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The
Dumb Beam Theory
The Dumb Beam
Theory was first proposed by Dr. Bartel Sands Flushing of the
Pratt Institute in Brooklyn. The initial seminar was given by Dr.
Flushing on October 12, 1833 at the Brooklyn Academy of Music.
(The BAM building hadn't been built yet, but that's of no
importance -- details like that can be left to the pedants;
needless to say, there WAS a Brooklyn Academy back then.)
Unfortunately, very few records or documents have survived
because of the great Clinton Hill fire of 1852 which destroyed
several city blocks. However, we have been able to piece together
most of the key items.
If you have any
further material please email us here (Fishe@Fishenet.com).
The purpose of his
research was to understand the reason for unexplainable actions
of a stupid nature that were done by reasonably sane persons of
an upstanding Victorian nature. Through a 20-year test on
patients at the E.L. Vandermuelen Idiot Asylum, he surmised the
following:
If you were
this typical upstanding citizen, and were involved in a
dumb act, it probably was not your fault. He proved
statistically that it was generally the fault of a lower
class person that was in close proximity to the victim,
or of a close relative -- i.e., a Projector of Dumb
Beams.
Dumbness
was transmitted via sound and pressure waves. These waves
would emanate from a dumb person and when they reached
normal people would cause them to act stupidly. This sets
the case for the dumb person to be the transmitter and
the normal person to be the receiver. Once the normal
person has become dumb, it is possible for him/her to
become a transmitter in turn. If a dumb person is struck
with a Dumb Beam, they may become even dumber or, worse,
amplify the power of the signal passed on to the next
person.
It was
proven animals cannot perform stupid acts, although in
the last century, as instances of dumbness have been
recorded, many cases of pet stupidity have been seen. It
may be a factor of pets taking on the character of their
owners. Every case of a Pit Bull going berserk and
chewing up a child can be traced to an owner who would
likely as not do the same thing if allowed by society.
Dumbness is
a collective entity and has expanded and contracted over
the years. The World War I era was a peak of Dumbness;
the Roaring Twenties were surprisingly free of Dumbness,
except in Germany. (The carnage of the War was so great
that only the hard core of Dumb Beam Projectors, the
Generals and Politicians, survived, and didn't have the
dominance any longer.) Then of course came the Great
Stock Market Crash, when Dumbness reigned supreme again.
A new generation of Dumbness. Some researchers into
Flushing's theory have posited the possibility that a
high incidence of Dumb Beams could be related to sunspot
activity, or even Alien influence; more conservative
advocates of the theory opine that, No, it's just a
factor of the number of Dumb People compared to the
number of sensible ones. Judging by recent educational
test statistics, the resurgence of Dumbness in the
eighties and nineties would seem to bear out the latter.
An extremely radical theory has it that it can all be
traced to Ronald Reagan, who was a very powerful
projector of Dumb Beams.
This page has just
been started and will be added to as more research is done on the
work of Dr. Bartel Sands Flushing,
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