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Or, The First Lord's Daughter
- A tar, but poorly prized,
- Long, shambling, and unsightly,
- Thrashed, bullied, and despised,
- Was wretched Joe Golightly.
- He bore a workhouse brand;
- No Pa or Ma had claimed him,
- The Beadle found him, and
- The Board of Guardians named him.
- P'r'aps some Princess's son --
- A beggar p'r'aps his mother.
- He rather thought the one,
- I rather think the other.
- He liked his ship at sea,
- He loved the salt sea-water,
- He worshipped junk, and he
- Adored the First Lord's daughter.
- The First Lord's daughter, proud,
- Snubbed Earls and Viscounts nightly;
- She sneered at Barts. aloud,
- And spurned poor Joe Golightly.
- Whene'er he sailed afar
- Upon a Channel cruise, he
- Unpacked his light guitar
- And sang this ballad (Boosey):
- Ballad
- The moon is on the sea,
- Willow!
- The wind blows towards the lee,
- Willow!
- But though I sigh and sob and cry,
- No Lady Jane for me,
- Willow!
- She says, "'Twere folly quite,
- Willow!
- For me to wed a wight,
- Willow!
- Whose lot is cast before the mast";
- And possibly she's right,
- Willow!
- His skipper (Captain Joyce),
- He gave him many a rating,
- And almost lost his voice
- From thus expostulating:
- "Lay aft, you lubber, do!
- What's come to that young man, Joe?
- Belay! -- 'vast heaving! you!
- Do kindly stop that banjo!
- "I wish, I do -- O lor'! --
- You'd shipped aboard a trader:
- Are you a sailor or
- A negro serenader?"
- But still the stricken lad,
- Aloft or on his pillow,
- Howled forth in accents sad
- His aggravating "Willow!"
- Stern love of duty bad
- Been Joyce'S chiefest beauty;
- Says he, "I love that lad,
- But duty, damme! duty!
- "Twelve months' black-hole, I say,
- Where daylight never flashes;
- And always twice a day
- A good six dozen lashes!"
- But Joseph had a mate,
- A sailor stout and lusty,
- A man of low estate,
- But singularly trusty.
- Says he, "Cheer hup, young Joe!
- I'll tell you what I'm arter --
- To that Fust Lord I'll go
- And ax him for his darter.
- "To that Fust Lord I'll go
- And say you love her dearly."
- And Joe said (weeping low),
- "I wish you would, sincerely!"
- That sailor to that Lord
- Went, soon as he had landed,
- And of his own accord
- An interview demanded.
- Says he, with seaman's roll,
- "My Captain (wot's a Tartar)
- Guv Joe twelve months' black-hole,
- For lovering your darter.
- "He loves Miss Lady Jane
- (I own she is his betters),
- But if you'll jine them twain,
- They'll free him from his fetters.
- "And if so be as how
- You'll let her come aboard ship,
- I'll take her with me now."
- "Get out!" remarked his Lordship.
- That honest tar repaired
- To Joe upon the billow,
- And told him how he'd fared.
- Joe only whispered, "Willow!"
- And for that dreadful crime
- (Young sailors, learn to shun it)
- He's working out his time;
- In six months he'll have done it.
By A Miserable Wretch
- Roll on, thou ball, roll on!
- Through pathless realms of Space
- Roll on!
- What though I'm in a sorry case?
- What though I cannot meet my bills?
- What though I suffer toothache's ills?
- What though I swallow countless pills?
- Never you mind!
- Roll on!
- Roll on, thou ball, roll on!
- Through seas of inky air
- Roll on!
- It's true I've got no shirts to wear;
- It's true my butcher's bill is due;
- It's true my prospects all look blue --
- But don't let that unsettle you!
- Never you mind!
- Roll on!
- It was a robber's daughter, and her name was Alice Brown,
- Her father was the terror of a small Italian town;
- Her mother was a foolish, weak, but amiable old thing;
- But it isn't of her parents that I'm going for to sing.
- As Alice was a-sitting at her window-sill one day,
- A beautiful young gentleman he chanced to pass that way;
- She cast her eyes upon him, and he looked so good and true,
- That she thought, "I could be happy with a gentleman like you!"
- And every morning passed her house that cream of gentlemen,
- She knew she might expect him at a quarter unto ten;
- A sorter in the Custom-house, it was his daily road
- (The Custom-house was fifteen minutes' walk from her abode).
- But Alice was a pious girl, who knew it wasn't wise
- To look at strange young sorters with expressive purple eyes;
- So she sought the village priest to whom her family confessed,
- The priest by whom their little sins were carefully assessed.
- "Oh, holy father," Alice said, "'t would grieve you, would it not,
- To discover that I was a most disreputable lot?
- Of all unhappy sinners I'm the most unhappy one!"
- The padre said, "Whatever have you been and gone and done?"
- "I have helped mamma to steal a little kiddy from its dad,
- I've assisted dear papa in cutting up a little lad,
- I've planned a little burglary and forged a little cheque,
- And slain a little baby for the coral on its neck!"
- The worthy pastor heaved a sigh, and dropped a silent tear,
- And said, "You mustn't judge yourself too heavily, my dear:
- It's wrong to murder babies, little corals for to fleece;
- But sins like these one expiates at half-a-crown apiece.
- "Girls will be girls -- you're very young, and flighty in your mind;
- Old heads upon young shoulders we must not expect to find:
- We mustn't be too hard upon these little girlish tricks --
- Let's see -- five crimes at half-a-crown -- exactly twelve-and-six."
- "Oh, father," little Alice cried, "your kindness makes me weep,
- You do these little things for me so singularly cheap --
- Your thoughtful liberality I never can forget;
- But, oh! there is another crime I haven't mentioned yet!
- "A pleasant-looking gentleman, with pretty purple eyes,
- I've noticed at my window, as I've sat a-catching flies;
- He passes by it every day as certain as can be --
- I blush to say I've winked at him, and he has winked at me!"
- "For shame!" said Father Paul, "my erring daughter! On my word
- This is the most distressing news that I have ever heard.
- Why, naughty girl, your excellent papa has pledged your hand
- To a promising young robber, the lieutenant of his band!
- "This dreadful piece of news will pain your worthy parents so!
- They are the most remunerative customers I know;
- For many many years they've kept starvation from my doors:
- I never knew so criminal a family as yours!
- "The common country folk in this insipid neighbourhood
- Have nothing to confess, they're so ridiculously good;
- And if you marry any one respectable at all,
- Why, you'll reform, and what will then become of Father Paul?"
- The worthy priest, he up and drew his cowl upon his crown,
- And started off in haste to tell the news to Robber Brown --
- To tell him how his daughter, who was now for marriage fit,
- Had winked upon a sorter, who reciprocated it.
- Good Robber Brown he muffled up his anger pretty well:
- He said, "I have a notion, and that notion I will tell;
- I will nab this gay young sorter, terrify him into fits,
- And get my gentle wife to chop him into little bits.
- "I've studied human nature, and I know a thing or two:
- Though a girl may fondly love a living gent, as many do --
- A feeling of disgust upon her senses there will fall
- When she looks upon his body chopped particularly small."
- He traced that gallant sorter to a still suburban square;
- He watched his opportunity, and seized him unaware;
- He took a life-preserver and he hit him on the head,
- And Mrs. Brown dissected him before she went to bed.
- And pretty little Alice grew more settled in her mind,
- She never more was guilty of a weakness of the kind,
- Until at length good Robber Brown bestowed her pretty hand
- On the promising young robber, the lieutenant of his band.
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