Hi! This page is about me being a mom, how it has affected my life, and what it means to me. I hope you will enjoy my story and/or the links that I have here and feel free to email me anytime to talk about being a Mommy. =D
 My Story
Well, I am 27 years old (28 in June) and have just become a mommy last year. Hailey Elizabeth was born three weeks early on April 8th, 1998 and still managed to weigh a healthy 7 pounds and 4 ounces. She is truly the most precious gift I have ever received. I have always known that I wanted to be a mother, I even majored in Family Studies and Child Dev. in college. I couldn't wait until I was married and would have a baby. But whenever I would say that, someone would always say that I didn't know how much work it would be and what a commitment it is and all sorts of negative comments. Granted they were right... it is a great deal of work, and one of the biggest commitments you can ever make, but since this was the career that I chose then it should be work and I should be committed to my job. But no one ever talked about all of the incredible things that came along with it. They never talked about feeling so much love that I feel as though I could burst! They talk about how your life and your priorities will change. But they never said that my priorities would change for the better. Or that my life would be as full and as enriched as it is now. Every area of my life is changing, and it is all for the positive. Now, I am not too blind to realize that not every mother feels the way I do. But I also know that I can't possibly be the only one either.
Hailey has changed my life in sooo many ways, both big and small. For example, I hate mornings and am notorious for waking up in a bad mood. So, how does my hubby, Rene', wake me up? He brings her in to me, she starts by waving and smiling and saying, "Mamamamamama" and then he places her on the bed and she crawls very quickly up to me and pounces on me. Then I usually get an extremely wet, open mouthed kiss and a nice hug from her. All of the bad mood and grumpy attitude goes right out the window. And the day shines from then on. Or the times when she falls or bumps her head and cries and needs me to hold her, kiss her booboos and tell her that it will be alright. And when she gets sick and needs her clothes changed (and when mine end up needing to be changed too... that projectile vomiting will get you everytime) I just feel glad that I can fix it all for her. Even the bad things seem good. Like when she has an ear infection and can't sleep lying down due to the pain in her ears. I am more than happy to stay up all night long holding her and rocking her.
Let us not forget about the joys of watching your sweet child learn about the world around him or her. It is especially fun when I have been the teacher. I love spending the afternoon teaching Hailey through songs we sing, books we read and just exploring the world through her eyes. In my mind, I think she is brilliant, just like most mothers think about their own child. She is definitely my pride and joy!
And what about the other areas of my life... my marriage, my faith, my outlook on life? Well, my husband and I make time for each other and believe that having a good marriage is a great way to make Hailey feel safe and secure. It isn't always easy to find the time, but we try our hardest to do so, which isn't something that we always did before having a baby. My faith has grown stronger too, and luckily it is that way for Rene' as well. Hailey will be growing up in a Christian household and we are very pleased about that. Of course, I think it is good for a child to grow up in any spiritual environment whether it be Christian, Jewish or whatever. Christianity is just what we feel the most comfortable with and where our beliefs are based. We are joining a church and are all going to be baptised together. And my outlook on life has changed as well. Our priorities are each other and spending time together. So, we have started our own business that will hopefully grow over time and give us the freedom that we need to spend as much time together as possible. Interestingly enough, I have found that all of these changes are all connected to each other. I look at those who are very materialistic and see how little they are getting from the people that are in their lives, how they take those people for granted and how they are missing out on so much of the joy that our family is receiving from being so involved and close. And I can honestly say, that Hailey has made all of these wonderful things possible.
Now the question is... will I have another child? Maybe, maybe not. God has given me a beautiful gift in Hailey. I sometimes wonder if it would be greedy to want more. But, if another child could give to us even half of what Hailey has, then what a blessing that would be too. I guess only time will tell if we have another child or not. But for now, I am focusing on this child and am so very thankful for the opportunity given to me to be a Mommy.
Update...
Well, I'm now 31 going on 32 and we did have another baby. A little over a year ago, August 21 2001, we were blessed once again with another incredible miracle... a sweet baby boy, Gentry Ryan. He also was three weeks early and a healthy 7 pounds, 7 ounces. What an amazing year this has been for everyone. Hailey, nearly 5 years old, has grown and blossomed into a very intelligent, creative, imaginative and active little girl. She has also taken a very promising roll as "Big Sister"! I've spent the last several years home-schooling her and am pleased beyond belief at how well it has worked out. She will be attending Kindergarten this fall, but I'll still continue to home-school her as well. She continues to amaze me on a daily basis and reminds me of why I wanted to be a mom in the first place... even during those "trying" times, and yes there are definitely some trying times!!! As for having another baby in the house. It took awhile to adjust and reorganize our life, just like with Hailey, but it was much easier this time. Actually being a mom the second time around was easier in every way so far! I admit that I wondered if it would be possible to love another child as much as I love Hailey, but once I held him, there was no doubt. A good friend of mine once told me that you grow a whole new heart for each child and I think that is a perfect way to describe it. You don't split your love in two so that you can share between the children. It automatically doubles and overflows... there is always more than enough to go around! I love being a new mommy a second time around with Gentry, just as much as I loved it the first time. And now I have two wonderful reasons to get up each day, two wonderful miracles from God, two living entities to watch grow and develop for the rest of my life. Wow, being a Mommy is just so grand!!!
Other Stories
We are sitting at lunch when my friend casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family". "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a caesarian scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My friend's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my friend could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.
I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.
My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my friend's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. The blessed gift of God and that of being a Mother. Please share this with a Mom that you know or a future Mom you know.
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