Please include examples of your toxic/narcissistic parent’s behavior if you can. These questions assume only one parent was genuinely narcissistic, even if the other was an enabler. If both your parents were toxic/narcissistic, please answer questions for both.

1. Your age:

2. Your gender:

3. Your profession:

4. Which parent(s) is/are toxic/narcissistic:

5. If only one parent is narcissistic, was the other parent an enabler?

6. Do you have any communication with your toxic/narcissistic parent?

7. If so, in what ways do you communicate with them?

8. How old is your parent?

9. What are your dominant emotions towards your toxic parent?

10. Did your parent violate your privacy? If so, how? (Examples: Walking in on you using the bathroom, walking in on you changing clothes, insisting on keeping tabs on your body functions, going through your possessions).

11. Did your parent repossess, throw out or give away your possessions without your permission or against your will?

12. Did your parent tell other people embarrassing information about you?

13. Did either of your parents engage in sexual behavior with you?

14. Did your parent ask nosy questions? Of what kind?

15. When did your parent blame you?

16. What did you do that made your parent angriest?

17. What did they do when they were angry?

18. How did your toxic parents handle disagreements with you?

19. What did they do when they didn’t get their way?

20. What was it like when you were with one of your toxic parents in the company of their peers?

21. Did your toxic parents play favorites? If so, which of your siblings was the favorite?

22. What is the favorite’s life like?

23. Was your toxic parent secretive? If so, in what way?

24. What phrases do you associate with your parent? For example: “Nobody loves me! Nobody cares about me!” “You’ll never be any good!” “You are SO SELFISH!” “How could you upset me like that?” “I wish you had never been born!” “What did I do to deserve such a heartless child?” “You always think you’re better than me, but I know about you!” “You were always very difficult.” “I’m sorry you felt that I hurt you.” etc.

25. Does your toxic parent give you gifts that you like?

26. Does your toxic parent engage in triangular communication (involving a third party)? For example, if you upset your mother, does she get your father to call you and tell you how bad she feels?

27. Did your toxic parent have a special tone of voice or facial expression that you associate with particular types of behavior? Could you always tell what she was doing by the way she looked or sounded?

28. Did your toxic parent drop “bombshells?” For example, would your father casually mention that he was going to move the whole family across country in a week, or did your mother say that she was going to sell the car you drove, without mention of how that would affect you?

29. Does your parent have an obvious psychiatric disorder (besides Narcissistic Personality Disorder) such as an addiction or compulsion or depression?

30. Does your toxic parent enjoy being the center of attention? How does he/she feel when the attention is taken away?

31. How did she/he respond to your being the center of attention?

32. Was your parent stingy or generous with you?

33. Was your toxic parent supportive of your education or other goals?

34. When your toxic parent was tormenting you, what was her emotional state? Was she typically angry? Happy? Solemn?

35. Did she ever seem to enjoy hurting your feelings?

36. Did she ever say hurtful things out of the blue, for no obvious reason?

37. Did you ever feel you had to lie to make your parent feel better? For example, did you lie about your own difficulties to make them seem like your fault rather than theirs?

38. When your toxic parent was tormenting you, who was allowed to watch, or were you typically alone?

39. How did your toxic parent respond to being defied?

40. If your parent made an agreement with you, did they honor it?

41. Is your toxic parent a liar? What is her/his response to being caught in a lie? Is he/she a good liar?

42. Is it hard to describe his/her abuse to other people?

43. Other than your spouse, what is the reaction of people you have told about your toxic parent? Are they supportive or disbelieving?

44. If you have had therapy, what was the reaction of your therapist to your stories about your parent?

45. Did your toxic parent whine, complain or cry about how hard she/he had it? How did you feel when he/she did that?

46. Did your toxic parent put on dramas, where everyone was required to observe her/his pain and pity her?

47. Did your toxic parent complain about his/her health a lot?

48. What was your toxic parent’s response to you getting sick?

49. Did your parent require you to care for your siblings or a sick parent?

50. It is typical of narcissists that they require emotional “feeds.” Can you describe any behavior of your parent(s) in which they extorted emotional pain from you against your will?

51. Does your parent deny reality when that reality doesn’t suit him/her?

52. Did your parent often needle you, insult you, put you down or denigrate you? Did they enjoy doing that?

53. Did your parent take your opinions seriously or ever change their minds based on something you said?

54. Did your toxic parents ever apologize to you convincingly and sincerely? If not, what were their apologies like?

55. Did your toxic parent ever tell you or imply to you or other people that you were neurotic, unstable or crazy? Did she/he accuse you of making things up or did she tell you that you were imagining things?

56. Did your toxic parent tell you that you were oversensitive?

57. Does your toxic parent engage in vicious gossip about you? Have you heard that they said untrue and demeaning things to other people about you?

58. Does your toxic parent exploit? Have they ever stolen your identity, taken money from your accounts, used your credit cards, illegally taken you as a dependent on their income taxes, or otherwise used you? Do they exploit other people?

59. Do you regard your toxic parent as an honest person generally?

60. Does your toxic parent “tease” you or other people? For example, will they lead on a salesperson to make them think they will buy something, and then walk away, just for fun?

61. Does your parent appear to be envious? Do they make envious remarks about what other people have, or tear down people who have things they don’t have?

62. Do you feel that your toxic parent is weird, bizarre, strange or not normal? In what way?

63. Does your toxic parent like you to wait on him/her? Do they hand you things to put away, when they could put them away themselves as easily? Do they frequently want you to “help” them with tasks that are more efficiently done by one person?

64. Did your toxic parent expect you to fulfill their dreams? For example, become a pianist, a football star, or an academic star?

65. Does your toxic parent ask you for details about painful experiences you have had?

66. Is your toxic parent jealous of your relationship with your other parent?

67. Do you feel like your toxic parent has a double standard? Does he/she insist on the best of everything for him/herself, but feel that much less is plenty for you? Does she /he demand absolute quiet while he/she’s sleeping, but start making lots of noise the minute she/he wakes up? Does she refuse to wear anything but new clothes, and give you the hand-me-downs?

68. Did your toxic parent beat you or any of your siblings with fists or objects, or slap you anywhere other than on the bottom?

69. Did your toxic parent make you stand outside without warm clothing, or bundle you up on a hot day, or make you sit or stand in uncomfortable poses, or otherwise cause you physical pain?

70. Did your toxic parent allow a favored sibling to physically or sexually abuse you?

71. Does your toxic parent say things that strike you as childish?

72. Does your toxic parent make demands of you?

73. How much responsibility did your toxic parent take in helping you to choose a college, a major or a career? Were you supported and advised, or mostly left to figure it out on your own?

74. Did your parent teach you how to groom yourself appropriate and how to behave?

75. Did your parent ever punish you when you had done nothing, perhaps with an obviously manufactured excuse?

76. Did your parent ever accuse you of things that made no sense at all? If so, what?

77. Has your parent tried to come between you and your spouse in any way?

78. Did your parent brag about himself/herself a lot?

79. Did your parent tell lies to make him/herself seem more important?

80. What was the most unforgivable thing your parent did to you?

81. Did your parent often place you in “no-win” situations, so no matter what you did, you would feel inadequate?

82. Was your parent controlling about your time, your friends, food or anything else?

83. Do you often overeat? Are you significantly overweight?

84. What question should I have asked you that I didn’t?