January 1st, 1998

An open letter to all my friends and friends to be...

Ok..so where shall I begin?

Well...you see...being on-line, I have found that, there is alot of openness amongst others. And it really is easy to fall head over heels in love with someone. Especially, if our own real life situation has something missing. It's even easier still, if there is no one, whom we can call a real life partner, currently in our life.

I have found that when there is a ‘missing’ in our relationship with someone. You may come across another that has that part that is missing. That ‘part’ then rushes in to fill that hole like an ocean wave against the rocks. This is a part of love that many do not understand. This is one paradox of love. It seems to hit you as if you were blind-sided. Yet, you know when it comes to love, we are blind in a certain sort of way, anyway. Heck, I am glad for that, as I would not want love to come as something that I sought out or planned on.

The point I am trying to make here is; on the net the intensity and passion of another person is very prominent. It is so simple to embrace that, it is so natural to grab a hold of that, like a rope, as your only link to living, while your hanging off this cliff we call love. People are delicate and fragile when it comes to love. This is ok...the challenge is what we do about it.

Should we run off with that one person that fulfills that which is missing? Well.. we could do that but do we really, deep down, want to do that? That choice, though, do to the fact that it is a desperate move on our part, may not always be such a wise choice. If not, perhaps it would be a good idea to look at the given situation(s), issue(s) inside your current relationship. Instead of blaming the other for that which IS missing...but to be that ‘missing’ to our partner. As it will, in most cases, rebound and come back to you. I truly believe, in order to receive love you have to give it, in order to get something you have to give it, with no expectation of it being returned, but to come from the heart where it is born. There will be heartbreaks, there will always be a missing of some sort, in our lives. Because, if we did not have a 'missing', then what would motivate us to go on in life? This life is not euphoric, we will not ever have all that we want. But, we surely can obtain that which we need.

I think jealousy has a bad reputation. When meeting someone that has this particular missing, whatever it may be, why not embrace it? Embrace it in a way that it does not take us away from our commitment to our partner, whom, we HAVE promised to be with the rest of our days? As long as we stay true to that commitment, that promise. Then we would not feel so bad about ourselves. It is inside a broken promise, no matter what that promise is, that makes us feel so guilty. It has us be out of integrity with the one that we made the promise to as well as to ourselves. It is this lack of integrity, with another, or ourselves that may be the root to one’s unhappiness? Albeit, the core cause of non-clinical depression.

Wouldn’t you want your partner to be happy? Why do you think we have so few friends? Why, we are even lucky to have one that we can really call a true friend. Well, you see, I am not committed to the way things have been. I am committed to making a difference, to having that 'missing' be fulfilled and to accepting that the 'missing' may not be fulfilled. Because, it really does not matter, what really matters is the one whom we are with feels good about themselves? Are they at heart, happy?

Ok, so now what? If you have broken a promise, all you can do is apologize and make a new promise. That is, IF you are committed to that promise. There will be a natural period of mis-trust around that broken promise. You need to know that this response is natural in a human being, and this is ok. In addition, the person you broke the promise with has to look and see that if you are to be happy, they need to find a place to forgive you. Hopefully, sooner rather than later. The longer the grudge is held onto the more it eats away at the relationship, the happiness of the both of you.

Be honest with your partner, tell them, "this is something that is missing in my life" and I would like to embrace it. However, at the same time, make sure your partner knows in your words and deeds that you truly do love them. In such a way that its like, that 'missing', so unexpectedly rushed into your life. "Deal with others using your heart, deal with yourself, using your head"(one of my favorite quotes, cannot recall who said it?). Think about the ramifications before you do something that is rash, which may hurt them and in turn you. I would bet that that this is still going to be a big part of our life's learning. However, what we do about it, once we realize we made a mistake, is much more important than the mistake itself. Why concern yourself so much about the error. There is so much more possible in our future without the fog of constant guilt. It does us no good, with respect to that 'missing' to dwell in the past misgiving. It is okay, go after what you want, take that risk, jump into life, and love with both feet in. Not one foot out in a response to the preservation of our heart. It is this fear that keeps us from loving, therefore the result is none returned.

Well, I sure went off here...didn’t I? LOL.... Anyway, I love you all. I only wish you all to be happy. There will be sad times...do not let them stop you. Do not let the past be that gauge you use to make a move into your future.

Thanks for listening.

Love,

Gary

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