Once upon a time, in a land on the far side of the Atlantic Ocean, A elf named Lars Ulrich was born. His father was a whoop-ass tennis player, and his mom was an elf. (According to Monika, Lars is an elf, go check out LarsElf to see so yourself.)
Anyway, his father wanted Lars to be a awesome tennis player, but at the tender age of nine, Lars was corrupted by hard rock when he went and saw Deep Purple in Copenhagen, Denmark. But at that time, Lars didn't know that it corrupted him, and he would never, ever, be the same again.
Years later, Lars has grown up. Although Lars is very short (he IS an elf, you know.) he is a litter older, and a little wiser. His parents moved to L.A., and they took Lars with him, so that he could be a whoop-ass tennis player like
his dad is/was.
Lars loved L.A. He still got all of the NWOBHM records that he cherished so much while living in Denmark via mail order. About 1981, Lars decided that he wanted to be a drummer, rather than a tennis player. So he put an ad in "The Recycler," seeking NWOBHM metal-heads, and guys that liked to thrash, and drink beer.
A while later, a big guy named James Hetfield responded to the ad. James met Lars, and jam sessions start. They picked up a guitarist named Dave Mustiane, and a bassist named Ron McGovney. They cut a demo and wound up on Metal Massacare, a local collection of killer metal-bands. After awhile things started to change for the band...
Ron McGovney left, and he was replaced by Cliff Burton, a red-headed hippie guy. They Fired Dave because he was a violent drunk, and the rest were silly drunks. So they got Kirk Hammet. Then, he looked like a twelve year old, and he too, partied hard like Cliff, James, and Lars. Dave was pissed for being fired, so he formed his own metal band Megadeth, which is no 2nd rate metal band ethier.
By the time this all took place, it was 1983, and the metal scene would never be the same, and it would become very cool, unlike the majority of the cheesy hair bands running around. Metallica got around to make their debut album, Kill 'Em All. People bought the album, and the people liked what they heard, but the band got no radio airplay. They also got a record deal from recording powerhouse Elektra Records. For in 1983, little knew it then, but Metallica was starting on the road to world domination, and the road was long and hard...
Couple years passed until it was 1986. Metallica then cranked out it's third and some say, their best album Master Of Puppets. People drove by the masses to see them live, they lined up in masses at the nearest record store to buy copies of MOP, and all this despite no video on MTV, and no radio airplay. All seemed well until that fateful morning on September 27, 1986.
Metallica were in between gigs in Sweeden when somthing horrible happend. Outside Stockholm, Sweeden, the bus that the band was on flipped over because of "black ice" on the road. The bus flipped over, and James and Lars made it out. Kirk was alive still in the bus, but there was one member unaccounted for. Cliff Burton was dead at 24, when he was flung out the window of that same bus that landed on him. One of Metallica's managers suggested taht the band regroup and continue touring, but James had other plans.
"THERE IS NO FUCKING BAND! I DON'T SEE NO FUCKING BAND, JUST THREE GUYS!" James screamed in the freezing cold. Later that day, James got drunk and broke lots of shit and screamed and cried. Kirk didn't turn the light off when he went to sleep, and Lars did what James did, to a lesser extent.
The surviving members flown Cliff's body back home to the U.S., where they had a memorial/funeral for their late bassist. There, they played "Orion" which was largely Cliff's composition...
Now it's 1987. After going through forty different guys, the band came acorss one Jason Newstead. To brek Newstead in, and to perpare themselves for Monsters Of Rock, and for James to recover from his broken arm, they headed to the trusty and the ever smelly garage that belonged to Lars Ulrich. They bashed out cover tunes, then they flipped down to L.A. to record the album titled The $5.98 EP Garage Days Re-Revisited in SIX days. In 1988, Metallica had recorded and released ...And Justice For All. It kinda sucked though, because it was recorded in a cardboard box. On the good side though, it spawned a hit single, One, and it became a smash video also. Since the grammies were rigged, Jethro Tull beat out Metallica for best metal performance. Oh well. In 1989, they rightfully cliamed that honor. Also, they shot part of Live Shit: Binge & Purge on the damaged justice tour, (which was the AJFA tour for all you newbie fans...)
Now it's 1991. Metallica reinvents their music with a new producer guy named Bob Rock. In that same year Metalica release The Black Album (AKA Metallica) They once again seige the world with an iron fist. Several hit singles spawn off like Enter Sandman, The Unforgivien and Nothing Else Matters. They also build the best concert stage ever, which has been dubbed The Snake Pit.
After Two years on the road, they release Live Shit: Binge And Purge. this also becomes a must have for a step price tag, about $80. And they scored some more grammies.
In 1996-1999, Metallica release four albums, one for each year. Load (96) Reload (97) Garage INC. (98) and S&M (99). Some fans (now ex-fans.) stated that the band sold out. Not so. They just played what they wanted to play, and have fun doing it. Once again, they scored some grammies.
In 2000, Metallica release I Disappear for the movie M:I 2. Cool song, GREAT video. um... They also went on tour without an album. Also scored another grammy.
In this great year of 2001, Jason left the band because of health problems. and they authorized the production of action figures, done by the master, Todd McFarlane. They were going to record a new album, but sadly, James went to rehab. GET BETTER DUDE! Anyway, Dave is making admends with the band, and is reportedly learning how to play bass...? Megatallica anyone? James got his ass out of rehab and the rest is in the future...\m/
Back home dude!