Nikki Leonti

Discography

2001 Nikki Leonti

1998 Shelter Me

(All releases on Pamplin Records)

Biography

"The day that You took over / was the day my life began…" – from "Letting Go"

For those involved in public ministry, having every detail of one's life subject to the scrutiny of fans and the media can often be the curse that outweighs the blessing of being able to share your faith from radio, TV or the concert stage. As one of the brightest new Christian artists to emerge in the late 1990s, Nikki Leonti felt the sudden adrenaline rush of success-Number One and Top Five radio hits and high-profile concert and festival appearances, sharing the stage with esteemed performers such as Russ Taff, 4HIM and NewSong.

So when, in the Fall of 1999, Nikki and fiancé Ryan Gingerich learned that they were pregnant, Nikki felt the devastation of having failed her Lord, her family and friends that much more acutely. The journey from depression and condemnation to grace, forgiveness and redemption is at the heart of Nikki's self-titled new album for Pamplin Records. "My story is the album," Nikki reflects. "The songs that I wrote and the songs that I chose all have to do with what I've learned over the past year and a half.

"My parents have always been involved in ministry," she continues. "So I grew up in front of the church, with the attitude that I had to be perfect—I could never let any weakness or sin show in public. So I created this whole exterior and wall around myself."

Nikki explains that at the time she got to know Ryan, she had spent months touring, with no regular contact with her family and friends. She also admits she didn't take the time to establish roots in a local church. "I was in the process of relocating from California to Nashville when my first album came out, and I felt completely alone. I couldn't go to church very often because I was always doing concerts on Sunday nights and I was always flying on Sunday morning. As a result, I lost accountability with people. With all the touring and my schedule in general I had become pretty lonely, so it was awesome to know someone was there who loved me and cared about me. Ryan and I ended up finding ourselves in some compromising situations that I never thought I'd find myself in. I grew up with the whole 'True Love Waits' attitude, so, I thought, 'Never! Never would I find myself compromising those boundaries. But I did. Then I lost my self-esteem and my self-respect. 

"Ryan and I had been engaged for several months when we learned of the pregnancy. I knew there was no longer hiding the sin. Had that not happened, I could have continued in sin, growing further and further away from God. Now I'm glad my sin was exposed, even though my first thought was 'how do I hide this?' I felt so much guilt and shame. But God immediately spoke to me and told me in those first days that if I would be completely honest with Him, myself and others, that He would restore me to fellowship and show me the right choices for my future."

The first of those choices was the decision by Ryan and Nikki to immediately get married. "Ryan really wanted to be with me during the pregnancy, which was good, because it was a very tough pregnancy. I lost 25 pounds and was in and out of the hospital a lot. When you can do nothing but lay in bed for five months, you have a lot of time to think. I went from denial to depression, but ultimately God used that time to speak to me about why He died on the cross. So many times I'd spoken from stage about the magnitude of His grace and forgiveness, but until that moment, it was always this abstract thing for others, not for me. I ended up spending my entire pregnancy being taught how to totally depend on God, not only to restore my spiritual and emotional health, but my physical health as well."

"Letting Go," the first single from Nikki Leonti is a song that was birthed at almost the same time as her daughter, Jaslyn Taylee. "The song came out of that period of God telling me to release the depression, the fear, the shame I was feeling and let Him begin the process of rebuilding my faith in Him. I think the day this song started to be written was the first day I began to find peace within myself and could begin to forgive myself for letting my family, my friends, my husband and the record company down; but most of all, for letting God down. Every time I sing this song, I get chills. Every time I'm on stage, I go into my own world with the song. I feel God's presence so strongly."

Nikki says that as she felt that spiritual release, she was inspired to keep a journal, resulting in fragments that inspired several other songs on the album. "I didn't really think about 'I need to write about this.' I would wake up in the middle of the night and go write something in my journal, and then I'd wake up in the morning and look at what I'd written and go 'what was that?!' Then I 'd go to a songwriting session with someone and they'd have a melody that fit perfectly. That happened 3 or 4 times with this album. 'No matter how far I've been/Your love went further for me' from 'Love Is All I Need' is an example. Even when I thought God's arms were too short, that He couldn't reach as low as I had fallen, He went farther for me. I looked for so much completion in things besides Christ—my fiancé; my career; my family. But the only thing that can bring completion to your soul is Jesus."

Even as God began inspiring Nikki to write songs—something she did only once for her first album—she still wondered if she would ever minister in public again. "I never dreamed this could be restored. I went through months of counseling and prayer sessions and accountability sessions with my pastors. None of us were really sure when the time would be right, or even if that day would come. During my time away, I began doing studio sessions for companies like Sony and Disney. And I remember sitting in church one day thinking 'it would be really easy if I didn't have to deal with coming back and whether people would accept me.' But then, one of the worship songs we sang that morning was 'I Will Sing of Your Love Forever.' And I thought 'that's what I'm going to do.' I know it's not going to be easy to face it, but God has restored me and I need to tell people about Christ and what He's done for me.'"

While compiling songs for the album, Nikki says she didn't have the typical dilemma of trying to find ten songs; rather, her difficulty was in choosing what to leave off the album. "I have so much to talk about. Every song tells a story, captures a moment I went through in the past two years. I love singing songs by great writers, but I can't wait to sing all these songs that I was part of writing or co-writing. When I do a concert I'll be able to share a personal experience that relates to each song. I've had this first single written for over a year, so it's going to be really different to hear this music that helped me get through this dark time be played on the radio and watch how people relate to it during a concert."

Not surprisingly, Nikki Leonti captures a broad range of emotional and spiritual reactions to a turbulent yet ultimately joyful couple of years in the young artists' life. Inspiring and revelatory lyrics such as "I'm done with all the temporary things to meet my needs" ("I Need You"), "Innocence is gone…You reached down and gave me courage" ("Love Lives On"), "Free from all the pain and heartache" ("You Won't Leave") and "truly, You are all that matters" ("The Direction of You") speak volumes about the restoration that's taken place in Nikki's life. 

That lyrical depth is matched with an unprecedented musical landscape painted by acclaimed producers such as Michael-Anthony "Mooki" Taylor, Tedd T. and John & Dino Elefante. Along with the expected high-energy pop performances, Nikki tackles several R&B-influenced grooves. "So many things have changed since the first album," she explains. "My voice is incredibly different. People said I sounded like Michael Jackson on my first record. Now they're going to be saying I sound like Barry White! Tedd T. and Mooki bring out an urban flavor that really hasn't been explored before. It's not all just one type of singing-I sing big ballads to R&B to inspirational sounding cuts."

When Nikki released her debut album in 1998, it was into a market relatively free of teen-oriented music. Since then, the Christian music world has been inundated with acts aimed at a young demographic. Nikki admits that she wondered if there would be a place for her if she ever returned to Christian music. "It was hard being away from the music. I was 18 years old, eight months pregnant, felt extremely huge, and I saw these young people in the Christian magazines. It was hard to see music change before my eyes while I was sitting on the sidelines. But everybody has a purpose; everybody has a ministry, to work in a different fashion to bring people to the Kingdom. It's incredible to see Plus One and Stacie Orrico and Rachael Lampa and how they're filling this need that kids have for music they can relate to. I really think I took that for granted last time. It's so exciting to have that back."

Nikki says that much of the joy of performing music in public again stems from the fact that being on a stage and ministering to people is something that's always been a part of her life. "I've been doing outreach concerts since I was 6. My parents helped plant worship teams in several churches, so we often didn't stay at a church for very long. We'd all go-my dad played drums, my mom played bass and my brother played piano-and we'd do our little 'Partridge Family' thing. We went to mostly Pentecostal and non-denominational charismatic churches. A lot of times we were the only white people in the church, so I heard a lot of traditional and contemporary gospel music. It was cool to be exposed to many different denominations because now I can go and minister in all kinds of situations and I'm totally comfortable with the people and the environment."

When she was barely in her teens, Nikki's family recorded a modest demo disc, which, through a series of events that Nikki refers to as "God things" led to her being offered a contract with Pamplin Records at age 15. At the time, recalls Nikki, she was aspiring to be an attorney, "and I still want to be-a contract lawyer in entertainment law. I never thought I would be a professional musician, but I did know I would always minister through music."

With all the upheaval that's occurred in her life over the past two years, Nikki finds it difficult to single out just one aspect of her life that's undergone the most change. "I dealt with all the stress factors that doctors say are the toughest on you physically and mentally—moving, marriage, childbirth, financial reversal, loss of a loved one. Those all occurred in a space of a couple years' time. But the thing that's changed the most is my heart and my heart towards what I'm doing. I would never condone all the things that I've done, but I would never take back all the things I've learned in the past two years. Spiritually, I'm at a place that I've never been in my life. It's incredible. I have such a great relationship with God and such a hunger for His word and for being in church that I never had before. When you lose it all and you're on your knees, that's when you appreciate grace the most. I take the ministry God has given me very seriously.

"I am so excited to be able to talk to people about what's happened to me," Nikki concludes. "I want to answer questions; I want people to come up to me and ask me questions about what happened. I want to help people and encourage them by telling the truth about my situation. There will always be people that don't approve. But it comes back to God's restoration and redemption. He's the one that's given it back to me. I've dealt with depression and seen how it can devastate someone's life-my own life. I want people to hear that there is grace, forgiveness, hope and steadfast love in Christ. Through all the different things God can do in us and for us, I want them to see that you first must put those things in God's hands."