Zoy's Literature

"Colder Star"
Christa Laser
5/13/00

Did I wish upon a colder star for love to be so true?
Did I wish upon a rusted penny for my only love as you?
Did I wish that each and every love would be as they did seem?
Or did I wish on something hazy simply from a dream?

When youth grows old
When warmth grows cold
Put your trust in me
For I will guide the dreamer over many a difficult sea

When youth brings life
And warmth brings light
I'll still stay by your side
For I will hold the walking man to strengthen in his stride

Did I wish upon a colder star within another dream?
Did I wish upon a rusted penny cast into a stream?
Did I wish that each and every love would be as they did seem?
No, 
I wished to comfort you
	the dreamer and my dream

"Thoughts"
Christa Laser
8/31/00

Resting in a sleepless slumber
Though my heart was rather somber
Searching great a many number of intriguing dreams

While I pondered, while I lay
Day passed to night, night passed to day
I spoke such simplistic words, "Sanity will return someday."

Now awakened, I look back
Upon those things that I once lacked
Over such dreams that never were
Beyond confusion that once blocked my path

Yet, I have awakened from that dreamful slumber
I have awakened from such peaceful bliss
Now what am I to do?
Fall back to sleep?
"Awake! Awake!" the angels would cry
I am forever the insomniac of the mind

"For You"
Christa Laser
6/21/00

For all those days you brightened
 And for Every single kiss
For love not ever frightened
 And always filled with bliss

For always being by my side
 Through darkness and through light
For being such a loving guide
 And giving such delight


For all of you I gave my heart
 To hold within your hand
Hoping we would never part
 From love so very grand

With all my love I give to thee
 My hope, and joy, and fear
Just do me this, and promise me
 You'll always be right here


I've never been so blind before
 Is that what this could be?
For you, the one that I adore
 Are all that I can see

I've never loved like this before
 O, blossom of my heart
For you snuck deep within my core
 And now we'll never part

"Life goes on"
Christa Laser
6/14/00

The plagues of life came creeping through their doors
	i was locked away within a world of lores
Death and decay were spreading through their brains
	i was protected by all my many pains

They feel sorrow
	but i feel none
at least they feel joy
	once their battle is won
I feel not my own
	but why all this pain
when even death himself
	won't walk this lonely lane

"Cold Waters"
Christa Laser
8/27/00

Beauty so simple
	so old
	so grand
This is how I flow
	through the dry air
	and infertile land

Nourishing the soil
	but only nearby
Hydrating the creatures
	those who stand by my side

How strange that the same water never flows through me twice
	it does
	simply cleaner than it was before
Purified by time
	purified by changes

How I grow old
	no longer the youthful river that I seem
For my water flows quickly
	and runs ever deep

Ay, what beautiful waters
	when I am seen
Ay, what clean waters
	when one drinks
Ay, what deep waters
	when I am entered
Ay, what cold waters
	when one swims through to reach that endless desert beyond

"Eternity"
Christa Laser
9/19/00

Dreams lost
Hope forgotten
The world still turns

Creatures live
Creatures die
Heaven still churns

Cinders burn a world away
War brings fear, death, decay
The fire still burns

Insanity claims the greatest minds
Artists convert to drawing lines
Man still learns

Man helps, loves, struggles, suffers
Yet the Enigma is never touched by man's concerns

Hope gives the dead just one more day
Fear gives men the right to slay
Love speaks words man wished to say
Hate attacks places where children play

Man still tames the wild beast
Man still watches the sun as it rises in the east
Man still enjoys life, and cares not in the least
The Universe never knows
Eternity goes on

"Desire"
Christa Laser (Thanks Steven for having me attempt a free-verse poem)
12/8/00

Desire seeps throughout my body
My skin is an icy coat
Holding burning passion within my heart
As we creep through a timeless abyss

Mystery and Power explode in frightened bursts
Ignoring darkness that surrounds

Two great minds
In a sea of simple pleasures
Ignorant to the passing moments
Fueling desire

"Perfect Night"
Christa Laser
12/12/00

Fearful to speak my true emotion,
My eyes follow yours through the night.
Wouldn’t admit my silent devotion,
As you pointed towards the moonlight.

Tried to look through the deep gray in your eyes,
And into your audible heart.
But you did the same, as you looked into my eyes,
And I smiled at this innocent thought.

Then your lips touched to mine,
All others now gone,
For we left them half through the night.
Your gentle caress sent chills down my spine,
Sent my soul crying out in delight.

Your powerful hands touched me softly, so slow,
As I ran my fingers through your hair,
And your kisses were felt far below
My body you kissed with such care

Lost in a beautiful, timeless abyss,
As your tongue drifted over my skin.
Your strong body felt warm as it pressed close to mine,
An ecstasy, almost a sin.

Surrounded by cold, crisp, midnight air,
We kissed, cuddled, and moaned.
They never knew the sex in your stare,
Nor the juice that you feed to my soul.

"Man and Beast"
Christa Laser
1/04/01

Entangled within a web of dreams,
 the unborn man shall falter.
And he who survives rapid streams,
 is not moving up these waters.

Ingenious is the weaver,
 who weaves his own life,
 but doesn't test his lovely web.
Excellent is the spinner,
 who spins silk of blood red,
 never seen as the spinner of finer thread, 
 only as supplier to the finest weaver.

And wondrous is the fish,
 who grows legs,
 walking upon the land.
Efficient is the man,
 who uses legs upon his shore,
 walking to the source of streams.

A thinker is the man,
 who spends nights of pondering,
 yet is left wondering
 why he wants water at all.
Foolish is the man,
 who spends years of dreams,
 to swim up his stream,
 finding but a year of the same water.

Stupid is the beast,
 who knows no better.
Strange is the man,
 who does.

"Tears" 
Christa Laser
2/23/01

Here I lay
Alone upon the floor.
Here I cry
As you touch me nevermore.

Alone I stand
In a cold and desperate night,
Upon this land
That never saw your light.

I recall you must have loved me
Once upon a time.
You told me in sweet verses.
You even made them rhyme.

I recall before you kissed me,
That you looked within my eyes.
You must have seen the child
That sulks within my mind.

You never gave me flowers
And you never said you cared.
You confused me with your powers
And the way you always stared.

Yet I couldn’t help but love you,
You, my passion and desire.
I couldn’t help but love you,
when you set my heart afire. 

"We Upon The Flowered Path"
Christa Laser
3/15/01

We rarely watch the water flow.
We rarely plant a rose.
We ponder in our silent ways,
Ponder, eat, and doze.

We never hear a song-bird sing,
Yet claim to know its song.
We never see the light of day,
Then say the day’s too long.

Along this path we trek upon,
Flowers bloom all around.
Yet we never stop to cherish them.
We live our lives unfound.

"The Empire"
Christa Laser
3/20/01

The empire is weak, its king does sob.
	Only he hears the ranting of its angry mobs.
	He knows all the troubles and falsehoods there be.
	And upset that his kingdom’s not the best it might be.
Yet, amazed are the travelers, of a city so grand.
	They have seen none more beautiful in all traveled land.
	Its marvels and graces and gold-powdered sand,
	Are the city’s sweet treasures they long to hold in their hand.
A land of sweet pleasures for the elitist of man.
	They bask in the pleasures of grapes, wine, and fans.
	Read millions of books in the warm summer sun.
	Then court its dear ladies, merely for fun.
But, unfair and unjust, its workers do plea.
	They long for freedom, alone they may be.
	Working upon the king’s every whim.
	Never knowing a kindred or kin.
But dead and plundered, its tombs, they shall be.
	As the city is lost, as in all history.
	The king not remembered, the travelers all gone.
	I, the empire, shall not carry on.

Blank Words
Christa Laser
4/03/01

Upon an empty paper,
Within an empty book,
Words read without meaning,
In a tongue I’ve never spoke.

I long to find their purpose,
Thinking they must be profound.
But all I read are blank words,
In this perfect book I’ve found.

"Sonata of Life"
Christa Laser
4/05/01

Place a gentle memoir 
In a place I never knew,
And ponder of my ponderings
I might have thought for you.

Sing to me sweet lull-a-bys,
Sit upon my deathly bed.
Hold my pale hand in yours,
Let ease your mourning head.

As the solemn storm-clouds pass,
Let me drift away.
I’ll never think another thought,
Nor a single word I’ll say.

And as the gentle rains will fall,
Life will come again.
Eternal as she gives her breath,
To once-immortal men.

"Each One"
Christa Laser
4/19/01

You rip apart my broken heart.
And crush my aching bones.
You hold my dreams and love,
Won‘t hear my aching moans.

I see lies in ice cold eyes.
But if I said a word,
I’d believe in your defense,
You’d make my words unheard.

You doubt before that I have grieved,
My pain matters not.
I’m as sweet as once believed, 
Just think my heart and mind don‘t rot.

Hold me now, a quiet dove,
Make me love you so.
And crush my dreams and take my love,
Make lies that cause me woe.

I’ll be quietly waiting here,
A gentle and defenseless ear.
I cower in my silent fear,
As you smile so near.

Take me as you always have.

"Torn"
Christa Laser
4/19/01

Sleepless nights,
To pester me.
And stolen rights,
To make me see.

In each night,
Knocks on doors.
With raven’s might,
Hear “Nevermore”.

Insulted,
In my quiet hours.
Gloating,
For my passing powers.

Injured,
Like a crying dove.
Nurtured,
Without any love.

Sighing,
Left only here.
Crying,
In a silent fear.

By a power,
Ever torn.
Gentle flower,
Left to mourn.

I am ever torn.

"Passion" Version One and Two
Christa Laser
5/2/01

1:
I have not loved until this night.
This eternal desire ignites my soul, turning a once lost world into flames of passion.
Previous falsities are eliminated from my heart, as now I know the meaning of true passion.
Our souls entwined, just as our limbs and lips and love.
As if we alone have discovered a dire secret never to be known again to man.
This night we love, and this night I am finally safe and satisfied.
This night of true passion, we are one.

2:
I have not loved until this night.
We, gentle lovers ‘til morning light.
Eternal desire igniting the soul, 
Has now and forever made us whole.

Flames of passion un-foretold,
Strip away a lonely world.
Lies forever lost and gone,
With passion felt forever-long.

Our souls enlightened and entwined, 
We love with lips so unconfined.
We know a secret lost to man,
That’s never to be found again.

This night forever for our passion.
As our loving eyes are flashing.
Now within a common world.
Our passion has been told.

"The Eyes of a Man"
Christa Laser
6/6/01

Innocent dove,
A child of man,
Cries in her youth,
As best that she can.

She watches the skies,
So empty and free,
And hopes that someday,
That’s where she will be.

But, time goes on,
As the wild dove flies,
Withers her wings,
And opens her eyes.

She sees now new truth,
That the world is cruel,
And cries that once,
She was such a fool.

Yet, when she grows old,
Decrepit and weak,
Her mind seems to slow,
But now knows what to seek.

She finds that the world,
Really isn’t so bad,
It was all in her eyes,
The eyes of a man.

"Princess in Solitude"
Christa Laser
6/16/01

Pure
Innocent
Forgotten
She awaits her knight
Planning death
Hoping for retaliation.

Strong
Naive
Longing
She cries alone at night
Knowing not
Dangers without light.

Brilliant
Sheltered
Alone
She ponders fate
Life without Love
From One Deathly Savior.

"O, Gentle Rain"
Christa Laser
6/16/01

Eternal gift
Showered from heavens
In drops of summer storm.
Gently, gently
To the ground.

O, gentle rain.
Bear forth your offering
Once upon a deathly sprout.
Breathe your life
To a lost soul.

Sweet dawn
Bequest of infinity
Grow your nothings.
And shine boastfully
To this aching breast.

Bright ray
Twinkling and forlorn
Darkness never surmounted.
Glow your growing power
Upon my tranquil night.

"God, Have Mercy on Transition"
Christa Laser
6/27/01

Breath your life
Unto my pining lips
Seed your death
Within my sinful flesh

I shall be reborn
And lost in death
For newborn life
Brings newfound strife

Human 
We are not
But what other name
To give a clique of outcasts

Alone here
Among the others
Company is found
Only in connection

But peace will arise
Without a haven
For don’t we all
Smile to the night

Primitive and growing
A human child
Could hardly see
Truth in their own existence

Pain others with transition
For I and he and she
Would will to leave
Were it not for our own humanity.

"Conform to Life"
Christa Laser
7-6-01

Tears flowing-
Cry, sweet old men.
Let those tears dry ‘til you see
That to live is to be.

Flowers growing-
Let them flourish.
But don’t just watch their bloom!
Frolic! Smell and swoon.

Life is going-
Seduce it back to you.
Live each breathless day.
Who needs the air, anyway?

Conformity-
We all follow it.
But all you need to do,
Is see.
Life.
To the fullest.
Are you not satisfied?

"Death Dreams Sweet" 
By: Christa Laser
8/26/01

One life
My heart has fallen
From an empty grave
And every death
Only more demanding

One sleep
Dreadful dreams
In a peaceful mind
But a golden pillow
Gives sleep no more

One million sorrows
Tears on empty blood
Twisted longing hearts
Stab twisted knives
We all feel it

One self
The virgin mind
Sees all goodness
But one corruption
Shatters every One.

“Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned”
9/27/01

Forgive me Father
For I have sinned
Your church never
Let me Confess

It was Suicide
From Passions
The day that I sinned
And never did confess

A longing for peace
Out of love
I have sinned
Didn’t have to confess

Alone in sleep
No sum of myself
Only then no
Sin to confess

But I am awake
And I weep
For my Sins
Never confessed

Where are you now
When to myself
I have sinned and
No angel would hear me confess

I once knew that angel
I heard myself confess
But one angel
Has fallen from grace.

"Child of the True Nature"
By: Christa Laser
10/03/01

Born in the dew of
Mountain high
Wiggled her limbs
Opened her eyes

Lived and played
Careless and free
Tromped in the fields
Splashed in the sea

Was taught the things
A girl must know
To sing read write
Be polite and sew

But soon too few years
Of dreaming dreams
Slit her world gently
Apart from the seams

Too little existed
Exciting and new
Too mathematical
And closed of a view

So to the fields and sea
She returned
To forget those things
She had once learned

She basked in her fields
So quiet and free
And in a nostalgia
Returned to the sea

It had grown so lovely
Since she was gone
Every glance echoed
New shining dawn

Life she then learned
Had not been to sew
But to find what she felt
And didn’t yet know

"White Masquerade"
By: Christa Laser
10/04/01

A white masquerade
For elitist of man
Eloquent tongues
Delicate fans

Dancing the night
So ever away
Such sweet nothings
Of love they say

Words grow quiet
He opens the door
Walks with an air
Never known before

Drifts o’er the ballroom
Sweet smile and embrace
Notes every beauty
In each silken lace

Draws me in lightly
Asks me to dance
Twirls me so closer
His red velvet pants

He tells me creation
Is soon complete
Warns that he’s bound
To step on my feet

Tells me stories
Of long, long ago
Legends and memories
I knew he might know

As the dance ended
He looked in my eyes
Said that creation
Still danced in sighs

A world a sweet sorrow
He saw in me then
And asked why a ball
Sang such sighing men

I gave no answer
Then he said, "Alone.
Alone are these men
And that’s why they moan

No pleasure nor hunger
Cause them these sighs
Leave here sweet child
Come rest in my eyes"

So smoothly we parted
The white masquerade
Our sighs now together
They started to fade

"Our Delicate Roses" 
Christa Laser 
11/17/01

Grey her heart
But nothing's wrong
She's singing but
A silent song

Cry her eyes
But come no tears
Too many spoke
To deafened ears

But sets the stage
A rose does fall
Into a hand
That gave no call

And pleading for
Her every hour
Gives no cause
To gentle flower

Why as she grows
Tired and weak
A helpless flower
She must keep

Why delicate
It's tiny leaves
Are more so than
Her own life's weave

Yet soon she grows
To love this flower
And make her life
Of its sweet power

A sea of sweetness
Life would be
'Til wilted petals
Fill sweet sea

Then lonely as
Life's intricacy fades
To leave a world
Of gray heart shades

Pure and simple
both worlds seem
And beauty's tears
In both worlds gleam

But like gay the heart
In sober mind
Sweet flower lies
In world refined

As a beggar's hands
In plea
So falls sweet rose
Then to sweet sea

And tears that fall
From beggar's eyes
No rose heals
But in mind's sighs

No rose would fall
To gentle prayer
For not a rose
Is needed there

"Natural Lover"
Christa Laser
12/10/01

Tears
I desire release
As forever cries
Screaming to the wind
Let the air carry my sins away

Sleep
You let me love
Run with me
Through the open fields
Fall into the flowers with me

Be
I crave thee
Love with me
And forever we are free
Feel my heart beating
For the life we share

"I, My Pen, Some Tea"
Christa Laser
12/11/01

It rains
I am alone
Not a voice to hear me sing
My Ode to Solitude

Numb hands
A cup of tea
Both warm me all the same
As cold fingers grace scalding mug

Rain slows
Still just me
I follow my pen as it writes
And touch my tea once more

No rain
My tea is cooled
Nothing but stillness to write of
I take a sip and lower my pen
It warms my fingers all the same

"Nymph to the Tongue"
Christa Laser
1/4/02

Play, sweet nymph
Upon silken papyrus
Torture young lips
By slowing yours words
-- by slurring your hips
Gentle, seducing
And sudden your glare
Tempting yours words
Put together with care
Slowly, deep child
Do not come to an end
Please and tease me
With your silken pen

Christa Laser
1/24/02

"To My Fortress"

Gracefully I fall
From perceived haven,
Counting my hours
From bliss,

To find my hell
In confusion
And not knowing
Where and if to turn.

Grace--
Pull me from hell
So I may find
Peace without haven.
 __________________

"The Cell"

Oh, how I die
When I seek
Reason for light
For darkness so bleak

How I taste
The sorrow
For days gone by
No further morrow

And lick my
Lips of red
Blood-filled, beautiful
Yet undead

I live in 
This heaven
In this hell
For my brethren

And I am
Cast away!
Give me truth
To stay

No cries
Heard each day
As none may
Listen anyway

"Blind Dream"
Christa Laser
1/31/02

I was awoken
In a dream
My broken
Mind sent away

To the meads
Of some land
To my own
Dismay

My soul
Set alone
In cold
Without flame

To think
Of tragedy
Without only
Self-blame

But none
Was truly
Ever there
In this world

My shame
Meant nothing
In a new earth
Unfurled

My loneliness
Loveliness
All fell
Away

To this
Noontime
This Midnight
On horrible day

But I loved
For that
Moment the
Nothing I had

The dream
I awoke in
So namelessly
Unclad

In as flesh
Of my body
So covered
My being

Released
My anguish
From eyes
Unseeing

For though
Once I adored
Other dreams
That befell

In this dream
My soul
Was no longer
In hell

Thus I walked
From my dream
Safe to return
To mind

For thus
I did rescue
A soul from
Depth blind

“My Rose”
2/18/2002
Christa Laser

A rose once bloomed
From my window sill
And consumed all
My pride and joy
Until he faded away

I knew he would
Grow back again
For a rose always does
When it has merely
Fallen from its bush

I needed him to return
But rose after rose
Came to me giving
Me fragrant smell
And beauty and care

I didn’t want another rose
I wanted my rose
I wanted him to
Come to me though
He would die again

I’m still waiting.
I have a beautiful
Rose now with
Fragrant odor
But it’s not my rose

Can I ever be
Satisfied with another
To please my heart?
Maybe a better rose
Will come of more water

“And If I Say I Love You?”
Christa Laser
03/25/02

How is it your sweetness always makes me smile?
How is it I can melt into your touch, your warmth?
Hasn’t it happened so many times before?
Haven’t I loved too quickly before, given myself too quickly before?
I can’t seem to answer my own questions.

If only my mind weren’t the lovely poem it is,
With such mild, innocent, and feeling words.
I care beyond those fleeting words.
Maybe that is why I cannot answer myself,
Why I feel like a sleeping child in your arms.

So new it is to fall in love again.
The innocence I’ve always longed for,
I see it in you and so I love.
The maturity and naivety of your heart,
Has me craving you, a heart like mine.

I can love again when I am near you,
And I can feel you, hear your heartbeat.
But I do not know your heart.
I merely see it, and crave to know more.
For you are beautiful to me.

But if our hearts are falsely touched? (Can they be?)
Will you stop me at all before I know I love you?
I crave you with such passion in your wisdom. 
But yet I do not ask to have you somehow.
I cannot know if you feel me deeper than your soft skin.

I should listen to those ancient eyes of yours.
Do I feel you knowing mine, seeing into my abyss?
I want you to know me, listen to my heartbeat. 
Do you feel my breath, my warmth, my longing for your love?
And if I say I love you, would it be true?

"Clearing"
4/18/02
Christa Laser

Beautiful, hideous people
Here we are weak
And full of hatred
Walking upon crowed streets
I long to be ignorant of them
I long to lay upon pathless ground
To find a solitary clearing
Forever holding me still

"New Morning"
4/24/02
Christa Laser

A sparrow chirps
Breath rising
Filling
For the first time

Breath feeds
Muscles clench
Stretching
With age-old power

Light enters
Gently waking
Rebirthing
To renew life

“To Darkened Lips”
4/25/02

Sweet self, controlled and loving
Deep man, godly and wild
But do stars cross to unite, or free?
Fire in your eyes, wild inside
Share those rolling grasslands with me.
Gentle glance to gentle kiss
And sweet kiss to sweeter touch
Touch of pale skin from darkened lips.
Not a sound but starlight
Shouting in glee as universes combine
No room for light nor dark
But shatters as high moans unite
When darkness and light are one
And his wild heart touches my sweetness
From sweet kiss to darkened lips. 

"By Your Will"
Christa Laser
4/29/02

I will be pure because of you
You, who would not adulterate me
Though I have grown to expect it.
Will you truly not have me beyond God’s will?
Then I give my heart if you would have it
And if you will me to be free,
I may grow to love you slowly, as you will it.
In one word you told me what I’ve always known.
That no man can touch my heart who holds my body
And none who takes my heart can leave me free.

“For The Heart”
Christa Laser
5/2/02

Speak, wise lips.
The world means nothing without pause
Expressing desire and pain
Birthed of each moment in reflection
Reflect upon the dying eyes
They shall blush again
Lest pain fill hearts with greater words
‘Tis genesis of love and war.
Speak strongly-- pause-- for your heart
And life eternally will follow.

"Cageless blossom"
05/11/2002
Christa Laser

Al fin
A man more powerful than I
Embrace me
We shall say my lion heart beats for you
Drink of my wine
Feel my white skin and red
I shall love you
Honest man
Be free
And love alone for me
For I shall not submit to you
Your power gives strength to me
Cageless blossom
Save me from these slaves
Marry me
Hold me to your chest
Gentleman
Saint
King
Conquer me and keep me free
Be for me

“Gentle Hand of Despair”
05/13/02
Christa Laser

O, Pain,
Anger,
Heartache!
Throw you not to me--
I, who weeps of desire--
Let me live free.
And if not my life
Peace in sleep.
O, sleep!
Let them know
I shall never wake
When dreams return
O, hateful calm!
My body curls
To your embrace
Grant me weakness
Let drop my tears
O, hidden fears
How you touch me so

“Hold me”
Christa Laser
5/23/02

Lift me to an untouched bed
Touch my tears
Hold my head

Curl me to a warmth again
But do not do
As other men

Come whisper to a maiden’s ear
Make me forget
My every fear

Then gently as you made me mild
Feel my spirit
Free and wild

Weak ‘til you grant me away
Then let me free
Our soul’s dismay

“Moments Eternal”
Christa Laser
5/23/02

Moments--
Each moment--
Passing with infinite thought
But tempting me
Beckoning simply,
With ease of any
Master or sinner,
Drinking of my desperation
A feast of my own want,
To be taken--
Heart lifted
Exposed to light
Burning my weakness apart
The cinders flying in the wind--
And loved-- deeply loved.
The cinders fall to my feet.
But my desire cannot,
Fueling fire to warm by
Moments eternal. 

"Sacred Altar"
Christa Laser
5/24/02

Tired, weak
You may pray
But I can not
Save you

My young, meek
I can not ask
You to repent
My sin, child

Sacredness
Please don't
Lay your lips
To my skin

Holiness
I weak in prayer
That you could
Embrace me

Taken
Have always let them
Grant me weakness
To mortal hands

Forsaken
For I thought I only
Wanted to be your
Altar

"All I Need Is Love"
8/28/02
Christa Laser

If I could stay forever here
To make an endless night
I would perish contentedly
If I had never known your heart.

I feel desolate, alone
And all I touch is cold and tears;
So much to smile for
Means little to me now.

You can’t love me now
Even by God, it seems;
But, God, I pray you do
Just enough to stay.

I think of happiness nowhere
Without thought of yours;
I can love nothing without
Filling your part of my heart.

My screams to God
Have never been so loud
As when I lost you;
They shook heaven.

Because I cannot love
Unless you love me;
I cannot pray to my Lord
Without mention of your name.

I ask for nothing more than you
But that I die without you;
An endless night may ravage me;
Cruelties would be sane without your love.

Life means nothing without love;
Meaning lets me live another day;
And without you, my only always love
I see no purpose anymore;
All I need is love.

"Love of God"
8/29/02
Christa Laser

Burning, longing to release--
See me, feel me, I beg of you
And yet I show nothing.

Hands open slowly
Falling to my knees in the crowd
Speaking of nothing.

Only in prayer I speak.
Life falls, and words have no meaning;
I ask for nothing.

Yet you grant me feeling,
And though I give nothing
I am shown everything.

“Moments to Future”
9/5/02
Christa Laser

Who am I?
Just another page in
the story of my life?
I feel unreal
A dream that
ends by morning light.

Why even bother?
My moments can be
enjoyed by others.
The moments are flesh
Meaningless of my heart
without its earthly needs.

Where do I go?
Days that stumble slowly
later pass too fast.
Destination is perishment.
May this path lead to a
greater golden road.

"Slip Me Away"
9/12/02
Christa Laser

Slip me away.
Take me to your arms.
I remember the
Soft of your lips
Glow of your eyes
Close to me.

I can’t love it here--
The annoyance of empty words
Empty, exaggerated movement.
Speak to me, love;
Let me love language again;
Let me sing again.

You grant me hope.
By God, I desire you;
Hold me again
The heat of yours fingertips
Pressed innocently to my back.
Kiss away my tears again.

“Rosewater”
9/19/02
Christa Laser

Why does the kitten long only for water
Sweetened by a blooming white rose?
Finds it pure, though not beautiful.
She doesn’t mind the balance of every perfect petal,
The sweetness of sugarwater,
The flower’s strong and aging stem.
Yet unknowing, she longs to kiss away the thorns
--to rub the whitish petals
--to lick the sweetness given to rosewater alone.
Why does the kitten love the rose who cannot,
Even when desired,
Return her kisses?
He grants rosewater to the lonely kitten.

“Feeling”
9/26/02
Christa Laser

Purity, solitude
Feel the wind brush about my back
Cool fingers fit to warm crevices
--of between the jaw and neck
--behind the muscled shoulder
--within the forearm and under the breast
Skin of the face and collar thirst for moisture
--new feeling of natural dry
--flavored with fragrance of new soap and skin oil
The thumb feels for undisturbed impurities,
to change as if by mere touch.

Then away from quiet
Sun strikes bare back
Burns into cool flesh pleasurably,
tempting away meditation within
The day dawns
All is flesh with the touch of sun
Cool fingertips and solitude no more
Heartbeat hot and unfragile
Has lost its feeling.

Christa Laser
“Dried Flowers” 11/24/02

The flowers you gave me
Hang over my bed
Dried and rotting
Despite all you’ve said

And I lay beneath you
Clawing the post
Ripping at metal
Because I loved you the most

Nightly I reach
For those flowers in vain
To crush them and break them
For they drive me insane

But your gentle hand reaches softly for mine
Until silent and tearless in my bed I have lien.

“Heart Above The River Alone”
1/9/03

To my heart,
My life is cold,
Decadent and too industrial,
Poor and uncertain.
It floats a river I do not row.

Always we are alone in youth,
As I am alone.
Always we love a little rationally,
And to death with all the power of the heart,
As I love.

A body moves methodically
Upon rivers and streams,
Varied thought not vast,
As the heart sees from the outside
An expanse of untouched land and sky.

I don’t mind much the river
But I must have it touch my heart soon
‘Lest this life-- the body-- leaves me
Soaring, separate, alone,
Dissolving, searching, endlessly alone.

“You Know You Must Go On”
2/5/03

You know you are alone
	when the sun sets,
	her quiet rays slipping
	like sand through the clouds;
Yet you trek on
	with the ever-present moon.

You know love has lost you
	when somehow all the world
	is a starving chase
	among the trees;
But you can wait
	until life loosens her grip.

Though you know absence
	when mountains fall your way,
	granted all you ever asked for
	and you can’t want or feel them;
You must move onward
	‘lest you always know so well.

“How Can I Not Love You”
3/18/03

How can I know
If I am allowed to love you--
If God will ever let you love me in return;
I don’t think you do.
I’m afraid to cry in front of you
Though I cry so much because of you.
How could you let me
	care for you this way,
If you honestly did care and know.
So, I try to keep to myself, and I don’t think you know.

It isn’t your fault,
	I know,
That you are more beautiful to me
Than any favorite star could ever be
Than every sweet breeze
	--peaceful life
	--eternal pleasure.
No matter what you do
Or how I try to stop myself from caring for you,
That your voice rings
	though my heart
	--I trust every word.
That it pains me
	when you can’t
	show me how you feel.

Trust me,
I try not to hurt you,
But I do care;
I always will so long as I know you.

You are beautiful to me,
How can I not love you?

“Stay Forever”
3/27/03

If you “won’t be around forever”
When will you “be around?”
When I am old and gray
When I am lost
	will you be found?

Nothing lasts forever
But an endless want of love
And I am ever searching
For a world to be part of.

I want someday a promise
Of a link to last a lifetime
And let ‘til death be to forever
In a love one can’t define.

Yet you won’t be here forever
And what am I to do
When I am happy only here?
When I would follow only you?

Though you make me ever stronger
I’m a hurricane alone
And though I’m happier beside you
I can move mountains on my own.

Think, what power
If you should stay forever. 

“Honey Jar”
4/3/03

You’ve lived such a passionate life,
And I’ve not released much to tell of.
Your culture runs like thick honey
	through your blood,
Compared to mine,
	a series of tattoos and lotions.
All those worlds in your eyes
And your unique sweetness
Make me love you.

Bu you are too great, too different.
Your life has already been planned.
I want to know you,
	absorb myself in all your charms.
Your honey would fill me and wipe
	every fragile oil from my skin,
Then I would be nothing but a jar of you,
	and you would have no use for me
	having so much of yourself.
Would you keep me then,
	if I turned transparent without your stain
	if all my color would fade to a faint blue
		by the time we last would part?

I can’t be a little wife;
I’m colored for all my life;
But I would be anything for you,
	if I thought I could fill of you.

“Lonely Dance” edit
5/08/03
Christa Laser

You asked me to dance,
	I danced.
You ask, only with you, by your eyes, your words,
	or at least save the last;
So I waited
	as you walked away,
Keeping rhythm,
	“knowing” you would
	step right in again.
But you never came back.
Though the night is 
	nearly past,
You promised to return,
So I keep time.
My feet tire,
	my breath--
	my patience--.

As another man,
	you come to me,
	take my hand;
Promising to make me irresistible to you.
But you don’t even
	look me in the eyes,
You coward!
	Or a fool?
Surely you are one,
	you who makes empty promises.
Do not tell them all night;
I shall not wait for you,
	though you are all I want.
I shall not love you,
I shall not follow you,
For you can’t even look in my eyes
	-- touch my hand
	-- take me, nor teach me.

Though I would die dancing now
	for your affection,
		(my soul bleeds, cries to you),
I will die living, dancing alone
	if you do not look at me,
	comfort me, lead me,
	love me in any way.

Do you know
I can dance with no one 
	until your night is spent?
I swear I will leave,
	swear I will try.
I cannot dance on empty promises.

Then, finally, you come,
	--to have me stay?
Yet you stand still
	clapping to other dancers’ time,
	moving,
		frightened, dare I say,
	from one to another
		as you have--.
Look at me,
	look at me.
Dance with me
One last time
	so night ends
So I wait and tire
	no longer.
I shall, regretfully,
	forget the pain
If we waltz all night
	if you sweep me to your arms
		as you have--.
Now, though,
	I have no partner
		to lead me
			hold my back
				as it curves and arches.
In your room, life is forever a lonely dance.

“Stay, Morning”
9/18/03
Christa Laser

Morning
Cool and quiet
Early, as the sun rises.
Breath
Expanding
Warm and stale expelled
Muscles clench
One by one
Back arches
Subtle pain
Feel it (purely, fully).

Tears push up
But there are none!
No tears, a perfect morning
Useless, merely absorbing the light
I rise
No tears, no pain
No life
Among light and music
I am pale
I am still
I am ended yet alive
Fall, tears,
Useless, every poison drop.
I am mortal
Wounded by a blood-stained kiss.

Beautiful morning
Life-giving light
Why shine to me
If I have nothing to grow
Nothing left to give
In my passing

I am dying
Tears, light, and breath

Stay, stay with me.
Stay with me.

Singing light.
I shall stay,
Fight loss
	for I have nothing more
	to live for.

Mortal.
Life is absorbance, use, of time and light.

“The Beautiful Game”
10/29/03 
Christa Laser

Energy flashes through every muscle
Clenching against themselves to lift.
My heart races yet
Beats methodically within itself.
Waiting to slide in a roar
Against fiercer prey.
I dream of knowing victory,
Memories--
	thrown to my knees in tears, praise, and redemption,
	screaming for the hunt, thoughts utilized perfectly in the kill--
Burning unconnectedly, as a hundred matches thrown piece by piece into a sea of lanterns,
Fuel my uprising.

I am free,
Contained only by the unknown.
The mystery of feeling lost to me.

Chest thumps,
Drawing upward
As the flush of my face
As my tiny fist, rising and falling, the weapon.

Memory of quiet
True moments of opposition
Alone, absorbed.
Flash, memories lifting the tears to my eyes
Beautiful, desire.
My life, my passion
My path.

I feel the energy of my beautiful game, as my fingers wrap the metal.
Burning, craving.
It calls to me.
Here, 
As the fingers shake and the heart pulses within,
I give myself again to the beautiful game.

“Porcelain Doll”
11/6/03
Christa Laser

Soft, beckoning a man’s touch
Yet I long to satisfy you.
Your hair, soft, oiled.

Take way your glasses.
Beautiful tragedy and strength,
I respect you.
In my arms you, so small and cold,
Overcome me.

I don’t need to take you
But, instead, you are an
Untouchable angel to me
Though fallen from your safety.

My finger runs over you
Longing to catch a gasp
But, strong, you smile at me
Larger than me.
Taking me, are you?

Soft, our bodies would be together
Men, together, our breasts embraced.

Yet, soft, you are clad in porcelain,
My Doll,
Soft and Cold.

“Claws Upon Soft Fingers”
11/6/03

Forgive me
For the ravenous claws
Endless spread atop my fingertips
I merely yearn for you once
Once and completely
Then you may leave me alone
As you must.
But you try to leave me so soon
You, my father, you do not touch me
	but tease me with
	gentle words
	darting glances

Even if you just embrace me
	My fingertips might be satisfied.
Yet I lay a hand on you
My claws cling
Reluctantly, you break away
Snap my nails painfully.
Don’t leave me nor turn away.
Bear me, my claws will not hold.
Yes, stay with me, still, touch me,
	they will not sting.
Forgive me
For you are here
Now, will you stay?

“Woken (Afternoon Light)”
November 16, 2003
Christa Laser

Afternoon light streams through the dilated pupils,
Crossed-eyed, tugging at the throat to lift, lift out of rest.
Hot metal drains from the head to the heart, temporary darkness.
Quickening.
Move, death stench more every step.
“He is alive,” the mind circles and falls.
“Begging.  Desperation,” the claws dig to hold upright,
Drunkard’s advice, “He goes.  Angered; feeble resurrection.  ‘Cheap junk.’”
Caught fall, the drunk eyes roll.
No hand a beggar can be bought to,
No price so weak.

Thirsty,
Cushioned surround,
Enter darkness, icy skin covers tired warmth.
Full pulse, swelling heaven.,
“Dangerous.”
Weak pressure,
Temperature-less slither,
Human voice against me,
Like me.
Heat to the drunkard’s only tool,
Still surround, the body quakes.
Heat again, both cold after droplets form,
Equal in final release.

Legs small, useless.
No longer untainted by their affections. 
“Leave them.”
“Let the bones thin and the girlish form sag,
Melt back to the caressing morning light of before them.”
As age touches my face, they will leave me,
Separate and light among the thick air of sunset.
Lift, lifting out of death,
The metallic graveyard, that afternoon house of beggars.
Once the body of Aphrodite sheens with scar,
Their desperate hands will fall. 

“Melk Edeik”
Christa
12/13/03, 12/14/03

If I wore more eyeliner,
It would have run down my face.
But since you never see it,
I wiped it to a subtle shade before we met tonight.

The perfume of my body took the day to distill,
One part my own pheromones,
One part musk
Two parts salt lotion--
I rubbed it over my arms, elbows, shoulders.
Then, should you touch me, I thought, my neck and back,
Dreaming, over my breasts and hips.

Another lotion for the face, gently, 
Another for my lips.

Upon the bed,
Hours and hours until--
Making love to you, 
Here behind me,
And you would kiss me,
Here against my neck
The hairs would stand,
And you would say you love me,
And I could die happy--.

Tears from either side of my face,
Smear the lotion, so I wipe them away and stop.

Now, the night has passed.
It is early,
My house is empty,
My bed is empty,
As it is night after night.
I cry to feel something
And the sight of it makes me laugh
As I watch my eyes swell in the mirror,
For a man I shouldn’t cry for.

“Words in Silent Songs”
1/24/04

“Tamally Maak,”
He sings.
And to come closer to your ever-present lips
	In my memory,
I sing.

Head thrown back,
Tears come.
My hair falls, heavy upon the small of my back.

You are all I dream of.
Still, and it might be forever. 

I too much desire to love you
	to give up for a moment, a year, three, 
		as long as you stay before my eyes, perhaps.
“Aashek bakali sneen,” he sings,
But I am silent before you,
Though I have loved you
Through the heartbreak of words I cannot speak.

God dwells in you,
And would he strike me for loving you?  No.
God, grant me love enough to dwell in you.
Or silence while another does.

Think of me.
Do you long, at least, for my lips?
Yours!
All of my body for you, 
You alone!  Rebirth me if you must!
My purpose,
	my heart, my life, and soul.
If you allow my love some day.
So quiet I must be!
“Maak alby, maak rohy,” he sings.

I wait, purely.
First, to be only for you, as you desired a woman to be.
Yet, promise of love makes these rules!  Not God to me.  
So, I fell once, when after a word you left me forever.
And now!  Now I am alone, and God grants me promises.
Until a man removes God’s ring,
Praying, hoping, that man could be you, 
				still, and forever.

Perhaps you will never kiss me again.
So much you give could, by God, let you leave.
“Tamally Maak,” he sings.  Do you hear me?
Bardo we tamally, 
Enta fe kalby, 
Maak ohmry.

"My Love"
6/29/04

You are my love
Pure and pious
You are my hope.

I touch now the burden of my sin
Stunned, motionless against my sheets
And I do not wash them.

You are my love
Human and weak
You were as I am.

Virginal, the blood runs thinly
On Sunday
And I sleep

You knew, my love
Virginal
You were as I cannot be.

"Atonement"
9/16/04
Christa Laser

Forgetful, the stream strips away sins, memories,
In droplets of Spring.
Wet daisies they are,
Swimming in this ocean,
Redemption,
Cleansed by the sad
Ripples of
Youthfulness,
	Youthful Desire,
Which is weak among the salted sand, among the well-placed guilt, sorrow.
Redemption,
	Falling in hard upon
	The clouds
And the sun
Closes, hotly over the residue.
I become a saint,
Washed and dried by the tears of my atonement.

"Romance"
9/24/04
Christa Laser

How, in a woman,
The night-sickle
Releases its honey
When seeking romance.

I melt with
Untamable forces
Of my growth,
My pain in knowing impurity,
Yet the scent rises from my groin.
I seek romance.

Come here,
Into my territory,
Conquered to free my juices.
I come from a humble home.

I seek a soul,
This falcon, who
Kisses softly,
He holds firmly to my neck.
I am a night-sickle
Ripe for sweet romance.
Drink my wax, wine among youths,
Absynth for you,
My sweet.
Feed my romance.

Visitor (and other) Poetry:

"Future Vision" by Andrew Heins
simple. silver. white. 
passive; saves the morning light. 
wrought in all we claim is right, 
bent before the morrow. 

false and harsh in plastic skies, 
hiding all the empty lies, 
morning holds its final cries 
and ends the bitter sorrow. 

mimics well the empty man. 
stops the fret of falling sand. 
tends the flock of wakeful damned, 
but never saves the hero 



"Annabel Lee" by Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
         In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
         By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
         Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
         In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
         I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
         Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
         In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
         My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
         And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
         In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
         Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
         In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
         Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
         Of those who were older than we-
         Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
         Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
         Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
         Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
         Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
         In the sepulchre there by the sea,
         In her tomb by the sounding sea.



"I ponder." By Hanno

Standing amongst dead trees,
amongst dead seeds, dead leaves...
I ponder my existence.

Walking down roads of rock and stone
Watching the skies, and feeling the wind blow...
I ponder my fate.

Start, stop, beginning, end.
No knowledge ever satisfies this churning within.
A seemingly endless road to travel again...
I ponder my dreams.

Eating, sleeping, cleaning, living.
Who cast the dice before my hand?
Will I ever possess the power to cast them?
Numbers, letters, symbology...
Meanings, interpretations, constancy.
I ponder my own mind.

Walking down a road with no turns,
Constantly shuffling my feet
My muscles burn.
Power over the length of my stride,
But the uncertainty of my destination,
I do not hide.
I ponder my purpose.

To wish for a thing, does not make it so...
"Be realistic. Conform!" We are always told.
Sweating in the heat and shivering from the cold,
My heart pounds against my chest and I grow old.
I ponder my Life

Cause and effect, event and circumstance,
Leading to an end...I see it all at a glance.
Gazing over eons, staring into the night skies,
Others have "Been there" and "Done that" But still...
I am entranced.
I ponder God.

Logic, reason, morale, and emotion...
A gust of wind, a lightning bolt, A crashing wave from the ocean,
He said, she said, they said...so what?
Fate has always decreed, "Ashes to ashes" and "Dust to dust".
To flow with fate, or to swim upstream...
To live within reality, or within a dream...
I ponder my thoughts.

Watching my skin, my hair, my face, my eyes...
I constantly deteriorate, my life force deprived.
To begin within a spark of life
To vanish leaving only a purpose, a strife...
"Why" is the question I fail to solve,
Perhaps there is no solution at all.
I ponder the end.



"The Path" By: Hanno

Step with the path, dear Cheri.
Once on its trails, you will see...
Life is more than trial and error,
and too, ourselves, we can see how rare
the folds of the minds that conceive the infinite...
and those who trip, and never seem to find it.
But if you search with spirit alone...
you will fall like them and endlessly roam.
But with reason and patience you will eventually find,
That beautiful and glorious piece of mind.
And once you see it, perfectly clear,
you will also see me and others standing there...
Watching with you as though you were always here...
And walk with you until the end appears. 



"Life" By: Hanno

Life is strange sometimes to me.
Events take place often unclearly.
People walk the streets of life,
Some fast pace, some slow, some with much strife,
But often times they stumble and fall.
And more often than not, they tend to blame all,
But the ones responsible, whom they never tell,
Almost always end up being themselves!
If the world is fresh with stupid slumber,
I hope and plan that I not fall under,
the shadow of death that for most, will founder...
And be no more. Recycled into a powder.
Life for me I hope to be...
Bright and pure (And fun for sure!)
But life for most, of their limits they must,
Return ashes to ashes...and dust to dust.
If fate will have a role for me, 
or even a role for you, Christie,
I hope that it can be forgiving, 
and not merely existing, or merely "living".
But let us not be swept up off our feet,
until we realize what the end could mean.
The limits that others place upon us, 
Need not be limits for us if we trust,
That the universe will take good care of itself,
And as for Pandora's box, just leave it...on the shelf.



"Rain" By: Eddie Arriola

Rain descends upon two beings,
Something happens, without the sun.
A possibility is seen
With five words these two become one

 As the sky touches the Earth
It becomes part of this planet
Merging, giving it rebirth
Changing it just a bit  

A wildflower starts to show
Another and yet another
Until the ground begins to glow
And then the land seems to smother  

But the once barren Earth loves it,
Supplying more and more life force.
Then vines start to frantically knit,
Providing another love source,
Embracing the land under the flowers,
Sweetly, gently caressing dirt,
Giving it more special powers.
Then meadows touched by winds that skirt.

Once the cold hits the ground
The rain begins to pound.
Life obviously dies,
But the sky tells no lies. 

It takes a cold warm blanket
Caringly covering it.
Powdery whiteness of caring
With warmth of a love declaring
Protesting death of flowers

Promising more life quite soon
All Earth does is count hours
Until one spring day, at noon,
As the sky touches the Earth,
Again it makes land have worth.

The next day he takes her out.
Rain starts; the sun is hiding.
One choice was the only route;
Raindrops on fresh winds riding. 


"Monsoons (freeform)" By: Eddie Arriola

The monsoons came early this year.
The fields were full of clovers all ready to be picked.
One flower caught my eye.
Her stem was stronger, her petals softer than the other few flowers.
Her colors were vibrant
Assaulting my eyes in sheer beauty
In the green blanket she stood there.
Her beauty was indescribable
But her scent was better.
I wanted to pick it so badly
But her roots were tangled with that of a tree.
It was a mighty tree, tall and strong.
It had survived many winters and summers.
To rip the roots from it would have killed the flower
So I gave her some water

"Untitled (freeform)" By: Eddie Arriola
I went back the next week
To see my favorite flower.
Her petals were wilted
And her stem bent.
I saw the tree, higher than ever.
The ground was dry near it,
But under the surface moisture was thick.
I raised the earth to my lips
And breathed its aroma in.
I smelled the smells of different fertilizers,
Of many false chemicals to help her grow.
They stopped working; their effect ended
When the rains washed them out.
But they lingered in this soil
For the tree kept the rain away