Leviticus 19:18 says "You shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge against the members of your people; you shall love your fellow as yourself--I am HASHEM." What does it mean to bear a grudge? How is bearing a grudge related to taking revenge? Does HASHEM bear grudges? Are Jew allowed to hold grudges against non-Jews. These are some of the questions that this paper will seek to address and explore.
The Hebrew word for grudge is from the shoresh (root) hat means "to keep guard, retain" as in retaining the memory of your fellow Jew's offense against you (JPS Commentary on Leviticus, p 130). The American Heritage Dictionary defines a grudge as "To be reluctant to give or admit" or "A feeling of resentment or rancor". It is the second definition that Maimonides is referring to in Hilchot De'ot, chapter 7, Halacha 8. He illustrates the meaning of bearing a grudge with the example the Talmud gives in Yoma 23a, his source for the discussion on grudges. In modern terms, the example would go something like Reuven asks Joshua if he could borrow his lawn mower. Joshua, possibly fearful that his lawn mower might be abused or not returned, does not lend his lawn mower to Reuven. A few days latter, Joshua needs to trim his hedges. He goes next door to Reuven and asks if he can borrow Reuven's electric hedge trimmers. Reuven lends Joshua the hedge trimmers, saying "Here it is. I will lend this to you even though you would not lend your lawn mower to me." Reuven, though he lends the hedge trimmers to Joshua, is bearing a grudge.
Maimonides says that a person who does what Reuven did violates the prohibition against bearing a grudge against a fellow Jew. HASHEM, through the Torah, seems to be commanding us to avoid a certain feeling, an emotional response inside ourselves. There is a very practical reason for the prohibition against bearing a grudge, namely, a grudge can lead to revenge. For this reason, HASHEM want us to control the all too human tendency to bear a grudge against our fellow Jew. We are, according to Maimonides, to "wipe the wrong from" our "heart entirely, without remembering it at all." In doing this, we prevent the chance that a grudge we nurse today may turn into revenge tomorrow.
Nachama Leibowitz, in her New Studies in Vayikra Leviticus (p 360), says that we are not supposed to bear a grudge even against someone who has taken vengeance on us (vengeance would be if Reuven refused to loan his hedge trimmers to Joshua to get back at him for not loaning letting Reuven borrow the lawn mower). I think that some wrongs would be very difficult to forgive. Based on other passages, HASHEM is not referring to murder and the like. The Talmud confirms this in Yoma 23a, when it says "That refers to monetary affairs..." and then goes on to give the example Maimonides used, though without names, of the ax and the sickle incident. By monetary affairs, I assume they are talking about non-capital offenses, as discussed in Sanhedrin.
The Talmud Yerushalmi (Nedarim 9,4) says, according to Nachama Leibowitz, "How can we desist from taking vengeance and bearing a grudge? Indeed, if someone cut meat and the knife entered his hand, would the injured hand retaliate by cutting the other hand?" This passage is saying that all Jews are part of one body, one community. If we take vengeance on our fellow Jew, we are also hurting ourselves. When we bear a grudge against our fellow Jew, we are hurting ourselves in the same way. A family that is bearing grudges constantly will soon break up. The same is true with the extended family of the Jewish people. Additionally, there is the unpleasantness that bearing a grudge causes us internally.
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, in his book Jewish Wisdom raises an interesting point. He says that it does not say in any Jewish source if we are obligate to fulfill this commandment repeatedly for the same person. What if Joshua never lends anything to Reuven, is Reuven still obligated to not bear a grudge? Rabbi Telushkin does not know the answer to this question. I would answer that since the Torah does not state a limit on this, we should not bear a grudge even after many refusals of our neighbor to lend us some item we need. Of course, after the first 2 or 3 refusals, I would recommend that the person doing the asking stop asking that neighbor to lend him or her things. Continuing to ask the person would, in most cases, result in the asker bearing a grudge for his or her neighbors continual refusal to loan things to them.
Not bearing a grudge is one of the ways that we love our neighbor (fellow Israelite) as ourselves. Likewise, we show our love of our neighbor by not taking vengeance on our fellow Israelite. That is why, I think, they are mentioned in the same sentence in the Torah. This is not the only way that we show our love/loyalty to our extended Jewish family, but it certainly is an important one.
The bearing of grudges can extend beyond the person who wronged us in some way, to their descendent(s) if we are not careful. Just like the Hatfields and the McCoys who had a feud that lasted generations, so we too can hold a grudge against not only the person but the person's family. The mere grudge of one generation has the potential to become a feud in the next generation. This is certainly not a way to show that we are one family, that we are loyal to each other.
Another one of the reasons we are not to bear a grudge is that we are to imitate HASHEM. Just as He doesn't bear a grudge, we should not bear a grudge. A quick reading of Exodus 34:7 might give us the impression that HASHEM actually does bear grudges, after all it says He "...visits the iniquity of parents upon children and children's children, upon the third and fourth generation." This is in the same passage that says that He forgives iniquity, so it takes some explanation The commentators on this passage say, in effect, that the apple does not fall far from the tree. What this passage is referring to, then, is the fact that the children are likely to follow the sinful ways of their parents.
HASHEM is not going to punish the children for the sins of their fathers; this is made clear in Leviticus 5:17 "And when a person, without knowing it, sins in regards to any of the L-rd's commandments about things not to be done, and then realizes it, he shall be subject to punishment." The offender is punished, not his or her children. Though this passage refers to an unintentional sin, it makes it clear that HASHEM punishes those who sin, and not their children. This is made even more clear in Jeremiah 31:22 "The person who sins, he alone shall die. A child shall not share the burden of a parent's guilt, nor shall a parent share the burdens of a child's guilt."
Furthermore, we have a number of passages showing G-d as forgiving iniquity, specifically Jeremiah 31:29-34*, Ezekiel 18:21-22@, Micha 7:18-19#, Psalms 32:5%, and Psalms 78:38$ and 85:2**. Additionally, Jeremiah 3:12 clearly states "...I will not look not look upon you in anger, for I am compassionate--declared the L-rd; I do not bear a grudge for all time." So, as we are to be holy, by imitating HASHEM, we should not bear grudges. This does not mean that we can't be a bit mad when the incident first happens, but we should not continue to be angry at our fellow Jew.
Now we turn to the issue of bearing a grudge against a non-Jew. The law I have been discussing in Leviticus 19:18 applies only to Jews since it says "...you shall not bear a grudge against the members of your people". As I said before, this is part of the way we show our love for our fellow Jew. The Torah also says (from memory) "You shall love the stranger as yourself". While many would say that this applies to a proselyte, the proselyte is a non-Jew until their conversion is finished. Additionally, the Torah is for peace. Because of this, we should not hold a grudge against a non-Jew for any monetary reason. We must not hold a grudge against a non-Jew whose parent(s) wronged us.
At one time or another, we all hold a grudge for a time, since we are human and not perfect. All Jews, however, must try to refrain from holding grudges. We should try to forgive the offender, even if we are unable to forget that it happened. We should act as if the offense never occurred. My husband would say, "The best revenge is living well", that is, being a good person even though you were offended. It is better to live as HASHEM intends us to, than to bear a grudge against our fellow man.
* Jeremiah 31:29-34 "In those days, they shall no longer say, 'Parents have eaten sour grapes and children's teeth are blunted'. But every one shall die for his own sins: whosoever eats sour grapes, his teeth shall be blunted. ... For I will forgive their iniquities, and remember their sins no more."
@ Ezekiel 18:21-22 "Moreover, if the wicked one repents of all the sins that he committed and keeps all My laws and does what is right and just, he shall live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions he committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness he has practiced, he shall live."
# Micha 7:18 "Who is a G-d like You, forgiving iniquity and remitting transgression; who has not maintained His wrath forever against the remnant of His own people, because He love graciousness! He will take us back in love; He will cover up our iniquities, You will hurl all our sins into the depths of the sea."
% Psalms 32:5 "Then I acknowledged my sin to You; I did not cover up my guilt; I resolved, 'I will confess my transgressions to the L-rd,' and You forgave the guilt of my sin."
$ Psalms 78:38 "But He, being merciful, forgave iniquity and would not destroy; He restrained His wrath time and again and did not give full vent to His fury; for He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breath that does not return."
**Psalms 85:2 "O L-rd, ... You will forgive Your people's iniquity, pardon all their sins; You will withdraw all your anger, turn away from Your rage"
Morrison David Bial and Solomon Simon, The Rabbis' Bible, Volume One: The Torah,. Behrman House, 1966, p 155.
Moses ben Maimon, Mishneh Torah: Hilchot De'ot, translated by Rabbis Za'ev Abramson and Eliyahu Touger, Moznaim Publishing Corporation 1989, pp54-3.
Nehama Leibowitz, New Studies in Vayikra Leviticus, The World Zionist Organization 1993, pp 360-363.
Baruch A. Levine, The JPS Commentary: Leviticus, The Jewish Publication Society 1989, p 130.
Rabbi Nosson Scherman, The Chumash: The Stone Edition, Masorah Publications, Ltd., 1993, p 661.
The Talmud Bavli: Yoma, Soncino Press, 1974, p 23a
TaNaKh: The Holy Scriptures, The Jewish Publication Society, 1985.
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, Jewish Wisdom, William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1994, pp 176-177.
