Chapter 3


~*~
Make me a witness
take me out
out of darkness
out of doubt
~*~


Later on that night Gunter took Spence home to their apartment. Emily had decided to go back to the hotel and meet up with Spence later on. Spence pulled off his shoes, sprawling out on the couch. He groaned and rubbed his eyes furiously for they were red and puffy.

"You okay bra?" Gunter asked.

Spence smirked behind his hands. "What is your guess?" He mumbled.

Gunter sat beside Spence and put his arm around the back of the couch, facing him. "My guess is hell no."

Spence laughed. "Ding, ding, ding, you’re right."

"Too much hittin ya all at once?"

Spence nodded. "Yeah… too much…. Way too damn much…"


~*~November 10th, 1999~*~

Lucky walked up to the house. His house. The Spencer home. His sanctuary. Smiling for the first time in two days he took in the beautiful sight of his home on Charles Street. He wanted to forget about Faison and what he’d had to do before escaping. He just wanted to give his Mother a big hug, get some chicken soup, and go to sleep… sleep at last.

After knocking five times with no answer he reached behind the light where they kept the spare key.

~~~Well, here goes nothing…~~~

The key turned easily in the lock and he pushed the door open. Just then a boy came bounding down the staircase. "What the hell…!" He yelled. "DAD!"

Lucky turned in shock to the stairs. Who was this kid? And why was he in his house. "I’m sorry…"

"Derek? What is it son… why are you…" The older man stopped in his tracks, looking at the haggard and drenched Lucky. "Who are you and why are you in my house?"

"Th… this is my house." Lucky said weekly.

"No! This is MY house…. The lady who owned it is living on that island place with her family." Derek said, standing side by side with his father.

"Who are you I repeat?"

Lucky swallowed. "I’m… I’m Lucky…. the woman… the one who owned this house…" He began.

"Laura Cassidine?"

Lucky stepped back. "Cassidine? No, Laura Spencer."

"Yeah, Laura Spencer-Cassidine… you didn’t know she was remarried?" the Father said, still staring warily at Lucky. "After her son died, the husband left town and she had the marriage annulled… remarried Stefan Cassadine about a month ago."

Lucky felt his world shift beneath him. "But… but I’m alive…"

"No sh!t Sherlock!" Derek shouted at him.

Lucky swallowed hard and looked around. It was so different. They had moved the couch… and there was a window seat by the window… and the mantle… the fireplace… there… there were new pictures… and no old ones. "I… I’m sorry… I’ll go now…. Here’s the extra key…"

After he exited the house he turned and ran. He didn’t hear the man call to him. "Hey! Kid… are you okay?" If he had heard him, the answer would have been no.


~*~
I won't weigh you down
with good intention
won't make fire out of clay
or other inventions
~*~


"Hey… hey, you zoning on me man?"

Spence’s eyes popped open. "Yeah… sorry. Guess I’m tired."

Gunter nodded. "Wanna talk about it?"

"About…?"

"What happened six years ago that has you spooked by one Emily Quartermaine?" He asked bluntly.

Spence looked away. "I told you."

"No." Gunter said, shaking his head. "No, you told me that you were gone for half a year and you came back to find the love of your life with your brother… now, I ain’t saying that’s trivial… but I refuse to accept that’s all there is to it."

Spence rubbed his eyes again. "It’s… something happened before… it’s just… double impact…. The proverbial straw."

Gunter motioned for him to go on. When he didn’t he sighed. "Come on man, you’re gonna pop if you don’t tell somebody… I saw you tonight man… you looked like you were this close," Gunter held up two fingers close together, "to losing it."

"You don’t wanna know Gunter… trust me."

Gunter groaned. "It doesn’t matter if I wanna know… you GOT to tell someone bra! I don’t want you to lose it on me man! You’re… you’re the closest I got to a brother… I care about you man!"

Spence looked at Gunter, a little surprised by his emotional outburst.

~~~He is really worried about me.~~~

Spence looked away and got up. Gunter took hold of his arm but Spence jerked it away. "You wanna know? You REALLY wanna know… cause you REALLY gotta wanna know…"

"Just spit it out!"

"I killed a man."

Gunter’s hand fell from Spences arm, his mouth dropping open in shock. "K… killed a man…?

Spence shrugged. "Good night."

Gunter watched distractedly as Spence went to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Shaking his head he thought about what Spence had said when they had first met.


~*~ "So why you homeless?"

"Many… many different reasons…. Many I’m going to be trying to forget for the rest of my life… let’s just say… life is… life sucks right now."

Gunter laughed. "It has a way of doing that every now and again."


~*~
Will we burn in heaven
like we do down here
will the change come
while we're waiting
~*~


"Hey… I gotta go to the bathroom, okay? I’ll be right back." Joey whispered.

JD nodded absentmindedly. Kyle. Gone. Who’d have thought in a millions years it would be KYLE to go first. Good lord, they had been babysat together. Learned to ride two wheelers together. Talked about sex with each other. Talked each other down from bad trips, bad highs, from fights. Close as close can be, all because Kyle’s mother had pulled out in front of his in front of a WinnDixie when they were two.

Vaguely JD noticed a figure silhouetted in front of him. "Mon cherie… are you alright?"

His eyes slowly focusing he saw Jaimie, Joey’s mother, above him. "James… hey… did we wake you?"

Sitting across from him she touched her hand to her heart. "Your pain woke me… what is wrong?" She asked in her French-Creole accent.

JD felt the tears that had threatened to fall all day well up again. "Oh, James… my best friend is dead." He said, his voice full of pain.

She closed her eyes and nodded, taking his hand in hers. "I sensed it… I sensed an innocent was gone."

JD laughed. "Innocent? What are you talking about? Do you know how much weed Kyle and I have smoked… how many hits of acid we ate together… how many things we stole…"

"Innocent here my dear Jason Daniel…" She said, covering his heart with her hand. She got up and crossed to sit on the bench with him. "In here he was innocent… he still believed in a child’s beliefs. He believed in angels, and love at first sight, and never ending love… he was an innocent spirit… and sometimes God takes the innocent spirits.."

JD looked up, the tears finally falling. "Why? Why does he have to take the innocent spirits? Why can't he take the vile spirits? Why not the rapists… and the serial killers… and the guys who spit on the homeless? Why Kyle?"

"Le monde traivaille un mysterieux manieres." She said pulling his head into her lap and brushing his hair. "The world works in mysterious ways mon cherie. God has his plan… he has his purpose. I do not claim to know what it is or understand it… or even agree with it… but I do know that these things happen how they are planned. How they are supposed to."

JD angrily sat up and started to pace. "But it’s NOT fair! And it’s NOT right! He… he didn’t deserve to die! He was doing his job… what he was assigned to do…" He gasped for air, clinging to the side of the counter. "It’s not right… it’s not right God D@mnit… not him… not Kyle…"

Jaimie smiled sadly and crossed the kitchen. "Come here… come on." She said opening her arms widely. JD stared at her for a moment. He turned to leave the room but paused, his face twisted and angry, yet sad and confused. "Venon." She repeated in french touching his arm gently.

Covering his face with his hands he doubled over in pain, sobbing for his friend. Jaimie hugged him to her fiercely. "Shh… sh… it’s okay.. good, good, let it out baby… let it out…"


~*~
Everyone is waiting
And when we're done soul searching
as we carried the weight
and died for the cause
~*~


Joey came out surprised to see her mother holding a nearly broken JD. "Mere?"

Jaimie looked at Joey with wet eyes. "Joe… help him, help him feel this." She told her, releasing JD into Joey’s arms. Blowing Joey a kiss she floated down the hall to her room again.

JD took a few deep breaths to calm himself and sat down on the sofa in the den. Joey sat next to him and brought her hand to his face, tracing his jaw line. "You okay?"

JD bent forward and put his head in his hands. "I thought I was… I thought I could handle it… better than this."

"Baby, you lost your best friend… you ARE handling it well." Joey said reassuringly, stroking his hair.

He sighed heavily and smiled at her sadly. "Thank you."

"Thank you? For what?" Joey asked, confused.

"For… for being here… for being you…" He said, cupping her face in his hand and kissing her lightly.

"Of course I am… I… I love you." Joey said quietly… shocked to have uttered the three words that had been repeating themselves in her head over the past few months.

JD’s hand stopped it’s slow track down her face. "What did you just say?"

"What?" Joey asked innocently.

"What did you just say, just now?" He repeated slowly.

Joey took a deep breath, cursing herself silently. "Nothing… I didn’t…"

"I love you too."

Now it was Joey’s turn to be surprised. "Wh… you… I…"

"I’ve been feeling it for some time, but I never could say it… ya know? I… I guess it started back in High school, in English group…" JD laughed. "Kyle always said I was in love with you… even back then…"

"I… had no idea." She said lamely.

JD smiled through a fresh sheen of tears. "Do you really love me?"

Joey blushed but did not turn her gaze away from his green eyes. "More than you could possibly know." She said quietly, taking in a shaky breath.

He smiled and his breath caught as he spoke. "Oh, I have an idea, Joe." He said smiling his crooked grin. He leaned slowly down and brushed her lips with his, the kiss melting them together in a union they had only dreamed possible.


~*~
Is misery made beautiful
right before our eyes
will mercy be revealed
or blind us where we stand
~*~


(split screen)

Jade smiled as her phone rang. "Hello babe." She said, already knowing it would be Gunter.

"Do you say that to everyone who calls you?"

Jade laughed. "No… just the cute guys who call at four o’clock in the morning."

Gunter grinned and shifted on his bed, propping his head on his arm. "Guys?"

"You’re so cute when you’re jealous."

Gunter laughed lightly. "I know."

Jade frowned, catching the reluctance of his laugh. "What’s wrong Adam? Is it Spence… he okay?"

Gunter sighed and closed his eyes. "No… he’s not."

"That girl he saw tonight really shook him up huh?"

Gunter nodded, forgetting she couldn’t see him. "Yeah, she did… man, I don’t know what to do… I mean, all I can do is offer my ear huh? What else can I do?"

Jade propped her feet up on the table in front of her. "Well, I don’t know what to tell you… me and Joey have always known what was wrong with the other… we never really had to pry it out of each other."

"Hmmm…" Gunter said, rubbing his temple. "Joey has that way about her… maybe he’d talk to her about…"

"Bad timing." Jade interrupted.

"How do you mean?"

"You know JD’s best friend… Kyle?" Jade asked him.

Gunter searched his brain. "The one who was the soccer player until he went in the army?"

"Yeah… he’s dead…. God, that sounded harsh."

Gunter sat up. "What? Dead? You’re kidding…"

"No… no, I’m not… I didn’t get details, but that’s why he was late, and why Joe and him left early."

"Oh, man. That… wow…" Gunter said, at a loss of words.

"Yeah. Poor JD. Kyle was a great guy… a little goofy.." She laughed. "but a great guy."

"Man, sometimes life just kicks you in the ass… and not just you either… everyone around you." Gunter said, his voice flat.

"Yeah, I know. It’s like, everything that can go wrong will go wrong." Jade said. She laughed. "Isn’t there a word for that? Like, a law or something?"

"Yeah… Morph’s law, or something."

"NO! Murphey’s law… that’s it. Murphey’s law." Jade said triumphantly.

"Hey." Gunter said abrubtly.

"Huh? Hey?" Jade said, confused by his outburst.

"Let’s do something… for Spence and JD. Just, a chill thing. Let’s… oh I don’t know…" Gunter racked his brain for something fun to take their minds off of their troubles.

"How about a barbecue? We haven’t had one of those in a long time." Jade offered.

"That’s perfect baby! Yeah, we’ll get a couple of six packs of bud, and a couple pounds of hamburgers and sausage and stuff and have a barbecue." He grinned. "Baby you’re a genius."

Jade’s grin widened. "Ain’t I though."

Gunter laughed. "Don’t let it get to your head now."

"Who me? NEVER!"

Gunter laughed harder. "Yeah you! ALWAYS!"

"Hey, who is this?" A voice broke in.

Jade squealed in surprise. "Jesus Christ Spence… you scared the shit out of me!"

Spence laughed lightly. "Hey J… listen… I hate to be a downer but…"

"Yeah, sorry bra… I guess I did kinda laugh a little loud." Gunter apologized.

"No problem man." Spence said.

"Hey! Spence… how do you feel about hamburgers?" Jade asked.

Spence laughed. "What kinda question is that… Hamburger’s and me are like, soul mates!"

"Cool, you down for a barbecue say…. tomorrow?" Gunter asked him.

"Am I down for it? Hells yeah I am… when?"

Gunter shrugged. "I don’t know… how’s about noon?"

"Cool with me. Oh, hey… can Emily come? I mean, I promised we’d talk tomorrow." Spence added as an after thought.

"Um… well…" Gunter started.

"See Spence… we were gonna throw this to kinda get your mind off her and the memories she brought back that obviously ain’t pretty." Jade told him.

Spence was silent for a moment. "So you told her Adam?" He said, his voice cold and detached.

"No bra… she just means that it was obvious you were upset… man, that ain’t my story to tell Spence… you know me!" Gunter cleared up.

"Oh… okay, sorry. But, no, Em’s cool… I mean, she’s my best friend from Port Chuckles… the only one who didn’t betray me." Spence stated.

"Well, okay, if you want." Jade told him.

"And hey…" Spence started. "I appreciate the thought you guys."

Gunter smiled. "Anytime Spencer."


~*~
will we burn in heaven
like we do down here
will the change come
while we're waiting
everyone is waiting.
~*~


Chapter 4


"You coming down Spencer?" Gunter asked Spence as he headed out the door.

Spence snapped himself out of his thoughts. "Huh? Yeah… I’ll be down… in a minute, I’ll be there in a minute." He told him distractedly.

Gunter shook his head, wishing he could take the pain off his friend’s face. "Yeah… yeah, whenever you’re ready."

As he came down the stairs he saw Jade rearranging the bags of chips on the table. Laughing to himself he came up behind her and wrapped her in a hug. "Hey baby." She said.

"Hey yourself." He said, kissing her on the side of her neck. Letting go he walked around the table, inspecting it. "Nah, I think this bag of Doritos would look better at a 45 degree angle instead of a 75."

Jade swatted at him. "Oh shut up fussy."

"Fussy?" He asked, laughing. Just then he looked up to see a beautiful brunette apprehensively approaching them. "Hey, you must be Emily." He said, hoping to clear her apprehension.

Emily smiled relieved. "Yeah. I was hoping I was in the right place… I don’t know New Orleans too well. And you are…"

Gunter extended his hand. "Adam Gunter… Most people call me Gunter."

Emily shook his hand and Jade stepped forward, smiling at her. "Except me… he’s Adam to me."

"That’s Jade, my ball and chain." Gunter whispered secretively. Emily laughed and shook Jade’s hand as well. "Spence’ll be down in a while… he, overslept."

Emily laughed. "Lucky doesn’t ever sleep past ten o’clock in the morning… he’s probably just stalling and you’re making an excuse for him." Gunter rose his eyebrows, surprised at how astute she was. She laughed again. "It’s okay… I understand."

"So… how long have you known Spe… Lucky?" Jade asked as the girls sat and watched Gunter season the patties.

Emily tilted her head and squinted her eyes. "Twelve years? Yeah, about that. Oh, yeah, and if you know him as Spence, you can call him that, I know who you mean."

Jade whistled. "Wow, you’ve known him like, half your life."

"Yep, my girl, the math major." Gunter remarked dryly.

Jade pursed her lips and glared at Gunter. "Yep, my guy the supporter…"

Emily laughed. "Ya’ll are cute."

Jade and Gunter both smiled at each other. "How’d you meet?" Gunter asked, more than a little embarrassed.

"Well, see, that’s complicated…" She began. Sighing she decided to go ahead and tell them to pass the time. "My mother… my real mother had breast cancer, and so did Monica Quartermaine. The Quartermaine’s and Spencer’s… well, no, they’re not exactly friends… but they are… they’re…"

"Common allies?" Gunter helped.

Emily burst out laughing. "Common? Please… the Spencer’s and the Quartermaine’s??? Try Not-So-Common allies… anyway, when my Mom died Monica adopted me…"

"Oh, God… I’m sorry." Jade said.

"That I was adopted by Quartermaine’s?" Emily asked, smiling.

"No, that your…"

"I know… sorry, I was just joking with you." Gunter laughed. He liked her sense of humor. "Anyway, I was lost… didn’t know who I was, why I was where I was, what I should do… and Lucky appeared." Gunter lifted his head. That sounded familiar. He smiled, thinking of Joey. "You’ve been there haven’t you?" Emily asked, interrupting his thoughts.

Gunter jumped. "Huh? Where? Port Charles?"

Emily shook her head. "No… that place where you don’t know up from down."

Gunter laughed shortly. "More than once honey."

Emily nodded. "I could tell. Lucky just, he was my best friend… from the beginning, and even though we lost touch for a long time, we were always friends, through and through… I could always turn to him if I needed him… and then we thought he was dead…"

"Do HUH?" Gunter asked, nearly dropping the hamburger patty he was shaping.

"Dead?" Jade asked.

Emily looked at them confused. "Oh… he hasn’t told you what happened?"

~~~"I killed a man."~~~

Gunter shook his head. "No, he hasn’t talked much of his past, and that that he has has been to Adam." Jade told her.

"He did talk a lot about you though." Gunter said, smiling at Emily’s uncomfortable look. "Don’t worry… good stuff."

"Really?" She asked, surprised. "Cause, when he left, I was in pretty bad shape."

Gunter shrugged. "Honey, when he left HE was in pretty bad shape."

Emily’s eyes became distant. "I remember."

Gunter looked at Jade. "Hey, speak of the devil." She said, pointing to the staircase.

Gunter turned to see Spence making his way toward them. "Hey, Em, do me a favor?" She looked at him waiting for him to continue. "Don’t mention Elizabeth… not yet anyway… not today."

Emily’s features hardened and Gunter was afraid he had overstepped his bounds. "I haven’t spoken to Elizabeth Webber in seven years, nor do I intend to speak OF her." She said coldly.

Gunter raised his eyebrows. "Cause of him?" He asked, gesturing to Spence with his spatula. She nodded. "Loyalty… like that."

"Like what?"

They turned to Spence. Emily smiled instantly. "The fact that you finally decided to join us." She got up and kissed him on the cheek.

Spence eyed Gunter who couldn’t seem to catch his eye. ‘Right… that’s what they were talking about.’ "Yep, I did."

‘He knows.’ Gunter thought to himself. "So Emily, how do you like your burger?" He asked, trying to turn the conversation to safe territory.

"Not mooing." She told him.

Gunter laughed. "Well, that’s generally a good way to go."

"Joey! What is going on here?!"

They turned to see Joey dragging a blindfolded and laughing JD behind her. "Two seconds… come on JD, have patience."

Finally she took the blindfold off of him. "JD my man!" Gunter said as they did the not-so-secret male society handshake.

JD looked around him. "What is all this?"

Spence put his arm around him. "It’s a little thing called a barbecue… ever been to one?"

JD smirked back at him. "Golly gee, no Spence, I ain’t neva been to a bar-bee-cue!" He twanged, sounding just like Jeff Foxworthy. Spence and he laughed.

They heard a guitar being strummed. "Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now." They all laughed as Jazz sidestepped the pool, nearly falling in in the process. "ORGY!"

"Shut up you sick fvck!" Gunter yelled to him, smiling and shaking his head good-naturedly. Jazz flipped him off.

JD walked over to the ice chest where Emily was getting a beer. He bent down next to her to grab a beer as well, surprising her. He reached out to steady her. "Sorry. You must be Emily." She nodded. "I’m JD."

She smiled. "Hi JD. What’s that short for?"

"Jason Daniel." Emily nodded. He walked over to Gunter. "So, why are we having this BBQ Gun?"

Gunter looked at Spence standing off in the distance, at the opposite side from Emily. "I just thought we could all use a little chill time… ya know… with everything that’s going on…"

"Kyle?" JD asked, smiling. "You know… me and Kyle used to barbecue a lot… we loved it."

Gunter frowned. "Sh!t… I’m sorry bra…"

"No! No, it’s perfect." JD assured him. "The perfect farewell." He patted Gunter on the back. "Thanks man, even if it is the opposite of what you had in mind, you couldn’t have picked a better thing to do."

Gunter smiled. "No problem man… anytime."

~*~

"Can you tell me how to get… how to get to Sesame Street?!"

Gunter rolled his eyes at Spence. "Why do girls have to break out with the fruity shit?"

Spence laughed. "They bring out the goofiness in one another I guess." JD answered, smiling at Joey.

Gunter got up to go check on the burgers at the same time Emily got up to talk to Spence. Not noticing one another Gunter bumped into Emily, knocking her in the pool. "Oh, my bad! I’m so sorry!" He yelled as she surfaced, sputtering.

Emily glared at him. "You IDIOT!"

Everyone was shocked by her tone, no one more than Spence. His Emily would never be mad at something so trivial. "Come on Em, he didn’t do it on purpose." He said, standing.

"The least you could do is help me out!" Gunter hurried over and held out a hand. Everyone but Spence missed the gleam in her eye as she reached out and yanked Gunter in with her, totally taking him off guard. She squealed with laughter as he came up. "Your face! Oh my God, that was funny." She mocked his expression. "Oh my bad!"

Gunter stuck his tongue in his cheek and nodded. "I see.. I see how it is…"

Emily looked over at Spence. "Uh, Lucky?…"

Spence laughed. "If you think I’m gonna help you outta there you have got to be on crack."

Emily groaned and turned around. "Gunter I was just.. hey… where’d he go…." She screamed as she was suddenly lifted and slammed into the water.

"Payback’s a bi-atch huh!!!" Gunter yelled, laughing.

JD smiled and swept Joey up in his arms. "No… no!!!" She squealed as he tossed her in, following directly after her as Jazz knocked him in. He cannonballed in after JD, leaving Jade and Spencer the only dry ones left.

"Come on baby… get in!" Gunter called to Jade.

Jade shook her head and headed over to the cooler. "Nah, I’ll stick to wetting my tongue, not my whole body."

Spence got up and checked on the burgers. "Hey, I hope you like them well done."

JD sprung out of the pool with a quickness yelling "food!"

Joey laughed. "You’d think you were starving! You had two already!"

"Hey!" He said, mouth already full of a juicy burger. "What can I say, I’m a growing man!"

Gunter swam over to Joey. "Hey, what’s up girl." He said, smiling affectionately. "You’re glowing today. Did ya’ll…."

Joey laughed and swatted his hand away. "No, me and JD have not had sex yet."

Gunter ducked his head. "Ok, then what gives?"

Joey’s face lit up and she lowered her voice. "He told me he loved me."

Gunter was stunned for a second. "He… really? Wow… that’s…"

Joey squinted at him. "What… what’s wrong with you Adam?"

He looked away. "Nothin… you’re happy, I’m happy." He smiled and hugged her. "Congratulations."

Joey stared at him as he made his way to the ladder and let himself out, wondering what was up with him. JD say beside Spence and Gunter joined them. Jade sat on the side of the pool talking to Emily and Joey. "Man, these are some good tasting burgers Gun… really, you have talent in the spices department."

Gunter smiled slightly. "Thanks."

Spence looked at Gunter searchingly. "You alright?"

JD looked at Gunter for a second. "Yeah, fine… why wouldn’t I be fine?"

JD nodded. "Hey, Joey, come here and have a burger babe…" He called, getting up to leave them alone.

Spence waited until he was out of earshot. "What gives?"

"Nothin’ man."

Spence shook his head. "I don’t buy that man."

Gunter looked over at Joey and JD and sighed. "He told her that he loved her last night."

Spence was confused. "Who did huh?" He looked in the direction Gunter was. Slowly a smile spread across his face. "Really? That’s so great… they’re good together." He looked back at Gunter. "But…."

"But… I don’t know… I don’t like it."

Spence frowned. "Are you still…"

Gunter looked at Spence sharply. "Don’t even finish that sentence. Yes, I love her, but not like that… not anymore."

Spence studied his face for a moment. He was being truthful, but Spence should have known that… Gunter had never lied to him and would never lie to him. "Then what?’

Gunter shook his head. "I just… I don’t want her to get hurt… I mean, I like the dude, he’s a great guy, but he was upset last night and …."

"You’re afraid he didn’t mean it?" Gunter nodded. Spence shook his head. "Nah, man, I been seeing it." Gunter looked at him sharply. "Really, you haven’t seen how he looks at her? How he talks to her and about her? Come on, it’s plain to see, he does… the hard part for me to believe is that he finally said it."

Gunter shrugged. "I hope so, cause I’d hate to have to kick his ass if he hurt her."

Spence took a bite of his burger. "You have nothing to worry about man, I’m pretty good at reading emotions if nothing else."

Gunter started to say something but paused as he saw Emily walking over. "Hey girl, what’s up?" He said, alerting Spence to her presence. Spence swallowed to quickly and ended up choking on it.

"Hey, Gunter. Would you mind if I talked to him alone?" She asked.

Gunter looked at Spence and nodded. "Sure thing… just call if he gets too frisky!" He said, jokingly ruffling Spence’s hair. He walked up behind Jade and slid his arms around her waist as they sat side by side by the pool.

"They’re a cute couple. How long have they been together?" Emily asked as Spence stood uncomfortably.

"Oh, about three, three and a half years…" He answered, swearing at how strained his voice sounded.

Emily nodded. "Yeah… what about Joey and him, they seem close?"

He nodded. "Yeah, real close. So what’s up Em?"

Emily laughed. "Yep, still the same Lucky… no chit chat… just get right to the heart of the matter right?" She looked him in the eyes and he remained silent. She sighed. "Look, Lucky, I love you… always have… since we met. You are my best friend, and it really hurt to lose you… twice. Once I thought you were dead, and the second time, I had no way of knowing." Spence looked away, willing the tears to stay in his eyes. "Listen… look at me Lucky." She said forcefully. "You are still my best friend… a lot of stuff has happened since we thought you were dead… to me, to you… to others… and you can either talk about it or not, it’s ok either way… but please… please tell me I haven’t lost my best friend for good? But if I have… and you want me to go, I will… I will go right now and not look back, I’ll leave you alone… but if I haven’t, if you still care about me… let me stay, let me have my best friend back in my life, cause it’s empty without him…"

Looking into her once innocent brown eyes Spence could see the change. They were dark, clouded. Sad. They had seen too many things and they had been used and abused. He knew that that very same look of the wounded was mirrored in his own crystalline blue eyes. "Em, I don’t know… I’m not the same Lucky…. I’m Spence now…"

She smiled and laughed. "A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet." She said, quoting William Shakespeare’s tragedy, Romeo and Juliet.

He blinked as a tear forced its way out. "Oh Em, there are so many thorns now… so many…"

She smiled sadly. "A little blood never killed anyone Lucky." He could feel his strength draining away as he looked at her. God he had missed her. "Come on Lucky… at least let us see if Emily and Spence can be friends."

He broke then, a torrent of tears pouring out of his eyes. "I’m still him… I’m still here Emily… but I don’t want to be…" He said, wrapping her in the tightest of hugs. "I’m still Lucky deep down in my heart… looking at you made me realize that he still existed…" He took a deep breath. "And it hurts."

Emily squeezed him back. "I know, I know… but it won’t hurt forever… we have each other again, and it’ll be okay. I swear it to you."

Jade smiled and put her arms around Gunter’s neck. "Look baby, a happy ending." She said referring to the hugging Spence and Emily.

But Gunter was less optimistic. Even across the distance he could see the way Spence’s jaw was clenched, signaling he was trying not to cry. "No, baby… a happy beginning… this is far from over."

Chapter 5

JD sat down by Spence in the apartment. “So, where did the girls go again?”

Spence laughed and rolled his eyes. “Girl bonding.”

“Ah, shopping spree huh?” JD said, nodding. They had gone to the River Walk to shop around and show Emily the sights of New Orleans. They promised to wait for the boys to do the French Quarter. Gunter sat across from them, drumming his fingers on the floor tom, probably thinking up a new beat for a new song. JD cleared his throat. “So, uh, Gunter… what’s up?”

Gunter looked up. “Huh? Nothin man, just chillin with the boys.”

JD frowned and shook his head. “Na… something’s up, you’ve been distant all day… well, from me anyway. I mean, I thought we were friends… look, just tell me what I did.”

Gunter groaned and shifted in his chair. Spence stood and fixed Gunter with a look that said “straighten this out.” “I’m gonna go for a walk man, I’ll be back.”

JD watched Spence leave. “Allright, now I KNOW somethin’s wrong.”

“No, well, I mean...” Gunter said, faltering for the right words.

JD leaned forward. “You ain’t one to mince words and I ain’t one to want you to… spit it out.”

“Do you really love her, or do you just want to bag her?”

JD sat back, stunned. His eyebrows rose involuntarily and mouth worked open a couple of times before it actually worked. “What the hell man?!”

Gunter hung his head. “I’m sorry, that sounded harsh…”

“Ya God D@mned right it sounded harsh!” JD yelled. Slowly he took a deep breath to calm himself. “Clarify that before I knock the sh!t out of you.”

Gunter sighed. “Well, I mean, do you love Joey or not?”

JD nodded silently, still breathing deeply. “She told you huh? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised… wait, does SHE think that?!”

Gunter waved his hand dismissively. “Naw man, she’s completely content.” He looked up to see the hurt in JD’s eyes. “Man… I didn’t mean to hurt your feeli…”

“No, wait.” JD paused and closed his eyes. “I ain’t never been in love before. Okay? I never thought it was for me… I have fvcked many a girl. Because I was drunk… because she was… hell, because I was just plain horny. It’s never been hard for me to get a girl willing.” He laughed. “I’m not trying to be conceited. But with Joe… it… it’s different, ya know?” He looked at Gunter to see if he was following. Gunter nodded. “I mean, I’ve known her forever… since tenth grade… before you knew her… but I didn’t KNOW her know her. I still don’t, not really. But I want to. See, she was always this sweet, quiet girl, that I really liked. She was cute, funny, but never somebody I really saw myself with. I had a habit of lovin’ em and leavin’ em, and I knew I could never forgive myself if I did that to her.”

“So, I never even gave it a second thought, not a conscious one anyway. But Kyle… Kyle always knew. He used to always tell me I was in love with her.” JD smiled and blinked back a tear. “God, Kyle… anyway, when I went into training, I matured. And then the first person I run into in town was Joey. And she was the same sweet girl, but I had changed. We’ve… we’ve dated for a long time, three months is the longest I’ve ever been with a girl… and we never had sex… still haven’t. And I asked myself… what’s up with this? I mean, by now I would have either have had sex with her or dumped her. But I wasn’t about to dump her. I ran over it and over it and over it in my head. What’s so special about Joey?” He paused. “You know the only answer I could come up with?”

Gunter smiled and laughed lightly. “She’s Joey.”

JD nodded. “Exactly… she’s Joey. And I love her. And until she’s ready, I can deal with no sex…” He laughed. “For now.”

Gunter laughed. “OK… all right, good. I believe you man.. . I don’t know why I ever doubted it. I guess I’m just so used to my mom and her…” Gunter broke off angrily.

JD tilted his head to the side and nodded. “If you don’t mind me asking… everytime you or someone mentions you mom you get so angry… why is that?”

Gunter sighed. “Well, this is the let’s-get-to-know-each-other game huh?”

JD laughed. “You tell me yours I’ll tell you mine.” When Gunter didn’t laugh JD fell silent. “Sorry, don’t answer that… I’ll just…”

“No, it’s okay. She…. She’s cheating on my Dad. Has been since I was nine.”

JD whistled. “Cheat ING, as in, he’s still with her?”

Gunter took a deep breath. “Here, let me tell you about my mom and how me and Joey met and get it all out at once..”

“You don’t have to…”

Gunter shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind telling you bra.”

~*~September 20, 1997~*~

“You fvcking BITCH!”

Adam ran into the kitchen where his sister and his mother were. “What the…” He saw his mother back hand his sister, Gab. He began to shake. “Mom?!?”

Gab looked at him tearfully. “Adam… God… go.”

He looked at her. “Gabby, I’m sixteen years old… I can handle… whatever this is… What is going on? Gab… Mom?”

His mother’s smoldering gaze turned on him. “GO TO YOUR ROOM!”

Adam took a startled step back. “What the hell did I do?!”

Gabby stepped in their mother’s path once again, matching her glare for glare. “Nothing Addy. You wanna tell him MOTHER, or shall I?”

Theresa’s eyes softened as she looked at Adam staring warily at them. “Sweety, honey, go please… this isn’t something for you.”

Adam sank into the nearest seat. Sweety? Honey? She hadn’t called him that since he was nine. “Mom? What’s going on?”

Theresa sank to the floor, sobbing into her hands. Adam had never seen her like this. Not in a long time. She had changed. Become hard and cold. Detached from the family. Before then, she had been the sweetest person. His own personal guardian angel. He adored her… no, he worshiped her. His mom was the bestest mom on the block… hell, the WORLD! And then, one day, she had stopped. Stopped being around. Stopped picking him up from school. Stopped buying him presents. Stopped caring.

And Gab had morphed from sister to mother in a matter of months. Now he went to Gab when he needed a hand. When he needed a shoulder. When he needed someone to be there for him. ‘Cause his mom, well, she didn’t exist. Not anymore. He’d become bitter. Why didn’t she love him anymore? What was wrong with her? Where did his mom go, and who was this bitch that replaced her?!

“Tell me what this is about Gabby… tell me now.” He said, evenly. But inside he shook. Inside he was already breaking. That was his momma on the floor. The one with feelings… she was here… she was back… but she was sad. She was broken. What had Gabby done to his momma?! He was no longer sixteen… he was nine again.

“Tell him MOM.” Gab practically spit out.

Theresa looked up. Her face was drenched in tears and she shook violently. Adam jumped up from his chair and was immediately to her side. “Momma? Mom?” He said, stroking back her hair and hugging her to him. He glared at Gabby who was staring at him in a mixture of pity and resentment. “What did you DO Gab?!”

Then nineteen year old Gabriella Gunter hit her knees and gripped Adam by his shirt and he saw his sister cry for the first time in his life. “Oh, Adam, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry you had to find out like this. Mom… she has another family.”

Adam jerked away from his sister and his mother at the same time. “What?! What are you talking about?”

Gab took a shaky breath and stood. Walking over to the table she picked up a picture and showed it to Adam. Adam grabbed it from her. In it was a picture of his mother in a hospital bed, a baby in her lap and some Italian guy beside her. Some Italian that wasn’t his father. And some kid, that WAS hers… but not his father’s. He felt tears come to his eyes. He looked up at his sister, the unspoken question in his eyes. “Yes, Adam, not only is she cheating on Dad… but she has been for years, and she has a child. Another child, another family.” A sob escaped from Adams throat before he could stop it. “I’ve known it here in my brain for some time, but only recently did I see it… and today I have proof.”

Adam turned to his mother. “Is this…. is this true?”

“Stop it Gabriella… stop it.”

They all turned to face their father, who had never looked older. Gabby’s face collapsed as she saw him. “Poppy, I’m so sorry…. I didn’t know you were…”

“I knew Gabby. I already knew. She has been, for quite some time. Since Adam here was ten. When she went on her year long ‘business trip’ last year… that’s when I knew… and that’s when Ben was born.” He said wearily.

Adam leaned forward, battling for his breath. “Ben? Ben? This is true? This is actually real?” He glared up at his father. “You KNEW? You knew about this AND YOU LET IT HAPPEN?”

“Addy…” Gab started.

He spun on her. “And YOU, you suspected? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?! I thought we were close Gab… I thought at least YOU loved me…”

Gab hugged her arms to her chest. “Of course I love…”

“NO!” Adam screamed, spinning around, glaring at his father, his mother, his sister… even his cats. “You are all LIARS!”

He ran out of his house and kept on running and running and running. He ran until he came to the park just outside of his neighborhood. Five miles away. Panting he fell to the ground at the base of the slide, gasping for breath as he sobbed into his hands.

About an hour later he had smoked all of the weed he had left and was wanting more. Nothing, not even the half ounce of weed he had just smoked could dim the pain he felt. It only made him want more. It left the hole just barely exposed. Just enough to still throb and hurt. He wanted to die. He had nothing to live for. His friends, they weren’t real friends. Nobody would die for him. Nobody would really miss him, except maybe Gab, and his father. But no, they had betrayed him too!

And Angel, his girlfriend. She was nothing but a crack fiend. She probably would miss the sex. For about a week. And then she’d move on. Yes. He was going to die. He was going take his Dad’s gun, which he had grabbed on his way out, and blow his brains out. But first he was going to find out where BEN was…. so he could make sure the blood splattered on the dear little boy’s pristine white baby sheets.

He stood with determination only to promptly fall to his knees. Perhaps he was a little too high. He began to laugh, but that didn’t last. Soon they had turned into gut-wrenching sobs. No, he couldn’t wait. He had to do it now. He couldn’t stand the throbbing any longer. Half sitting, still sobbing, he put the gun in his mouth and pulled back the safety. He closed his eyes.

Faintly he was aware that there was no longer a gun in his mouth. And then suddenly there were arms around him. He opened his eyes and saw a pretty blond before him, staring at him concerned. She tightened her arms around him. “What’s your name sweety?”

He took a deep breath. “Leave me alone… I need to die… I have to do this.”

She smiled angelically. “Ok, as soon as you tell me your name.”

“Adam….”

~*~

“And basically she just kept me talking until I forgot I had wanted to kill myself.” Gunter concluded.

JD shook his head, speechless. “Well.” He said, not sure how to react. “That’s… that’s…”

“Fvcked up? Yeah… I would have to agree.” Gunter said, clearing his throat and wiping at his moist eyes.

JD put his hand on Gunter’s shoulder. “Listen bra… I’m glad that you didn’t… ya know… follow through.”

Gunter laughed. “Yeah? Meeeee too.”

~*~