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THE SEX CONNECTION! 
 CLINTON & DR. LAURA |
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Say what?! Uttering those two names in the same breath is probably anathema to both persons. Sex Connection? No way! Lock those two in a room together and watch out! So what's the connection? Two antithetical value systems: President Bill Clinton, who has no discernible value beyond me, my, mine, I like it, I want it, I like it like that & Do Me! Dr. Laura who has a logically consistent, value-system based on integrity, responsibility, charity, righteousness, honor, and other good stuff. She is however, rather myopically anal-retentive on the issue of sex-for-fun... Sex-Connection? You betchum, Red Ryder! Clinton's addiction to sex has forcibly brought to the public attention certain sexual concepts such as: sex, "is", infidelity, adultery, presidential knee-pads, quickies, clandestine sex, oral sex, servicing, blow-job, "giving a Monica", semen and the endearing cigar-as-sex-toy. Clinton is a piker, however, compared to: Dr. Laura who has added immeasurably to the breadth of sexual concepts which the hypocritical prudes can no longer deem publicly unspeakable - concepts such as: A.I.D.S., abortion, A-Hole, anal intercourse, a warm place to put it, ballsy, bastard, bedding her, bestiality, bitch, boff all night, boobs, breasts, brothel, buck-naked, buns, butt, castrated, cheating on, child-molester, circumcised, coitus, crap, crotch, cross-dressing, date-rape, dating, do a kid, do it, do the team during half-time, do you, do your man, doin' yer Dad, doing it, doing sheep, drop his drawers, ectopic pregnancy, ejaculation, erection, explicit sex, fags, fallopian tubes, fisting, flash her butt, fornication, free sex, gay, gay-hater, genital warts, get into her pants, get it on with a donkey, get laid, getting naked, get me off, getting it on, getting off on, go to bed with, go to the bathroom, going out with, gonads, got her Daddy by the yingyang, have him by the short hairs, have sex, have the hots for, head under her skirt, herpes, heterosexual, highly pissed, homo-phobe, homosexual, honeymoon, hooker, horny, hot, hot for, humped, humping, hussy, in bed with, infertility, in-vitro fertilization, in lust with, jack off, keep it in your pants, kick butt, kiss butt, kissing, knees spread, knocked up, leering, lesbian, lip-lock, lying with a man, make it, masochism, masturbating, menstruate, naked, naked in your bed, necking, no underwear, O.B.G.Y.N., oral contraception, orgasm, orgastic bliss, ova, ovaries, pedophilia, pee, penis, philanderer, phone-sex, pimp, pissed, pissy, P.M.S., polyps in your uterus, poop, porno, pornography, position they're doing it in, pregnant, pre-marital sex, proposition you, prostitute, put it inside you, put out, ream him, rimming, sadism, sadomasochism, screw, screwed, screwing around, scrotum, scum-bag, semen, sex, sex-life, sexual intercourse, sexy, shack up together, shacking up, shit, slut, slutty, snuff films, sodomy, some new stud, sperm, sperm-donor, spreads her legs, stick a penis in a vagina, stretch-marks, stud, studly looking, syphilis, take it like a man, testicle, testicular, testosterone, the finger, the warmies, tush, virgin, voyeurism, whore, whore house, wuss, wussing-out and yingyang. Although Clinton has not expanded the envelope nearly as deeply as Dr. Laura, his prominence has certainly spread his contribution to a breadth which unfortunately, she has not yet attained. Nevertheless, they have both contributed to a candid national dialogue on sex, and this is a good thing. We have come a long way Baby, since the Victorians insisted on dressing piano legs in petticoats so that the concept of human limbs would not be brought to mind - causing innocent young damsels to swoon, and men to ravage them with Promethean lust. Yet for far too long have we as a nation played the schizo game of lusting after every enterable hole in our advertising dreams while publicly denying that sex even exists! This was sick, sick, sick! An insanity which bears no useful fruit. Whether you are religious or not - it just doesn't make any sense at all! If you're religious, the you must accept the concept that God made us in his image. That would include God's genitalia - and the function and modus operandi thereof. If you're not religious - then why would you even attempt to hide such a basic reality from your womenfolk, kiddies, parents - Parents! How the fuck do you think you got here, ferchrisakes! Yes, yes, yes. I used "the 'F' word" - so what? - B.F.D. (for you incognoscenti, that means Big Fuckin' Deal!) There's not a one of us - unless they are ABnormal - that doesn't know, think and use the concept and word denoting fuck. Why, in the name of Reason, pretend otherwise?! If you regale your kids with fanciful tales about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny and Pot - how can you expect them to take you seriously about the dangers of Sex and Crack Cocaine!!!! So, we should all thank President Clinton and Dr. Laura for opening up our public horizons. The first step in solving our problems is to identify them. 
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