- The Driven Machine -
Grey
I've scheduled an appointment to see a neurologist. They seemed
concerned after I described my symptoms - I have to say that didn't make me
feel any better. Blackouts, halluncinations, siezures (at least, that's as
much sense as they could make of what my roomate had described) - if they
didn't know better, they'd think I'd had a stroke.
If I hadn't already made the appointment, I would have brought
myself straight to the emergency room this morning. I'm still tempted to do so.
Yesterday was bizzare enough. I blacked out while talking with
Sarah, and when I came to, she was there talking to some other guy, a different
drawing was on her notepad, and everything was going on as before. It's as
though time had passed, but I hadn't done anything. I didn't mention anything
to Sarah after the other guy (his name's Dante, I later found out) left, as I'm
still a little afraid that I'm going to scare her away.
I had thought my little episodes were dreams, but they could be the
result of many things. A stroke, brain tumors - nothing pleasant. In the last
one, the creature who I think is a doctor was asking me questions. Who is
important? Who do you know? I don't know anyone important, but apparently my
explanations weren't good enough for the doctor. It didn't help that I was in
horrible pain for the first minute or so - something was attatched to my neck.
I hate this! I hate trying to figure out what's wrong with me - I
could be dying right now. At this very instant, some cancer is eating away at
my brain, and there's not a thing that I can do about it. I just want to hit
something, I need to take this out somehow!
I woke up this morning, and I couldn't see color anymore.
That's not the worst part. If it was just that, I would have
forgotten about the appointment and made out my will instead. It seems that
I can still see color, but only for a few things. Like me, for instance. I'm
still in color. My computer, my roomate, the television, all shades of grey.
But I'm in color.
I wanted to talk to Sarah about it. I was going to come clean on
everything - so far, she just knew about my dreams. She didn't know about the
blackouts. She didn't know about this newest development. But she would
understand, I felt sure of it. Something within me wanted to go to her, to
confess everything. Part of me actually feared her, oddly enough. I didn't
know what to think anymore.
It didn't matter, she wasn't in class. I'm falling further behind,
but I think that 'brain tumor' is an acceptable excuse for failing an exam.
Maybe I can arrange for a make-up exam, provided I live that long.
I've got this horrible feeling of mortality hanging over me, and it's not just
the specter of something wrong with my head. I feel as though anyone I see
could be
guards
Driver
The Machine
harmful to me, and there would be nothing I could do to save myself once I met
them.
I saw someone else in color today. Not someone I knew, but just
someone walking along. I thought up some excuse to talk to him, if for no
reason than to see what was different about color.
The man started when I spoke to him, and regarded me incredulously
as I asked where the chemistry building was. I knew, it was just nearby, but
I just needed to make conversation.
"I don't know you. You're bleeding, but you're not one of us." the
man said. His eyes were wide with fear. Fear? What did this person have to
fear from me?
"He must be looking for you! Where do you live?"
Something in this person's manner bothered me - it was like he
wasn't even paying attention to my attempts to converse. I had to get out of
that conversation.
"The Driver will find you!" the man yelled as I ducked into the
chemistry building.
The Driver Will Find You
I had to sit down. I didn't care that I was in the hallway of the
chemistry building, I had to sit down. I put my back to the nearest wall and
slumped against it, shivering.
The Driver Will Find You
Why did that frighten me so much? The man was making no sense at
all, but.... Something was wrong with me, something very, very wrong.
If it's me, then why was the man acting strange? Or had I just imagined it?
Am I that far gone?
The Driver Will Find You
Pray He Does So Before The Machine
I had to stifle a cry - plugging my ears and shutting my eyes aren't
keeping these thoughts away, but it's the only thing I can do. Short of going
stark, raving mad, like the Doctor's host.
Doctor's host? That other world is becoming more real than
this one, and I'm going to either end up in the hospital or in a padded
room.
I don't know how much time passed.
What I do know is that, at some point, I got up and decided to go
back to my room. I'd already missed half of my only remaining class, coming
in this late would only hinder me. Besides, likely as not I wouldn't be able
to concentrate anyway. So I got up, and walked home. Everything was still
grey, though I was in such a state of numbness by then that I didn't even
notice. I just wanted it over with - I'd dealt with all this too much, and it's
getting more that just a little frustrating.
Sarah was waiting for me outside of my room.
A half an hour later, three people were in my room. Me, Sarah,
and Dante sat on chairs, all facing each other. My roomate, thankfully,
was at what passed for his job at the time. I didn't need him here.
Both Sarah and Dante were in color - I wasn't surprised, at least
as far as Sarah went. It seemed consistent, didn't it? First, her dreams
are like mine, and next we both seem to have survived the de-coloring of
the world.
"You have no idea how good it is for me to see you, Alex." Sarah
was talking, a look of relief on her face. "The dreams were frightening enough,
but when I woke up this morning and I couldn't see colors - I thought I was
going insane!"
It wasn't just me. I didn't know whether to feel relieved or
to just scream and not stop. Because if it wasn't me, it meant that all of
this, every insane twisted bit of it, was actually happening
And The Driver Searches For You Still
I shuddered. But did they pass out too? Were they having episodes
like I was? Did they see the other world, with the creatures and the other
horrible things?
Dante shook his head. "No - none of that's happened to me. I've
just seen glimpses of what Sarah's drawn in my dreams. And, like the two
of you, I woke up unable to see color except for myself and you."
Sarah, too, shook her head. "Has it been happening to you, Alex?"
Yes. Like at the union, just the day before
I knew I shouldn't have said anything - Sarah hadn't noticed.
Neither had Dante. I hadn't done anything strange after I came to, and
apparently I had acted at least reasonably normal while I was out. Not only
was this odd color-draining thing actually happening, it seemed, but I was
having a stroke at the same time! I closed my eyes.
"The question is, what do we do about all of this?" Dante had
spoken up to fill the silence.
I didn't know about them, but I was going to get an MRI.
"That's not such a bad idea, Alex" Sarah commented. "Maybe
something's wrong with all of us."
I told them about the other person I had seen, the one who had
been in color as well. I left out my stay in the chemistry building afterward.
"I think I know the person you're talking about - at least, the way
you described him. There was a guy in my lab this morning who was in color.
But he didn't say anything to me. He looked pretty distracted though - I think
he was having the same problems we are. I guess he just didn't want people
to think he was insane. I'll talk to him if I see him next week," Dante looked
speculative as he thought about it.
It's not going to last a week.
"How do you know that?" Dante seemed doubtful and a bit annoyed at
my assertion.
"No, he's right." Sarah spoke up. "It's not going to last that
long. At least, from what I gather from my dreams - if they're related."
Dante went back to looking thoughtful. "I think they are related.
We all had similar dreams, after all - and now we all share this affliction. So
if you say it's not going to be that long, I'll believe you. My dreams don't
offer me any insight into that."
I hadn't heard about Dante's dreams before. I wondered if he had
shared them with Sarah.
"No, you haven't mentioned the dreams. What have you seen?" Sarah
asked Dante. The other man clearly seemed uneasy at the questioning.
"I've seen a lot of the things that the two of you have mentioned.
The creatures, the guards. A few times, I've seen this tall, shadowy figure
in the distance. All the guards and creatures seemed to fear it, but all I
felt for it was this intense hatred...."
The Driver.... I wanted to scream, but I only whispered.
"Yes, that's what the creatures called it. I wanted to harm that
thing so badly...."
I had never seen The Driver for myself in the dreams, but the only
emotion that the thought conjured up was mindless fear. But I hated whatever
creation the Driver was for that.
"I've never seen The Driver either. Just a lot of creatures, and
a lot of guards." Sarah said, shivering. "I don't like this, there's too much
here that frightens me. This is just too strange."
Just wait until she starts passing out and talking gibberish. But
no, that hadn't happened to either of them. Just me. I'm the only one who's
participating in both mass insanity, and my own private little craziness.
I don't like it.
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