing he wanted to be...truth was, he was happy for them all. He just

wished he still fit into the picture. Occasionally he'd see Chloe and JC

out and about with their little one, or he'd get a card with a quick

platonic note scrawled in it from Terry and Sarah. He had no idea where

the hell Josh had gotten off to...he could have died or become even more

of a celebrity and he probably wouldn't have known, or would find out way

after the fact.

And there were always promises that they'd have to get together soon. Or

next time for sure. As soon as their schedules got less busy, as soon as

they got done with this next project, as soon as they could find the

time...

Which inevitably was never found, or forgotten about.

He thought about getting a dog or something, for at least some kind of

companionship, but somehow he knew that would never replace the empty

place inside of him. He missed his friends..that was all there was to it.

Missed them more than apparently they missed him. He always had been the

one of the group that had been somewhat separated from the others...but

somehow it had never really mattered at all until now.

Dean stood, ran a hand through his unusually clean hair, and took a deep

breath as he watched the waves crash on the rocks below. All he really had

left now was his business and his surfing...and yet another little surf

shop wasn't a big deal anymore. But it was okay...he was doing what he

knew best. He had awakened the week before with the seed of the idea

planted firmly in his mind, and throughout the passing days he had found

less reasons not to go ahead and do it. So, he sent out letters to all of

them, letting them know that he had found what he needed to find and was

excited to get on with the next phase of his life.

He headed down to what there was of the shoreline, a thin smile on his

lips. You couldn't hope for more perfect waves than this...true, they

weren't the twelve foot ones JC always bragged about, but they'd serve his

purpose just the same. His heart hammered in his chest as he zipped up his

wetsuit and hefted his board, heading out into the water. This was

it...what he had really been waiting for all along. After all, 'One Life

No Fear' was the motto. And what better motto could he ask for when

surfing the Boneyard.

The only real difference was that this time he'd make sure he didn't come

back.