| It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterly. And winter becomes spring. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe. Relationships are transformations we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reasons, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a relationship. It is the negative transformation that has me terrified of the bitter connections with others. It's never really occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transforms love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter. But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presences', two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only strong connections allow life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. So do not fear being in a relationship, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. if you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek out a relationship. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a relationship well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousands flowers will bloom. |
