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I'D PREFER AN ETHICAL TREATMENT FOR HUMANS ASSOCIATION

1999

They say that columnists haven't done their job right if they're not on somebody's hate list and I have a funny feeling I'll be landing on PETA's list pretty soon.

This is the organization whose members feel compelled to throw red paint on anyone wearing animal fur. This is also the organization that buys billboard space that display nude celebrities and super models insisting that they'd rather go naked than wear fur. Right.

Well, I love animals. I have a wonderful black Labrador named Angus who follows me all around the house like my personal bodyguard. I have a cat named Kiki who has single-handedly rid this old house of vermin and the surrounding yard of low flying creatures.

I, too, cringe at the cruelty of the unnecessary tests inflicted on lab animals particularly if only performed for cosmetics experiments. I also respect the nobility of nature's wild creatures. After attending the circus at Madison Square Garden a few years ago, I was appalled at the sight of cougars, Bison and other wild animals' pirouetting at the crack of a trainer's whip. I imagined what it must have taken to train the creatures to perform such silly motions so no more animal circuses for me.

Nevertheless, I do not belong to that esteemed group of animal lovers who insist on being vegetarians.

On a car trip with my husband last year, we drove past a farm where cows were grazing in the sun. One heifer looked up with those huge brown eyes all the while chewing her cud. To me, it looked as if she was wearing a huge sign that said, ``Eat Me.'' It struck me suddenly that this animal was created for one purpose. To provide food and clothing for mankind.

I'm sorry to be so politically incorrect but the last time I checked my mouth, I had two pointy teeth called canines. They're there for a good reason. We are omnivorous mammals who are equipped to eat meat. Nice, juicy meat. Red meat. Yeah, I know, it'll kill ya but so will an out-of-control bus.

I don't mean any disrespect but Linda McCartney was a devout vegetarian yet she still died of cancer. What caused it? Certainly not the hashish that she and her rocker husband Paul used to inhale. That's harmless, right?

When Jackie Kennedy Onassis was first diagnosed with cancer she allegedly told a friend that she couldn't understand why this was happening to her. After all, she ate the right foods and exercised regularly. What was hidden from the public was that she was a chain smoker. She took great pains not to have any pictures taken of her smoking yet I do recall seeing one where she was taking a puff on a cigarette while pregnant. This pregnancy produced her son Patrick who survived only a few days after his birth.

Now People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is pursuing a campaign to tax meat. According to PETA, meat eating is costing this nation billions of dollars in health care costs and environmental damages. They claim it is time to exact an excise tax on the American Diet. What's next? We can't smoke. We can't get cheap gasoline for our cars. Now we have to pay extra to clog our arteries. Big Brother is staking out the kitchen.

But I think it's sweet that PETA is so concerned about my health and yours. I wish I could rid myself of the notion that they're all a bit wacky but I can't. For instance, on their web page they state quite assuredly that Jesus was a vegetarian. Wow, this group has been around far longer than I imagined if they are so sure about that statement.

According to PETA, all Cristians should be vegetarians because Jesus was good and merciful and loved all creatures and we should follow His example. Gee, I seem to remember learning in the Gospels that most of the apostles were fisherman and on one occasion, Jesus helped them bring in a net full of fish. Aren't fish animals?

If Jesus was truly a devout vegetarian, He would have condemned the father of the Prodigal Son for calling for the killing of the ``fatted calf'' to celebrate the return of his son. Instead, he deemed it an appropriate response for such a glorious occasion so if Jesus thought it was all right to kill and eat meat, it's okay with me.

According to Genesis, God gave man dominion over the animals. They were created for our benefit. In nature, life feeds on life. The great predators in the wild, e.g., lions, and tigers and bears, (oh my) all feed on slower and weaker animals. I don't hear PETA complaining about them! Logically, they should be happy when humans hunt those mean meat eating carnivores.

Our digestive enzyme system is designed to process meat and if God had wanted us to be vegetarians I think He'd have created us differently. Of course this is just a guess as I'm not as privy to God's intentions as PETA apparently is.

I do know that we all eat way more than we should and that is a major cause of our health problems. I also know that our bodies are not equipped to digest heavily processed foods, especially sugar. I am guilty, guilty, guilty of intermittent acts of gluttony but I am the one responsible for my health, not PETA. I also know that I care enough about my fellow human beings not to attack them for offending my sensibilities by throwing paint on them. How about starting an organization for the ethical treatment of human beings?

There's a strong stench of hypocrisy at work here. When an organization invokes the teachings of Christ to condemn meat eaters yet engages in acts of intolerance against other human beings it is clearly missing His message-Love thy neighbor ( even if he eats meat).


Copyright (c) Alicia Colon 1999