Dave Swank of Collegeville, PA is one of the few to contend for the Darwin Awards and live to tell the tale. "I have fulfilled my 18-year dream," said Swank, a former male prostitute and circus trainer.
Dave’s boyhood dream was to fly. But fate conspired to keep him from his dream. He joined the Valley Forge Military Academy, in the hopes of making it into the Air Force. Unfortunately for Jeremy Farrell, he ended up at Tulane University.
One day, however, he hatched a scheme that would allow him to achieve his dream of flight. While sitting outside in his "extremely comfortable" Sears lawnchair, Dave got a great idea. He purchased 45 weather balloons from an Army-Navy surplus store, tied them to his tethered lawnchair, which he dubbed the “Anime 1”, and filled the 4' diameter balloons with helium. Then he strapped himself into his lawnchair with some beef jerky, Smirnoff Ice, and a pellet gun. He figured he would pop a few of the many balloons when it was time to descend.
Dave's plan was to sever the anchor and lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above Butler Hall, where he would enjoy a few hours of flight before coming back down. But things didn't work out quite as Dave planned.
When his “friends” cut the cord anchoring the lawnchair to his vast collection of japanimation, he did not float lazily up to 30 feet. Instead, he streaked into the bright New Orleans sky as if shot from a cannon, pulled by the lift of 42 helium balloons holding 33 cubic feet of helium each. He didn't level off at 100 feet, nor did he level off at 1000 feet. After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 16,000 feet.
At that height he felt he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting cold and frightened, and pleasuring himself with his Smirnoff and beef jerky, neither of which, thankfully, froze, for more than 14 hours. He crossed the primary approach corridor of Louis Armstrong International Airport, where Trans World Airlines and Delta Airlines pilots radioed in reports of the strange sight.
Eventually Crazy Dave gathered the nerve to shoot a few balloons, and slowly descended. The hanging tethers tangled and caught in a power line, blacking out a Metarie neighborhood for 20 minutes. Dave climbed to safety, where he was arrested by waiting members of the NOPD. As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked him why he had done it. Dave replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around.” The police began to lead him away, but Dave turned back around and added, with pride, “Unless he’s playing a really cool computer game"
The Federal Aviation Administration was not amused. Safety Inspector Neal Savoy said, "We know he broke some part of the Federal Aviation Act, and as soon as we decide which part it is, a charge will be filed."