- The Driven Machine -
Revolution
I'm so tired.... I haven't been to class today or yesterday; I've
been unable to focus, unable to think. All I want to do now is sleep - just
sleep until this whole horrible thing is over.
Nearly everything is grey, still. Sarah and Dante aren't here now,
so I'm in my own world, and it's all grey. My roomate was here earlier - I
think he's actually worried about me. I don't blame him, I'm pretty worried
about me too.
Three times yesterday, I had blackouts. They only lasted about
fifteen minutes or so, and I didn't see the Doctor - or anyone else, for that
matter. Just me in a room.
Perhaps most infuriating is the fact that Sarah and Dante weren't
there to see it. Of course, it might not have mattered if they were - the
very first time I recall having a blackout, both of them were there and they
hadn't noticed. But I need to have them believe me. Because otherwise it
doesn't matter - the similar dreams, the grey color of everything - nothing
mattered because I was still insane. Or having a stroke. Possibly, I'm
dead already.
I got up out of bed and walked to the lobby of my hall. Still
grey. I wasn't even sure what I was trying to do. Part of me said to go
outside and do something - that's the route that Dante and Sarah had taken.
Both of them had gone to classes, studied for their quizzes - Dante had even
gone to see a movie. What's the point?
They don't think any of it's affecting them either. I think that
both of them are waiting to see if my tests return any results before they
start panicking themselves. But they're changing, I think. I didn't really
know either of them that well until a few days ago, so I really can't say.
But Sarah, she's become more withdrawn, more angry. Lately, whenever we've
met to talk about what we should do (it always boils down to "What can we do?"
- and the answer is always "Nothing") she's been adamant about leading the
group. Dante doesn't like that - he wants in on the conversations too, but
Sarah's always attempting to be the one talking. Both of them have become
increasingly rude to each other - with the way they've behaved lately, I'm
surprised that neither have been in a fistfight. Perhaps that's why they've
wanted to go on with their lives - their normal everyday routines don't
bring them into much contact with each other.
And me - well, I wasn't holding up to well under everything, as is
probably apparent. I'm actually growing more like the person from that other
world, at least, I'm becoming what I think he's like. Afraid, mainly. I'm
scared to step outside my room, scared to wait here in this lobby. I feel like
at any moment, I'm going to be discovered by
The Driver
The Machine
someone and be killed. The visions I see during my blackouts are
becoming more real, more lifelike. Everything's grey there too, except for
me and the Doctor. When I come back, I'm not entirely sure that I'm in the
right place, or that I even belong in my world. The words of that crazed
colorful man from two days ago still haunt me. I close my eyes, and I hear his
frantic scream. I just want to go to my room, huddle into a ball and go to
sleep.
But I didn't do any of those things. Instead, I went to class, on
the off chance that I might actually survive long enough to be tested on the
material.
Hours later, when I returned to my room, I felt better. Not a
whole lot - after all, the world was grey and I was still doomed to
death by stroke/brain tumor/unspeakable monstrosity - but somewhat better.
Class helped to distract me. Now that I was no longer in it, the troubles
of my existence reasserted themselves. I didn't want to believe that any
of it was happening. I hadn't had a blackout yet today, but something in my
brain said that I was due for one. I decided to get back to my room before I
did something stupid.
Sarah was in my room. "Alex!" she said, apparently glad to see
me.
I nearly turned around and ran, and I wasn't sure why. Panic just
overcame me, and I wanted to get as far from
her
this pace as I could. Only an overt act of will kept me from
bolting. How did she get in?
"Your roomate let me in an hour ago, he said you'd be coming back
about now - Alex, what's wrong? You look terrified!"
Slowly, the edge of panic left me. I felt my muscles relax from
their fight-or-flight state. It was okay, I was safe here. As much as I
told myself that, part of my mind remained on edge. I'm not certain what
it was I feared, but that didn't really matter - lately, it seemed that my
fear was pretty much omnidirectional. I told Sarah I was all right, and then
collapsed onto my bed. I felt drained of everything. I no longer even had
the will to keep my eyes open. Soon I was going to black out anyway, so it
didn't really matter.
That thought made me open my eyes. I needed Sarah to do me a favor.
"Actually Alex, I came here to talk to you about Dante."
Couldn't she forget her arguments with Dante for just one second!
Those two had been fighting every moment I had seen them together. There was
a lot of tension between them, and not the good kind. It was more the
homicidal sort of tension.
Sarah glared at me and I suddenly felt a resurgance of the panic
that had nearly made me run from my own room. I was going to die, now. The
moment I had feared and dreaded was about to happen - I was going to die.
The look passed though - how does Dante manage to keep arguing
with her? He's probably not becoming schizophrenic like I am, I imagine that
could help. "I'm sorry - you're right, I have been yelling at Dante a lot.
I've been in a horrible mood lately, I keep getting this feeling that something
is being hidden from me. I know you're not keeping any secrets or anything,
but I just can't shake it. I was about ready to tear your head off there for
talking back to me, you know." she smiled to indicate that it was a joke. I
didn't find it funny. "Okay, so what is it that you want?"
I didn't have much time at all, it was going to happen now. I was
going to have a blackout. Sarah had to talk to me, she needed to ask me things
that only I and her would know. That way -- --
I was in a dark room. It wasn't the operating room that had become
so familiar to me over time - it was some kind of meeting room. I don't think
that I was even in the Doctor's place anymore. Everything seems kind of
blurry, but it always does at the beginning of these blackouts.
"Suil, are you all right? You look like you're sick or something."
The world - Suil's world - snapped into sharp focus.
The Doctor was in front of me, looking worried. In the background I could see
perhaps a dozen creatures, some sitting on the floor while most were speaking
to each other. I informed the good doctor that I wasn't Suil.
"Alex!" he seemed surprised. "Damn, I was hoping that drug would
keep the switch from happening, apparently it didn't last as long as I had
hoped. It's not important though, I can tell Suil what happened here when he
gets back."
Is this really happening?
The Doctor - who was walking away as I asked the question, looked
back at me with an expression of - pity? "Yes, young Alex. This is really
happening. You're not sick, you're not insane, everything you see and hear
is real. It's simply not your world." With that, he moved to the front of the
room.
I had no idea what was happening, but I had gathered the idea that
Doc was about to talk. I looked around for a chair to sit in, but there
weren't any. I simply sat on the floor, a bit apart from the rest of the
people there.
"Thank you for coming, all. You know why we're here, so I won't
bother you with those details. I can't take long, as the next guard sweep of
this building is scheduled for about ten minutes from now.
"First of all, I would like to personally congratulate Lenn and
Ratinne for their heroism yesterday. Without them we would not have the
guard's weapon which we require." He indicated a short creature toward the
front of the room.
The creature, apparently Lenn, stood and spoke to the group. "It
was my duty to our group to perform what the Doctor wished, and also my honor.
I am sad to say that Ratinne could not be here. The good Doctor did what he
could to help her, but the shells fired by the guard's weapon are beyond his
reach. She died for the cause." After a moment of silence, Lenn sat back
down.
"Thank you again, Lenn, and we all thank Ratinne for her actions.
Group, I know that we have made many compromises in the past, and many of our
kind have died unjustly. All of those who bled were gathered up and taken
to the Driver's compound. I have reason to believe that they will never exit
that place."
All during this odd speech, facts which I had no business knowing
kept coming to my mind. All those people were dead, the Doctor had told me so
yesterday - rather, he had told Suil. But I knew too.
"Our time of compromise has come to an end. Tomorrow, we shall
move. Suil is key to our operation regarding the Driver - it will be him that
our slavemaster shall pursue, so stay close to him!"
Most of the heads in the room turned to look at me as the doctor
gestured in my direction. I felt uncomfortable - I was going to do something,
and Suil knew what it was. I should be able to figure it out as well, but
every time I tried, I felt like I was going to panic.
"Tomorrow, we will begin our assault. During that time, Lenn
will be leading us toward the Machine, as I may or may not be myself at the
time. I urge all of you again, once the assault has begun, do not listen
to what I say. Lenn will be your leader then - I may not even be myself.
When the worlds are as close as they are going to be tomorrow, not even my
drugs will be able to keep me from changing with my host." The Doctor's
words were light, but nobody seemed to pick up on it - the tone was still
dark and ominous. The doctor's words quickly changed to match. "All of you,
I wish you luck. Prepare your affairs this evening, for tomorrow, we meet the
Machine."
Everyone got up, and another wave of panic struck me.
Tomorrow, we meet the Machine
Not the Machine! Suil was going to do it, but I felt his fear -
I didn't even clearly understand what it was that was going to happen. I moved
forward to talk to the Doctor.
"Suil, you should go to bed." The doctor said, momentarily
forgetting that I was not Suil. "You have -- --
"I wish you luck then." Sarah was talking to me. Her face was
unreadable. "I feel frightened for you, but for some reason, also frightened
for myself."
It took a few moments before everything came back into focus
for me. This world seemed less real than what had just happened, and I
couldn't shake the idea that I was dreaming. My attention moved to Sarah, who
was pacing around the room anxiously. I told her that I had come back.
"Alex...." She was silent for a time, her face changing
expressions rapidly - one moment she seemed worried, the next she seemed
enraged. Finally, she just closed her eyes and sat down on the bed with me.
"Oh Alex, I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm sorry. What your friend - or
whoever it is I was talking to -"
His name's Suil....
"Yes, Suil. He told me what it was he had to do."
Another wave of fright overcame me, but I asked anyway. What was he
going to do?
Sarah shook her head. "Alex, he - he's going to make a sacrifice.
So that the rest of his people will live... he's going to die."
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