Klaus - On The Cusp Of Total Insanity

27th November 2007

Sir,

I never thought I would experience this, but last week the whole of Germany collapsed in hysterical laughter. One has to explain that the German sense of humour, what there is of it, is basically slapstick. They are still showing Benny Hill here, so to see England slipping on the combined Croatia/Russia banana skin was the funniest thing since... er... I've forgotten the last funny thing that happened here.

Yes, blame the players, blame the pitch, blame the money, blame everybody. As long as we have somebody to blame the world is ok... your argument against money, corporates etc is pathetic... you probably still miss Pot Black on BBC2 and Dickie Davies on a Saturday afternoon... funny that England were shite even before the money hit the Premier League..

I personally couldn't give a toss who plays for the Glorious Blues... I believe some years ago I mentioned 11 kangaroos would be ok, as long as they wear blue. It's all down to management. Not just the wally on the touchline, but more importantly the old farts who employ him.... you should be demanding that cunt Barwick's head on a platter...

As far the future is concerned, there is only one person who can help and that is obviously Jose... but hurry, if the German rottweiler dies in Rome Jose will be pope and the FA won't let him run the team part time, even if GOD says he can....

I think Jose will take the job - Mrs Pope and the two little cardinals are having a wonderful time in London, I am told, and want to stay. As far as the FA is concerned, put Trevor in charge - I know he's from the wrong part of London, but at least he scored against the Arse in a cup final..

Far more importantly, I went to the Schalke game, which apparently was shite, but due to prior massive consumption of the amber nectar I can't actually remember much, apart from the fact that I seemed to be the only CFC supporter amongst about 25000 germans on my side of the stadium... As they showed all the results as they were happening, I did manage to convince most of them that Liverpool are a team of cunts, run by a cunt manager and supported by cunts. When they scored their first I exclaimed that I HATE FUCKING LIVERPOOL. By the time they got their lucky 8th half the grandstand was on my side...

Yours faithfully,
Klaus, The Voice of Reason.