Title: Personal Amusements 2 - another visitation

Rating: PG-13

Parts: one

Fandom: lotr

disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I just like to harrass them

summary: what happens when I slack of writing yet again

            I was happily lost in the tunes of one of my countless David Bowie

albums, half-reading what I had so far on part nine of Tradition.

Truthfully, it wasn't going very far very fast...I hated to admit it, but

I did need help. Apparently, though, my muses had been on strike for the

past few days, or that was what I presumed by my total lack of

inspiration. To make matters more irritating, my thoughts were interrupted

by an insistant knocking on my bedroom door.

            "Alright, alright," I sighed, wishing my parents would just get a dsl

line and end the quarrel of who gets the phone lines in the evening. "Look

I-" I started as I flung open the door. "Oh good God it's you," I sighed,

rolling my eyes and heading back into my bedroom, flinging myself onto my

bed.

            "Well you don't look very thrilled," Celeborn pointed out as I covered

my head with a pillow.

            "Would you be thrilled to have another one ring thrust in your face?" I

grumbled as I rolled onto my back and looked at him warily. "How did you

get in, anyway?"

            He shrugged. "Your sister is very prone to bribes."

            I groaned. "I'm so taking back her birthday present...so why, exactly are

you here?"

            At this he seemed to take offense. "I can't believe you'd ask such a

question...I'm here to help you get on with your little fic," he

sputtered.

            "Uh-huh....and what's the catch?"

            He shrugged and casually handed me a stack of papers.

            "Not another petition," I whined and he shook his head.

            "A bill...that's the cost of what it will take to rebuild the robes that

Elrond and I lost after that little incident in your fireplace..."

            I paled as I quickly tallied the figures. "You can't be serious...I don't

have enough to pay for this...I just got out of college, I don't have any

money...besides, whose stupid idea was it to jump down a chimney that had

smoke coming from it?" I growled and he shrugged, not phased in the

slightest.

            "Elrond, I believe...well you have to pay it because I can't continue my

duties dressed like this," he grumbled and for the first time I took a

good long look at what he was wearing.

            "Who the hell are you supposed to be?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at the

skin tight blue jeans, dull grey shirt, and black leather jacket, which

really wouldn't have been that bad except that he was still wearing his

crown.

            "What, this was the best I could do for going someplace in your realm...I

was trying to fit in," he explained, narrowing his eyes at me. "What's the

matter?"

            "Alright, sorry, didn't know you were that touchy...geez...nothing's the

matter, you just look like the long lost other member of Whitesnake, is

all," I laughed and he frowned in total ignorance. "Forget it...And

there's no way I'm paying your tailoring bills...that's outlandish...I

could make you just as good an outfit myself rather than shelling out this

much."

            "You must be joking," he sneered. "I'm not going to have substandard

robes made by a mortal...they'd probably make me chafe."

            At that I put on my headphones. "Alright then, see ya," I snorted, going

back to what I was doing.

            "Wait a minute," he growled, and I squawked indignantly as he yanked off

my earpieces, right in the middle of a good song. "Maybe we can come to

some...agreement," he offered and I looked at him warily.

            "What kind of agreement?" I asked, my eyes widening as he grinned. "Oh

no....no way, you've got to be joking!" I stammered as he slowly drew

closer.

            "Oh come on....it would be the perfect solution," he cajoled.

            "For who??"

            "It would get me off your back-"

            "And me onto mine," I snorted, smirking at his face.

            "-and it would give you inspiration for your little story.."

            "I'm doing fine on my story!!!" He raised an eyebrow and leaned over my

shoulder, scrolling through the recent parts I had written.

            "So this is what passes for fic these days," he scoffed, and I promptly

hit him with my baby snoopy doll.

            "It's getting there!!" I protested

            "I thought I was going to be in this somewhere," he muttered, scrolling

down carefully.

            "I haven't gotten there yet....you're not exactly the easiest one to

write...and besides, there has to be some bonding and conversatino before

I introduce that plot twist-"

            "No wonder it takes so long for you mortals to ever do anything!!!!" he

complained, throwing his hands up in the air. "I've seen you during the

day...all you do is sit around and watch your television and amuse

yourself with little projects!!"

            "For your information, I had to sit around all day....I cramped up my

legs doing weights the other day," I snapped back, swallowing hard at the

gleam in his eyes.

            "Want me to massage them for you?"

            "No!"

            "Fine...but maybe if you got to sleep at a decent hour you'd be motivated

to write or do something useful during the day-"

            "Thanks for that information, peeping Cel," I bit back. "I can't help it

if I have trouble getting to sleep..."

            "Want me to help tire you out?"

            "NO!"

            "You know, any other writer would love to be fully inspired," he purred,

going in for the kill.

            "TOUCH ME AND DIE, BLONDY!! Finally I grabbed at the squirt bottle I kept

in my desk for those occasions when my cat decided to use my bed, took

aim, and let him have it right in the face. He sputtered and cursed as he

wiped at his face, wiping his wet hands on my bedspread. "Geez, what do I

have to do, tattoo 'keep your hands off me' on my breasts?" I snarled,

bringing his attention back up to my face.

            "Fine!!" he snapped back, glaring daggers at me. "Though what am I

supposed to do about my attire?!?"

            "Go on a renunion tour?" I chortled, busting out laughing at his

indignant reaction. "Alright alright...give me a minute to think," I

sighed as I leaned back and stared at my monitor contemplatively.

            "Come on, do you really think I can be seen around Lothlorien like

this??"

            "Well you're certainly not spending the night here," I muttered, smirking

as yet another half-baked idea occured to me. Oh, why not... "Did you ever

try this?" I asked, opening a new document and jotting out a few sentences

to the effect of:

            Suddenly, the Lord Celeborn stood before her in her cramped bedroom, but

not in the dull mortal garb that he had first entered in. Instead, those

clothes were replaced by the pure white silken robes that he was so

accustomed to, making him look much more regal and even emitting a royal

aura.

            I turned, and to both our surprise and amazement, he was back in his

robes.

            "Wow....that's kind of cool," I murmured, quickly dashing out a similar

paragraph for Lord Elrond, wherever the hell he was.

            "How did you do that?" Celeborn asked, frowning as he picked up my

keyboard and examined it.

            "I have no clue...must be one of the wonders and powers that fanfiction

writers hold over their muses...." I pondered, grinning suddenly. "I

wonder what else I could do with this," I skemed, yanking back the

keyboard and flexing my fingers. "I gotta try something," I chortled.

            "Wait, what are you-"

            I typed as quickly as I could. 'To the amazement of the mortal and the

Elvin lord, he spontaneously turned into a giant tapdancing wild boar.' I

laughed to myself, thinking this was totally ridiculous-

            "Very funny," Celeborn growled, and I turned and nearly jumped out of my

skin. There was, in fact, a very large wild boar standing beside me,

dressed in four tap shoes and with a little straw hat to boot. The only

way of distinguishing who the beast had been was by his voice and the mane

of long blond hair that graced the pig's head, along with his crown.

            "OH MY GOD!!!" I howled, falling out of my chair with laughter.

            "Change me at once!!!!" he hissed and I shrugged.

            "Okay." 'From the pig form he had taken, Celeborn suddenly turned into a

large robotic octopus.'

            "I hope you know this doesn't put you back in my good graces," a monotone

voice sqwaked and I lost it once more as I looked at the metallic sea

creature writhing helplessly on my bed.

            "Oh it doesn't? Gee, guess I can't change you back then," I laughed,

typing away again. Before he was able to catch his breath he had been a

free standing lamp, a ballerina, and an ice cream cone.

            When he was finally back to his true form he was furious. "I should hope

now, that you would be kind enough to grant me several favors, after

putting me through THAT!" he growled, and I raised an eyebrow.

            "Really?" 'All of a sudden, the Lord Celeborn realized that he was

suddenly missing all of his genitalia.'

            He frowned, turned, and by the rustling I figured he was checking out the

situation under his robes before whirling, enraged. "PUT THOSE BACK!!!"

            "Will you stop bugging me like this?" His mouth twisted into a grimace

            "Perhaps...but you still need me to help you with your fic," he reminded

me. I shrugged and typed.

            'At that moment the elf gave to her all the ideas he had kept hidden away

in his duties as one of her muses, ideas that would instantly give her

what she needed to continue her fic.'

            As if his arm belonged to someone else, Celeborn's hand launched itself

into a pocket in his robe, and akwardly thrust itself out towards me, fist

gripping a scroll. I took it, smiling sweetly, and unrolled it, frowning

before typing again.

            'Ideas that were in comprehensive english instead of elvish.'

Re-examining the scroll, I grinned. "Well, I guess I won't be needing you

for a while...will you leave me alone now?" I asked, raising an eyebrow,

my fingers poised over home row. He glowered, his hands clenching in and

out of fists.

            "Do you want 'Little Celebron' back or not? and remember, I can shrink it

if you piss me off any more..." I casually reminded him and he gave a

strangled groan.

            "Fine...I'll leave you alone to work on your fic, provided you WORK on

it!!!!"

            "Fair enough...alright..." I sighed, going back to the document. 'As

suddenly as they vanished, Celeborn's intimate organs reappeared, in full

working order and exactly as they had been.' I ignored his wistful look

and turned to him "No I'm not going to make them bigger...now get out of

here," I urged, dismissing him with a wave of my hand.

            He gave me a long, hard look before leaning towards me. "Haldir's

right...we've tried to be decent about this...you're the one that keeps

making it so difficult...Just remember, little writer...payback's a

bitch," he hissed, eyes narrowing as I smirked at his threat.

            "Hey, it'll keep things interesting," I murmured as he stomped towards

the door.

            "Now I have to go home and spend the evening with Galadriel," he grumbled

and I chuckled evilly as I typed.

            'Since the Elf Lord was so smitted with his beloved Queen, he decided to

change himself to look exactly in her image.'

            "CHANGE ME BACK!!!!" an infuriated, very familiar female voice bellowed

from the stairs.

            Cackling, I quickly typed him back to original form, giggling until I

heard the slam of the front door below.

End