music by Dana P. Rowe
book and lyrics by John Dempsey
#23 "It was years ago..."
MISS STRICT
It was years ago. I blush to say how many. My mother was horribly
upset with me for dating a boy from the wrong side of the tracks.
But would I listen to her...? No! I was a spunky spitfire,
much like you, Toffee, and on prom night, when all the other girls went
off to the dance in their white gloves and lacquered hair, I ran off like
a common tramp with this boy, this demon...
EDDIE
I remember it like is was yesterday.
MISS STRICT
That's right! If I couldn't go to the prom with Eddie, I wasn't going
at all. So I snuck out that night during "Jack Benny" and met up
with Eddie at the USO. He had just dropped out of school and joined
the Navy. That was to be his last night in town. So
we drove around all night, and ended up parking off old highway three,
between the Burma Shave signs. I'll never forget it -- Five minutes
of sweaty, sordid paradise that ruined my life forever!
BOYS
Five minutes?
EDDIE
I was young. I was very young.
MISS STRICT
Eddie was shipping out. How could I say no? You see, I will
always remember the night I missed my senior prom, Toffee. Because
that is the night my child was conceived!
WHEN MY PARENTS LEARNED THE TRUTH,
THEY HAD ME SECRETED AWAY
TO A HOME FOR UNWED MOTHERS,
IN THE WILDS OF...SANTA FE.
THERE I SAT IN ABJECT MIS'RY,
REJECTED AND FORLORN.
AND THEY TOOK MY CHILD AWAY FROM ME...
THE MINUTE IT WAS BORN.
I lost everything! My boyfriend! My child! But worst
of all...I lost my innocence.
GINGER
Oh, the shame!
MISS STRICT
Thank you, Ginger.
MY JUST DESSERTS,
AS YOU'D EXPECT,
FOR SHUNNING THE WAYS
OF RULES, REGULATIONS, AND...
MISS STRICT & KIDS
RESPECT.
MISS STRICT
Don't you see? Nothing good comes from being bad, Toffee. It
took me years to live my past down, and so help me, I won't let you make
the same mistakes! So, come on Corpse Boy, you're a-goin' bye-bye!
You're late for an appointment in hell, and I'm
taking you there myself if I have to!
EDDIE
I wouldn't do that if I were you!
MISS STRICT
Oh, yeah?
EDDIE
Yeah!
MISS STRICT
Why not?
EDDIE
Because tossing Jonny out of here would be your biggest mistake yet!
MISS STRICT
You're mad, Flagrante!
EDDIE
You'd never be able to live with yourself having thrown out ---
YOUR OWN SON!
JONNY
Mom?
MISS STRICT
Jonny?! My baby?! My own rotting flesh and blood?! But
how...? How did you find this out?
EDDIE
I did a little digging. I knew from the get-go that you were holding
out on me about something....
I COULD SEE IT IN YOUR EYES
THAT YOU WERE LYING THROUGH YOUR TEETH,
AND THIS NOSE I'VE GOT FOR NEWS
COULD SMELL A STORY UNDERNEATH.
AS FOR JONNY HERE,
I ONLY HAD TO LOOK BENEATH THE GOO.
AND IT SUDDENLY WAS CLEAR --
HE WAS THE SON I NEVER KNEW!
JONNY
Dad!
EDDIE
After that it was easy. A few well greased palms, a couple of soon-to-be-broken
promises. And I had my proof. Case closed.
MISS STRICT
Oh, Jonny! I...I suppose this changes everything...
JONNY
But I'm...I'm still dead.
MISS STRICT
Oh, details, details.... Maybe I'm the one who needs to change.
How about it? Give me another chance, Jonny. Maybe I can be
the mother you never knew. And hey, what's say that next week we
throw you a big, fancy funeral? We'll do it up right!
JONNY
I don't know...
MISS STRICT
Ice cream. Any flavor you want.
JONNY
And a cake? Oh, can I have a cake?
MISS STRICT
Oh, anything for mommy's little corpse! Now, how about giving your
dear old mother a great, big hug!?
EDDIE
God, I love my job! Mother and son reunited. And daddy makes
three?
MISS STRICT
What?
EDDIE
How 'bout it Delilah -- One big nuclear family?
MISS STRICT
Oh, Eddie...
BOTH
MY FORBIDDEN LOVE!
KIDS
AHH!
AHH!
(as DELILAH and EDDIE kiss)
EEEEUUUUUWWWWW!
TOFFEE
And Jonny? Can he come back to school?
MISS STRICT
Well, of course he can! Now, what's everyone standing around for? |
