CLASSIFIED AD: Wanted - Salesgirl.
Must be respectable until after Christmas.
The manager of a nudist park complained that a hole
was cut in the wall surrounding the camp. Police are
looking into it.
The bulk of the library budget will go to salaries,
maintenance and purchase of books. The rest will go
to the new toilet.
BABOONS HELP FIND CANCER CURE
In the ensuing struggle, the hijacker's pistol discharged,
wounding a stewardess in the tail section.
Now retired, he lives with his wife, a beautiful blonde
and a San Francisco girl.
Parking Ordinance: It shall be illegal and punishable
by fine to park any car in any space already occupied
by another car.
After sitting throughout the evidence, the twelve men
retired and after deliberating, returned with the
following verdict: "The jury are all of one mind -
temporarily insane."
Kevin Williams is the proud possessor of a brand new
Mercedes and also a new wife having traded in the old
one for which he received a liberal allowance.
His first venture into the antique field was in Louisville,
Kentucky. There he met his wife.
She held out her hand and the young man took it and departed.
Contest rules are that snapshots must be of a person not
larger than 8X10 inches.
Representatives from fourteen of the city's liquor stores
met last night to hear advice about how they can protect
themselves from the Police Chief.
We wish to thank our friends and neighbors for their kind
assistance in the recent destruction of our home by fire.
Cows grazing by the roadside or riding bicycles on the
sidewalks is hereby forbidden.
The house and barn were swept away by the wind. I had
several horses in the barn, but they tell me they didn't
get hurt.
Ida Brown, Chairperson of the Ladies Association, invites
you to have dinner at the church on November 3rd with the
same wonderful dinner that they served on July 4th.
He told it well. It had been funny when it happened, and
it was still funny, to Father as well. I hadn't heard
Father laugh so heartily since Mother died.
We have received a new shipment of Arrow shirts for men
with 16 necks.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust the
tension in your home for only $25.00.
Ten percent of everything American women put into
Maidenform bras each year goes for advertising.
GET YOUR PET SHOT SATURDAY
She was given in marriage by her father wearing a silk
taffeta and lace gown with seed pearl embroidery.
STEP TAKEN ON SEWAGE
The Steuben County Fair, said to be the oldest in the
United States, opened here Wednesday. The fair, begun
in 1796, will run through Labor Day, 1975.
Youth Choirs of St. Paul’s Church have been disbanded
for the summer with the thanks of the Church.
SUSPECT TAKEN TO MIAMI IN JEWEL CASE
In support of the Women’s Liberation movement, he gave
the following reasons why women today are revolting:....
The platform was covered and heated to protect the
dignitaries. Workmen swept the snow from the seats
of 20,000 spectators.
Mr.and Mrs. David Oldt and Mr.and Mrs. Luther Reichley
spent Sunday at Philadelphia to see Miss Irene Oldt and
other sights at that place.
At the Swap Shop Social held last week, all of our
ladies brought something they didn't need. We were
happy to see so many members with their husbands.
Mrs. Nelson was presented with a gift from the club in
appreciation of work well done by Mrs. Ethel Abramson.
CEMETERY GETS PRAISE FROM FORMER RESIDENT
Clark Gable was injured in an automobile accident. The
extent of his injuries is not known, however, the area
in which Mr. Gable as injured is spectacular and scenic.
OFFICERS' WIVES TO SELECT NEW OFFICERS
Women will love this latest high fashion hat. This is
dressy enough for any fancy wear and is so serviceable
for every day that many women will wear nothing else.
Watch that punctuation!
Watch what happens when the wrong punctuation is used.
Dear John,
I want a man who knows what love is all about.
You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who
are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you.
I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart.
I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?
Susan
Dear John,
I want a man who knows what love is.
All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful
people who are not like you. Admit to being
useless and inferior. You have ruined me.
For other men, I yearn.
For you, I have no feelings whatsoever.
When we're apart, I can be forever happy.
Will you let me be?
Yours,
Susan
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church
and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have
a nursery downstairs.
Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Jean will be leading a weight-management series on Wednesday
nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing
like crazy!
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth
of David John Beller, the sin of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Beller.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North
ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All
ladies giving milk will please come early.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come
forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of
the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation
will join in.
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the
cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on
the carpet should come forward and do so.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation
who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare
privilege of hearing a good sermon when Rev. A. B. Doe
preached from our pulpit.
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of
his audience.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet"
in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation
is invited to attend this tragedy.
The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the
church secretary.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to
be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Reports to Insurance Companies
Perhaps these should be listed under "Creative Writing"!
The other car collided with mine without giving
warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it
was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.
Some pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number
of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the
wheel and had an accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front,
I struck the pedestrian.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and
vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing
my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran
over him.
I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced
off the hood of my car.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later
found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to
swerve out of its way when it struck the front end.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way
home. As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up,
obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
