Date: Wed, 22 May 1996 16:04:10 -0400 
From: Gehirn Karies  
Subject: Shattered.  Contains Spoilers: AtA/LK 
 
Spoilers for Ashes to Ashes and Last Knight follow 
  
 
******** 
A Forever Knight Story 
Usual disclaimers. 
Send comments and gummi nightcrawlers to: SoulDebris@aol.com 
  
SHATTERED 
By Gehirn Karies 
  
 The world is so full of a number of things 
I m sure we should be happy as kings.     ~(unknown) 
  
LaCroix hoisted the trunk onto the platform, ignoring the curios 
glances from the porters.  He reached around and lifted the other 
trunk, identical, and tossed it along side the first.  He let the porters 
deal with the smaller bags.   Thanks Bud.   the porter said as LaCroix 
oddly enough handed him a tip. 
  
LaCroix threw a lidded glance at the luggage.  His heart was so heavy 
he was afraid it might fall to the earth and shatter into a million tiny 
shards.  He let out a short breath and tried to smile.   Life does 
encumber one with a great deal of ... baggage.   The porter nodded. 
  
He lumbered onto the train.  His heart as pained and dark as his gait. 
He slumped into his seat, nodding at the lovely woman in the seat next 
to him.  Nicholas had loved to travel by train, among the  common 
people , it made him feel a part of their world.  Poor Nicholas.... 
Always so delusional.  LaCroix swallowed painfully.  He glanced at the 
woman.  She was studying her nails purposefully.  He could smell her 
perfume, feel her discomfort.  She would not look at him.  Fair enough, 
he thought, closing his weary eyes. 
  
Within the last year he has lost so many kindred souls.  First his 
beloved Janette left Toronto.  The thought of Janette momentarily 
restored his mood.  Only a few scattered letters had found there way 
to him.  Janette never had been very good about keeping in touch 
when she was out of his sight.  He frowned at the realization that it 
could be decades before he ran into her again. 
  
He had lost too many acquaintances, too many cousins in a season. 
His lips curled up angrily just at the thought of  all that was lost, all the 
potential wasted.  Plane crashes, senseless killings, lethal viruses.  A 
man-made retro-virus, indeed.  More recently he has had to see his 
daughter, whom despite her many flaws he loved with all of his cold 
black heart, kill and be killed.  He had once again been reviled by his 
own child.  His heart ached as he heard his lying words to Nicholas 
echo in his mind.   They say there is no greater suffering for a parent 
than to out live their child.  Fortunately there are exceptions.   He 
could still smell the funeral pyre.  He looked out the window at the full 
moon, cursed the Gods that may or may not be behind his suffering. 
Not even a fitting funeral pyre for his beautiful daughter in this vast 
wasteland, this rotted corpse of a planet. 
  
What kind of a man kills his own child he thought?  A man who is not 
a man.  A creature both of this world, and alien to it.  Where were the 
amusements he used to revel in?  Why did they no longer entertain 
him?  He had always been a bit morose, but never had he felt so 
completely alone and worn out.  Damn Divia.  Damn her maker. 
Damn Nicholas.  Damn his eternal search for humanity and faith.  It 
had worn off on Janette, lost her to them both.  Now, the 
repercussions were threatening to erode even his stoic cynicism. 
  
He wondered where his Nicholas was now.  Was he floating through 
an endless void?  LaCroix hoped not.  He choked on his own thoughts. 
He did hope Nicholas had found a place of light, beauty and peace, 
it would be ... fitting.  The train pulled out of the station.  LaCroix s 
heartstrings ached.  He was leaving so much behind, so much of 
himself. 
  
Part of him would have given anything, even his own life, to bring 
Nicholas back into the fold.  He grinned.  It was the man who was at 
the core of the creature he was who felt that way.  The man who had 
breathed into LaCroix his life, his grace, his intelligence.  The man 
who had over the years forged countless thousands of relationships 
around the world.  The mortal man at his core would have chosen to 
give up his life, and gain eternity through the continuation of his 
bloodline in his vampire spawn, his Nicholas.  That is, after all, only 
human.  But there is no chance of bringing Nicholas back into the 
fold now, not now.  He closed his eyes, tried to clear his thoughts, 
listened to the senseless conversations going on around him. 
  
The woman rose and walked to the rest room at the front of the car. 
As she returned, she seemed to be studying the faces of the other 
passengers, memorizing them, perhaps, with her soft compassionate 
eyes.  She inclined her head and smiled warmly at a child who held 
up the page she had been coloring.   "Why, that's just wonderful," 
the woman said perkily.  She had put her hair up off of her 
shoulders.   What an odd woman, so ... *normal*,   he thought. 
  
She sat back down without so much as a glance at LaCroix.  He 
pretended not to notice.  People had always been a little intimidated 
by him, even as a child two millennia ago.  It was his best honed 
survival skill.  It was his ultimate worst enemy.  He was trapped in a 
tragic persona of misery begetting misery.  A snide grin graced his 
expression when he realized what he was doing.  He was feeling 
sorry for himself.   Get a grip old man,  he thought. 
  
But this woman was not intimidated, she just plain wasn t talkative. 
Perhaps it was time he found himself a new companion.  A ... soul 
mate.  He grinned inwardly at the expression.  Not since Janette and 
he had grown apart from their relationship as passionate lovers had 
he had a true companion, a vampire lover.  He glanced over at the 
woman.  Thought of striking up a conversation.  He cruised her 
thoughts, thought better of it.  Maybe later. 
  
The train pulled into the station ahead of schedule.  The sunrise was 
two hours away when he dropped the last case onto the floor of the 
loft with a thud.  He picked up a small case, walked over to the 
window.   "Doctor,"   he hesitated,  "Natalie."  He put his hand on her 
shoulder.  "Perhaps you should put this ... cat in the back room." 
She looked up at him, took the cat case from his hand.   "I know 
you're angry, Doctor, but I did what I felt was best for Nicholas.  And 
for you." 
  
She whirled.  "You did what was best for LaCroix!"   She turned and 
clattered across the loft.  Lacroix grinned.  Even after a day of 
storming around Natalie was still sparking. 
  
Natalie was calmer when she returned from the back room.  Her 
blazer was covered with cat hair, and she brushed at it with her 
hand.  "He's still pretty groggy from the tranquilizer, but he traveled 
pretty well." 
  
" Yes, well," he asked derisively,  "shall we see if our other pet 
traveled as well?" 
  
"I ... I guess so."  Natalie instinctively went for her medical bag. 
  
LaCroix curled his lips up in a sneering smirk, opened a small trunk 
and handed her a bottle of blood.   "I believe this may be more 
effective, Natalie."  The way he said her name sent shivers down her 
spine. 
  
LaCroix threw the lid of the trunk open.  Nick lay inside, dead, the 
broken staff of a shillelagh piercing his heart.  Natalie gasped, 
covered her face with her hands.  LaCroix chuckled softly.  "It is a 
dreadful sight."  He leaned into the trunk, ran his hand lovingly across 
Nick's peaceful face.  "How I would like to know where you are now, 
my old friend," he whispered into Nick's ear.  He really did hope 
Nicholas was not in the eternal void he had existed in for the year it 
took him to regenerate after his own violent death at Nicholas  hands. 
  
He straightened abruptly,  "Well, I had best be off then," and he 
turned to leave. 
  
"You're sure he ... he'll ... revive?" Natalie asked nervously. 
  
LaCroix grasped her shoulders with a comforting firmness, stilled her 
shaking.  "Doctor, once you remove the stake he will regenerate. 
You have seen him do it before, I believe." 
  
"Yeah, yeah, sure.  That's how we met." Natalie sighed anxiously. 
  
LaCroix spoke as if he suddenly found his manners.   "I will pull the ... 
splinter out.  Then I must go." 
  
Natalie spoke as LaCroix threw the bloody shard of wood to the floor 
of the trunk.   "How will we...." 
  
LaCroix took her hands into his.  "Aristotle will have a package 
delivered of everything you will need to start over.  Feliks is 
transferring Nicholas  holdings.  You have plenty of cash from your 
own accounts." He motioned towards the crates in one corner of the 
loft.  "You have abundant supplies.  The rest is for you and Nicholas 
to decide.  For now it is best I keep my distance.  I will return.  When 
the honeymoon is over."  He let a sinister smile grace his lecherous 
expression.   "I always remain close to my acolytes." 
  
Natalie looked nervously towards Nick.  "I think I feel something from 
him." 
  
"Yes."   LaCroix smiled warmly.  "He is regenerating.  It is only a 
matter of time now.   Nicholas is weak and will require a great deal of 
nourishment." 
  
"Why LaCroix?" Natalie brought her hand to her chest, above her 
heart.  "Why did you do this?" 
  
"Because of the unfortunate events of last night you and Nicholas 
allowed your loneliness and despair to overwhelm your logic.  You 
mistook your feelings for reason to give up this life.  You were wrong, 
Doctor." 
  
"I ... I know.  I'm a bit embarrassed, actually.  I m not usually like that. 
The real Natalie Lambert is much more resilient than last night's 
events dictated." 
  
He kissed Natalie's hand compassionately.  Nat inclined her head 
quizzically at the unexpected gentleness of his touch.  "Natalie, you 
are a natural."  His next words caught in his throat.  "Take care of 
Nicholas for me."  He bit down on his lower lip.  "He will be furious, 
to say the least.  I can no longer sustain his interest in this existence. 
I will not drag him along with me kicking and screaming like a spoiled 
child.  Nicholas wanted to be with you wherever death had taken you. 
Fortunately for Nicholas death delivered you unto me."  He almost 
chuckled. 
  
"The real question, Natalie, is not why.  It is why not?  You will learn 
the truth of it in time.  I rekindled your life, gave you this precious gift 
because Nicholas has faith in you.  I have faith ... in you."  He 
grinned almost sheepishly as the manipulative lie escaped his lips. 
Nicholas' mental health was intertwined with Natalie's.  It was best she 
felt her maker liked and trusted her. 
  
"I won't give up my search for a cure, LaCroix." Natalie straightened 
her shoulders with resolve. 
  
LaCroix knitted his brows.  "I expected nothing less of you, Doctor." 
A horn sounded on the street below.  LaCroix did not look pleased. 
"That driver is a baffoon this world would well do without." 
  
Natalie laughed.  LaCroix did not.  "You're *not* serious?"   She asked 
incredulously. LaCroix glanced away.  Natalie asked him tenderly, 
"Where will you go?" 
  
"Does it really matter?" LaCroix asked menacingly. 
  
Natalie wrapped her arm around LaCroix's, headed towards the door. 
Now that she could feel Nick back among them she was a bit more at 
ease with her own situation and with LaCroix.  "It matters to me." 
  
End
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