An Interview with a Flukeman

It's not easy to get an interview with an elusive character like Flukeman. He first appeared on the scene in the episode "The Host" as an X-File case for agents Mulder and Scully. But Flukeman was more than a one hit wonder in our hearts and minds. Even in his brief flash of a recurring appearance in "Pusher", he made us yearn for more. What is it about the Flukeman that causes this fan support? As we slogged through the sewers to the site of the interview, we pondered the same questions and hoped for some enlightenment...and a gas mask.

IWAXF: This is some place you've got here, Flukie. Can I call you Flukie?

Flukie: Oh, sure. Call me Flukeman, Flukie, whatever. It is a nice set-up I've got here. Got to agree with your assessment. It's amazing the stuff you can salvage from the sewers.

IWAXF: So this stuff was all salvaged?

Flukie: Yeah. I know something about salvaging too. I mean, I came to this country on a Russian salvage ship. That was my home, ya know. I still miss that old tub.

IWAXF: But it must have been kind of lonely, hiding out in the bowels of that freighter.

Flukie: Not as lonely as you might hope. I wasn't the only thing borne of that "primordial soup" that Mulder and Scully postulated. I don't want to give you nightmares so I'll just leave it at that.

IWAXF: Hmmm. Guess I'll leave that one alone. So what have you been doing with yourself other than perfecting your obvious talents in interior decorating?

Flukie: Well, the decorating takes up quite a bit of time but I've also become rather interested in the regenerative and healing qualities of certain foods. I'm sure you've noticed that I'm not fully healed. That dink, Mulder, really did a number on me when he slammed that grating on my retreat. That guy's got some timing.

IWAXF: Well, you did attack a guy in the sewer. I guess he thought he was justified in trying to halt your escape.

Flukie: For all the good it did him. If he spent more time reading science journals instead of "Celebrity Skin" he'd have known that I could regenerate myself. You know, Mulder and I really have quite a bit in common. We both live this dark, figuratively and literally, existence outside the bounds of normal society. Of course, I take better care of my living space than he does. Did you ever catch a glimpse of that billiard ball coat rack he's got in his place? What's up with that?

IWAXF: Well, you've made some interesting choices here.

Flukie: Yeah, but I'm a bit limited. That guy can go to any store and pick out furniture and decorations and look what he comes up with. He's in desperate need of some pointers. Have you followed his cases? If you did, you saw that one case where he was chasing that VanBlundht guy. Now that guy hit the nail on the head when he told Mulder he was a loser. I felt a real affinity for old Eddie.

IWAXF: So what kind of neighbors do you have down here?

Flukie: Well, you'd be surprised. There are tons of creatures and people roaming the underbelly of the cities of America. Take for instance this one guy I met a year or two back. Eugene something-or-other. Now that guy was a piece of work. He looked pretty tired but he sat and chatted for a bit. He gave me some interesting trinkets in exchange for a bunch of old newspapers I had stacked in the corner. I recycle, you know. Anyway, he was one of the more interesting characters. Usually it's just turtles, alligators, that kind of thing.

IWAXF: I meant to ask you, did you ever meet up with any of your offspring down here?

Flukie: Yeah, there was this little nipper who ended up floating past my front door during the rainy season. He recognized me as his progenitor and we talked awhile. The poor kid was puked-up in a shower, of all things. Luckily he slipped down the drain to safety. He says he's been fine but has a real aversion to toothpaste. Isn't that odd?

IWAXF: You mentioned seeing some of The X-Files cases since your experience with the agents. Do you get a chance to watch a lot of TV?

Flukie: Yeah. It's actually pretty easy. You just need to find a grating that conveniently comes up next to an electronics store with TVs in the window. You don't even need to leave the comfort of the sewer to enjoy hours of entertainment.

IWAXF: So what kind of programming do you enjoy?

Flukie: It varies on my mood but I usually try to catch "The X-Files", for old time's sake, and also "Martha Quinn Medicine Woman."

IWAXF: I think you mean DOCTOR Quinn. Martha Quinn was an MTV V-Jay.

Flukie: A thousand apologies. Geez. Whatever. The fact is I watch the show mostly for the medical tips. People think "er" and "Chicago Hope" are realistic and informative. Bullocks. I've learned lots of things to help in my regeneration through the talents of Dr. Quinn. Plus, she's a hot babe.

IWAXF: Yeah, whatever. So, tell us something about yourself that would surprise the readers.

Flukie: I bet most people would be surprised to know that I'm a bit of a writer.

IWAXF: Really? What do you write...poetry, short stories?

Flukie: Well, it started out with journal entries to pass the time but I've started dabbling in poetry. You know, I just write whenever the mood hits me...on the backs of napkins. That kind of thing.

IWAXF: If it's not too presumptuous, could I ask you to share some of your work with us?

Flukie: Well, you twisted my arm. This is just the beginnings of a poem I've been working on.

Flashlight beams, cut the gloom
Shadows flit, from room to room
The hero hides, fish-belly white
Under the water, out of sight

The chase is on, lightning and thunder
Our hero escapes, though he's torn asunder
The agent's alone, soaking wet he stares
His adversary's escaped, and he's still a square

IWAXF: Hmmm...

Flukie: Well, it's a work in progress. I know...I kind of forced the last rhyme but it's true to the vision and emotion the piece is intended to carry. Anyway, I've got a whole slew of them. I'm thinking of publishing eventually.

IWAXF: Excellent. Plus, it's a great way to keep busy and excercise your mind.

Flukie: Exactly. Between that and my interior decorating I've been putting my creative talents to use.

IWAXF: So what do you see in your future? Any plans for marriage? Family?

Flukie: Well, it's sort of unnecessary. The marriage part anyway. I mean, most people get married to procreate and raise a family. That's not a requirement for me. I've already spawned some wonderful little flukes, as you know. But I wouldn't mind finding another nice fluke to settle down with. It would be fun to have a companion with whom I could roam the sewers and take in the atmosphere. There's nothing like sharing the sound of rushing water and olfactory sensations...and those sensations abound down here.

IWAXF: Uh, yeah. I've noticed. Well, on that happy thought, IWAXF would like to thank you for your time. I can see you've got that new volume of Martha Stewart's book to get through so good luck in all future endeavours.

Flukie: Thanks for stopping by to talk. And let the fans know that I appreciate their continued kind words and support. Who knows...I may end up pursuing a career in screenwriting or add to my acting credits. Whatever the case, don't count me out yet. Flukeman may return.

November 22, 1997