August 5, 1998
Top ten Signs that your Amish teen is in Trouble
(In case you haven't seen it in the news, two Amish teens were recently arrested for selling drugs.)
10. Sometimes stays in bed 'til after 6 a.m.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
...and the number one sign your Amish teen is in trouble...
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
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