Klaus - On The Cusp Of Total Insanity

23rd December 2007

Sir,

I do feel I have to share my experiences watching the great Blues over the last 7 days with you and Les (and any other demented soul who hits on your pathetic website by mistake). Last weekend me and my wife went off on another one of our romantic weekends to Venice, which the wife booked yonks ago, again without checking the CFC timetable..

Arriving with the sprogs at the hotel, I at once forced the concierge to Google the magic words: "VENICE" and "IRISH PUB"... Bingo ! found some joint near the Rialto Bridge - round the corner from the Disney shop and Gucci-alike. Getting our water-taxi to break all speed records, (ever been chased by the Italian Navy ? I felt a bit like Uncle Albert) we managed to get there 20 mins after kickoff.

Several Campari Spritz later (that's Campari and fizz for you lager-swilling idiots) it occured to me that I was the only one watching the game - everybody else just looked fucked off. It took me a couple of drinks more to work out why - they did speak some sort of English. Then the big red Looserpool flag in the corner made it all clear ! I immediately enquired how Liverpool did against United... (they lost). And again, and again and again...

I must have asked every fucking scouser in the place twice... By that time they had an inkling who I support, confirmed by my suggestion that losing to United and not finding any car radios to nick in Venice must really be a double whammy for them. This led to having to effect a narrow escape into the Disney shop, hiding behind fucking Pinnochio. Apparently we lost the game against Utd but I had fun...

After escaping Venice with a bunch of irate scousers on my back, (by the way, if Liverpool is so fucking great why are there so many of those cunts elsewhere in the world??) I flew back to Duesseldorf, changed my underpants, hopped into the car and drove straight to Hook of holland to catch the overnite ferry to Harwich. Bonus - Stena now have sky sports in the bar !

I got there 5 mininutes after kickoff, scored myself some red wine and started to watch the Chelsea-Liverpool game, surrounded by a bunch of scouse lorrydrivers. Some friendly banter was broken up by the bar staff, particularly after I suggested that daddy longlegs Crouch should be banned for life, but in the end we were all friends, even if I had to buy most of the alcohol the bar had to offer in order to survive. But hey, it was worth it.. Driving away from the harbour I realised I was getting back to paradise - some very sensible member of the human race actually had CFC in blue up as Xmas decorations on his house.... Good on you mate !

Yours faithfully,
Klaus, The Voice of Reason.