WOMAN, HEAL THYSELF

Sometimes we just have to take charge of our own lives, refusing to abdicate our health and well-being to those with initials behind their names. No, this isn’t a criticism of doctors or medicine. Far from it. It is, however, a challenge to each of us to take responsibility for the part of our wellness that is within our power to change and control. In other words, women, we need to heal ourselves.

In today’s hectic society, many of us have lost our joy, our sense of time, our sense of self. And even though we cannot control everything that happens in our lives, we can control how we respond to those life forces that swing us back and forth, sometimes knocking us down. Only when we can learn to take control can we make our lives more enjoyable, ourselves healthier.

Below are just a few ways in which we can take back our time, our joy, our lives. And the best thing is that we don’t have to go to a doctor’s office to get the health benefits of these suggestions. We just have to know how to do it for ourselves.

To overcome our loss of time, we need to learn how to manage our time better. Sometimes we bring on extra stress by trying to achieve too much and adding to our already full to-do lists. We have to ask ourselves, is it really important to work overtime so that we can have extra money to spend on vacations or other costly purchases? Is trying to better our lifestyles actually costing us time as well as money? Although cutting back on work hours may result in less income, it also adds time to our schedules, which can lessen the stress.

We also need to ask ourselves whether we’re taking on more roles than we need to. We can’t possibly try to please everybody and not expect to suffer in some way. Trying to be a “perfect” employer/employee, wife, parent, daughter is exacting enough. Yet some of us still load up our already laden plates, adding on such roles as community activist, part-time student, call-pooling Mom, hobbyist…. No matter how enjoyable these roles are, they become burdensome when we don’t have the time to do it all.

The answer is to simplify our lives. We need to stop trying to be a superwoman because there is no such creature. First of all, we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for a little help sometimes. Instead of rushing home from work to cook dinner or to clean the house, we need to delegate some of these duties to our families (that is, if the kids are old enough to take on these responsibilities). Somebody else in our household should know how to boil water and add pasta. We need to enact a first-home policy where whoever gets home first starts dinner or cleans up (and if any of you have a husband or significant other who refuses to compromise, then you have more problems than this article can address).

We also have to stop thinking we’re not living unless we’re busy. It’s OK (actually it’s wonderful) to go back to school. But be realistic. We can’t go to school part-time, work full-time, join an aerobics class, attend every community meeting, do the household chores (before or after homework), take self-improvement classes, or yeah, and save the world…. Well, you know what I’m driving at. We need to decide which roles are more important to us, and then determine how much time we can allot to each of these roles without overextending ourselves.

Another thing is to allow some flexibility into our schedules. If the dry cleaning doesn’t have to be picked up today, then we can do it tomorrow and scratch it off today’s to-do list. If we make everything an urgent matter or faithfully adhere to some rigid schedule, this only adds to our pressure.

Lastly, we need to feel free to give ourselves a five-minute breather at times. Short breaks help clear our heads and put things in perspective.

Simplifying Our Joys
Good times don’t have to be extravagant or expensive. Too many times, we forget that pure joy is free for the taking and within our reach. And without joy, our well-being suffers.

Want to cruise the Caribbean to unwind? Good idea if it’s affordable and doesn’t require undue hours of overtime to pay for it. And remember, that cruise is temporal, soon to end with only fond memories that will eventually fade with time. Again, not putting down taking a well deserved vacation to a tropical paradise. But we need to remember that smaller pleasures can be less costly and more constant.

Remember those nature walks from second grade? Well, they are just as enjoyable to an adult as they are to a child. Sometimes we are so busy rushing back and forth to work, to school, or to meetings that we don’t take time to enjoy the warmth of the sun, admire the beauty of a flower, listen to the sounds of the birds singing their songs outside our windows, or appreciate the wonder of nature in general. We need to take more walks in the parks, even make it a family excursion occasionally. Walking, jogging, riding a bike…not only good exercise, but pleasant pasttimes we can do daily or weekly.

Good conversation, a good book, a good movie - any of these can bring hours of much needed pleasure. And they won’t break our bank accounts, either.

Don’t forget about a good laugh. Often we forget the life-affirming joy of laughing, especially when it seems life isn’t all that funny. Yet doctors tell us that laughter is good for the body as well as the soul. It can actually add years to our lives.

We need to learn to laugh at ourselves and not take life so seriously. And for those of us who have forgotten how to laugh, here are some helpful suggestions: rent some funny videos; go to a local comedy club; read the comic strips in the paper; learn how to tell a joke; learn how to see the humor in a situation and respond with laughter, not anger.

Learning to Relax/De-Stress
Stress is a killer, especially for African-American women. It raises our blood pressures and compromises our general health. Even minor, little nagging stresses eat away at our health. Because there will most certainly be a measure of stress in our day-to-day lives, the best thing to do is learn how to de-stress.

How do we de-stress? Let’s go back to the five-minute breather listed under Time Management. Sometimes we need to extend that time to more than five minutes. We all need quiet time where we just sit and let the tension flow out of us. And for those of us who don’t know what to do with our quiet time, try the following suggestions:

• Focus. Centering your sight on a single object can help you push stressful thoughts from you mind, making you feel calmer.

• Meditation. And no you don’t have to be a Buddhist to meditate. Just sit or lie in a comfortable position, close your eyes and breathe deeply. Block out all thoughts as you concentrate on breathing in and out. If you need a mantra to aid you, try repeating the word “peace” to yourself as you exhale, and the word “calm” while you inhale.

• Release Tension. You can release muscle tension by lying down in a comfortable position, with your arms at rest beside youwith your palms face down. Tense up your muscles for 15 to 30 seconds, then relax those muscles. Repeat the exercise with various body parts, including hands, arms, legs, feet and toes. Imagine the tension flowing from your body as you do so.

• Visualize. See yourself in a peaceful setting. A quiet forest, a small stream, sitting on the beach watching the waves…let your mind take you away. And when you return from your “trip” you may feel better able to deal with the actual world around you.

• Pray. Last but certainly not least, get in touch with your spirit. Prayer has been shown to help alleviate stress. Talking with God (or Allah or whatever higher power you worship), verbalizing your needs and desires in prayer can help relieve the tension of keeping them bottled in. Prayer can help you put problems in perspective, and they may not feel as onerous when you realize that someone more powerful than you is helping to bear your load.

These are only a few of the ways we can take control of our well-being. Remember, only part of our health is in the hands of doctors or in the medicine bottle. How well (and how long) we live sometimes rest in our own hands…and minds.