GOD AND THE ANSWERING MACHINE                                                    WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL?                                    I HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE WITH THE ANSWERING                                    MACHINES AS A NECESSARY PART OF                                    MODERNIZATION. BUT I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED,                                    WHAT IF GOD DECIDED TO INSTALL VOICE MAIL?                                    IMAGINE PRAYING AND HEARING THIS!!                                    THANK YOU FOR CALLING MY FATHERS' HOUSE                                    PLEASE SELECT ONE OF THE FOLLOWING                                    FOUR OPINIONS:                                                      PRESS 1 FOR REQUESTS                                                        PRESS 2 FOR A THANKSGIVING                                                      PRESS 3 FOR COMPLAINTS                                                      PRESS 4 FOR ALL OTHER                                                                     INQUIRIES"                                     WHAT IF GOD USED THE FAMILIAR EXCUSE?...                                     "ALL THE ANGELS ARE HELPING OTHER                                      CUSTOMERS RIGHT NOW. PLEASE STAY                                      ON THE LINE. YOUR CALL WILL BE ANSWERED                                      IN THE ORDER IT WAS RECEIVED."                                      CAN YOU IMAGINE GETTING THESE KINDS OF                                      RESPONDS AS YOU CALL ON GOD IN                                      PRAYER?                                        IF YOU'D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH GABRIEL,                                                        PRESS 1;                                      IF YOU'D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH MICHAEL,                                                        PRESS 2;                                      FOR ANY OTHER ANGEL,                                                        PRESS 3;                                      "IF YOU'D LIKE KING DAVID TO SING A                                       PSALMS FOR YOU,                                                        PRESS 6";                                      " TO FIND OUT IF YOUR RELATIVE IS HERE,                                       ENTER HIS/HER DATE OF DEATH AND                                       LISTEN FOR THE LIST THAT FOLLOWS."                                      "FOR RESERVATIONS AT MY FATHER'S                                       HOUSE, SIMPLY PRESS THE LETTERS                                       J-O-H-N, FOLLOWED BY THE NUMBERS                                                           3-1-6"                                      "FOR ANSWER'S TO NAGGING QUESTIONS                                       ABOUT DINOSAURS, THE AGE OF THE                                       EARTH, AND WHERE IS NOAH'S ARK                                       IS RESIDING, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET HERE!                                      "OUR COMPUTERS SHOW THAT YOU HAVE                                       CALLED ONCE TODAY ALREADY. PLEASE                                       HANG UP IMMEDIATELY."                                      "THIS OFFICE IS CLOSED FOR THE WEEKEND.                                       PLEASE CALL AGAIN MONDAY."                                       THANK GOD YOU CAN'T CALL HIM TOO OFTEN!!                                         YOU ONLY NEED TO RING ONCE AND GOD                                       HEARS YOU. BECAUSE OF JESUS, YOU                                       NEVER GET A BUSY SIGNAL. GOD TAKES                                       EACH CALL AND KNOWS EACH CALLER                                                           PERSONALLY.                                        "THEY YOU WILL CALL AND THE LORD                                   WILL ANSWER; YOU WILL CRY FOR                                   HELP, AND HE WILL SAY;                                          HERE AM I"                                            (ISAIAH 58:9 NIV)