Disaster. Everyone I have come to care for either dies or disappears. It's a grim fact of my existence. From the time I had been ordained, the slaughter of that horrible night, to the present. Everyone around me dies. Perhaps it would have been better if I had died as I had been ordained. Cut down by drow weapons by my own kind. Why had I survived that horrid night? Why not a high priestess. By all rights I should not have survived. There were warriors with centuries of experience there. They fell. Why have I lived? It was only by Eillestries blessing I survived that night. And only by Eillestries blessing that I live now. The newest victim of this deadly aura, Rodchester. Although he did not particularly care for me, I had come to like him. Had great respect for him. And now he was missing, possibly dead. Because I was not here. But what choice did I have? Are the Blades to hole themselves up in Cold Comfort and wait for our foes to pick us apart? Have I been betrayed by the Cowled figure have had placed her trust in? I desperately need to trust in something. Desperately need an ally....He did show us a piece of Blade past. And in doing so, gave the Blades a great gift. A magic ship. One that Perigons Nephew gave to Waterdeep navy for defending the city. I can not refute the logic of such a mighty ship defending the city, but I had meant to keep it within the Blades and a secret. It would have been nice to have a trump card in our hand for once. Aye, Perigons nephew did not seem interested in keeping secrets. It was the only reason that I had told Perigons everything, even though someone was most certainly scrying us at the moment. But, if I had not, his nephew would have surely said it anyhow. We have powerful foes. Slippery ones, indeed. I find that I have even hardened myself to the point of not taking the time to learn the names of the new Blades. They will be dead shortly. Dead....Everyone who meets me and travels with me will die. I wonder how much more I can bare. After being raped, beaten, murdered, framed, and all in all been usurped from every angle, I can't help but to feel a cold ache in my heart. When was the last time that I have truely laughed? Truely felt joy and hope? It has been a long time. Alas, I am duty bound. I have sworn to protect a city who does not wish my protection, and am sworn to lead a group who appears to be hell bent on not being led. I will defend Waterdeep until I am stone cold. I will strike out from the grave, if possible, against those who wish harm upon the city. As for my goddess....She has called me stupid, and charged me with building her a temple within the city. I have a few obstacles in my way. First and foremost; will I live long enough? Second; money. It will take an enormous amount of money to build a temple. Where am I to get it? Third; how will I defend it against vandalism? I am not well liked in the city and I fear that the temple will become a object of my enemies obsessive hatred. In my dispair, I find myself starting to compare my life on the surface with that of the Underdark. The enemies are just as real and deadly. The only difference is, is that here, on the surface, I have the possibility to make a difference. Here on the surface, there are good people, striving to make society work for them all. I sincerely love the good people of the surface. I wish with all my heart to protect them. And how do I do that? One of my own party member created chaos, created a lava flow and killed the very same innocents that I wish to protect. How could I have stopped him? How could I have known he would do such a vile act? Sometimes I am appalled by my group. Those who call themselves Blades. Sometimes I wonder why such inexperienced people are defenders of Waterdeep. Are we here only as targets? To focus our enemies attention on a select few so that they might not ravage the rest of the city? If that is our fate, so be it. If that is the Lord of the Cities tactic, I just wish he would let me know. Perhaps, then I might be better able to dodge the dangers.