Report into the field of Neilology and into the reason for, occurrence of and recording of neilisms, and the page of the same name and nature on the great NRT’s websiteReport into the field of Neilology and into the reason for, occurrence of and recording of neilisms, and the page of the same name and nature on the great NRT’s website
By Doctor Lerys Campbell PHD
The findings of the below report have been summarised into a document for the perusal of all who study the field of Neilology, and it is presented with special thanks to all members of the Republic of Fourteen, and others, without whom, much of the evidence presented below would not have come to light, my thanks to them.
REPORT INDEX
Section1: The Subject.
Section 2: The Neilisms Page
2.1.1 What are Neilisms?
2.1.2 What is the difference between Neilings and Neilisms?
2.1.3 Are Neilisms numerous or rare?
2.2.1 When did the expression Neilism first occur? Why did it come into being?
2.2.2 Is Neilism Neilistic? Can Neilism become a religion, life path or cult?
2.3 Are there precautions against Neilisms and are there Neilist warning systems?
2.4 Can an equation for Neilisms predict them, or are they completely random in timing as well as in nature?
2.5 Where does Zsa-Zsa fit in with all this, and, indeed, where does Zsie-Zsie, and what of Zsa-Zsie? Can you help?
2.6 Is there a degree in this subject and if there is, would you get a first?
2.7 What is the amount of Neilistic research that can be done without picking up Neilistic characteristics, and if a person is contaminated by neilisms (HALLO!) is there a cure?
2.8 How many Neil’s does it take to change a light bulb?
2.9 Can Neilism be from other Neil’s, or just from the great NRT?
Section 3: Examples of Common Neilisms
Section 4: Bibliography
Section1: The Subject.
The subject of Neilology or Neil-illogical Practice is Neil Robert Tarling, who is the author of much work, not only about himself and his friends but also, to a large extent is responsible for neilology. The greatest surviving document we have concerning this Legend of modern times is an article written by Neil himself. Of course as with all primary sources we have to take this with a pinch of salt, and understand the motivation behind such as source. This source, his msn profile suggests that Neil is "a bit weird. Not sure how much. I want to understand everything but I have a lot of faults that I never seem to confront. I have a unique and distorted view of the world, but usually we get on ok." It has many facts which cannot be disputed, his age, address, identity as the jack of clubs, (See the People Cards section). Neil (msn, 2003) asserts that he "likes to sleep a lot and I prefer dreams to reality" which may indeed lead us to a better understanding of his character. Also he says one of his favourite quotes: "The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success" gives a hint into the hidden character of Neil. It is clear however to all who have studied the field of Neilology which side of the fence Neil sits on, but at this time it is not for me to say where that is. It is a key issue in the study of neilology to which you must find your own answer, and the aim of this report as a whole is to help all theologians to come to their own decisions in this matter.
Another source, that of personal correspondence, supplies further enlightenment into the nature, character and stature of Neil. It is clear from the emails received that Neil has a tendency towards mathematical adversity. The most conclusive example of this is a theory proposed by Neil (Lerys, 2003) in which he claims that he typed 5^(4^3^2^1) = 5^262144
Into maple and received the answer below: (WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CHANGE FONT SIZE!!! THE ANSWER TAKES UP 16 PAGES AT TIMES NEW ROMAN SIZE 10, IF YOU WISH TO VIEW THE RESULT ZOOM TO 500 %!)
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(WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CHANGE FONT SIZE!!! THE ANSWER TAKES UP 16 PAGES AT TIMES NEW ROMAN SIZE 10, IF YOU WISH TO VIEW THE RESULT ZOOM TO 200 %!)
This in itself, though slightly weird is not an absolute Neil quality, however when he points out that this cannot be the entire number as it does not end in a 5, then it becomes a definite Neilism. He then goes on to say that, "(9^8^7^6^5^4^3^2^1) > (987654321)! 987654321! Is strictly less than 1,000,000,000! Which in turn is strictly less than 1,000,000,000^1,000,000,000 which is (10^9)^(10^9) =10^(9*10^9) which in turn is less than 10^10^10 This I'm sure is an absolutely massive number, no doubt. It is fantasmologically greater than a googol. The number is like a googolplex, but smaller, because a googolplex is 10^10^100. Putting "10^" in front of a googol turns it into a googolplex. This is a big jump. Putting "5^" in front of 262144 turns it into a number which takes minutes to scroll through full screen. This is also a big jump, but I reckon it's not as big as the factorial number. Still, putting 6^ is a much bigger jump. How big will that make the number which already takes up pages and pages? Then you have the bigger jump of putting 7^, and then 8^, and finally 9^.
09^08^07^06^05^04^09
10^10^10^01^01^01^01
This is why I'm fairly sure 9^8^7^6^5^4^3^2^1 > 10^10^10 > 987654321!
I can't prove it yet. :)" Very Neil
Section 2: The Neilisms Page
This absolute abundance of information is one of the most useful bodies of evidence for the intrepid Neilologist and contains insights into the nature of, development of and abundance, yet small amount of diverse neilisms. In the below answers replace I with Neil, as Neil is referring to himself in the first person, very Neilistic.
2.1.1 What are Neilisms?
2.1.2 What is the difference between Neilings and Neilisms?
2.1.3 Are Neilisms numerous or rare?
2.2.1 When did the expression Neilism first occur? Why did it come into being?
2.2.2 Is Neilism Neilistic? Can Neilism become a religion, life path or cult?
2.3 Are there precautions against Neilisms and are there Neilist warning systems?
2.4 Can an equation for Neilisms predict them, or are they completely random in timing as well as in nature?
2.5 Where does Zsa-Zsa fit in with all this, and, indeed, where does Zsie-Zsie, and what of Zsa-Zsie? Can you help?
2.6 Is there a degree in this subject and if there is, would you get a first?
2.7 What is the amount of Neilistic research that can be done without picking up Neilistic characteristics, and if a person is contaminated by neilisms (HALLO!) is there a cure?
2.8 How many Neil’s does it take to change a light bulb?
2.9 Can Neilism be from other Neil’s, or just from the great NRT?
2.1.1 What are Neilisms?
"Neilisms are things that I do and say and things that I quote, some minor Neilism are simply copied from Tom Mathias, in turn copied from Damian Groves, and so while their origin can be traced, their nature and their purpose remain a mystery." Others are purely the product of the nature and nurture of NRT.
2.1.2 What is the difference between Neilings and Neilisms?
Neilings rhyme with feelings. They are things that I think I feel, and things that I feel I think. In a mind such as mine the boundaries of thought and feeling are somewhat blurred, thus giving rise to Neilings, which no one is likely to understand. Neilisms are things that I do and say and things that I quote. These can develop out of Neilings, or interaction between them and ideas from the real and imaginary worlds. To the normal listener they are like rubbish, and often provoke a great deal of annoyance.
2.1.3 Are Neilisms numerous or rare?
Both. Neilisms occur in frequency. Sometimes I think as many as six impossible things before breakfast. That sentence is a Neilism (you recognise the quote?). It is not strictly true, only true on days where I skip breakfast, spurt out six Neilisms and then have breakfast the next day. That sentence too could also be labelled a Neilism. Neilisms are numerous and varied, occurring frequently but irregularly. They are also rare. At this moment I am wracking my brain for Neilisms and I've found only two. If I carried on for an hour, I might only find 10. But, I might find 10 in the next 10 minutes. They are unpredictable. (This answer is typical of the work of Neil and could in effect be classed as a Neilism in its own right, however the decision as to whether anything is a Neilism or not is decided by Neil himself, and although a Doctor in the subject I have no authority over the classifying of neilisms.)
2.2.1 When did the expression Neilism arrive? Why did it come into being?
Neilisms have existed undiscovered as far back as my memory takes me. The use of the word 'Neilism' was first recorded on the hyperlink on Saz's site, which pointed to my site and described it as "full of neilisms". The next occurrence of the word Neilism around the websites was in Jess's entry in my GB, answering a question with "it [the site] would be better with a page devoted to Neilisms".
2.2.2 Is Neilism Neilistic? Can Neilism become a religion, life path or cult?
Neilisms are neilistic by definition. Neilism cannot become a religion. It is my life path, but that path may yet change. Neilism in its current form lacks the characteristics of a cult. So it can't become a cult unless it somehow gains these characteristics. That would be quite a bad thing to happen, and I can't imagine it being a very successful cult.
2.3 Are there precautions against Neilisms and are there Neilist warning systems?
Yes there are precautions, but no warning systems have been devised thus far. You might say there is a gap in the market. If I knew what the precautions were, then I would eventually find a way to negate them by adapting the neilisms to render the precautions ineffective. Currently, it has been observed that avoiding sitting in close proximity to Neil T is often a good way to avoid the negative psychological effects of neilisms. For further enlightenment, consult Sarah Clarke.
2.4 Can an equation for Neilisms predict them, or are they completely random in timing as well as in nature?
No equation has yet been discovered. The world's top Neilologists are working to find one, but they must first develop their research and continue gathering insights into the curious field of Neilology. Dr Nick Curum's theory of Neilism states that 'if there is a piece of Chemistry homework that was supposed to be done by today, Neil has not yet done it.' That theory is sometimes extended, but I'm not familiar with the specifics.
2.5 Where does Zsa-Zsa fit in with all this, and, indeed, where does Zsie-Zsie, and what of Zsa-Zsie? Can you help?
Well I think it's obvious really isn't it? Just remember, the answer to all of this can really be summarised as x. Where, x is equal to Zsie-Zsie.
2.6 Is there a degree in this subject and if there is, would you get a first?
No, there isn't. Just like in 1800 there was no degree in Chemistry. Neilology needs to develop before it will be taken seriously by the wider academic community. I wouldn't get a first in it, but it would be a good waste of 3 years.
2.7 What is the amount of Neilistic research that can be done without picking up Neilistic characteristics, and if a person is contaminated by neilisms (HALLO!) is there a cure?
Research has shown that Neilisms are more susceptible to influence from the behaviour of others than vice versa. Neilisms are shaped by the outside world, the inner thought processes of Neil, and noticeably, the mannerisms of other people. To be absorbed and re-emitted, the mannerisms need to be 400 to 500 nanometres in wavelength. Any longer than 500 and they are in the obvious-popular part of the humour spectrum and so are reflected. Any longer than 500 they are in the ultra-bizarre region of the humour spectrum, i.e. so off-the-wall that they're not even funny.
In the event of someone being infected with Neilisms, they are advised to turn their attention to the source, and confront Neil on it. Then we can decide what is to be done, probably solitary confinement.
2.8 How many Neil’s does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to take the old one out and the other to get a new one and put it in, this could conceivably be done with just one Neil.
2.9 Can Neilism be from other Neil’s, or just from the great NRT?
Neilisms primarily refer to Neil Robert Tarling. In certain circumstances they can refer to another Neil, if the Neilism is sufficiently relevant/ applicable to NRT, or the context is somehow linked to NRT. There are no examples to demonstrate this possibility.
Is Neil a Neilism is like asking "what's gold made of?"
Neil cannot be a Neilism, Neil > the set of Neilisms, Neil exists when the number of Neilisms in existence at any one time is > 0 so the answer to your second question is yes, in theory, and no in practice. Thirdly, there is no planet called Neil. (As far as I know)
Section 3: Examples of Common Neilisms
3.2 Pseudo antidisestablishmentarianism
3.3 The Three of Clubs
3.4 Relating Advanced Chemistry to Human Behaviour
3.5 MSN Display names
3.6 LIFF
3.7 FFF
3.8 Driving
3.1 Hallo
This is the German word for 'Hi', compared to 'Guten Tag' et al which is closer to 'Hello'. Hallo is also a simple but rare variation of the English word 'Hello', which in some parts of the country is occasionally used interchangeably with it. A more widely accepted version is 'Hullo'. In year 7 German I learnt the word for the first time, and used it in my first term at Shirley High, but it didn't become a prominent Neilism.
The story you're all expecting is, that I picked it from Tom Mathias. This is absolutely true. (Other speakers of the HALLO include Damian Groves, Sarah Clarke, Lerys Campbell and still more.) The HALLO, as I refer to it, underwent wide and rapid propagation at Tenisons at some point in 2001 or 2002 but that still goes on at a decelerated rate today. I don't know exactly who in Tenisons coined the expression, but it is just one of the many harassment tools in Damian's armoury.
3.2 Pseudo antidisestablishmentarianism
For the introduction of this word to everyone I know, I claim the credit for. I honestly believe that the use of this word among people around me did indeed begin with my use of it circa 1998. I think discovered it in 'The Top Ten of Everything 1997' where it is ranked equal-9th longest word in the English language, alongside "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'. Both have 34 letters, so they come in handy whenever you just need to use a long word. The advantage of Pseudo antidisestablishmentarianism over Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is that (a) I know what it really means and (b) most people don't. Definition: False opposition to the withdrawal of state support from the church. 'Anti-disestablishment' may be more familiar to you, I don't know, It wasn't to me. I'm not sure of whether I'm a pseudo antidisestablishmentarianist or not... the word seems to revolve around a conflict between religion and politics, and I'm not too keen on conflict.
3.3 The Three of Clubs
This is a funny story, at least to me it is. The hilarity and sheer magnificence of this card is appreciated mostly (or probably, 'only') by Tom Mathias and my self. The story is, at break at college we are playing Hearts, the card game. If you don't know how to play, learn how and then you can join in. So, I can tell you what happened here, I'm not sure if that is enough in order for you to find it funny in any way. Tom, Lerys, Adam and I are playing. It's at a late stage in the game; two rounds of clubs have gone, so Tom and I have run out of clubs. Lerys still has at least one, (we saw his cards), and Adam, who is a newbie to it, also has a club. Adam then wins a round of spades without the queen in it, so it's his lead. Then I mutter 'Maybe you should lay a club Adam' and Tom follows this with 'Yes Adam, why not lay a club?' So he lays [drum roll] the Three of Clubs, which Lerys must follow with a higher club, Tom lays the Queen of Spades and I finish it off with the Ace of Hearts, thus giving Lerys 14 (out of 26) penalty points in one trick. Hysteric laughter ensues (well the atmosphere and timing played a big part).
The card is thence hailed as the greatest. Partly because it is the lowest club after the first trick, so it's quite likely that once you lead it, someone will drop some penalty cards and someone else will have to win them with a higher club. Even in OTHER card games, (where it has no significance whatsoever) it is still often recognised with a smile and sometimes with Tom's line "That card rocks my socks..."
It's a Neilism, so if you're having trouble grasping it, never mind.
3.4 Relating Advanced Chemistry to Human Behaviour
This is a more general Neilism. Any student of chemistry knows that atoms have wishes, desires, (or aspirations if you will) of their own... they get attracted, repelled or excited, they want to steal someone else's electrons, they try to share them, they want company... they partake in 'partner swapping'. This is all true. They even get that uncomfortable feeling when you have to sit next to a stranger on the bus! Chemistry can be related to the behaviour, psychology and relationships of people. You might say that atoms take after people, but I'm sure it's more accurate to say that people take after atoms. This is the way that Chemistry has always been taught, because it is close enough to the truth to get you through, and for some people it makes it easier to understand.
The Neilism here is seeing such parallels of life to chemistry when any normal person would not see one. That is somewhat freaky and very Neil like. Please don't get the idea I'm obsessed with Chemistry, it's not even my favourite subject. The chief witness to this Neilism is Nick.
3.5 MSN Display names
This is a wide Neilism, because it potentially encompasses all other Neilisms that can be expressed in a string of less than 130 chars. Recent Display names include: (Only a few are here, and they are well well out of date)
Doofus Aloofus
The Unforgiven II
Neil T
- - - - [This one is kinda permanent, my forename and final initial]
Neient
Zwyvux
Tumbling like the leaves
---[song lyrics]
Ø
- - - -['The empty set']
God <=> Love
- - - -[logical statement]
Findecáno Oronar
Kobayashi Maru
Nihil...Null...Nil...Neil
Gaaaaah!
Neil the Freak
Later on this list may grow and might need a page of its own, who can say?
A note on display names of others: Your display name is however you want to appear to everyone on MSN, so I have no business telling you what you should put in there. The things that happen to irritate me about other peoples' are:
Lots of characters that actually mean nothing
Bad choice of uppercase/lowercase
Silly mistakes
URLs
Emoticons
Things out of date (especially the context-sensitive ones)
Things I can't understand
3.6 LIFF
'The Meaning of Liff' is a book of definitions by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd. It contains a mixture of placenames and made-up words which have been assigned to definitions of humorous common experiences and feelings. There is no neilism involved here, except that I love the book and I will eventually use some of them in conversation.
My favourite example is:
ABOYNE(vb) - To beat an expert at a game of skill by playing so appallingly that none of his clever tactics or strategies are of any use to him.
3.7 FFF
Stands for 'Fourteenth February Fiasco'. This Neilism dictates that on the fourteenth of February of any given year, Neil must create an interpersonal fiasco. This normally involves an expression of hidden feelings, possibly leading to a rejection and ending in some degree of remorse or at least embarrassment.
FF 1999 - No fiasco (pre-victorian era)
FF 2000 - Minor fiasco
FF 2001 - Major fiasco (very regrettable)
FF 2002 - Happy time (minimal fiasco)
FF 2003 - Deuce of Hearts Fiasco (If you don't know don't ask)
3.8 Driving
I have this thing, about not wanting to drive a car. In some ways this is a justifiable and reasonable opinion. My parents say I have an attitude problem with it. I don't want to learn to drive because I don't want to drive. Driving is expensive. The cost of lessons, tests, retests, a car, petrol, tax, parking, congestion charge, insurance, and accidents - it is potentially infinite. Learning to drive takes time and perseverance which I can't be bothered with at this time in my life. Using cars pollutes the environment. We all need to cut down on pollution, so not driving is a good start.
Every day many young people are killed and injured in road accidents. The risks we take when we drive a vehicle always underestimated and people pay the price.
"You won't catch me driving a car, FAR too dangerous!" - Neil
"You've really got to watch your driving when there's a blind elderly disabled person who goes to school on a horse riding a bike on icy road in the rain in the dark near a zebra crossing in a residential area." Tom/Neil
Section 4: Bibliography
4.1 Sources
4.2 Thanks
4.1: Sources
Neil Robert Tarling (2002/2003) http://www.oocities.org/zwyvux/neilisms.html
Neil Robert Tarling (2003) http://members.msn.com/default.msnw?guids=5jW4En!ARGkml!DY9BIEiwf3263q1wBqOiw4iYrUjO9j2ttosaOZErDzh6yzFHXL3z
Neil Robert Tarling (Tue, 07 Oct 2003) "An Email to Lerys"
4.2 THANK YOU
A big thank you goes to these people without whom this wouldn’t have been possible:
Sazzy Cromwell
Jess Warde
Tom Mathias
Lerys Campbell
Nick Currum
Sarah Clarke
And most importantly Neil himself
CONCLUSIONS
Whilst the phenomenon of Neilology and all concepts contained within is an ever increasing subject, the disbanding of the Royal Society of Neilology has had profound effects on its social standing and the depths of research into this, I think however this report should highlight exactly why such a society is needed and help to bring about its re-establishment.
Lerys