When yore sittin' round a campfire
as we do most ever' day,
the subject "Love" jest don't come up
cause it ain't the cowboy way.

We might talk cows or hosses
and sometimes gals and men,
but that's just mainly jawin'
and always with a grin.

So we was rightly taken back
when a young cowhand named Slim,
jest up and started talkin'
'bout a problem botherin' him.

You men are all much older
and you've been around a bit,
so you might have an answer
to a thing that's give me fits.

I come up on the short end
when it comes to love and such,
I'd take it kindly if you men
could get me out of dutch.

What is it 'bout the female mind
and the things they do not like,
what sof'ins up their stubborn side
and stops a senseless fight.

This gal I know gets all huffed up
each time I come to call,
she says I smell to heaven
but I'm jest like each of y'all.

She's awful cross and snippy
when I say I like her lots,
she says my breath is put-er-fied
but better than my socks.

She's mad about the boots I wear
they's somethin' bout the mud,
she frets about my denims too
what she calls pri-mal-crud.

She says my nails are somethin' else
they's always dark as sin,
but on my oath I swear to you
they's jest like all you men.

She says my face is scan-da-lous
my hair must loathe a brush,
my whole outside reads fu-mi-gate
before I'm fit to touch.

So I leave it up to you men
cause yore purty much the same,
what kin I do to please that gal
and win this romance thing.

Well on that thought we pondered
til the hour grew real late,
but none of us could rightly say
what steps that boy should take.

He's jest like us old Smiley said
that's right enough as rain,
now why'd that gal git so riled up
kin someone please explain.

I started then to say a word
but I had to stop I fear,
the headiness of that there crew
had caused my eyes to tear.

Then jest like that it hit us all
what a bunch of toehead dopes,
the only thing that romance lacked
was a homemade bar of soap.

And so we let him know right off
he grinned and told us thanks ,
rode off to get that bar of soap
and join the lovers' ranks.

The next we seed of that young sprout
was later on in town,
he looked the worse for wear alright
his face was hangin' down.

What happened son we all inquired
where is yore prairie rose,
she slammed the door right in my face
her love fer me is closed.

You fellers gave me good advice
it's only now I see,
that bar of soap I gave to her
was really meant fer me.
 

       © 2002 Rod Nichols

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