A Page of Simpson's Quotes


This page contains an assortment of quotes from characters on my favorite TV show The Simpsons.
The best show ever created.

Here's a few good quotes from Ralph Wiggum:

"Over there is my sandbox, I'm not allowed in the deep end."

"I bent my wookie."

"I sleep in a drawer."

"This tastes like grandma."

"My cat's breath smells like catfood."

"Principal Skinner: Wiggum, Ralph
Ralph: I won, I won!
Principal Skinner: No, no Ralph, this means you're failing English.
Ralph: Me fail English, thats unpossible!"



Here are some good Homer quotes I could remember:

Marge: "Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?"
Homer: "Yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries."

“Now, son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for daddys, and kids with fake I.D.s."

“I’ve figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of travelling acrobats."

Homer: "That tree’s been in the town of Springfield since the days of our forefathers. Give it back, or we’ll bust in there and take it!"
Tow truck man: "Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look."
Homer: "Stupider like a fox!"

"We can make our own game, where people throw ducks at balloons and nothing is as it seems."

"Mmmmm.....Forbidden donut"

"I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones. Mmmmm Chicken!"

Marge: "I want you to throw away these old calendars and TV Guides." Homer: "Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? And these TV Guides... so many memories."

"Heh Heh Heh... Lisa, Vampires are make believe, just like elves, gremlins and eskimos! "

"I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor."

"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: Cover for me.
Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss!
Number 3: It was like that when I got here."

"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

"Donuts...is there anything they CAN'T do?"

"Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

Marge: "You could take an adult education course."
Homer: "Oh, and how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?"

"Trying is the first step towards failure."

"The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth."

"Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike... you just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat!"

"Shut up Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip"

"Mmmm...64 slices of American Cheese. 63. 62...."

"Mmmmm....Unprocessed Fishsticks...."

"I am evil homer..."

"Ohh....They have the internet on computers now."

"Oooo...20 bucks, I wanted a peanut...."

Hilarious clip of Homer pretending to be Mr. Burns.

"Sweet, merciful crap."

"They were the suckiest bunch of sucks...."

Homer singing to the Flinstones theme.

"I know you can read my thoughts boy..."

THIS ONES ESPECIALLY MADE FOR MR HOLDREN:
"The information superhighway just showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek."

Here's a classic from Abe Simpson:

"Homer, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly, if a stranger offers you a ride, I say take it."

Here's a good Troy Mclure quote:

He is an actor that stars in movies varying from Hollywood blockbusters to educational movies for students.

Hi my name is Troy Mclure, you may remember me from such educational films as "Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly" and "Here Comes the Metric System".

"...Self help videos such as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid"

Here's one of the funniest quotes ever, said by Lionel Hutz:

"Uh-oh....We've drawn Judge Sneider..."



These are some messages left on Mr. Burns' answering machine.


Hello, you have 30 minutes to move your car.
You have 10 minutes to move you car....
Your car has been impounded.....
Your car has been turned into a cube.....
You have 30 minutes to move your cube....


Good Ol' Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel.


"...kids we're eatin' dinner tonight..."



Here's the weather for the Albany area in NY.



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