Shifty Maneuvers
Well, race fans, we watched the recent "race" at Daytona down in the basement of our trailer with Cousin Shifty. Quite an adventure. He knows a few words Uncle Mike doesn't use on Race Views. We are a family page.
Race Views: Well, Shifty, tell our readers what you thought about
the Pepsi 400.
Shifty: I thought it looked like all the cars was on a ****** carousel.
There wasn't no passing. It was ugly.
Race Views: Shifty - you were still driving when Nascar first introduced
the restrictor plates to even up the competition between the big-block
engines and the small-block engines. What did you guys think about that deal
back then ?
Shifty: We thought it was bull****.
Race Views: We'll have to edit a lot of your language. Could you be
more considerate ?
Shifty: No.
Race Views: Well, Shifty, let's try again. Do you think restrictor plates
are a good idea ?
Shifty: Do you think getting your navel pierced is a good idea ?
Race Views: We'll ask the questions. One more chance - yes or no -
do you think restrictor plates are a good idea ?
Shifty: Well, let me put it another way. It's bull****.
Race Views: Gaagghh. Shifty, you are about to give us the big one.
Maybe you can give our readers you ideas how Nascar can eliminate the restrictor
plates.
Shifty: By snapping their fingers.
Race Views: Very true, Shifty - but how would Nascar slow down the
cars at the Superspeedways ?
Shifty: These are race cars, boy. They aren't supposed to go slow.
Race Views: But what about safety ?
Shifty: What about it ?
Race Views: Shifty - we just reminded you WE ask the questions. Some people
think the cars go too fast.
Shifty: What do they know ? They get ascared driving 70 mph in their
Ford Falcons. I would, too.
Race Views: I guess this interview is over.
Shifty: Ford Falcons should have restrictor plates - not race cars.
Editor's note: Shifty will be back.
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