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A Bicyclops Built for Two
The Professor has just connected to the internet, and the crew use netsuits to go online.
After fighting off some adverts and looking at porn and filthy chat rooms, they go and
play a video game. Fry is in his element, and kills everyone except Leela. Leela bumps
into another cyclops, the first one she's ever seen other than herself. Fry shoots him.
Leela is very upset, and Fry shoots her too. In real life, on the way to a popcorn
delivery, the cyclops, Alkazar, emails Leela the directions to her home planet. Alkazar
shows Leela their once great society, while Bender goes around stealing things. Wanting
to carry on the cyclops race, Leela sleeps with Alkazar. It turns out that he is a
complete jerk who just wants her to clean up after him and cook for him while his
obnoxious friends sit around. Fry goes into the 'forbidden valley' to try and find some
dirt on him, but falls through a trap door. From his cell, Fry tells Leela to dump
Alkazar, and she agrees that he's a jerk. However, he proposes and she accepts. At the
wedding day, Fry and Bender discover four more identical castles. In the middle of the
wedding, a five-eyed creature turns up in a wedding dress, then 4 more aliens. It turns
out that Alkazar is in fact a strange cricket creature that can morph. His wives dump him
and Leela leaves, hoping to one day find her true homeworld.
Quotes:
(Leela smells her Netsuit)
Leela: It smells like burning Reesus monkey.
Professor: Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.
Bender: I'm telling you Fry, they've got a chatroom for everybody, and here it is!
(He and Fry go into the 'Filthy, Filthy Chat Room')
Amy: Ew, that is so gross.
Leela: Yeah, I'll stick with this one, thank you.
(Amy and Leela go into the 'Filthy Chat Room')
Fry: Aw, are you still mad at me for wrecking your once in a lifetime chance to find the meaning of your existance?
Alkazar: Luckily I was able to write down your screen name before I was dispatched by that brutish oaf.
Fry: Kicked your ass.
Alkazar: Well, this is the real me. But I can explain. We all have needs. Mine was to make it 5 weirdos and have them scrub my 5 castles. I gave you all what you wanted, and, yeah, I made a few bucks letting pig watch with a two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position?
Bender: (crying) He's a saint!
Seen Around the Future
Ads seen on the internet:
Steamy presidential MP3's, Stalk anybody - search.web, You smell! - Insult.web, eVOMIT,
Information Superhighway - Howard Stern Rest Area, eRipOff, Mad? Ammo.web, Human brain
memory updates - brainslugplanet.web, Click here to be annoyed, be an organ donor - visit
organs.org, I can see your ass! - earth-veiwed-from-space.web, Cyber motel - hourly rates
available, Shop at old-dirty-shirts.com, Credit card numbers lost + found.
Porno signs:
Virtual massage, smutter butter, Filth-o-rama, Your grandparents doing it!, Double
nudity, Sardine-on-Mackerel action, Galaxy of Love, 4-Dimensional sluts, Barely legal
aliens, 100% wireless cyber sex, Four prostitites playing bridge, Asexual reproduction,
Blurry photos of Sasquatch makin' out, Dutch interchangeable body parts, naked chess
grand masters, US Govt. Dept. of Hot Sex, Blond surfers with low IQ's, What's your
fantasy? Brain scan will tell you.
Bender's disguises are Napolean and Sexy Nurse.
Signs on the forbidden valley on Alkasar's planet say 'No Trespassing! - No exception for lost wiffle balls'
The crew play 'Death Factory III - The Legend of Death Factory III'
Bender throws out three fishbowls and a toaster to make room for stuff to steal.
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