5/14/03 ~ 6/8/03

Genetic Engineering

I'm not interested in genetic engineering. I have issue with it. Let me start with this. I don't think more people know about a story on the front page of Oriental Daily (a Hong Kong newspaper) about a year ago. A Hong Kong student was admitted to Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). The problem is not about this piece of news on newspaper. The problem is that this story was on the front page. I have a question to ask: What did this student accomplished to deserve a front page on a major newspaper? The student was only admitted to an university. Each year, thousand of students are admitted to Hong Kong universities, and millions of students around the world enter their tertiary education. What did this student do? He was going to MIT, so what? I certainly do not see what he had accomplished. Is there no any other news more worthy of getting more attention? As far as I'm concern, many firefighters risk their lives everyday in fire to save lives. These brave firefighters deserve much more credit than a little guy going to university.

Hong Kong society has long put education in an ultimate position. Students with less than normal academic standings are considered useless. Some people could not pass the Hong Kong Certificate of Education Examination (HKCEE) spend one or more years to study and try to pass the exam. Students that could not pass the exams cried when they receive their exam results. (Sometimes the parents also join them and cry together) Many students still could not pass it after many years of dedication chose to end their lives. I'm sure when parents see the story of a student accepted by MIT, they would say to their kids, "see how clever he is." This put so much pressure on students. No wonder so many people could not withstand the pressure and chose the shortcut to end their lives.

I blame the newspaper which put the MIT student on the front page. The editor of the newspaper was ignoring the wonderful stories of our beautiful daily lives and place an excessively stressed society value on the front line. As for Hong Kong and many other Asian counties, education is the right thing to stress to kids. However, over-stressing can also drive to the opposite. This will only make the less gifted students feel that they are useless, as a result, giving up their education altogether.

The MIT student was going to major in genetic engineering. This major is so often chosen by outstanding students who feel that they need to choose majors that are too difficult for normal people to understand. (6/8/03)

Personality (Second to a series of life threatening thoughts)

I have changed. I am not trying to deny that over the period of three years I'm still the same person. I don't know whether I did not fully understand myself before I came to this new college life, or I have really changed. I found that I got so quiet, timid and unsociable.

Well, maybe not timid. But I'm definitely quiet and unsociable. I used to have a class of friends in school. I meet these people everyday and I have great relationship with each and every one of them. I hanged out with people only from this group of people. I basically did not meet people outside of this circle. I had no problem with it. I still think it was normal. Now I came to a place that I knew no one. I need to know by meeting them one by one. The relationships with anybody started from scratch. When I am in a big group of people that I am acquainted with, I feel lonely. I felt I am being left out. I started to get very defensive and passive. I did not initiate conversation with people. The problem is not that I choose to avoid people or I do not know how to talk, rather, I feel uncomfortable being in a place with a lot of people, and I do not know how to start a conversation.

I always envy people who know a lot of people. Once I walked on campus with a friend of mine, she met people she knows every ten steps apart. She was talking to people and saying hi the entire time. I would like myself to be an outgoing person just like her.

When I met Arnaldo (sorry to him if I misspell his name) a year ago in Macau, he said I became more quiet. He said I wasn't like that. I took it as a truth that I really changed and became a much more quiet person. I see it as a bad thing. There are always situation where I am in a crowd of people. I would tell myself that I don't like being in a big crowd of people and stand alone. I would avoid going to birthday parties and other gatherings. I know this is a defensive thinking. I was giving myself excuses.

Maybe I know where the problem is and I know how to fix it, but I didn't face it. I always complain that I don't have friends in here. My life is simply going to school, come home and sleep, eat and go back to school. I know this is not the type of life I want. I need to reach out. Reach out and Reach out again.

The three weeks break between spring semester and summer semester, I pretty much stayed home everyday. The only times I stepped out of the apartment complex were when I went to get fast-food and went out for a movie. This life is pathetic. The rest of the time was spent either in front of television monitor or in front of computer monitor. While the people around me are going out everyday having fun.

My life used to be very simple. The social circle was my classmates and only my classmates in high school. Now I came to an entirely different environment. I don't think I have changed myself at the same time to fit the environment. My previous experience did not prepare myself for this. Now I'm struggling.

to be continued... (6/3/2003) for limited release

I don't want to think about future. As a matter of fact I have never done this before. I did not worry about where I would go or what university I would go to after high school. Now approaching the last year and a half of my college career and possibly my career in school, I have to seriously think about what I would do after this fabulous stage of my life. As much as I hate to think about it, I still have to deal with it.

I might have to tell all of you something I have never told anyone before, something I am not even sure. So please don't quote me on it. I am thinking (thinking) maybe I picked chemical engineering as my major because of money. I have to say that there is money involved. It is, in some way, a money move. People who came to Austin and picked electrical engineering are making a even bigger money move. I am not saying engineering degree can bring us money. But I many people's mind engineering is a big way to make money. I have heard more than two different people said and I quote, "what job would you get after college if you are not an engineering major (or some other application-based majors)?" That is superficially true. I really can't offer an answer right away. Engineering gives a clear idea of what is going to happen, while other majors don't. I don't agree that there is no jobs for application-based majors, but I have to admit that there are jobs for application-based majors, and the job is quite clear.

I don't know what I really like. If I was not forced to pick a major, I would still be undeclared right now. I come to realize that I picked chemical engineering partly because to the traditional well-pay. I am quite sure I can have consistent and more than enough salary once I graduate if, and a big IF, a engineering company hires me. The problem me back this semester. Suppose a company will offer me a permanent well-paid position, will I work as an engineer my entire life? I have to say chemical engineers mostly work in chemical plants and refineries in mostly remote small towns. Am I willing to spend my life in small places like those?

People always ask me whether I want to go back to Macau or stay here when I graduate. My answer is not simple, but clear, I will try to get a job here in the United States first. Once I get a job, I can consider whether I want to stay. I don't to just come here to get an education. Further, chemical engineering can offer me no jobs in Macau. If I want to get in chemical engineering, which is what I'm planning to do, I would have to try here first. I don't want to waste my four years of exhausting chemical engineering education and end up doing something else. I want to get a chemical engineering job and the only way is to try get it here. After that I can see what I will do. Although I'm not sure about my life, I'm not sure how I would spend my summer, I am sure about this point.

to be continued... (5/29/2003)

I picked the Spurs to win this series in 5 or 6. Now my prediction is in jeopardy. The Dallas Mavericks took advantage of poor Spurs free throw shooting (31-48) and and they nailed 98% on free throw alone (49-50) to beat Spurs 113-110 in game 1 at San Antonio.

I have more than just NBA to talk here.
Ever since I have finished my semester last week, my living turned into total boredom. Everyday I get late in the morning or early afternoon. Then I eat lunch. Browse through television channels and use internet. This pretty much sums up all my days. If there is an NBA on that day, my day would be a lot more meaningful. At least I don't have to complain about too boring. I watch television almost all the time, please note that the rest of my time I am using my computer. These are the two things I do other than eating.
Back to the game, Spurs should not have lost it. They had led as many as 18 at one point. The Spurs lost it because of free throws. Tim Duncan shot 12-19 on the line. They missed 16 free throws as a team. The Spurs played in the fast tempo perfectly in the first half. They outmatched the Mavericks in the style that Mavericks preferred. This showed how good a team the Spurs really is. Too sad they gave the victory away in the end. I'm sure they will bounce back in game 2, and eventually wins the series. (5/19/03)

I don't like SARS. But I like this mask. This picture was taken from Hong Kong, one of the most SARS-destructed region. Some how this guy's gesture and the mask just matched perfectly.

SARS have not yet struck the United States yet. I have not seen people around me all wearing masks. (So far I have seen one) I have to admit that it is quite scary if people I see on the street all of a sudden all wearing masks one day. I know it has been part of life in places like Hong Kong, China, Singapore and Taiwan.

I know it is not fanny joke. SARS has already taken away 600 lives worldwide (and counting). It is really unpredictable. No one could have imagine an outbreak of such a disease can cause so many deaths and draw so much attention globally.

I wish SARS can be under control so soon as possible. My sympathy goes to the family and friends of those who died of SARS. My best wishes for those who are infected by SARS, hope they recover soon.

(5/17/03)