"The Birthing Of Meta-Mysticism"
by Allen Toney
"Between Heaven And Hell
The Soul Is Transfixed "
by Allen Toney
A Closure And An Ending
We met by chance
through a mutual friend
we wrote letters to one another
This was our romance
Some poems, some art, I did send
It was not soon after we met
We entered into the biggest commitment
that any two people have ever kept
And due to our own desires and want
Our first child arrives
The doctor said, this I will always remember
"Well, here is your football player"
He was ten pounds, fourteen and one half ounces
That day in October
I was, before we met
On a great and wonderful adventure
One that, most people, have not kept
this one was about, "who am I"?
I gave that up, my choice
for your suffering
and lack of support or even a voice
for how you were brought up
It was your exposure to drinking
All the while I held back, a stop.
For what?
your critical ways
that you had learned
from your childhood days
I felt ridiculed and burned
As the soul of my heart yearned
to recover the passion
to let go of all the suspicion
For nearly 21 years
and almost to the day
I watched and held you, as the tears
of your childhood would stay
inside of you, you blamed me too.
When I had little to do
with what was going on inside you.
We had two more children
they all are beautiful
that pride, it can't be taken, not earned
It is just what's so, there is no rule
no convincing me, as a smile
Is all you will see
as I share with you, all the while.
You went back to school
At the end of your nurturing
that some mothers do
When the babies are feeding
of that I was so proud of you
You learned how to analyze,
figure out, maybe, you hoped to realize
that which was the dilemma
throughout your life
did you call it systemia
Ah, no it was systemic
To me it seemed like a knife
that you waved around
poking here, poking there
mostly, "below the belt", so unfair
This is NOT what they taught you!
don't practice this on your loved one
you turned me into
a guinea pig, a rat, I'm done.
As I watched the end
of all those years
trying, oh yes crying
Not being perfect, your fears
I walk away, sighing
in my heart, mind and soul
Who I am, I will now find
filling up this gaping hole
no longer playing a role.
Written by Gary H...May 27/1997
